Match Reviewed

I was driving home from work one day last week when I just broke down in tears.  I can't remember if I'd gotten another update from our agency that there was still no news - still no movement on the review of our dossier(s) and not even the update on our children we'd requested weeks ago from their orphanages.  Or maybe nothing in particular triggered my sadness, or perhaps it was the nothingness itself.  The radio silence from the CCCWA, and at times, even our own agency, about whether we were making any progress or on when we would finally meet our children was eating away at me.  Sometimes I just wanted to scream at that nothingness or vent to anyone who would listen.

Instead, on that day, I just cried.  My children felt so far away and in some ways, not even real.  When I was pregnant I had proof kicking at my belly that my children existed.  After going so long without any additional proof that they exist - an update from the orphanage with new pictures or acknowledgement from the Chinese government that they will be ours - my mind began to wonder if they really do.  Was this just a cruel practical joke?  The adoption process can make you go crazy, I tell you.  My rational side knows they do exist.  And here I was missing out watching them grow up.  Watching Oliver and Soren grow and play and discover new things reminds me every day of what I'm not experiencing with my Chinese-born children. We've been staring at pictures that are probably nine months old now and I cried thinking that if we finally make it to China, I won't even recognize them.

Although I still might not recognize my own children someday given how long this process has dragged on, the good news is that I now know we'll eventually get to see them.  Yes, I can finally say, "We're going to China!"  I received the call late this afternoon that both our dossiers have been "match reviewed," which means our applications to adopt these two children has been approved by the CCCWA.  Our "Letters of Acceptance" (LOA) are in the mail.  I'm tempering my excitement until I see those letters from the Chinese government with my own eyes.  If my estimates are correct, we could be on a plane to China by February 1 and back to the States just before the Chinese New Year.