China Trip Day #11 – Arrival in Guangzhou

Our car blowing a tire on the highway on the drive from the airport to our hotel wasn’t enough to deter my excitement for being in Guangzhou.  Located in southern China It’s warm, it’s green and colorful (flowers are in bloom in January! – a novelty for this Minnesotan) and it’s relatively clean.  I’ve only been in Guangzhou a few hours and I’m already loving this city.  As for the flat tire, our driver hailed a taxi for us and Matteo, who had fallen asleep on Chris’s shoulder once we pulled away from the airport, snored his way through the whole thing, and we were soon on our way again. 

At breakfast this morning, we said goodbye to our Italian friends who were departing for Beijing, where they will be the next two weeks.  All adoptions by Americans are finalized in China’s southern city (and third largest in the country with nearly 13 million people) through the American consulate here.  I loved Beijing, but given that it’s winter, I’m very happy the U.S. decided to locate a consulate in the south.  We also move things along a lot quicker than the Italians.  If we weren’t adopting Kiera, we’d be flying home next Thursday.

Our flight to Guangzhou went well, and as Matteo’s first plane ride, it was also a milestone for him.  We flew China Southern (it was Air China last time) and although the airline gets horrible reviews, the plane was really nice, it left on time, their flight attendants were nice (one spoke English than anyone we’ve met here, aside from our guides) and they served us lunch.  When’s the last time you got lunch on a two-hour flight in the U.S.?  Better yet, I snagged the only vegetarian meal onboard. 

With Matteo’s typical two-year-old self emerging, we definitely had our hand’s full on the flight, but overall he did very well.  We had hoped he would take his nap, but I guess he was too excited to sleep.  You aren’t permitted to use electronics on domestic flights in China, so we relied on old-fashioned entertainment for him.  Stickers and coloring were his favorite.  And so was unlatching his tray and/or pushing the seat in front of him. 

After our unexpected cab ride, our guide Kelly met us at our hotel, The Garden.  This is probably the biggest, most luxurious hotel we’ve ever stayed in.  While Chris tried to get Matteo to resume his nap once we checked in (no luck with that), Kelly gave me a tour of the neighborhood surrounding the hotel.  Unlike in Hefei, there are so many restaurant options and Kelly helped me vet a couple for their vegetarian options.  She pointed out other useful destinations for our week-and-a-half stay, including the stand across the street that sells bottled water, a grocery store, an Aeon (described by some as the store you’d get if Target and Nordstrom had a baby) where we can buy a stroller and clothes for the kids and a park with a playground.  She also secured us a stroller on loan from the hotel. 

Back at the hotel, Matteo, Chris and I played together before dinner.  Matteo’s transformation in under a week is amazing.  It almost makes me sad to think back to Monday when he was practically lifeless in comparison to the spunky, devilish little boy he shows us now.  The boy whose eyes twinkled and mouth smiled broadly in his referral photo is emerging!  While a calm and obedient two-year-old was easier to parent, what we saw earlier this week is not normal for a kid that age. He’s now starting to get himself into everything and we’ve discovered it’s easy to get him riled up.  At one point he was running around our hotel room squeaking (very loudly) the rubber ducky in his welcome basket from the hotel, playing hide-and-seek and throwing his stacking cups in utter glee.

China Trip Day #10 - Last Day in Hefei

It was another beautiful day in Hefei, and by beautiful, I mean, it wasn’t raining or snowing.  We can technically see the sun as it tries to shine through the clouds, fog and haze, but that’s the best it’s been able to do all week.  Being out and about is a lot easier when there’s no precipitation though, so I was happy to see the storm we’ve had the last two days had moved through.

Our guide had a present for us when we met this morning, Matteo’s Chinese passport!  That’s all we’ve been waiting on since we finalized his adoption on Tuesday.  He and Kiera will receive their U.S. visas in Guangzhou and then will fly home on their Chinese passports.  Although their passports won’t expire until 2019, they become invalid once we land in Seattle, because at that point, they will become American citizens.  Sadly, U.S. and Chinese laws don’t allow them to have dual citizenship.  

Our first stop this morning was the Anhui Healing Home, which is run by the organization Love Without Boundaries.  This is the American organization that sponsored Matteo’s surgery and his care while he was with his foster family.  That we could even visit the healing home I had found out completely by chance.  As we were waiting for our plane to Seattle, I was checking Facebook and happened to see a message in our Hefei group from another mom with a child from Anhui about contacting the healing home for a visit.  Before we boarded I typed a note to the e-mail address one of my Facebook contacts had provided, and by the time we landed in Seattle, I had received an e-mail back from one of the stateside directors at Love Without Boundaries saying that she’d check with the home’s manager.  (The woman I was corresponding with even knew our son and said he has the most beautiful eyes.)

