Technically Still Pregnant

Despite how upset I was to learn that I was miscarrying, once it happened, I wanted it to be over.  I've already missed spent as much time at my OB's office as I have at work and I'm ready to go back to my normal routine. Except that I'm still technically pregnant.  The physical symptoms I was experiencing indicated a miscarriage, but blood tests showed rising levels of hCG, a hormone produced during pregnancy.  My OB suspects I have an ectopic pregnancy, which means the fertilized egg implanted in my fallopian tube instead of my uterus, and thus can't survive.  I haven't decided which is worse, knowing the reason for the miscarriage or knowing that there was likely nothing wrong with what could have grown to become our baby other than that the cluster of cells missed landing in the right spot. 

An ectopic pregnancy is serious, but luckily hasn't reached the level of emergency yet and there's a chance my body will sort everything out on its own.  If not, after my next ultrasound and a blood draw to test my hCG level, my OB hopes to be able to treat me with methotrexate instead of surgery.  With either scenario, I'll have multiple OB visits over the next couple of weeks to make sure the treatment worked.  I didn't realize this process could drag on for so long. 

This experience is helping me feel more at peace with our decision to pursue adoption.  It can take longer to conceive after an ectopic pregnancy and I'm more likely to have another one, so I'm relieved not to add that to the long list of all the things I worry about.  Instead of feeling frustrated at the prospect of starting over, adoption gives me something to look forward to.