Standing Up to Hurtful Adoption Comments

It's people like Kim Kelley-Wagner, who one parent at a time, are helping to make the world a more welcoming place for adoptees and their families.  Kim has two daughters, both adopted from China, and she started receiving hurtful comments made about her family from the time she brought her first child home.  They ranged from the misguided, "It is so nice of your mom to save you" to rude, "How much did she cost?" to the downright racist, "Why would you bring more immigrants into our country?"

The article "Mom's Photo Series Spotlights Racist Comments Directed at Daughters" reports on how Kim used photos posted on Facebook to call people out on their hurtful comments.  You can see the full photo gallery by clicking on the link in the article or going directly to Kim' Facebook page, "Things said to or about my adopted daughters...  And before anyone gets his or her undies in a bunch with accusations about Kim exploiting her daughters, she took on this project with their full consent and participation.  These are real comments her daughters have endured their entire lives and their mother gave them a platform to stand up for themselves. 

The photos hit home for me.  Even though we haven't adopted yet, I have already heard a bunch of these comments, or variations, when talking with friends, family and co-workers about adoption.  Many people haven't learned how to talk about adoption in a respectful way and therefore resort to talking about our future child's "real" family or they perpetuate uneducated beliefs about why children are abandoned (they hate girls, they don't like babies, their parents didn't love them enough to keep them...).  Sadly, in adopting a boy from China, I can only add to Kim's photo gallery.  Otherwise well-meaning people have made comments to me like, "I thought they only hate girls in China" or "I thought they only gave away their girls."

I don't share Kim's photos with the purpose of chastising, but rather in desperate hope that I can spare my children the comments that have been so pervasive in Kim's daughters' lives.