When I think of a “healing home” I think of a medical center.  In fact, the healing home was an apartment in a residential building in Hefei.  We drove around in circles trying to find it because neither our driver or guide had ever been there before and all the apartment buildings looked alike and were tucked in a neighborhood off the main roadway and down a narrow alley.  The building looked grungy on the outside and even grungier on the inside.  We rode up the elevator with a man who complained that he didn’t like the healing home because the children were too noisy.  

However, when we walked through the doorway of the healing home, we walked into a large, clean apartment. The home manager was a gentle, friendly-looking man who spoke English.  He led us to a room where the nannies were playing with the babies.  They were all so happy.  The healing home cares for up to 10 babies at any time and prepares them for surgery (many need to simply grow to a weight safe enough for surgery) and cares for them during their recovery. 

Like our son at the time, these children have no families (only one child had been matched with a family and the rest may not have files prepared or even be eligible for international adoption) to provide them the extra care and attention their special needs require.  So it was very special to meet the nanny who had cared for Matteo when he lived at the healing home.  She even still had a video of him on her phone.  The director explained that any time he had anything medical-related performed, she accompanied him.  It’s comforting to know that even when we didn’t yet know Matteo existed, this woman was there to comfort him.  Meeting her reaffirms my belief that every child deserves someone to look after him or her.  

Visiting the healing home also reminded of how much loss Matteo has already endured.  They told me that when he was discharged from the healing home, his foster mother reported how much he missed his nanny at first.  And we know how much he misses his foster mother now that he’s with his third set of caregivers.  Thankfully we are permanent.  

After the healing home, we visited the Memorial Temple of Lord Bao, also located in Hefei.  Although this had been a person’s home and is not an actual temple, it still had the same tranquility we found in the Buddhist temples we’ve visited on this trip. 

We walked the grounds and I stopped to look at a display.  There were lots of tourists like ourselves and I saw one couple taking a picture of a display.  Suddenly the woman motioned to her husband to snap a picture in my direction.  I then realized she wanted to get a picture of me!  Instead of letting her take the picture on the sly, I went right up to her and threw my arm around her and smiled big for the camera.  They both thought it was great.  If Chris had been equally as amused, I would have asked him to get a picture with my own camera of me with the random Chinese woman who wanted my picture.

As hard as it is to believe, white people are a novelty in China, especially in places like Hefei that has few foreigners.  I’ve heard plenty of stories of families being stopped in China by people wanting their picture taken with them.  This is the first time it’s happened to us, probably because we have a few characteristics that help us blend in, even if minimally, with the crowds – we’re short and we aren’t blonds or red-heads.  

After I had my picture taken, they noticed Matteo and had a lot of questions.  We’ve had a couple people try to ask us about him before, but never when our guide was with us, so the best we could do was hug him and make it clear he’s our son.  This time our guide was able to explain that we’re American and Matteo is our adopted Chinese son.  They were very happy for us and clearly thought Matteo was adorable.  

After our sightseeing, it was back to the hotel for lunch and then a nap.  Chris ran out while Matteo was sleeping to buy a new suitcase.  We started packing tonight because we leave for the airport early tomorrow morning.  Next stop, Guangzhou!

At dinner that night we saw a little bit of Oliver in Matteo. This guy is shy and reserved, so when a little boy ran up to him in the mall and tried to hold his hand, Matteo was caught off-guard. The boy babbled away with him in Chinese and instead of engaging him, Matteo kept his grip on Chris' hand and tried ever so slowly slinking behind his dad. He was probably hoping the other boy would lose sight of him and just go away.the whole interaction was a classic Oliver move from when he was Matteo's age. 

China Trip Day #9 - Sightseeing in Anhui

After yesterday's emotional day, we all needed a day of lying low, even if most of today was not that exciting.  I thought for sure we'd be dealing with regression in Matteo's attachment process and was surprised by how much he continues to open up to us.  We're seeing so much more of his personality and yesterday's experience doesn't appear to have set him back. 

