2012 - A Year in Facebook Status Updates

January 5

To my friends living abroad where it's already January 6, thanks for the early (for me) birthday wishes!

January 6

Plucked a few extra gray hairs this morning while doing my hair (but still didn't get them all)...33, I'm ready.

January 7

Chipping away at that 2012 deductible. Urgent Care visit for a double ear infection and pink eye in both eyes (Oliver) and $80+ in antibiotics.

January 18

Must get off Pinterest and get ready for work, must get off Pinterest and get ready for work. Why is that site so addicting?!

January 18

Must stop playing with the baby and get ready for work, must stop playing with the baby and get ready for work. Now why is the baby so addicting? :)

January 23

Twin Cities residents, how are the roads and traffic this morning? Particularly I-94?

February 11

I gave a lesson in the basics of baking this evening to a two-year-old....and a 29-year-old. Ten minutes until we see how their banana bread turned out.

February 26

We'll see if that was enough of a nap to go Rock the Cradle.

March 3

This is why I’m so tired all the time.

 

 

March 16

In Minnesota you can't officially welcome spring until at least April, but after the sunny, warm weather we've had the past couple of days, I'm going to be really upset if it manages to snow at all in the next couple of weeks. We went out to eat tonight and the restaurant had to switch on the air conditioning. This weather is unreal.

 

April 5

I'm embarrassed by how much we're packing for a four-day trip, especially when two in our party are under 30 pounds. I can't wait until the kids are old enough to pack and carry their own stuff.

 

April 28

Spending Saturday night with Chris and a bottle of wine while we plan a trip to NYC.

 

April 29

Chris suggested I might as well take advantage of being up at 4 or 5 a.m. every morning and get a paper route and make some extra money. Instead, I'm giving the sleep training another go.

 

May 9

I'm very disappointed to hear the news out of North Carolina.

 

May 9

After a long time off, I'll be back on the soccer field tonight. I'll miss playing for Hansa, but do look forward to playing for the first time with Fuego. Thanks for inviting me to play Sarah Roberts Delacueva!

 

May 12

Gorgeous day for the farmers' market and gardening. Our yard is on the way to getting some color!

 

May 30

You know I can't resist dogs, especially ones who support equality.

 

 

 

June 7

Twice in the last week someone has commented on my Minnesota accent....

 

June 16

We're going to try to go strawberry picking before the storms come. Even if it rains, a rainy afternoon will the perfect excuse to stay indoors and try my first attempt at making strawberry jam.

 

June 27

Proud owner of a new Camry!

 

July 2

Not a bad job with my first time trimming a squirmy toddler's hair. Just ignore the really short spot on the back of his head.

 

July 4

Minnesota folks...Does anyone happen to know if the tornado sirens still go off if the first Wednesday of the month is a holiday? I'm assuming so, but I'm trying to figure out my strategy for nap time.

 

July 6

Chris and I decided we can officially call Soren a crawler.

 

July 7

Hey fellow parents, how would you respond to the prospective nanny who inquiries in her intro e-mail whether my house is kid-friendly and neat and organized?

 

July 15

Oliver knows how to take his diaper off. Awesome.

 

July 21

Six hours with no kids or husband. What to do, what to do?

 

August 17

Good friends, wine and dessert on the candle-lit porch on a cool summer evening makes me happy. A little tipsy, but happy.

 

August 22

St. Paul ECFE families - Do you know when we're supposed to hear about fall ECFE classes?

 

August 28

 My little brother is getting married!  (She Said Yes YouTube link)

 

September 13

Chris and I are taking a (kid-free!) trip to New York City. Any suggestions of what to see?

 

September 23

Does someone in the St. Paul area have a glass cake stand I could borrow for Oliver's third birthday party? Thanks!

 

September 29

This little guy turns three today!

 

 

 

October 7
"Same-sex unions may not affect my marriage specifically, but it will affect my children -- the next generation." Funny how I've been saying the same thing, Mr. Birk, about this amendment. You see, I worry about the kids too, but clearly ...

for different reasons. I do not know whether Oliver or Soren or any of my friends' kids are gay or straight (or something else). My marriage may be technically unaffected by the passage of this amendment, but how will I face the next generation if some of them will be permitted to marry and others will October 28

How did I get through Target this morning without running into a single person I know? KM Bub and Charles Gordon, where were you?

October 30

I knew the kids sleeping in and letting me get ready for work in peace had to be too good to be true. Oliver threw up and Soren climbed/fell out of his crib.

