The kids are enrolled in their new daycare and are scheduled to visit next Friday to meet their teachers. I've thought through our new morning routine and conducted trial runs. They are technically ready to go. I am ready to go. And then I realize that I'm in denial that our nanny only has one week left. One more week of me being able to dash out the door even if the kids are still in their pajamas because I know our nanny will finish dressing them and getting them ready for the day. One more week of asking the nanny to do me a favor and run an unexpected errand for me or put dinner in the oven. One more week of the kids seeing the friends they've gotten to know over the past year and a half and one more week of soaking in the beautiful Portuguese language. I hope our nanny stays a part of our lives, but I'm in denial that her presence in our everyday lives is coming to an end.
What I learned about having a nanny, at least a good nanny, is that she doesn't just take care of your children, but your whole family. Our nanny brought our kids to see me while I was in the hospital and drove me home after I was discharged so Chris wouldn't have to miss yet more work. She took care of my children when they were sick and was thrown up on, not once, but twice. The only one childless among her friends, she shows off pictures of my kids and boasted their accomplishments as if they were her own. Her mom back in Brazil even displays a framed picture of one of Oliver's drawings. (For the record, I don't have a framed anything of Oliver's.)
Having a nanny means giving up privacy. Ours knows the dynamics of our family - good and bad - better than anyone else. She's seen my kids' worst behavior and me in my pajamas. She knows we're not very organized, we have a sweet tooth for chocolate and cookies and that we wait until the trash can is overflowing before we take it out. There are no secrets. But in exchange Chris and I gained someone we trust with her kids as much as each other. There are few people who love and know your kids as well as you as you do and the more people you have in your life who you trust without question, the better off your whole family is.
I'm feeling sad and anxious when I think of this upcoming week. I hope it goes by quickly because I hate drawn-out goodbyes, but not too quickly that I can't see this final week as a week to be enjoyed.
Kiera, Matteo, Oliver and Soren
Showing posts with label Nanny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Nanny. Show all posts
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Friday, November 15, 2013
Transitions
We knew the day would eventually come when our nanny would leave our family and move on to bigger and better things. She's been in school since we met her and has a goal of finishing her business degree. When you're in a really good routine and so comfortable with someone, it's easy to forget it won't last forever, so it still took us by surprise when she announced her last day would be December 9.
As much as we loved having a nanny, we decided to enroll our kids in a daycare center. I surprised myself by how quickly I warmed to the idea. Considering how we're in the middle of the adoption process, a daycare center is a better childcare option for the time-being over finding a new nanny. We don't have to worry about the nanny leaving us close to the adoption, which will be a time of huge transition that we don't want to also have the transition of a new daycare provider too. It had also become overwhelming to think about not only what kind of nanny would be the best fit for our family now, but also who would be the best fit for three kids, one of whom we don't know anything about, such as age or health needs. The daycare center meets our kids' needs now and we can reevaluate hiring another nanny after we adopt. Meanwhile, we have the flexibility to pull the kids when we go to China and during my maternity leave without worrying about impacting a nanny's livelihood.
At ages two and four, I feel so much more comfortable with the kids going to a daycare center than when they were younger, just as I felt more at peace with the decision to go back to work after Soren was born than after Oliver was born and I was adjusting to being a first-time mom. They're at an age where I think they'll adjust to the transition to attending daycare and they'll really enjoy it. I took the kids with me when I went to check the place out and they loved all the new toys and activities they had available in each classroom. I know there'll be tons of tears at drop-off in the beginning, but I also trust there'll be a lot they like about their new daycare.