Matteo was getting downright silly at breakfast and when Chris had to go back to the room, he didn't cry when he left (but still looked concerned that he was gone) and continued to be silly with me.  He liked playing peekaboo and showing me how many noodles he could stuff in his mouth.  I got so many laughs and smiles out of him, which is unbelievable, because he's attached himself to Chris and at times seems to merely tolerate me. So many times when I interact with him, he looks up at Chris with eyes that seem to ask, why does this woman keep trying to talk to me?   Worse is if I try to hold him, he cries, and if I kiss him, he turns his cheek away.  In light of yesterday and how slowly he's warming up to me, our interactions at breakfast were so encouraging.  Of course once we approached our hotel room, he started to cry and once he discovered Chris inside, he was all about Daddy again.   
After breakfast we met our guide and driver and headed to the Anhui Museum, which is a history museum of Anhui Province.  It's similar to the Minnesota History Center back home, except that it covers a history going back thousands of years and up through the Qing dynasty.  Of all places for Matteo to introduce us to his two-year-old self, (in contrast to his shell-shocked self) he chose a museum full of antiquities.  Chris had to keep him from climbing on things or wandering into roped-off areas and I'm sure the museum staff had to retrace our footsteps with a bottle of Windex to remove sticky little hand prints from the display glass. 

Before going back to our hotel, we stopped at different mall than the ones we've visited in search of underwear for Matteo.  At barely two and a half years old, he doesn't even need diapers at night.  We lucked out with a completely potty-trained kid!  It's difficult to find underwear for a kid who's barely in a size 2T and even more so in China where split pants are the norm. 

After naptime back at the hotel, our guide met us in our room to drop off the remaining paperwork for Matteo's adoption.  She also delivered our laundry from the wash house.  China is known for being inexpensive, but there are plenty of things that cost a lot more than expected and one is laundry.  It cost $80 to have less than a week's worth of clothing for two people, plus one outfit and a bunch of bibs for a toddler washed. Laundromats, as far as I have seen, do not exist, so our only options were to send the laundry out, have the hotel do it (which would have been two to three times as expensive as the wash house) or wash it by hand in our hotel bathtub, which I was not interested in doing.

Since it was still snowing this evening and the sidewalks were a wet, slushy mess, we nixed our evening walk for a taxi ride a little farther afield.  Our guide had written out instructions on various pieces of paper, such as "Could you please call us a taxi?" or "Please take us to [      ]." so we could get where we needed to go.  (And back to our hotel again.)

We decided to go back to the mall we visited earlier in the day.  It was clean, the stores were more in our price range and there were a lot of restaurant options.  We had spied a place called "Taco" and since we eat a lot of Mexican at home, we made a beeline for our version of comfort food on our evening trip to the mall.  Unfortunately Taco had very few tacos and none that were vegetarian.  I presented our waitress with the slip of paper our guide prepared for me that said in Chinese, "I'm vegetarian. I don't eat meat or fish."  It took no less than five waitstaff gathered around our table to point out the one option that had no meat.  The menu was in English and had pictures, and the vegetarian dish was under the Noodles section, but who knows what got lost in translation, because much to my dismay, I ended up with a pile of sauteed mushrooms.  I really, really do not like mushrooms.  I dislike them so much that when the other entrees arrived and we realized that Matteo ended up with two entrees, I ate one of his thinking it was spaghetti with marinara sauce.  Halfway through I realized it was meat sauce, but I kept eating because I was so darn hungry.  I kept telling myself at least I wasn't eating the "Fresh Scallop Asshole," because yes, that was on the menu.  (Although I'm assuming something really got lost in translation with that one!)

The kids clothing store we had been in earlier in the day had a kids play area, so went there so Matteo could play and I could try to find him some more clothes since we only brought two sets of clothing.  We know Matteo has played on a playground before, but all the kids running around like wild must have overwhelmed him, because all he wanted to do was watch.  Chris found a quiet area with a small slide, which he eventually got Matteo to slide down.  By the time I came back, Matteo was all smiles as he tossed balls back and forth with Chris. 

We left the mall and I managed to hail a taxi on my first try.  I dug in my purse for my slip of paper with the address of our hotel in Chinese and thrust it in the taxi driver's face, who in the darkened car, hadn't noticed that we are not Chinese.  As we sped away, Chris turned to me and said, "I hope you didn't accidentally give him the 'I'm a vegetarian' piece of paper."  We ended up back at our hotel, so I obviously had given him the correct one!

Tonight marks the first night that Matteo did not cry at bedtime and this being only his fourth night with us, I consider that miraculous.  Until tonight, he'd cry 15-20 minutes, which I also realize, could be a lot worse. We decided we're going to give him Melatonin until we get home and recover from jetlag, so that surely plays a role in how quickly he's falling asleep. 

