The Complete Family

Still in my child-bearing years and with two young kids, I feel like I'm in limbo between being able to declare myself finished with having more children and having another because I'm still young and entrenched in a life revolving around changing diapers and strict nap schedules.  I love my family the way it is and marvel at the two little people Chris and I created.  I can't even imagine what life would be like with more kids because all I know is what I have.  We could stop now and have a great life. Chris probably wouldn't have any objections to that.  Yet my family does not feel complete with two kids.

There's no rationale for why I feel this way.  As someone who disliked being pregnant and continues to mourn the loss of my pre-pregnancy body, sometimes I wish I felt complete at two children, but I just don't.  Circumstances of my life have surely influenced my desire to have a larger family.  Having grown up with just one sibling and no cousins, I was always fascinated with large families.  I associated large families with fun and as being a source of support through all stages of life.  As a parent, I've learned that large families also mean chaos, so luckily I no longer need six, seven or eight children to feel complete.  So sometime in the past few years, I started to become fixated with four.  It seems realistic to me given my age, the size of our house and the spacing of our first two children.  

Luckily Chris is excited about the chance to have a third child even though he'd be equally as happy with two.  Maybe when we have a third, I'll look into the baby's eyes and just know, our family is now complete.  Or perhaps not.