Two Weeks Home

With our second week home as a family of six, I feel more in the groove of things, like I've arrived at a new normal.  Four kids is still a lot of work, especially kids so young and so close in age, and there are moments where I miss the "easy" life of just two kids.  That's why I parental leave is so important.  There are medical needs to tend to and bonding that needs to happen at its own pace, but I also need time to figure out what the heck I'm doing.  Laundry is never-ending, we're constantly running out of milk and by the time we eat and clean up from one meal, it's almost time to prepare the next.  Surprisingly, I don't feel overwhelmed.  Tired for sure, but I never have the feeling that I won't figure out a routine and as a seasoned parent, I know the difficult parts won't be forever.  Since we adopted toddlers/preschoolers and not babies, we're really not far away from a time when all the kids will be able to dress themselves and no one will be napping anymore.  

That said, there's one thing I have not mastered yet and that is getting out the door on time.  The saddest part is that we have an au pair, so even though my husband is back at work, I have another adult at home helping me, and we still can't get it done.  It's also embarrassing because I want to set a good example for our au pair of how to be organized with four kids since he's going to be doing it on his own once I go back to work.  But as I've told him, this four-kid thing is new to me too, so I'm learning as well.  Maybe I should cut myself some slack.

Instead I'll focus on the couple of times I've ventured out with the kids by myself, even though we had nowhere we had to be at a specific time.  I took them last Sunday to the Children's Museum on a -6-degree morning.  We're really getting our money's worth on the museum membership now. Family membership are the same price whether you have one, four or fourteen children.

It was wonderful to see how much fun they had. Some kids so recently home cannot handle crowded places, but thankfully it has never phased Kiera or Matteo, either while we were in China or now that we're home.  They actually seem to enjoy the sights and sounds.  Since they're okay with outings, the Children's Museum was a great place for them to run around and climb, touch anything and everything (Matteo) and just be kids.  Oliver and Soren, the experienced museum-goers they are, enjoyed showing their newest siblings all the fun things they like to do there.

The most poignant moment for me was getting my first hug from Matteo.  Sure, I've hugged him a ton since first meeting him, but as attached as he has been to Chris, he's never initiated a hug with me.  I was sitting at the bottom of a ramp the kids were running up and down when Matteo flung himself into my arms when he hit the bottom.  Of course I made the biggest deal about how happy I was to get a hug (others around me must have thought I was nuts!) and he was so proud of himself.  He ran back up the ramp, came back down, gave me another quick hug and repeated himself probably another 10 times.  He'll still reject me sometimes if Chris is around, particularly at bedtime, but that moment in the Children's Museum was really a turning point in his attachment to me. 

On another outing with the kids by myself, I encountered my first stupid questions regarding our kids. A woman at the grocery store looked at them, looked and me and back at them before asking, "Is this a daycare?"

"They're all mine," I said as confidently and cheerfully as I could since I was bracing for a less innocuous question to follow.

She paused and then pointed at Soren, Kiera and Matteo and asked, "Are they triplets?"

"No," is the only answer I provided.  I didn't feel like spending the time explaining that my white kid and two Asian kids (who also look nothing alike) are not triplets, but are instead just adopted.  I realize that having three kids within a year of age of each other and a fourth just two years older than the "triplets" will draw attention.  I'm darn proud of my family and don't mind the extra attention.  I just find it interesting that adoption doesn't even register as an explanation for how I have three kids who look to be the same age.  The only way this woman could make sense of my three kids was to tell herself they were triplets.

In addition to spending time with all four kids, I've gotten a lot of time with just Kiera and Matteo. After we've been on the go to doctor's appointments, I want nothing more than to have quiet time at home and try to tackle any of the things I envisioned myself catching up on while on maternity leave.  This morning that meant throwing in a load of laundry, cleaning up around the house and then playing blocks with Kiera and Matteo.  I got my first uninitiated snuggle with Kiera who wanted to sit on my lap while building with blocks.  So the kids get fresh air, after nap we'll bundle up and take a walk to the mailbox three blocks away.  Aren't you jealous of my exciting day?

We don't spend all our time at home though.  I'm excited to be able to spend time with a good friend of mine who's home with her children and two children she watches during the school year.  We've been to Tot Time at our local rec center a couple of times.  Once the weather warmed up above zero, we attempted a walk in a wooded park along the river.  Kiera and Matteo fit in the stroller, but with the thick stroller covers I had stuffed them into, it became a tight fit, so much so that I didn't think Kiera could move once she was in there.  I'm still not sure what they think of Minnesota winters, but on this walk, they seemed plenty warm, albeit, immobile. 

Because we're still working on attachment, I can't leave Kiera and Matteo by themselves with Marcel or anyone but Chris.  That means that I haven't gotten any time with just Oliver and Soren.  As I predicted, Oliver is doing pretty well because at five and a half, he gets it.  Soren, though, has been pretty needy. 

This picture sums it up. Soren erupted into tears because Marcel was going to brush his teeth instead of me.  I offered him a hug, which seemed to settle him down.  As I was about to send him back upstairs, I saw the Ergo hanging from our coat rack.  Kiera and Matteo aren't the biggest fans of riding in it and we haven't bothered with it since we came home from China even though it's supposed to be good for bonding.  I asked Soren if he wanted to ride in it, which he did.  I started with him on my back, but after two minutes, he wanted down, but still wanted to be snuggled.  So I put him on my front.  It's not the most comfortable way to carry a nearly-30-pound child, especially when you're trying to clear the breakfast table.  He was so content though and I carried him for nearly an hour (as my back ached) while I reminisced of when he was a little baby and I used to carry him all the time and nuzzle his fuzzy head under by chin.