Chopsticks

Chris and I are trying our hardest to use chopsticks properly, much to the amusement of those around us I'm sure.  I've surprised myself by how well I've done, especially dumplings, which are large, and rice, ever since I learned I could shovel clumps of it in my mouth with the chopsticks.  But things like vegetables are tricky.  They're just so darn slippery. 

We were in a restaurant the other evening, persisting with our dinner, and I could feel the eyes of the entire waitstaff watching us as they milled around near our table.  Then Matteo picked up a pair of chopsticks, watched us intently, and tried on his own.  I don't know if our waitress felt sorry for us or for Matteo for having such chopstick-using-novices as parents, but she suddenly appeared with forks and knives.  Out of pride, we refused to use them.  And then Chris discovered that his dish was actually a soup and could have been consumed with a spoon. 

On our visit to Matteo's foster parents yesterday, we went to lunch with a couple of people from the orphanage.  We sat down at the formally set table and I must have looked away to take off my coat or find Matteo's sippy cup, because when I looked back, our chopsticks had been swapped out for a fork and a knife.  I know they thought they were being polite, like when foreigners speak English with you when you're trying to practice the language in their country, but I was disappointed I wasn't given the option to practice.  And then it was my turn to eat the soup with a fork instead of a spoon....

China Trip Day #8 - Visiting Matteo's Foster Family

We returned to the city Matteo was born in and visited his foster family and today was by far the hardest thing we’ve done this whole trip.  My heart may never be the same.

The trip was almost canceled when we woke up to a dusting of snow.  Apparently it very, very rarely snows in Hefei, which I believe after seeing a couple of palm trees in a city park.  We left around 9:00 a.m. for what was supposed to be a three-hour trip, but stretched to four after a 20-car pileup forced us off the highway and down some countryside roads that were so bumpy we were gripping Matteo to keep him from flying off the seat.  (No one uses car seats in China.)  I’ve been on smoother dirt roads in Northern Minnesota than we what we were on.  I was so happy when we finally got back on the highway.  

It was after 1:00 p.m. when we made it to Fuyang, where we met some officials from the orphanage at a restaurant downtown.  The officials included the two orphanage directors, the woman in charge of the foster families and one of the women who had brought Matteo to Hefei.  We had our own dining room and sat around a large round table.  A gigantic lazy susan sat in the middle of the table and we ate family-style.  It felt like every time I looked up, the waitress was placing yet another platter or bowl of food down.  Fuyang is apparently known for its cuisine and we got to sample many different local dishes.  I was relieved to see Matteo eat and drink since his appetite was back down again this morning.  Throughout lunch I peppered the folks from the orphanage with questions, which our guide translated.  In hindsight, I’m glad I asked so many questions, because once we met the foster family, I wasn’t in the right state of mind to ask all the questions I wanted to even though Chris and I had written them down ahead of time. 

On our way to visit Matteo’s foster family, we stopped at his “finding spot”.  Since placing a child for adoption is not legal in China, if parents cannot care for their child, they resort to abandonment.  Visiting a finding spot is one more piece of a child’s history and I wanted to stand in the spot where my son was found.  I was surprised it was on a busy street with a police station not far away and in front of a building guard station.  Why was that spot chosen?  How was whoever left him not seen on such a busy street?  Despite there being a police report from when he was found, we won’t be given that report. When I got back in the car, I kissed my son.  Although so many questions about his beginnings remain, what I do know is that he was found, he is now my son and I’m forever thankful.

We continued on through downtown Fuyang following the orphanage director’s car and into a more residential section of the city.  We passed apartment block after apartment block and kept driving until the buildings stopped and we were driving past a field. We drove up onto a hill that was stretched out in a ring dividing the blocks of apartment buildings from a wooded area.  Peeking through the trees I could see what looked like one-story and one-and-half-story brick and cinder block buildings.  We drove along the ridge, took a sharp left down the other side of the ridge and into what our guide called the “countryside” of Fuyang.  Although we could still see the high-rise apartment buildings, we were truly in a different part of the city.  

We parked in front of a low-slung building, which used to be the orphanage until about a year ago.  It was so tiny compared with the big new building they constructed on the other side of the city.  

Our arrival was noticed immediately and Matteo’s foster family rushed to our car.  Chris thought Matteo’s foster father wanted to shake his hand, but instead plucked Matteo out of Chris’s arms before he realized what had happened.  We followed them down a muddy road to the home where Matteo had lived from age six months until as recently as Sunday.  

