Experience with a Nanny

I had always associated nannies with New York City and the upper class, so I'm still adjusting to the idea of employing a nanny even though I'll otherwise tell anyone who asks that I love having a one.  Even the term nanny makes me uncomfortable, as if it connotes over-privilege.  It's a class-loaded word that the word babysitter isn't. No kid I knew growing up had a nanny in my middle-class neighborhood.  Childcare for my brother and me was a hodgepodge of neighborhood moms running (likely unlicensed) daycares and local teenage babysitters. 

Fast forward 30 years and most of my social circle now consists of others my age with young children and it's surely not unusual that some of them have nannies.  I wonder if it's the high cost of daycare for my generation that has turned nannies into a viable option for the upper-middle-class and even middle-class.  In St. Paul, it's not out of the question to pay over $30,000 a year for a toddler and an infant at a day care center.  If you have three kids of daycare age, a nanny is without a doubt cheaper than a daycare center. 

Despite the class-conscious insecurities I have with the idea of a nanny, the reality is that our nanny is the best decision we made for my transition back to the working world.  I was really excited about the new job and the positive changes it would bring, but the thought of putting my kids in daycare gave me a feeling of dread.  Even though I knew Oliver would love all the activities and playmates daycare provides, I worried that all day in a classroom full of kids would overwhelm him.  And although I felt Soren would adjust pretty easily given how young he was and that he wouldn't know any better, I felt that babies at his age don't need much more than attention and love.  A pricey daycare center just seemed overkill.  And then there were the logistics.  I would have to get a baby and a toddler up, fed, dressed, packed up, driven to daycare and escorted to their classrooms by myself every day. 

Once we made the decision to hire a nanny, I felt at peace with the decision in a way I hadn't with the highly-regarded daycare center we had originally settled on.  Even though I know there's nothing wrong with going back to work and wanting to go back to work, I still suffered a mommy guilt that's hard for even the most rational mom to shake.  I felt having a nanny care for them during the day would be the least disruption to their schedules and routines.  Even though I wasn't going to be with them during the workday, I was comfortable knowing they'd be able to be at home with a consistent caregiver.  The fact that we were able to hire a family member made our first experience with a nanny even easier. 

Mornings for me are pretty stressful.  Chris is often out the door by 6:00 a.m., and I'm on my own. I start off feeding the baby at some ungodly hour, then try to squeeze in a shower while my toddler peaks around the shower curtain, get dressed while still in company of my toddler, who by then is whining for his breakfast, make breakfast for both kids, pack my bags and make my lunch one-handed with the baby straddled across one hip.  Every single morning I'm thankful when the nanny walks through our front door.  Without being asked, she picks up right where I left off.  I could probably count on one hand the number of times I have diapers changed, both kids dressed and fed, Oliver's teeth brushed and the breakfast dishes cleared and table wiped down by the time she arrives, so her presence has become integral to my morning preparations.  By the time I leave for work, I've been awake for as long as two and a half hours and that's without needing to build in extra time to get the kids out the door and to daycare.  As frenzied and stressful as the previous two plus hours had been, when I walk out the door, I'm relaxed knowing the kids are in good hands.  And then I think, "This must be what having a stay-at-home spouse is like!"

There are other perks to having someone at home.  Our nanny has driven over to my work to drop off the lunch I forgot on the kitchen counter or pick up the breastmilk I'd left in the office fridge the day before.  She's watered our flowers, gone grocery shopping for us and done an extra-thorough tidying up on days she knew we were having guests over. 

Having a nanny doesn't just make my life easier, but the experience over the past few months has given me a different perspective on parenting, in that it really is much easier to have as much help as you can get and not have to go it alone.  When Chris was traveling and going to school, I spent a lot of long days with Oliver and I felt very alone with the child-rearing.  At the time I was thinking I just wanted Chris home more and now that he is, it's wonderful.  I just never realized how thankful I'd be for having an additional person be involved in my kids' daily lives. I think what a relief it is to have someone who I can trust in my home with my kids.