October 31

November 4

Clothes washed, trash taken out, floors mopped, kids bathed - I think I can say we're officially recovered from the great potty training fail of 2012. Why is my husband always out of town when there is a bodily fluid mishap with the kids?

November 5

I'm voting no tomorrow for these two little guys. Whoever they love when they grow up, I want them to have the same rights their father and I have. Why would I want anything less for my children?

1.    

November 6

It was an emotional evening for me, but I'm going to bed happy and I remain optomistic that Minnesota's two constitutional amendments will be defeated.

November 7

Proud to call myself a Minnesotan.

November 18

Oliver went to his two-year-old friend's birthday party today and came home wearing her pants. I hope the string of accidents he's had lately isn't a sign of potty-training regression.

December 15

Can't remember the last time I was out past midnight let alone LEAVING at midnight to go out...

December 28

Teaching my Grandmother to use the laptop she got for Christmas. It's requiring patience on both our parts. Christopher Chesla, if you eventually receive an e-mail from her, that means she's passed the test!

December 31

It's ironic that on the biggest party night of the year, I had to head home when most people were going out. However, two munchkins stayed out as late as they could before their bed/crib were calling their names.

Christmas

It was another exhausting Christmas, as I guess it is with kids and will be so for years to come.  But busy in a good way, because the busyness stemmed from all we wanted to do with or for our kids and family and they are what bring a renewed joy and excitement to the Christmas season, so the craziness is worth it.  And I recognize that this was my first Christmas as a working mom and I think I'll have a better idea next year of how to pace myself so that the shopping, baking and activities take place at a more reasonable pace.  Given how we flew by the seat of our pants this season, Our nanny was a huge help, as she grocery-shopped for us, kept the house tidy, and engaged the kids in a month of various Christmas activities that built on what we were doing with them on the weekend.  This Christmas was also especially busy too since Chris was finishing up his last semester of grad school and preparing for a January term class (his true grad school finale) and I happened to be busier at work than is typical for this time of year.  So yes, I was tired, but happy.

The climax of the Christmas season for Chris's family is the gathering of his dad's side of the family on Christmas Eve, which we spent at his Uncle Pat's new place with about 30 other relatives.  The scene was as I had always imagined a holiday gathering would look like for a big extended family.  Tons of food, little kids running around, the loud chatter of multiple conversations going as everyone catches up, boisterous laughing as relatives reminisce about themselves or family members in much younger days.  It was such a warm, welcoming and loving scene.  Unfortunately, Soren refused to sleep, and Oliver was often "squirelly" as the night wore on and both kids ended up going to bed, oh, three or four hours past their bedtime.  But what can you do when it's the only time we have to spend with some of these relatives?

Luckily Christmas morning was very laid-back.  The pace of the morning defined the reason Chris and I make it a priority to have the kids wake up in their own beds on Christmas morning and then spend as much of the day as possible at home.  After a breakfast of home made blueberry waffles - Oliver's favorite breakfast lately - we spent a leisurely, pajama-clad entire morning in a cycle of open a gift, play with it, open another eventually.  With the high energy, chocolate-fueled evening from the night before, I appreciated being able to give my kids downtime with just Mom and Dad.  After nap on Christmas morning, we were off to the grandparents' house where we again kept the kids up way past their bedtime, although not as late as the night before.

But that Christmas morning we at least had no agenda.  The kids enjoyed playing with all their new trucks and construction vehicles and puzzle and Oliver took pictures with his new camera, a hand-me-down 7-mega-pixel point-and-shoot Pentax from his Uncle Scott.

Chris had gotten me a gift that came with no gift wrap, but made me feel so well cared for.  He set up Dropbox for me so I can back up all the pictures and videos I've taken of our family over the years.  And he not only took the initiative to start the process of figuring out the best way to back up our digital history, but he started what would be a two-day process to copy everything to the online server.  He then configured Dropbox to automatically copy once a day any new pictures or videos saved on my computer.  But the real thoughtfulness behind his gift is not just that all my digital memories or now saved, but that he did everything for me.  The nagging worry that grew every time I heard about a theft in the neighborhood or a lost iPhone, or the frustration I felt for not doing something I knew I'd instantly regret once it was too late, all those feelings vanished.

How to Handle Santa Claus

I so clearly remember the magic of believing in Santa Claus.  One Christmas I woke up in the early hours of the morning to the sound of what I was convinced were reindeer lifting off from the roof our little ranch house in Medford, N.J.  When I saw the presents under the tree and in our stockings, I knew I had not imagined it.  I had always assumed I'd want to pass along the magic of Santa Claus, but since having kids, I started to question how create the magic without lying and trying to keep up a story that will inevitably be exposed.

