Openness About Adoption

We've been more or less an open book about adoption. It's such an intrusive process that it's ironically empowering to talk about the process because for once we're choosing what we share, when and how we frame the discussion.

There are so many misunderstandings about adoption that by not talking about our experience, I feel like we'll perpetuate the notion that adoption begins the day we meet our child.  I want people in our lives to understand the time involved and the complex emotions and decisions that come with adoption.  That in itself is a process that starts with dialogue. 

Being willing to talk about our adoption experience does open us up that much more to criticism.  And by presenting myself as an open book means some people think they can ask me any question.  But there are always going to be insensitive people who speak without thinking, and criticism is going to come eventually, especially when we are adopting a child who looks nothing like us, so our family's making is going to be obvious to everyone we encounter.  I'd rather address people's questions in smaller increments and give friends and family time and space to learn about adoption before our child comes home. 

By being so open about our plans to adopt, I feel we've reduced the number of awkward questions about when we're going to have another baby, or worse, suggesting outright that I'm pregnant and hiding the news from people.  (Thanks nosy co-worker...) But when I told people we weren't going to have any more biological children after the fiasco that was my ectopic pregnancy, I heard one too many times the comments like about how as soon as people don't try to get pregnant, that's when they do.  Being upfront about our plans to adopt put an end to those "just relax" types of comments and shifted the conversation to one that was both joyful and supportive of the path we're on.