Home Study #3

I understand the purpose and importance of a home study, but as we finally near its completion, I'm left feeling the reality of the process is that much of it is a waste of time. I do believe there's a better way to find a flexible balance between ensuring children are placed with stable families and that those families aren't overly burdened by the process or completely turned off to adoption all together. Unfortunately, I don't have suggestions of how to make the process more meaningful. 

We had our third and final home study visit yesterday.  Although the first two visits had allowed more than enough time for the social worker to tour our home, meet our kids, interview Chris and me as a couple and then conduct separate interviews with each of us, yesterday's visit occurred simply because state law requires a home study to consist of three meetings with both parents present.  Any opportunity we have to spend with our social worker isn't completely wasted time, as I enjoy talking with her and learning more about adoption and our projected timeline, but I find it frustrating to have to participate in processes that have no real purpose.  There Chris and I were taking yet more time off work at an inconvenient time (10:00 a.m.) so our social worker could check off a box in the home study process. I understand the need for at least one interview at our home with both parents present so the social worker can see where we live and how we interact as a family, but why does it necessarily need to be three visits if everything can be accomplished in two visits?  Why can't some of the interviews be conducted over Skype?

One of the most ridiculous scenarios we've experienced thus far in the adoption process occurred when our social worker handed us a new guardian form.  China requires us to name a guardian for our adopted child and Chris's brother was the obvious, well, the only choice in our minds, since he's who we have already named as guardian for Oliver and Soren.  Our social worker informed us that because the Chinese authorities would frown upon a non-married male under the age of 30 being named as guardian, we needed to name someone else.  It didn't matter who we put down, as the form didn't need to match our will and it isn't a legally binding document.  Anything can derail an adoption and the agency didn't want it to be this. 

Chris and I conferred briefly and then wrote down the names of a friend of mine who'd written a reference letter on our behalf and her husband.  After we rewrote and signed the form, I panicked when I realized that my friends' two kids, Oliver, Soren and our third child would equal five kids - living in what's effectively a two-bedroom house.  Our social worker assured us that no one would actually be visiting our new guardians' home, let alone verifying that these friends actually exist.  Since the Chinese government can't dictate who actually becomes the guardian of a child legally yours once the adoption is complete, wouldn't a more effective approach to looking out for the best interests of the child have been requiring that prospective adoptive parents have a will and have named a guardian?

I happened to see that friend that evening.  She asked how the home study visit had gone.  I informed her that in the eyes of the Chinese government, she and her husband would be the guardians of our children.  I think that was the last thing she expected to hear!  I promised her that our life insurance policies would buy her expanded family a bigger house. 

Our social worker expects to have a draft of our home study to us by September 20 for Chris and me to review.  After we've verified all the information is accurate, she'll forward it to the national office for approval, which takes about another week.  I'm hoping we'll have it approved by the end of September! 

The next big steps in the application phase it to mail our I-800A application to Immigration to request preliminary approval to bring an adopted child into the country.  While we wait on approval, we can work on our dossier.  Once the I-800A has been approved and the dossier completed, we'll be able to mail the dossier to China.  I'd love to have that mailed before Christmas.  At that point, the real waiting will begin.