Keeping up the charade of Santa Claus seems like a lot of work, especially for something you know they're going to learn the truth about eventually.  And you're constantly changing your story.  First you tell them the Santa you're taking them to see is the real deal, but then when they see Santa everywhere else they go, or start to question why they're seeing Santa anywhere at all before Christmas, you find yourself admitting that the guy whose lap they just sat on is actually just pretending to be Santa because the real Santa is so busy up at the North Pole making toys.  Or whatever convoluted story you find yourself making up on the spot.  While I definitely tell my kids a lot of little white lies, (especially if it means they'll quit whining) the subject of Santa seems like a lot of lies.

Even if you don't have a moral objection to lying about something as innocent as Santa Claus, the "if you're naughty" threat does go against one of my parenting philosophies and that is avoiding empty threats.  Something every child expert will tell you is not to issue a threat you can't or won't follow through with.  My kids may drive me nuts sometimes, but they'll never actually get coal in their stockings. 

The question I dread the most surrounding Santa Claus is why he brings some kids gifts and not others, even if they've been good.  There is no good explanation for why "Santa" doesn't bring gifts to poor children, other than the simple truth. 

I was one of those kids who probably believed in Santa Claus way longer than my peers. Or maybe I just happily skipped believing the truth. I asked my mom at one point whether Santa Claus was real and she managed to answer without answering at all by telling me that he's real as long as I continue to believe so in my heart. I don't know when I stopped believing in Santa Claus, but since I'd never been told flat out that he was completely made up, I gradually grew away from believing in the myth. 

As a parent, I'm trying to figure out the right balance for addressing Santa Claus.  I want my kids to believe in Santa, not as a real person, but as a mythical figure who represents the magic and fun of Christmas.  I believe that Christmas can still be special for kids even if they think of Santa as a big game we play every year.  And just as I don't feel the need to go out of my way to get my kids to believe in Santa Claus, I also haven't yet made any attempts to dispel the myth.  Like my mom, I guess I'll just step back and let my kids decide for themselves.   

Soren Update: 14 Months

Soren is cruising around on two feet and I'm amazed at how quickly he's gotten steadier and fast.  Crawling is still his primary mode of transportation, but in the last few days he finally learned to get from a crawling position to a standing position without pulling himself up on anything, so he often stops crawling and pops up on two legs and continues on. 

He's said his first word - bye.  Well, his first word beyond "mama" or "dada," and he pronounces it "buh," but when he crawls to the window to watch the nanny leave and waves "Buh!" we know he knows what he's saying. He's still pointing at everything, and even though we don't know if he's pointing for the sake of pointing or because he's interested in something, we'll happily repeat word after word for him in hopes he'll start picking up more words.

As Soren learned to crawl, then to walk, and as he got bigger, he's become more aggressive. And bold with Oliver.  I'm sure this is frustrating for Oliver, as we've drilled it into him to be gentle with his brother, but for his part, he is playing a lot more nicely with Soren lately.  They still require a lot of supervision, mediation and constant reminders to play gently with each other, but despite this, it warms my heart when I witness them playing happily together.

Soren is our mostly fearless child, but he has things he's absolutely terrified of.  The growing list includes Santa Claus, bubble wrap and dogs.  There happened to be a Santa at the place we picked out our Christmas tree and I thought it'd be fun to have the kids pose with him, but Oliver wouldn't come closer than 10 feet even though he was otherwise interested in chatting with Santa.  Soren was fine looking at Santa from the security of my arms, but when I tried to hand him over for the photo-op, he screamed and shook with a terror I'd never experienced with him before.

Another Anniversary

A link to a song my brother posted on his Facebook page popped up on my news feed and it actually took me a moment to figure out why he had posted a song called Tell My Mother I Miss Her So and why now.  And then the sadness and guilt washed over me as I realized I had forgotten that today is the anniversary of my mom's death. 

I used to dread this time of year.  Another year would roll by and as December approached, I would assume this anniversary would be easier, and it was.  Grief consumed me for fewer and fewer days each year.  But December 11 still couldn't come and go without an emotional panic, even if it was a very private one.  And then this year I just forgot. 