Visiting the family confirmed some observations we’ve made about Matteo, but we learned some new things.  His mom says he’s reserved and shy, which matches the mellow guy we’ve gotten to know, but also that he loves to dance!  I asked if Matteo had ever been read a book, which sounds like a crazy question, but we noticed that he doesn’t know how to open one.  He kept trying to turn the pages with one hand, while the other hand held the book shut. His foster mother said that he’s looked at pictures before, but no, has never read a book.  The last of Matteo’s foster siblings (out of five) was there and the nearly two-year-old was bundled up in so much clothing you would wonder how the child can walk.  But the house wasn’t heated so that much clothing is necessary.  And that got Chris and I to theorizing that perhaps Matteo thrashes around so much in his sleep because nothing is inhibiting his movement anymore.  When he’s not thrashing, he’ll often sleep spread eagle, which might have been one of the few sleeping positions he could manage bundled up like that.  

Chris and I struggled with whether going back was the right idea.  Ultimately we decided that because we’re here, we can’t pass up the opportunity to meet Matteo’s foster parents and have pictures and stories to share with Matteo someday.   And with the information I gathered today, I hope I can track down the adoptive families of Matteo’s four foster siblings and one of his friends who entered the orphanage at the same time he did, went to the healing home with him for surgery and lived in a nearby foster family. However, in the short-term, we feel we’ve done more harm than good in that we delayed the grieving process for both Matteo and his foster parents.

What came out of the visit for us is that we confirmed that he was truly loved and well taken care of by his foster family.  They were very poor and lived in a house with no heat (except for built-in space heaters attached to the walls) and no toilet, but he was happy there.  He played outside a lot and had foster parents (and their two grown children) doting on him.  Chris and I were in an awkward situation of being in someone else’s home, having to ask people who know our son better than we do how to care for him and his likes and dislikes and knowing that they selflessly cared for him like their own so that we (and not them) could eventually be his parents.  As I watched his foster mother clutch him and cry while she tried to soak up every last moment with Matteo, who she’ll most likely never see again, I broke down crying too.  I wanted more time and more privacy with his foster family, away from the orphanage officials and what felt like half the neighborhood, but the orphanage people were calling the shots and it was time to go according to them.  We felt guilty asking for our son back and wanted to let them hand him back to us when they were ready, but one of the directors intervened.  We climbed back in the car with Matteo and his foster mother reached back in and pulled him back out for one last hug.  I cried even more as Matteo cried as hard has he’s ever cried and I looked out the window and saw his foster mother weeping and being comforted by his family.  I regret not having more time with them and not being able to thank them in a way that I can convey how thankful I am for them. If I had known how short and chaotic our visit was going to be, I would have had our guide translate a letter ahead of time for me to give to them in person.  At a minimum, I wanted to thank them for loving and caring for Matteo and promising we’ll do the same. 

China Trip Day #7 - Matteo's Adoption Finalized

We finalized Matteo’s adoption with the Chinese authorities this morning.  We went back to the same Civil Affairs office we met Matteo in yesterday and we signed some more paperwork, had a brief “interview” with a government bureaucrat (when we were asked what date we married, it took three tries between Chris and me to get the date right!) and then Matteo pressed his hand with red ink onto the adoption certificate.  It would have been an otherwise quick process except that there were four other families adopting (another American family and three Italian families) and we had to wait our turns for paperwork to be processed and for the notary to appear.  When it was all said and done, Matteo’s adoption was the 14^th this year from Anhui province.  Last year, about 200 adoptions to families all over the world took place in Anhui alone.  

The two women from the Fuyang orphanage who drove Matteo to Hefei were back again today.  Matteo knows them, but not very well, but they nonetheless fussed over him and took many pictures of him and our family throughout the morning.  We had dressed Matteo in American clothes and they told our guide to tell us we needed to dress him more warmly.  I had our guide translate back that we come from a state where it’s not unusual for snow to cover the ground continuously for four straight months, so we’re confident we have him dressed adequately.  Even our guide couldn’t believe it when I told her how much snow Minnesota can get.  Do you drive when that happens, she asked.  Everyone is in a bit of a tizzy this week because Hefei is supposed to get snow, which rarely happens. We're clearly dealing with different definitions of what defines cold.

 

Then the women from the orphanage saw the top of a diaper sticking out from Matteo’s pants and wanted to investigate what he was wearing.  Through our guide they told us he doesn’t like to wear diapers.  We had to explain that he’s wearing a diaper because we had no idea he would be potty-trained and we hadn’t brought him any underwear.  The diaper is also security for us, because we have no idea when he has to go.  We haven’t heard him talk yet, (he’s most likely still shell-shocked) and the women from the orphanage didn’t know what his signals are either. Until we can find some 2T underwear, he'll continue to wear a diaper.  

