Packed

Our last night at home has been bittersweet.  I've been on this journey so long that I kind of got good at the routine I was on of plodding through step after step of the adoption process.  It felt like there was always going to be another step.  And now here we are at the end and I'm not sure what to do with myself.  I am so thankful we've gotten to the end, but I'm also really sad to leave, even if for "just" three weeks.  Our overstuffed bags lay open on our bedroom floor waiting for tomorrow's final weigh-in.  Yet I'm still in a bit of denial that we're getting on a plane to China tomorrow.

Tonight was like any other weeknight despite our big departure tomorrow. We made an easy meal of tortellini, one of the kids' favorites, and after dinner made a paper chain with Oliver and Soren so they can count down the days until our return home.  At three and five, they are too young to fully understand the concept of time, so I hope the visual reminder is helpful.  Each of the 23 loops has a short message from Mom and Dad pasted on the inside.  Some of the messages pertain to what we're doing over in China on that specific day (like meeting their new brother, or new sister) and others are messages of love and encouragement.

After a bath we snuggled with the kids in our bed and read books.  That's when it occurred to me that this is the last night we'll spend together as a family of four.  I remember mourning our last days together as a family of three as Soren's due date approached and tonight is no different even if the circumstances of this round of our family's expansion are different.  Normally we're rather strict about how many books we read at bedtime or we'll end up going through their entire bookshelf, but there I was suggesting "just one more" again and again and I really wished I could have frozen that moment in time.

As sad as I am about saying goodbye to Oliver and Soren tomorrow, I have not forgotten why we need to say goodbye, though temporarily.  A friend's text message to me today summed it up. "Go get your family," she wrote.  Will do.