As much as we loved having a nanny, we decided to enroll our kids in a daycare center. I surprised myself by how quickly I warmed to the idea. Considering how we're in the middle of the adoption process, a daycare center is a better childcare option for the time-being over finding a new nanny. We don't have to worry about the nanny leaving us close to the adoption, which will be a time of huge transition that we don't want to also have the transition of a new daycare provider too. It had also become overwhelming to think about not only what kind of nanny would be the best fit for our family now, but also who would be the best fit for three kids, one of whom we don't know anything about, such as age or health needs. The daycare center meets our kids' needs now and we can reevaluate hiring another nanny after we adopt. Meanwhile, we have the flexibility to pull the kids when we go to China and during my maternity leave without worrying about impacting a nanny's livelihood.
At ages two and four, I feel so much more comfortable with the kids going to a daycare center than when they were younger, just as I felt more at peace with the decision to go back to work after Soren was born than after Oliver was born and I was adjusting to being a first-time mom. They're at an age where I think they'll adjust to the transition to attending daycare and they'll really enjoy it. I took the kids with me when I went to check the place out and they loved all the new toys and activities they had available in each classroom. I know there'll be tons of tears at drop-off in the beginning, but I also trust there'll be a lot they like about their new daycare.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Mice to Meet You!
My nanny has learned the harsh truth about Pinterest. It's full of wonderful ideas that somehow make you feel inadequate, especially if you don't own a glue gun. What happens is that you scroll through page after page of beautiful pictures of craft projects and think, "Oh what a cool idea. I can do that!" And then you try the craft and it turns out a lot harder than you think it was going to be and doesn't look anything like the one the semi-professional blogger took with her professional-level camera. And if you don't own a glue gun, your chance at success plummets.
I still love Pinterest, though, because if you can evaluate what would actually be a feasible project - and not fall into the trap of believing that to be a good mom/wife/woman you have to be decorate your house, design your kids' bedrooms, decorate your kids' birthday cakes and make handmade Valentine's like you see in the pictures - the site is a trove of ideas for the non-creative types like me.
And speaking of those handmade Valentines, I came home early this week to my dining room covered in little red hearts and scraps of yellow paper, kids high on sugar from eating the chocolate instead of gluing them into shape of mice, and a frazzled nanny who had realized that this particular Valentines-making project wasn't one little kids could actually help much with, so she was left to finish the cards herself.
The end result? Still pretty darn good!
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| Mice to meet you! |
Friday, July 6, 2012
A New Nanny Search
The process of finding a new nanny felt like a cross between Internet dating and the HGTV show House Hunters. There was the sifting through profile after profile of prospective nannies and trying to judge from a tiny picture whether someone looked nice. There was the inundation of replies from those who were so qualified they make my parenting ability look pale to those who didn't know how to capitalize words or use punctuation. (Those who know me know I'll ax anyone with bad grammar from my consideration list). We choose three to interview and right after the last prospect left, Chris and I sat on the lawn as the kids played around us and discussed who we should choose. Just like on the show House Hunters, we asked ourselves the question, "Will it be house nanny #1, #2 or #3?" All that was missing for our own reality TV show was the cameras.
We ended up on the search because our current nanny is moving away at the end of the summer. She's moving back to Georgia, along with her husband, who is Chris's cousin, so the entire family will be sad to see them go. Chris is bummed out his cousin is moving, but I really feel the worst for Oliver who talks about Ashley more than anyone other than his parents. He's old enough to have memories of her, but not old enough to understand what it means to move away.
That's the part about daycare, though, you have to accept that people will come in and then out of your children's lives. Luckily, we have a woman who is going to arrive in their lives who I think they'll really like. She loves doing arts and crafts projects will kids, loves to cook and has offered to teach Oliver and Soren her native Portuguese. I was left with a good feeling that she has the energy, creativity and background to do the what I think is the most difficult job next to being a parent.
We ended up on the search because our current nanny is moving away at the end of the summer. She's moving back to Georgia, along with her husband, who is Chris's cousin, so the entire family will be sad to see them go. Chris is bummed out his cousin is moving, but I really feel the worst for Oliver who talks about Ashley more than anyone other than his parents. He's old enough to have memories of her, but not old enough to understand what it means to move away.