I happened to see my brother's post right before I put Soren to bed tonight.  He's so sweet at bedtime. He quietly sucks on his pacifier while I change him into his pajamas and sleepsack.  On the best nights, he'll nuzzle with me before trying to climb out of my arms and into his crib.  And tonight I just couldn't let go of him.  I kissed him and caressed his fuzzy head and he started laughing.  He was so happy about nothing in particular other than that his mommy was rocking him and he got to hold his stuffed monkey.   

Parenthood has allowed me to continue to get to know my mother even though she's no longer around.  Whatever emotion I feel - happiness, frustration, love or anger - I think about how my mom must have experienced the same emotions under similar circumstances with my brother and me.  So as I held Soren tonight and listened to him laugh, I knew that the intense love I feel for my children, a complexity of love I couldn't have envisioned before having children of my own, must be the same love my mom felt for my brother and me. 

Sledding

I'm exhausting myself trying to keep my head above water.  I knew it was going to be busy with the holidays coinciding with the end of the semester for Chris and a major project at work finishing the week before Christmas.  I like when life is busy, but it's a shame I can't fit everything I want to do into the time I have.  Heck, I've barely had time in the past few weeks to do the things I have to do, like grocery shop, cook and laundry. 

Life is good, but I needed a day, particularly a weekend day, like yesterday, when we were forced to stay home.  It snowed and snowed and snowed.  I assumed we'd get the lower end of the projected 3-6 inches, because we're never that lucky, but beautiful flakes fell all day and by bedtime, we'd received nearly a foot of snow.  With little wind and heavy snow followed by bitter temperatures, globs of snow stuck to every branch, snow stacked up on railings and roof lines and the side streets stayed covered in snow for one of the prettiest city snow scenes I can remember. 

Over the past few weeks I've felt like I didn't have a minute to waste, so to throw all tightly orchestrated plans out the window never seemed like an option.  Weekends end up being especially difficult because I feel like if I have a whole 48 hours off, I have to accomplish everything I don't have time for during the week.  By the time I made the decision that I shouldn't drive anywhere in the snow unless I absolutely needed to, I was disappointed I had to call off a long-planned afternoon with friends, but I also couldn't be distracted with grocery shopping or other errands. 

Oliver was so excited to go outside and the two of us walked over to the park in the morning when the amount of snow on the ground was still manageable.  The park takes up two city blocks and half of it consists of ball fields.  Oliver doesn't appreciate it yet, but that's a heck of a lot of open space full of snow he and his friends will eventually have free range of.  Even as an adult, one of my favorite parts of a fresh snowfall is to be the first one to make tracks in the snow.  So without any destination or agenda, Oliver and I tromped around the park and got to make those first tracks.

After naptime, Chris and I spent at least a half an hour getting ourselves and the kids ready to go outside again.  I had predicted that after all the effort to be snow-ready - the long underwear, the snowpants, the boots, the hats, the gloves, the winter coat - Soren was going to last five minutes outside.  To my surprise, wearing snowpants, boats and a thick coat didn't phase him.  The only time he fussed was when I tried to put gloves on him. 

Outside, I plunked Soren down on the sidewalk Chris had just reshoveled and he just stood there, presumably taking in how different our yard and street looked.  Eventually he gave it a try walking in all his gear and made it over to a snowpile, where he learned the same harsh lesson Oliver did two years earlier - if you lean on a snowpile, you will fall in.  He shrieked until we pulled him out of the snow, dusted him off and right him again. 

Wanting to take advantage of the remaining daylight, we eventually trekked to the park.  At this point in the day, the snow accumulation had made walking cumbersome.  We tried pulling the kids in their sleds, but the lightweight plastic sleds we have tipped too easily, so we ended up carrying them and our sleds.  But the trek was worth it.  The kids loved their first time sledding!   

Ever since I had kids, snow wasn't something I looked forward to because it makes getting out of the house with kids that much more challenging.  But yesterday's snowfall ended up being a blessing because it gave me more time with my kids and husband.

We Have a Walker

I'm ready to call it, we have a walker.  Soren has been taking steps for a month now, but it's always been with a lot of encouragement, usually in the form of Chris or I plopping Soren down on his feet, scurrying a few feet a way and then calling to him with outstretched arms to "Come to Mommy!" or "Come to Daddy!"  He was taking more and more steps each day, and then he got an ear infection and experienced a side effect similar to having motion sickness.  Not surprisingly, he did nothing but crawl for nearly two weeks.   

