The Long Road to Diaper-Free

Oliver is now completely diaper-free, even at night. Despite my excitement, it's been a long road.  I wasn't always sure I was making the right decisions, but we eventually got there.

Our last hurdle was to get Oliver to use the toilet since not only had he created for himself a big case of constipation, but Chris and I were also frustrated with changing him in to a diaper before putting him to bed for the night, only to have to change his soiled diaper after he'd done his "business" just minutes after we'd kissed him goodnight.  So I did the opposite of what I assumed every doctor or parenting book on toilet-training would recommend and bought a bottle of Miralax and juice boxes of apple juice, fed him as many canned peaches for dinner as he wanted and hoped I was successful in jump-starting his system well before bedtime so he physically couldn't wait for a diaper anymore.  It worked.  Oliver has been in underwear every night since.

But establishing a consistent (and stress-free) potty routines continues to be a challenge.  Oliver still often fights puts off having to use the potty.  I think that's typical for kids this age who don't want to stop the fun they're having to use the toilet or are afraid they won't get to go back to what they're doing.  I once had to repeatedly assure Oliver his plate of waffles would still be there after he used the potty before he decided to leave the table on his own free will.  And I've been guilty of not letting him off the potty until he'd relieved himself in instances when I either knew he had to go badly or knew he wasn't going to have the opportunity to use a toilet later on. 

I felt guilty about pushing Oliver, because the consensus in parenting circles today is that you should have a cheerful "oh, don't worry, accidents happen" attitude and let your child guide the process.  I actually don't say that completely cynically.  I did try to be as relaxed as possible when we were in the toilet awareness stage and I never punished Oliver for an accident.  But when we reached the point that Oliver knew how to use the toilet and I believed he understood the cues his body was giving him, I felt it was best to be firm about what was expected of him.  The rationale behind the tactic of giving him an extra dose of fiber was that a constipated kid isn't going to have opportunities to practice using the potty, something Oliver had grown anxious about, (admittedly, potentially because of the pressure he was feeling to perform) and I wanted him to have a chance to experience a success. 

It's true Oliver would eventually left diapers behind on his own, but I think in our circumstance, we avoided prolonged frustration by stocking up on extra laundry detergent and stopping with diapers all together. 

Potty Training Milestone

I'm going to go out on a limb and officially declare Oliver potty trained.  He can tell us when he needs to go and he wears underwear all day, even for nap time.  However, his potty training status still comes with a couple of caveats.  He still wears a diaper or pull-up at night, and he often holds his bowel movements until then, and until this weekend, had never used a toilet away from home. 

What I've learned in this process is that potty training isn't a line drawn in the sand with not being potty trained clearly on one side of the line and being potty trained on the other side.  So that means potty trained kids may still need to wear a diaper or pull-up during naps or nighttime for a long time after they have mastered using the toilet during waking hours.  It means that even if your kid can tell you he needs to go, his head's up may be that he has to go NOW.  And of course that means there will be plenty of accidents and inconveniences, like your child announcing he needs to go as soon as you get to the park, which has no bathroom.  And your child may still need help dressing, undressing and wiping. 

Our nanny can take the credit for potty training Oliver.  Since I was dreading the process, I didn't know where to start.  Once she thought he was ready, she set up a sticker chart, promised him a new truck when he had accumulated a certain number of stickers and put him in underwear.  Her initiative was the jump start to our half-hearted attempt to potty train.  Oliver had proved to us back in April that he could use the potty and then we let the process drag on too long.  I read recently that not only do the kids have to be ready for potty training, but the parents do too.  So I shouldn't be too hard on us.  Clearly, Chris and I were not ready. 

Our nanny led potty training has had its ups and downs, but overall, once we committed ourselves to potty training, it at least was a one-step-back, but two-steps-forward kind of process.  In hindsight, I would have kept Oliver in diapers until we got back from our trip to New York City, during which he stayed with his grandparents, and from the beginning, I would have stopped using diapers all together during the daytime since I was using every opportunity - basically any time we stepped away from home - to let him wear a pull-up.  In the end, it was Oliver's stubbornness that forced me to ditch diapers completely because I grew so frustrated with him resisting wearing underwear and using the potty after each use of a diaper or pull-up.  Once we overcame that power struggle, he got the hang of using the potty after just a couple of days and we haven't looked back. 

I don't know why I was so fixated on potty training.  Every parent of older children had promised me that my child wouldn't be heading off to kindergarten in diapers.  He'd eventually just do it.  And the usual pressure parents feel - preschool - ended up being just hype when Oliver's preschool teacher assured us that it was okay to send him to school in pull-ups and potty training should be the last thing on our minds.  And now I think it's silly that I had thought I needed to have Oliver potty trained before Soren arrived in order to make my life easier just because I'd hear other parents bemoan the idea of two in diapers.  I ended up having the opposite opinion, because I can't imagine how I would have handled potty training a toddler on that little sleep.

Potty Training - Just the Beginning

We were never sure when to officially start potty training with Oliver.  Since this milestone is by a long shot our least favorite part of parenting in the early childhood years, (like, leaps and bounds ahead of even dealing with tantrums) we weren't particularly motivated to start.  We've been in the toilet awareness phase for a few months now, where Oliver can tell us when he's gone, is interested in when mom and dad use the toilet, and loves making a game out of sitting on his potty chair.  But we've never put any formal toilet-training strategy in place.  The most we've done is remind him during diaper changes that he should tell us he needs to go and we'll let him sit on the potty.  Otherwise, we seem to be letting Oliver potty-train himself and hope he just magically gets the hang of it.

Tonight he announced that he wanted to go upstairs and use the potty.  Since he usually goes off and hides to do his business, I thought maybe there was some seriousness to his request, so we trekked upstairs. 

Low and behold, he went on the potty!  I had one of those I-know-I've-become-a-parent moments when I clapped and cheered at the sight of poop in the bowl of his toilet chair. 

My excitement quickly waned when Oliver wanted to try again, and I had to concentrate on keeping myself from gagging while dumping the contents into the regular toilet.  I deal with my kids' poop every day, but for some reason this variation of cleaning up after my kids' bodily fluids was almost too much to handle.