What we did learn on the subject of toileting is that because Matteo’s foster family didn’t have a toilet, but knew he was going to be adopted, they showed him how to use one whenever they visited the orphanage.  It sounds like such a small thing, but that showed incredible foresight on the host parent's part, and has been so helpful for us as he transitions to our family (and Western practices). 

All the formalities of this morning were lost on Matteo.  He just wanted to play with his cars and color.  And for us, seeing him show an interest in playing and interacting with us was wonderful to see.  What a difference 24 hours make.  We have a long way to go to fully gain his trust, but the baby steps we’ve seen has been so encouraging to us as parents.  We’ve gotten a lot of smiles out of him and even a laugh or two.  He’s been silent since we met him, but today while playing with cars, he voiced what I assume is the Mandarin equivalent of “vroom, vroom.”  

Meanwhile, Matteo slept for over 11 hours last night and has shown a bigger appetite today compared with yesterday when pretty much all he ate was a couple of snacks.  He likes his new sippy cup we got him, but interestingly, he has shown zero interest in his bottle.  That’s fine with us since we’re not used to giving two-year-olds bottles of formula, but I wonder why he abruptly cut himself off. 

He has started to show a preference for Chris, which is a sign of healthy attachment, as it shows us he's learning to trust.  While I understand psychologically what's going on, it's hard on my heart.  Matteo has started to whimper if Chris leaves his sight and whimpers if I hold him, even when he can still see Chris.  As hard as it is to feel a little left out, it is so heart-warming to watch father and son interact.  

China Trip Day #6 - The Day We Met Matteo

This morning felt surprising normal given that one of the most important moments of my life was going to occur just hours later.  I finally slept past 5:00 a.m. and actually slept later than I had planned.  I had this vision of having everything ready to go and as is typical of me, instead, I was making a mad dash at the end to get out the door with everything we needed for the Civil Affairs office.

We arrived shortly after 9:00 a.m. and were escorted into the Marriage Registration Room of all places.  We sat for a little over an hour and watched as couples came in to get marriage licenses.  Our guide appeared every now and then with paperwork we needed to sign or review, or updates on Matteo's whereabouts.  The three-hour trip from Fuyang to Hefei was taking longer than anticpated and Georgiana kept reassuring us Matteo was on his way.

So we sat and waited some more.  We wrote out our questions to ask the nannies about Matteo's routines, likes and dislikes and so on.  Chris really wanted to know, "Vikings or Packers," but we would get none of our questions answered since the two people who brought Matteo to us actually didn't really know him.

An American family across the hall from us was adopting their fourth child from China and had brought the entire family.  They had already met their son when we arrived.  As we watched the boy's older siblings play with their new brother, we wished Oliver and Soren could be here too.  In reality it would not have been practical to bring them, but as we nervously awaited Matteo's arrival, it would have been so comforting for us all to have had Oliver and Soren there. 

Two families from Italy also waited for their sons and the boys were very upset.  The older boy quickly settled down, but the younger one who looked close to Matteo's age just wailed on and on and his sad cries filled the hallways as business was conducted around him.  His new mom tried comforting him the best she could and I almost burst out crying when the little boy's cries were punctuated with calls for "Mama".  My heart ached for how sad and confused he was and I was also so scared for a similar reaction from Matteo.

Around 10:15 a.m., a woman carrying a very bundled up little boy burst into our room.  She was calling out "Chen Tao, Chen Tao," but even without this introduction, I immediately recognized our Matteo from the pictures we had gazed at for months.  I was relieved he looked exactly as I had pictured and hadn't grown up so much in the preceding months to the point of being unrecognizable. 

Chris and I had talked about how we wanted to approach Matteo when he arrived and agreed we'd try to let him warm up to us first.  When the woman set him on the ground, Chris slowly approached with a peace offering of a Matchbox car.  Matteo stood there stoically.  He looked at us with those serious eyes of his, but didn't show any interest in anything as we tried to interest him in the cars or the bottle of bubbles we brought.  The woman he arrived with (she worked at the orphanage, but was not his nanny) gently pushed him towards me while presumably telling him "Go to your mama."