That's the part about daycare, though, you have to accept that people will come in and then out of your children's lives. Luckily, we have a woman who is going to arrive in their lives who I think they'll really like. She loves doing arts and crafts projects will kids, loves to cook and has offered to teach Oliver and Soren her native Portuguese. I was left with a good feeling that she has the energy, creativity and background to do the what I think is the most difficult job next to being a parent.
Friday, June 15, 2012
Experience with a Nanny
I had always associated nannies with New York City and the upper class, so I'm still adjusting to the idea of employing a nanny even though I'll otherwise tell anyone who asks that I love having a one. Even the term nanny makes me uncomfortable, as if it connotes over-privilege. It's a class-loaded word that the word babysitter isn't. No kid I knew growing up had a nanny in my middle-class neighborhood. Childcare for my brother and me was a hodgepodge of neighborhood moms running (likely unlicensed) daycares and local teenage babysitters.
Fast forward 30 years and most of my social circle now consists of others my age with young children and it's surely not unusual that some of them have nannies. I wonder if it's the high cost of daycare for my generation that has turned nannies into a viable option for the upper-middle-class and even middle-class. In St. Paul, it's not out of the question to pay over $30,000 a year for a toddler and an infant at a day care center. If you have three kids of daycare age, a nanny is without a doubt cheaper than a daycare center.
Despite the class-conscious insecurities I have with the idea of a nanny, the reality is that our nanny is the best decision we made for my transition back to the working world. I was really excited about the new job and the positive changes it would bring, but the thought of putting my kids in daycare gave me a feeling of dread. Even though I knew Oliver would love all the activities and playmates daycare provides, I worried that all day in a classroom full of kids would overwhelm him. And although I felt Soren would adjust pretty easily given how young he was and that he wouldn't know any better, I felt that babies at his age don't need much more than attention and love. A pricey daycare center just seemed overkill. And then there were the logistics. I would have to get a baby and a toddler up, fed, dressed, packed up, driven to daycare and escorted to their classrooms by myself every day.
Once we made the decision to hire a nanny, I felt at peace with the decision in a way I hadn't with the highly-regarded daycare center we had originally settled on. Even though I know there's nothing wrong with going back to work and wanting to go back to work, I still suffered a mommy guilt that's hard for even the most rational mom to shake. I felt having a nanny care for them during the day would be the least disruption to their schedules and routines. Even though I wasn't going to be with them during the workday, I was comfortable knowing they'd be able to be at home with a consistent caregiver. The fact that we were able to hire a family member made our first experience with a nanny even easier.
Mornings for me are pretty stressful. Chris is often out the door by 6:00 a.m., and I'm on my own. I start off feeding the baby at some ungodly hour, then try to squeeze in a shower while my toddler peaks around the shower curtain, get dressed while still in company of my toddler, who by then is whining for his breakfast, make breakfast for both kids, pack my bags and make my lunch one-handed with the baby straddled across one hip. Every single morning I'm thankful when the nanny walks through our front door. Without being asked, she picks up right where I left off. I could probably count on one hand the number of times I have diapers changed, both kids dressed and fed, Oliver's teeth brushed and the breakfast dishes cleared and table wiped down by the time she arrives, so her presence has become integral to my morning preparations. By the time I leave for work, I've been awake for as long as two and a half hours and that's without needing to build in extra time to get the kids out the door and to daycare. As frenzied and stressful as the previous two plus hours had been, when I walk out the door, I'm relaxed knowing the kids are in good hands. And then I think, "This must be what having a stay-at-home spouse is like!"
There are other perks to having someone at home. Our nanny has driven over to my work to drop off the lunch I forgot on the kitchen counter or pick up the breastmilk I'd left in the office fridge the day before. She's watered our flowers, gone grocery shopping for us and done an extra-thorough tidying up on days she knew we were having guests over.