Soren eventually got his land legs back and within the last few days, it's like the lightbulb went off in his head that he does know how to walk.  I'll be not paying attention to what he's doing and then I'll notice him out of the corner of my eye letting go of whatever he's holding onto and making a slow, steady walk towards something - a door, chair, wall - a few feet away.  It's as if he's saying to himself, "Okay, this time I'm going to try to make it all the way to dining room table."  It's neat to watch how determined he is. 

Who would design a house without coat closets or linen closets?  Whoever built ours back in 1915 did.  A few decades later, a previous homeowner put an addition on the back of the house and didn't include a closet by the back door or a linen closet in the bathroom.  Our "foyer" is a three-by-three area hemmed in by the staircase on the left, the archway to the kitchen opposite the door and the archway to the living room on the right.  Jackets hang from hooks above our staircase and shoes pile in the doorway and spill into the living room.  We store our towels in plastic bins underneath our beds.  Chris and I bought the house knowing the lack of closets would be a big inconvinience, but as our family grows, finding a place for everything has become more difficult. 

 

Chris and I are determined to remodel the back addition in the next few years.  Our dream plans will get us an enlarged master bedroom, more closet space in the bedroom, a full bath and, of course, a linen closet.  And we're going to get a whole mudroom instead of just an entryway closet.  But those are just remodeling dreams for now. 

 

Until then, I'm left getting way too excited about organizational fixes like this. 



 

 

We mounted an over-the-door shoe organizer on an unused wall space leading into the kitchen where we store hats and gloves.  Chris made a coat rack, which he mounted at child height so Oliver and Soren can hang their jackets up by themselves. 

 

We'll still be tripping over shoes every time we enter the house and are living like college students with our bath towels stored in bins underneath our bed, but at least we solved one organizational challenge. 

 



Why You Don't Need to Feel Sorry for a Vegetarian on Thanksgiving

As a vegetarian, the part about Thanksgiving I dread every year are the tiring comments about how Thanksgiving must suck for a vegetarian, or whether I'm going to eat Tofurky or questioning what I could possibly eat if I don't eat turkey.  (Um, everything else.)  Yes, even though I'm a vegetarian, I really like Thanksgiving and I like Thanksgiving food.  I don't know how a holiday that's supposed to be about family, friends and giving thanks reduced its focus to a single food item. 

Every year I look forward to large family gatherings and enjoying one of the few times a year my kids see their extended family together in one spot.  I enjoy the time off work and having an extra long weekend.  I consider Thanksgiving to be the beginning of the holiday season and thus when all the fun begins.   

And then there's the food.  I enjoy the comfort foods and the tradition of the food served, whether I eat every dish or not.  Some of my fondest memories living abroad where the Thanksgivings I celebrated among fellow ex-pats, exchange students, host families, university classmates and even my own family who happened to visit me one year at the end of November.  Stateside for a decade now, I enjoy the truly American culinary traditions that make up the Thanksgiving meal.  As a vegetarian, I contribute a main course complement to the turkey and I enjoy the freedom to bring whatever I want.  For three years now, it's been a Moroccan tagine. 

Thanksgiving encompasses so much that I could care less about the turkey.

The vomit kept coming, and coming, and coming.  Soren sat in the basket of the grocery cart, and every time I thought he had finished hurling onto the floor of the produce section, I'd lean in to comfort him, but he'd pause, and then hurl some more.  When the vomiting finally ceased, I couldn't believe a 19-pound baby was capable of throwing up that much.

My child throwing up indoors in a public place, especially to the excess he did, ranked up there as one of the most embarrassing moments so far of parenthood.  However, I quickly realized the bright side of the situation.  Soren didn't actually throw up on me, so some of my dignity was left intact, he threw up on a surface that could be easily mopped (and not, say, the car) and he threw up in Kowalski's, whose staff is so nice that they practically apologized to me that Soren threw up. 

After an afternoon spent at the doctor's office, where Soren's ear infection had been diagnosed, the fateful trip to the grocery store, and a final stop at the drugstore to pick up Soren's perscription for antibiotics, I was relieved to be home.  My relief was short-lived.  I hadn't even changed Soren when Oliver peed his pants.  Right after I put a feverish Soren loaded up on antibiotics and Ibuprofen to bed, Oliver pooped his pants.  Even then, I was looking at the bright side.  I was already planning on doing a load of laundry. 

Kids Say the Darndest Things

Oliver and his friend were playing in her bedroom when I stepped out to change Soren's diaper.  As I walked down the hall, I heard their laughter and the sounds of what appeared to be cooperative play.  You'd be surprised how well these two get along given the contrast in their personalities.  My friend's daughter is confident and bold and if she wants someone to play with her, well, she wants to do so badly.  Oliver is quieter and more apprehensive, and while he's social in his own way, he needs his personal space.   

