Teammates

A friend of mine who's in the same stage of life as I am with two young kids (her older son was born on the same day as Oliver) posted on Facebook about picking your partner wisely if you want kids with that person.

"I've come to learn that the most important - and underrated - quality in a spouse is how you handle stress as a team, especially related to kids. When they are screaming, crying, throwing food and having tantrums, you have to be able to (attempt to) handle them and then be able to look at each other at the end of the day. I'm lucky to have the best guy in my corner.  That's my PSA for unhitched folks who want kids some day. Pick a really, really good teammate."
 

Being teammates is a core part of my parenting philosophy too.  The screaming, crying, food throwing and tantrums are regular occurrences at my house as well and when our tempers as parents are nearing a boiling point or we're in disagreement on discipline or rules, a reminder of "same team" or "united front" is usually enough to remind the other to dial it back down.  And it's at those moments when I'm reminded how lucky I am that I picked a really good teammate. 

By the time I met Chris, I knew I wanted to get married and have children, so I didn't waste my time with anyone who didn't share those life goals.  And I wouldn't have married Chris if I didn't think he'd not only be a good husband, but a good father too.  However, I know it never occurred to me that being good parents goes beyond simply Chris being a good father and I being a good mother, but how well we work together as a team and under stress.  The 11 best soccer players in the world don't make the best team if they can't agree who's going to play what position and if no one passes the ball.     

There was one day not too long ago that was one of the most stressful in recent memory as a parent.  I can't even remember what happened that day except that I felt like I had reached my breaking point multiple times and the tantrums, screaming and power struggles had left Chris in not much of a better mood.  I felt guilty for bickering with him.  I didn't think the kids' bedtimes could come fast enough and once they were finally in bed, I didn't have the emotional energy to interact with anyone for the rest of the night.  Then I looked at Chris, who looked as emotionally drained as I felt, and offered an olive branch. 

"Tomorrow has gotta be better than today was," I acknowleged. 

To my relief, Chris laughed and gave me a big hug.  To have that stressful of day and know that my partner still loved me and still thought I was a good mom, yeah, I have the best guy in my corner.