All this while, couples sat around us filling out paperwork for marriage licenses.  One young woman was there with her parents, who looked on adoringly at Matteo.  The father got down on the floor with Matteo and quietly chatted with him like a loving grandfather would do.  He encouraged him to play with the cars and showed him how they could roll across the linoleum floor.  For that brief time I saw some curiously peak in Matteo.  He was otherwise completely shut down.  

Before we left, we were ushered into another room where a man with a really nice camera motioned for us to sit on two chairs in front of a red backdrop.  To our right was an alter, so I presumed this was the room wedding ceremonies before a justice of the peace were performed and the backdrop we were sitting in front of was typically used for wedding photos. 

When it was time to go, I offered Matteo my hand and I was surprised that he so willingly took it.  We walked out the door to our waiting van.  Against our predictions, he had not shed one tear.  He sat quietly on my lap during the short ride back to our hotel and clutched a Matchbox car in each hand.

As soon as we stepped inside our hotel room, Matteo started to cry.  He cried crocodile tears.  This went on for over an hour while we tried feeding him, offering him something to drink, playing with him and so on.  He never showed interest in anything.  Just like at the Civil Affairs office, he was shut down, but at least he was showing some kind of emotion even that emotion was utter grief.  It's sad to think about what was possibly going through his mind and how scared he was. He eventually fell asleep in Chris's arms and probably would have slept for a long time if the knock at the door for room service hadn't woken him.  It was past lunchtime by the time we made it to our room, but with a terrified little boy on our hands, we couldn't leave to go find lunch.

Awake, Matteo's tears resumed when he realized where he was and who he was with.  It was heart-breaking to witness how sad he was!  Out of ideas on how to cheer him up, we decided to go for a walk.  Before we could leave though, we had to make a decision.  Diaper or no diaper.  We were surprised to learn that he's completely potty-trained, but our guide explained that he'd probably never used a toilet before.  He's from a more rural area, where squat potties or simply going outside somewhere, is more the norm.  We tried sitting him on the toilet, but he was terrified, so as a precation before going out, we put a diaper on him.

Taking a walk ended up being a great idea.  Matteo actually stopped crying when we started putting on his coat and shoes.  We think he spent a lot of time outside and just like our kids and little kids the world over, like being outdoors.  Although it appeared as if Matteo had never ridden in a stroller before, he tolerated it.  Once we made it the couple of blocks to the park, we got him out and he really enjoyed walking around looking at everything and everyone.  Not surprisingly, we got a lot of stares, but everyone looked on lovingly at us.

The thing with adoption is that you celebrate even the smallest "wins" and we were so exited to get a couple of those on our walk.  Matteo had refused to eat or drink anything until that point, yet suddenly let me feed him snacks (since his fists still clutched those Matchbox cars) and once back in the stroller, he started to eat on his own from the snacks we put on his tray.  And the when he needed help getting down from a step, he reached for Chris.  Slowly we could see him letting his guard down.

After walking every foot of walkway in the park, we walked over to the pedestrian mall we had visited yesterday afternoon.  I really wanted to find that department store again.  Matteo arrived in clothes very typical for young Chinese children, but that is considered outlandish to Americans.  Not only were his shoes not my taste, but they were very difficult to get on him.  So we went in search of shoes.  We spent way too much money considering we're in China where shoes are supposedly cheap, but given that the store we bought his shoes from was next door to Armani Junior, I think we got a deal.  And he looks so darn cute in his new shoes.  

We stumbled upon the FANCIEST Pizza Hut we've ever see and after only six days, succumbed to the temptation of American pizza.   What was so wonderful about dinner, besides the pizza, is that Matteo started opening up.  We discovered he likes to color (even though we're not sure if he's actually ever colored before) and he played peekaboo with us by ducking his head under the table and popping it back up.  But what was the best is that we got his first smiles out of him.  The sad news for me is that because he was sitting on my lap, I didn't get to see!

As soon as we set foot back in our hotel room, Matteo started to cry again.  We're not sure why he's so sad here.  Maybe there aren't many distractions or maybe it's a reminder that he's no longer going back to the only home he's known. 

Chris left to go to the supermarket for some more water and to find something for Matteo to color with, and I started the bedtime routine with him.  Of course we had no idea what his routine was in his foster home and it's hard developing our own routine when we're living out of a hotel room.  To kill time and because nothing else was cheering Matteo up, I decided to give him a bath.  When I took his clothes off, I discovered his diaper was still dry.  The little guy hadn't gone in probably 10 hours!  I sat him on the toilet and held onto him and although he whimpered, he went!  I plopped him in the bathtub and he loved that too!  Once I got him to sit down and showed him out he could scoop water with his stacking cups, he happily sat there and scooped water for the next half an hour. (Like many things, we're not sure if Matteo has ever been in a bathtub.)  Again, I was celebrating these wins.