Having a nanny doesn't just make my life easier, but the experience over the past few months has given me a different perspective on parenting, in that it really is much easier to have as much help as you can get and not have to go it alone. When Chris was traveling and going to school, I spent a lot of long days with Oliver and I felt very alone with the child-rearing. At the time I was thinking I just wanted Chris home more and now that he is, it's wonderful. I just never realized how thankful I'd be for having an additional person be involved in my kids' daily lives. I think what a relief it is to have someone who I can trust in my home with my kids.
Fast forward 30 years and most of my social circle now consists of others my age with young children and it's surely not unusual that some of them have nannies. I wonder if it's the high cost of daycare for my generation that has turned nannies into a viable option for the upper-middle-class and even middle-class. In St. Paul, it's not out of the question to pay over $30,000 a year for a toddler and an infant at a day care center. If you have three kids of daycare age, a nanny is without a doubt cheaper than a daycare center.
Despite the class-conscious insecurities I have with the idea of a nanny, the reality is that our nanny is the best decision we made for my transition back to the working world. I was really excited about the new job and the positive changes it would bring, but the thought of putting my kids in daycare gave me a feeling of dread. Even though I knew Oliver would love all the activities and playmates daycare provides, I worried that all day in a classroom full of kids would overwhelm him. And although I felt Soren would adjust pretty easily given how young he was and that he wouldn't know any better, I felt that babies at his age don't need much more than attention and love. A pricey daycare center just seemed overkill. And then there were the logistics. I would have to get a baby and a toddler up, fed, dressed, packed up, driven to daycare and escorted to their classrooms by myself every day.
Once we made the decision to hire a nanny, I felt at peace with the decision in a way I hadn't with the highly-regarded daycare center we had originally settled on. Even though I know there's nothing wrong with going back to work and wanting to go back to work, I still suffered a mommy guilt that's hard for even the most rational mom to shake. I felt having a nanny care for them during the day would be the least disruption to their schedules and routines. Even though I wasn't going to be with them during the workday, I was comfortable knowing they'd be able to be at home with a consistent caregiver. The fact that we were able to hire a family member made our first experience with a nanny even easier.
Mornings for me are pretty stressful. Chris is often out the door by 6:00 a.m., and I'm on my own. I start off feeding the baby at some ungodly hour, then try to squeeze in a shower while my toddler peaks around the shower curtain, get dressed while still in company of my toddler, who by then is whining for his breakfast, make breakfast for both kids, pack my bags and make my lunch one-handed with the baby straddled across one hip. Every single morning I'm thankful when the nanny walks through our front door. Without being asked, she picks up right where I left off. I could probably count on one hand the number of times I have diapers changed, both kids dressed and fed, Oliver's teeth brushed and the breakfast dishes cleared and table wiped down by the time she arrives, so her presence has become integral to my morning preparations. By the time I leave for work, I've been awake for as long as two and a half hours and that's without needing to build in extra time to get the kids out the door and to daycare. As frenzied and stressful as the previous two plus hours had been, when I walk out the door, I'm relaxed knowing the kids are in good hands. And then I think, "This must be what having a stay-at-home spouse is like!"
There are other perks to having someone at home. Our nanny has driven over to my work to drop off the lunch I forgot on the kitchen counter or pick up the breastmilk I'd left in the office fridge the day before. She's watered our flowers, gone grocery shopping for us and done an extra-thorough tidying up on days she knew we were having guests over.
Having a nanny doesn't just make my life easier, but the experience over the past few months has given me a different perspective on parenting, in that it really is much easier to have as much help as you can get and not have to go it alone. When Chris was traveling and going to school, I spent a lot of long days with Oliver and I felt very alone with the child-rearing. At the time I was thinking I just wanted Chris home more and now that he is, it's wonderful. I just never realized how thankful I'd be for having an additional person be involved in my kids' daily lives. I think what a relief it is to have someone who I can trust in my home with my kids.
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