I was chatting with my friend as I changed Soren, when we suddenly overheard her very self-assured daughter command in her loudest voice, "Oliver, sleep with me!  I want you to sleep with me!"  Her pleading continued and grew louder and madder.  And at the mature age of three, how did my little boy respond?  He quietly, but confidently, said, "No, I want to go home and sleep in my own bed."

My friend and I just about died laughing.  Apparently the two had been climbing on and off the bed until Oliver's friend decided they were instead going to play "pretend to go to sleep."  The humor we found in their innocence was clearly lost on them. 

Soren Update: 13 Months

Soren has taken his first steps, but we can't call him a walker yet.  About two or three weeks ago, instead of plopping down on the floor when you set him down, he started to actually remain standing.  And then he advanced to pulling himself up on something and letting go.  When he first started standing unassisted, he didn't realize he was standing at first and he'd drop to the floor as soon as he realized what he was doing.  Now he's quite proud of himself. With a lot of coaxing, we've gotten him to take a few steps.  The first few days, we weren't sure if they were steps made with intention or if he was just stumbling towards mom or dad's outstretched arms.  In the last day or two, it's finally clear he's taking those few steps with purpose. 

Even if Soren isn't quite walking yet, he's proving himself to be a climber.  He's climbed out of his crib twice. The first time I was just about to leave for work when I heard a thud a floor above and dashed up to his room. Even though I knew a loud sound like that could only be made by someone falling onto the floor, I was still shocked to see Soren sitting in the middle of his bedroom floor, in his sleepsack and quietly sucking on his pacifier. Only when I burst into his room did he start crying. A week later, our nanny thought she'd heard what sounded like someone hitting the floor, but then didn't hear any crying, so she thought she imagined it. When she went to check on him, sure enough he was out of his crib and sitting on the floor quietly playing with his toys. 

Given the development of Soren's climbing skills, we're considering moving him to a twin-size mattress on the floor sooner than later. Like with Oliver, we'll keep the pack 'n' play on hand as a back-up, but I see little reason to wait until the rebellious toddler stage to start the transition to a bed.

We packed up the bottles and Soren now drinks from a sippy cup.  I got tired of the bottles crowding our kitchen island, so I reclaimed the space, cleaned out a cupboard that held yet more bottles and created a spot for sippy cups and bibs.

Soren used to be content sitting in his booster seat for as long as we would let him, but lately he's been acting more like his brother at this age and plowing through his meal in a few minutes and then not being patient enough to keep sitting. But we've learned something as parents since Oliver was at this stage. If they throw food, that means they're finished. Sometimes we're able to buy a few extra minutes of peaceful family dinner time with some fruit or his sippy cup of , but we're wise enough now that if he starts to throw food or wine, we clean him up and get him down. 

The poor kid is terrified of dogs. We were at a party where the hosts had a sprightly ten-month-old Labrador Retriever and Soren screamed any time he saw the dog come near us. I guess I would too if I were his size and saw a large out-of-control animal bounding towards me.  Even Oliver was unnerved by the onslaught of slobbery dog kisses, but Soren just clung to me for dear life.   

The amusing part though is that he's fearful of anything that looks like an animal. The Children's Museum has puppets of wild animals and I tried goofing around with the puppets, but Soren clearly believed I had a real racoon attached to my arm.

Another fear that's presenting itself is his separation anxiety, which still persists.  He still doesn't like to be held by anyone but Mom, Dad, his nanny and maybe his grandparents.  When I said goodbye to him at ECFE on Monday night to go to the parent room, he practically crawled up and over a table to get to me.  Surprisingly, less than five minutes later, he was back to his usual self playing with the teachers and other babies. 

We've embarked on another sleep transition.  Soren's morning nap has become unpredictable, and sometimes a catnap is the best we can expect.  We still try to put him down in the morning, because he's certainly tired, but if that fails, our next plan of attack is to try to put him down at 11:00 a.m. for an early nap.  However, since we also have an older child and are often out and about because of him, or at a minimum, need to drop him off and pick him up from preschool, sometimes we don't have an opportunity to put him down early.  Lucikly for us, Soren is a more flexible child and can manage until lunch time with no nap and no meltdown. 