When Chris was back, we got him out of the bath and started getting him ready for bed.  He was not happy about getting in his pajamas and wouldn't let us brush his teeth.  Chris got out the markers he had bought and that stopped the tears.  We had no idea what his bedtime is, but it was getting late in our minds (well after 7:00 p.m. and he'd had a long and emotionally exhausting day) so we got in bed and read a bedtime story.  He was not interested in the book and played with his cars while I read.  After I finished reading, I turned out the lights to the room and Chris and I laid in bed with him.  The crib the hotel provided is tiny, very old and rickety-looking and we couldn't imagine Matteo actually sleeping in it.  By us all sleeping in the king-size bed together, we could at least lay with him and comfort him as he drifted off to a (Melatonin-aided) sleep. He was out in probably two minutes. 

We gazed at our sleeping boy lying between us, and I still couldn't believe he's ours forever and ever.  Matteo's first day with us was one of the toughest of his life, but we're in awe of his bravery and his budding trust in us.  We have some hard days (weeks, months maybe) ahead of us, but also so much reward in being able to call Matteo our son.

China Trip Day #5 - Arrival in Hefei, Anhui

Gosh I miss Beijing.  It’s a huge, crazy city, much of it unpolished to someone used to American cities, but it had become familiar to us in our short time there and we had developed a comfort level in navigating the city.  It helped too that most street signs and other way-finding signs were in English, along with Chinese. It had the air of a capital city and an international city.    Hefei, the capital of Anhui, which is the province Matteo is from (Hefei is pronounced Huh-fay and Anhui, An-way) is only a two-hour flight from Beijing, but so different.  Now I know what adoptive families mean by being “in province”.  This is the China tourists don’t usually see.

Our early morning flight on Air China landed in a blanket of fog in Hefei.  And that fog might actually be more fog than pollution given that Hefei has a humid, sub-tropical climate and isn’t as dry as Beijing is.  I’m sure the city looks a lot better on a sunny, blue-sky kind of day.  Instead it looked depressing muted in gray. 

This city of over 5 million people is in the process of building its first subway system and our hotel near downtown is surrounded by a construction zone.  Chris and I took a walk after lunch and finally got the ultimate pedestrian experience.  With no sidewalks around the hotel due to construction, we walked in traffic alongside the locals and then came to the intersection and made a dash for the other side.  Beijing’s traffic was an organized chaos with cars, whereas in Hefei, the traffic is more what we thought China would be like.  Beijing spoiled me to the point that I was surprised to see a moped motoring towards us on a crowded sidewalk here in Hefei.  

Since we’re here until Saturday, we asked our guide where we can eat and she advised us to eat at the hotel because she she’s afraid we’ll get sick from eating food anywhere else.  The noodle and rice restaurant here in the hotel is delicious, but as a vegetarian, I’m envisioning eating plain noodles and friend rice with egg for the next five days.  

My nervousness about eating the same thing every day and our worrying about being confined to hotel once we have Matteo prompted us scope out the city and see what we could find.  When we exited our hotel, we picked a direction and just started walking.  After dodging traffic by our hotel, we were relieved to come upon a pedestrian mall that stretched for blocks.  It was fun at first, but then the smell (Beijing smelled of coal, but Hefei smells of human waste) and the crowds of people, and the sight of people peeing in the street and skinned animal carcasses hanging from ropes at market stands all started to overwhelm me.  We headed back towards the hotel and turned down a side street where we passed by a large, non-descript building.  I saw signs for Haagen Dazs, Coach and Tumi through the windows, so we stopped in to see if anything else was in there.  It turns out it was a seven-story mall with every high-end clothing, purse, watch or shoe store you can name.  Compared with the throngs of people on the pedestrian mall, the indoor mall was less crowded and a lot mellower.  I’m not a mall person at all, and not a shopper, (except for that Haagen Dazs, I’m not sure there’s any store in there I can afford to buy something from) but our discovery was a welcomed one.  It would be a safe (and clean) place to walk with Matteo and there were a couple of restaurants on the top floor that looked delicious.  

Back at our hotel, we’re enjoying the last few hours of the “vacation” portion of this trip.  At 9:00 a.m. tomorrow morning (7:00 p.m. Sunday back in Minnesota) we’re going to the Civil Affairs building here in Hefei to finally meet Matteo.  I can hardly believe this day is almost here.