Uncle Scott and Cousin Neale

Living far from family is a little easier in the modern world with cell phones, FaceTime and the internet, that is, until crisis hits. Nothing replaces being able to connect in person. My brother, Scott, and I were in desperate need of time to check in with each other in real life and not in cyberspace. Each with our own personal turmoil engulfing our lives, his visit with his son Neale in tow could not have come at a better time.

We know how to welcome people to Minnesota - wear your pajamas and hold a huge sign.

Our long weekend together was dominated by the needs of our five children and we took trips to the zoo and the playground, tromped around the woods and let the kids enjoy cousin time. Usually warm weather allowed us to spend much of the weekend outside, which is a rare treat for February in Minnesota.

Neale and Matteo

Matteo had the rare opportunity to revel in not being the youngest and he often took his change in role very seriously. If we asked him to hold Neale's hand, he didn't let go until we said so. Matteo is a rule-follower though and Neale's typical toddler behavior rankled his need for order, like the time Neale climbed onto the dining room table during dinner.

Neale had never slept in anything but a crib, which we no longer have, so I had the brilliant idea of suggesting he have a sleepover in Kiera and Matteo's room. We set up the spare crib mattress on the floor between their toddler beds, crossed our fingers and hoped for the best. Neale lasted until 4:30 a.m. when I found him marching down the stairs and yelling "Dada!" with fierce determination.

Our bear cubs at the Minnesota Zoo

Shuffling Wardrobes

Every spring and fall we engage in the great wardrobe migration.  Oliver's clothes go to Soren, Soren's clothes go to Matteo and Matteo's clothes, well, they often go straight into the trash.  The poor guy came to me one morning clutching his clothes and wanting help getting dressed.  He pulled on his pants and I saw three huge holes in one knee and told him he needed to find a pair of pants without holes. He came back with another pair of pants with no holes, but when he tried to put on his socks, he pushed the first foot through and three of his five toes poked out the other end! Since we're coming to the end of the winter, I'm determined to finish out the season with the remaining clothes without rips, holes or stains, but I did spring for new underwear for Matteo. For a kid who rarely gets any new clothing, it was the least I could do. 

The wardrobe migration is particularly hard on Soren.  One day he was wearing his favorite Wild jersey and then next day it was in Matteo's drawer with an "M" etched in the collar with a Sharpie. There are certain times of year when Soren and Matteo wear the same size clothing and while it would be easier if we simply divided the clothes and put half in Soren's drawer and half in Matteo's, we discovered that we eliminate Soren's meltdowns over thinking Matteo is wearing his clothes if we write an "M" on the all the clothes designated for Matteo. Even if Matteo is third in line for the clothes, he can at least make it clear that they belong to him. 

National Sibling Day

According to Facebook, it's National Sibling Day.  I'm so thankful for Scott, my one and only sibling.  He's part of the reason I've always wanted to have a large family.  How much more would my life have been enriched if there were more Scotts?

Scott and I the night before his wedding in April 2013

Now I do have that large family (at least large by American, modern-day standards) with two biological children and two adopted children.  Their sibling relationship is going to be undoubtedly different than mine was and is with my brother.  Michelle, an adoptive mom friend of mine, whose three children are all adopted, summed up the sibling relationship so beautifully. 

My definition of a sibling: It's NOT about biology, common ancestors, or blood lines. It IS about the fierce, deep love for each other. It IS about reliance, bonding, nurture, with a foundation of family. It IS about the spats, tears, and deepest frustrations toward each other, and knowing that through thick and thin, they will always have each other. It's about sharing common family experiences, and it's about knowing they have parents and family, who deeply, unconditionally, love them.

These are my four.  Someday I'll get them all looking at the camera and smiling nicely for their dear mom who wants nothing more than a well-posed picture of her happy children.  But at this moment in their lives, being siblings is about a shared disdain for family pictures.

Easter Sunday, 2015