The Boyfriend Back Home

If you were choosing an au pair, would you choose one who had a boyfriend or girlfriend back home?  When we were new host parents-to-be, the relationship status of au pair candidates never would have been on our radar if I hadn't noticed it was one of the search criteria when we were looking at profiles.  (Yet the number of children an au pair is willing to take care of is NOT one of the search criteria...) It ended up not mattering since the au pair we chose did not have a girlfriend back home.

Then I joined a host parent group on Facebook, and whoa, folks there have OPINIONS on the subject of "boyfriend back home."  There's a small, but vocal group of host parents who screen for "boyfriend back home" and won't choose an au pair who has one.  (Host parents of male au pairs didn't have much opinion on the subject of a significant other back home, but our sample size was pretty darn small.) They warn of the extra drama you're signing up for when the au pair misses her boyfriend and locks herself in her room whenever off-duty, or worse, eventually gets so homesick she goes home early.  Or worse than that is the jealous boyfriend who will guilt-trip your au pair into coming home because he misses her.  One couple was so concerned we were considering a candidate with a boyfriend that within five minutes of my post on Facebook, they called me on conference call from their perspective jobs to try to talk me out of it. 

We did choose that au pair with the boyfriend back home, and well, for the long-time readers of my blog, you know how it worked out. Celina has been great.  Her boyfriend left on New Year's Day after a 10-day visit and we love him as much as we love her.

While he was visiting, we had a good laugh when I told him that the Skype call I had asked Celina to set up with him before we matched with her was actually an interview.  I assured him he had "passed" with flying colors.

I approach the "boyfriend back home" scenario with the same concerns as those from my Facebook group who would have said no to Celina as soon as they learned she had a boyfriend.  Instead of rejecting her, I wanted to go right to the source and talk directly to the boyfriend. So I asked him straight up what he would say to Celina if she called him crying that she wanted to come home.  I asked him if he planned to visit Celina and whether he liked kids.  I asked him what he was studying, what position he played in soccer and who his favorite team was.  To the extent I could in a short Skype call, I tried to get to know him as a person, just as I had when interviewing Celina, and went with my gut.

Thankfully my gut was right.  The boyfriend came and I can see why Celina is smitten with him. He was an impeccable house guest.  Celina had to work much of his visit and he jumped in as co-au pair and played with the kids, read books, built snow forts in the yard, prepared lunches and helped everyone gets coats and boots on.  Hopefully he gained an appreciation for all the hard work Celina does day in and day out.

For my curious readers, yes, we let him stay in Celina's room.  We don't pay attention to what two consenting adults do behind closed doors so long as they model good behavior in front of my family.  And that they did of course.  They cleaned up after themselves, enjoyed meals with our family, thanked me for cooking, said please and thank you, made pleasant conversation and modeled all the manners I'm trying to impress upon my children.  Equally as important, they modeled how two adults who care about each other treat each other.  There was nothing but respect and tenderness between those two.   

The downside to the boyfriend visiting is that the boyfriend eventually had to leave, and of course Celina has been sad.  However, the positives of his visit outweigh having a sad au pair, who otherwise has a good head on her shoulders and will find her way back to her previous routine of staying in touch with her boyfriend via Skype calls and Whatsapp messages. His visit was not a burden on our family, but instead made our Christmas holiday that much more fun.  And if that was our experience, I know Celina enjoyed his visit that much more and hopefully was a morale booster for what is a long 12 months away from home.