A friend of mine is nearly halfway through her second pregnancy and as we talked about my impending due date, she turned to me and asked, "Are you not terrified? I can't wrap my head around the concept of taking care of two kids."
Of course I'm terrified. Some days I feel moments of excitement, but yeah, I'm mostly just terrified. When I was pregnant with Oliver, I daydreamed about all the wonderful moments I'd have with a new baby. Looking back at those innocent, pre-child days gives more meaning to the saying, "Ignorance is bliss." Now I know what I'm in for with a newborn, which is scary enough, but like my friend, I really can't wrap my head around the reality of such a scenario as being up all night with a newborn and then being up again at 6:30 a.m. to spend a non-stop 12 hours with a toddler. I know it'll be easier when they're older, but the needs and schedules of newborns/babies and toddlers conflict with each other and are both demanding.
And I have plenty of other anxieties to keep me awake at night. My main worry is not the possibility of a c-section itself, but the recovery from abdominal surgery, which was a particularly difficult time for me the first time. I was generally in a lot of pain and couldn't do many things for myself. But Oliver's needs as a newborn were rather straight-forward and I had the luxury (even if it didn't seem like it then) of slowly tending to him and making him the priority, even as it felt like the rest of the house was falling apart around me.
As I go about my day with Oliver, I'm realizing that recovering from a surgery and taking care of him in any way will not be possible. Other than when he's sleeping, I'm engaged in a string of tasks that involve sprinting, bending, lunging, grabbing and heavy lifting. I'm kneeling on the floor and bending down to change diapers, lifting him him into his car seat, booster seat, or onto the couch because he sees me lounging there and wants to sit there too, fending off body slams when he gets punchy and thinks running into me or trying to jump on me is funny, and chasing him down the sidewalk when he decides he'd rather not go directly to the car after all.
I'm used to be able/having to take care of everything at home, but it hasn't always been easy and little things like a cold or a missed nap can knock in control out of control. So of course trying to imagine how exactly a major life change like a second baby will affect my life is exciting, but, yes, also terrifying.
Kiera, Matteo, Oliver and Soren
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Hey Kirsten-- I'm thinking of you a lot as you head towards your due date! Just wanted to let you know that I also could not imagine taking care of two kids at first (and our kids will be almost exactly the same age spacing). The first day I got home from the hospital, even with my mom taking care of my toddler full time, it seemed that managing the house and caring for both of them was too much to handle! So I relate to your trepidation. But over the course of the additional week she remained, things gradually became easier. And shockingly, when she left, I did NOT fall apart as expected but rather adjusted, and the kids and I have our little routine now. I won't say it isn't hard, but I can honestly say I enjoy it and you will definitely be fine! It's amazing how we are hardwired to adapt.
ReplyDeleteAfter my daughter's birth I did wonder what I would have done if I had ended up with a second C-section, because I too remember the recovery from that surgery being really hard. Try to line up some help for yourself in case that happens. (If you were in Germany, you'd be staying in the hospital at least a week post-C-section...so that would help)!
Ich wuensche dir und deiner Familie alles Gute... :)
Sarah, thanks for the pep talk! Hearing about the experience of someone in similar circumstances is comforting. I'm envious of the week-long hospital stay the Germans get. I was in no hurry to leave after Oliver was born!
ReplyDeleteChris is taking time off work and his parents live nearby and are "on call" waiting to take Oliver when I go into labor. Whether I have a vaginal birth or c-section, I wouldn't be able to manage without their help. So I am trying to line up help, but it's difficult not knowing how much I'll need and for how long.