Playing Like Girls

Our nanny is a soft-spoken, think-before-she-speaks type of person, but she's bold.  She'll call other parents or caregivers out if she thinks they're being irresponsible. She took the kids to Tot Time, held at the gym of a local rec center, where kids of toddler and preschool age can burn off steam. Oliver and his friend were super excited to be there, yet they kept running back to our nanny crying.  She finally noticed that two older boys, much too old to be at something with "tot" in the name, were snatching toys from the other kids and hoarding them in the corner of the gym.  She located the parents, marched the two boys over to their moms and explained to them what they had been doing.  As you could probably guess, the moms blew her off.  The kids should just work it out themselves was the one mom's reply. 

Frustrated with the lack of concern, our nanny turned and walked away.  That's when the one mom told her son not to play with "those boys" because "their mom wants them to play like girls."  If our nanny was fuming mad when she heard this, can you imagine how upset I would have been if I'd heard that?  I hate, hate, hate when people use gender as an insult.  Play like a girl. Throw like a girl. Cry like a girl. Why do we perpetuate these stereotypes and cast certain traits, such as sensitivity, as feminine and inferior?

I've promised myself that gender stereotyping won't be forced on my kids by the people they're surrounded by and they certainly won't be taught that they can exploit gender stereotypes to bring others down. I don't want Oliver to ever be told his favorite color can't be pink because that's a "girl" color anymore than I would want a daughter of mine to be told she can't play with her older brothers' trucks because those are "boy" toys.  I don't want them believing that they should or shouldn't have/feel/want interests, emotions, personality traits, whatever it may be, because of their gender. 

I think Chris and I have done well in not reducing our kids' interests in trucks and splashing in puddles to them just being boys while ignoring their interests in anything arts and crafts and baking.  We never use the phrases "because he's a boy" or "all boy" because they imply that they're supposed to be a certain way because of their gender, and we don't use their sex to explain or justify their actions.  For instance, I'm not going to tolerate yelling in the house or being destructive their toys and books just because they're boys.  It doesn't even make sense to me to talk or think like that because when I look at who Oliver and Soren are as people, and not just as boys, I see attributes that span the gender spectrum.  Why teach them to limit themselves?