Why I'm Voting No

I'm voting no tomorrow on Minnesota's discriminatory same-sex marriage admendment for Oliver and Soren.  I know so much about my two children - they love to play with trucks in the sand, eat cookies, read books and snuggle with their parents - yet still so little about who they will become.  Being that they're only three and one, I have no idea where they will go to school, what hobbies they will explore, what they will study, what jobs they will hold or who they will love.  

 

 

I do know that I will love them for whoever they become.  I look forward to all the ways in which they'll surprise me, because at this young of an age, their futures are so wide open.  So I don't want to slam one door shut for either of them.  One day, probably way too soon, they'll have eyes for someone other than Mommy and I don't want them to realize their freedom had been decided for them long before they had a say in it. 

 

What are more universal dreams as parents for their kids than to pursue what they love, be happy, and love and be loved?  That's why this vote is for them.

Condolences

My friend's father died last night after a long illness.  Although he had been sick, learning of his death still shocked me.  It was the kind of news that made time stop.  I had never met him, but I still cried for my friend and her sister, because I know what an incredibly painful time this is for them.  Six years later and I still remember being swallowed by a grief that I saw no end to and a feeling that life for everyone else marched on while mine had come to a standstill.  And that all felt so unfair.

I eventually rejoined the world, of course, where I could enjoy the routine details of life.  And life-changing, happy, life-changing events occurred too.  I married, I had two children and my father remarried a wonderful woman.  However, in my core there's a sadness that may never fade.   

Happy Birthday Grandmother!

Happy birthday to one of my biggest fans!  I picked out a couple of my favorite pictures of my grandmother with her two great-grandsons taken during out last trip out East in August.  She loves playing with them and reading them books and doesn't mind getting on the floor with them or following them down the slide.  Oliver, Soren, Chris and I are lucky to have such a cool and loving grandmother and great-grandmother.

 

Happy Halloween!

Following in the footsteps of my mother-in-law, my boys went in matching costumes for Halloween, but instead of matching daisies, I went with something that will be most likely less talked about over the next three decades - train conductors.  My tactic every year has been to find a costume that is easy for me to put together myself (so I feel like I "made" the costume) and wouldn't feel like a costume to the kids. Chris had to talk Oliver into wearing his costume both times, first by having a heart-to-heart with him about how wearing the costume and posing for a picture would mean a lot to Mom, and then tonight by telling him he had to wear his costume if he wanted to get candy.  So simple is good!  Plus, I think my kids look adorable in overalls. 

The best picture I could take of the two kids  together in their costumes.

The Halloween festivities started on Sunday when a friend from my hospital group hosted a Halloween party for all the kiddos.  Many of the parents remembered how Soren was only two weeks old when he attended last year's party.  This year he was in costume like the big kids and enjoyed sitting at the table with them while they painted pumpkins.  The kids also played a version of musical chairs and then everyone shared in a potluck dinner. 

My nanny sent me a picture at work today of Oliver gleefully scooping seeds from a giant pumpkin.  In her couple of years in this country, she had yet to carve a pumpkin, so I was surprised that she gave it a shot with the kids.  It turns out that at the weekly story time they attend, the librarian read a book that teaches kids how to make a jack-o-lantern, and it inspired her.  The nanny's well-executed jack-o-lantern in turn inspired Chris to carve the other two pumpkins displayed by our front door.  I made a last-minute run to the store to buy tea lights and by the time dusk approached, three jack-o-lanterns sat ablaze on our stoop. 

Soren was so tired this evening that he happily went to bed super early and missed out on trick-or-treating.  Oliver was really excited about getting candy, so we headed next door to the neighbor's house.  He can talk so much more compared with last year and had his lines memorized.  Our neighbor's daughter came out in costume to greet Oliver and the kids posed for some pictures and compared their loot and I thought we were off to a good start.  Then a group of kids approached, Oliver caught a glimpse of the lead kid's scary mask and he screamed.  I haven't seen him that scared since he was a baby.  The boy with the mask felt so bad that he'd scared Oliver that much and immediately whipped his mask off to show him it was just pretend.  Unfortunately, that experience killed Oliver's enthusiasm for trick-or-treating.  We coaxed him into going to two other houses, but then he wanted to sit on the front step, eat his treats and watch the other trick-or-treaters roam the street. 

Potty Training Milestone

I'm going to go out on a limb and officially declare Oliver potty trained.  He can tell us when he needs to go and he wears underwear all day, even for nap time.  However, his potty training status still comes with a couple of caveats.  He still wears a diaper or pull-up at night, and he often holds his bowel movements until then, and until this weekend, had never used a toilet away from home. 

What I've learned in this process is that potty training isn't a line drawn in the sand with not being potty trained clearly on one side of the line and being potty trained on the other side.  So that means potty trained kids may still need to wear a diaper or pull-up during naps or nighttime for a long time after they have mastered using the toilet during waking hours.  It means that even if your kid can tell you he needs to go, his head's up may be that he has to go NOW.  And of course that means there will be plenty of accidents and inconveniences, like your child announcing he needs to go as soon as you get to the park, which has no bathroom.  And your child may still need help dressing, undressing and wiping. 

Our nanny can take the credit for potty training Oliver.  Since I was dreading the process, I didn't know where to start.  Once she thought he was ready, she set up a sticker chart, promised him a new truck when he had accumulated a certain number of stickers and put him in underwear.  Her initiative was the jump start to our half-hearted attempt to potty train.  Oliver had proved to us back in April that he could use the potty and then we let the process drag on too long.  I read recently that not only do the kids have to be ready for potty training, but the parents do too.  So I shouldn't be too hard on us.  Clearly, Chris and I were not ready. 

Our nanny led potty training has had its ups and downs, but overall, once we committed ourselves to potty training, it at least was a one-step-back, but two-steps-forward kind of process.  In hindsight, I would have kept Oliver in diapers until we got back from our trip to New York City, during which he stayed with his grandparents, and from the beginning, I would have stopped using diapers all together during the daytime since I was using every opportunity - basically any time we stepped away from home - to let him wear a pull-up.  In the end, it was Oliver's stubbornness that forced me to ditch diapers completely because I grew so frustrated with him resisting wearing underwear and using the potty after each use of a diaper or pull-up.  Once we overcame that power struggle, he got the hang of using the potty after just a couple of days and we haven't looked back. 

I don't know why I was so fixated on potty training.  Every parent of older children had promised me that my child wouldn't be heading off to kindergarten in diapers.  He'd eventually just do it.  And the usual pressure parents feel - preschool - ended up being just hype when Oliver's preschool teacher assured us that it was okay to send him to school in pull-ups and potty training should be the last thing on our minds.  And now I think it's silly that I had thought I needed to have Oliver potty trained before Soren arrived in order to make my life easier just because I'd hear other parents bemoan the idea of two in diapers.  I ended up having the opposite opinion, because I can't imagine how I would have handled potty training a toddler on that little sleep.

Teammates

A friend of mine who's in the same stage of life as I am with two young kids (her older son was born on the same day as Oliver) posted on Facebook about picking your partner wisely if you want kids with that person.

"I've come to learn that the most important - and underrated - quality in a spouse is how you handle stress as a team, especially related to kids. When they are screaming, crying, throwing food and having tantrums, you have to be able to (attempt to) handle them and then be able to look at each other at the end of the day. I'm lucky to have the best guy in my corner.  That's my PSA for unhitched folks who want kids some day. Pick a really, really good teammate."
 

Being teammates is a core part of my parenting philosophy too.  The screaming, crying, food throwing and tantrums are regular occurrences at my house as well and when our tempers as parents are nearing a boiling point or we're in disagreement on discipline or rules, a reminder of "same team" or "united front" is usually enough to remind the other to dial it back down.  And it's at those moments when I'm reminded how lucky I am that I picked a really good teammate. 

By the time I met Chris, I knew I wanted to get married and have children, so I didn't waste my time with anyone who didn't share those life goals.  And I wouldn't have married Chris if I didn't think he'd not only be a good husband, but a good father too.  However, I know it never occurred to me that being good parents goes beyond simply Chris being a good father and I being a good mother, but how well we work together as a team and under stress.  The 11 best soccer players in the world don't make the best team if they can't agree who's going to play what position and if no one passes the ball.     

There was one day not too long ago that was one of the most stressful in recent memory as a parent.  I can't even remember what happened that day except that I felt like I had reached my breaking point multiple times and the tantrums, screaming and power struggles had left Chris in not much of a better mood.  I felt guilty for bickering with him.  I didn't think the kids' bedtimes could come fast enough and once they were finally in bed, I didn't have the emotional energy to interact with anyone for the rest of the night.  Then I looked at Chris, who looked as emotionally drained as I felt, and offered an olive branch. 

"Tomorrow has gotta be better than today was," I acknowleged. 

To my relief, Chris laughed and gave me a big hug.  To have that stressful of day and know that my partner still loved me and still thought I was a good mom, yeah, I have the best guy in my corner.