How Having Kids Has Affected My Life for the Better

My brother asked me, "How has having kids affected your life for the better?" 

I instantly knew in my heart all the ways Oliver and Soren have affected my life for the better, but how do I describe the miraculous feeling knowing that there are two brand new human beings on this earth because of Chris and me?  How do I explain the love I have for them when I can't even count all the ways I love them?  How do I prove that their entrance into my life completed me when I didn't know beforehand that they, not just any kids, had been lacking. 

I won't sugar coat parenting - it's the hardest thing I have ever, EVER done.  There are days when I question my sanity and wonder how something I could have wanted so much could be so difficult.  It's sobering to accept that everything isn't entirely about me anymore.  I have a (sometimes overwhelming) responsibility for the survival and well-being of another human being who is completely dependent upon me. 

Parenting is humbling and while being humbled is an uncomfortable experience, it's one I believe I will continue to learn from for the rest of my life.  A simple interaction with one of my kids can open an emotional wound from childhood, magnify an insecurity I never realized I had or leave me in awe of the incredible life I have.  My children cause me reflect on my upbringing, my family and our future and who I am as a wife, mother, daughter and friend with a new perspective.  I'm continuously evaluating myself against the parent I want to be and the role model I am for my children.  I thought I had learned about life.  I thought that traveling, being an exchange student, enduring break-ups and coping the death of my mother  had taught me about myself, about humanity.  And then I became a parent. 

Becoming a parent helped me know my own parents in a way I would have otherwise never fully understood or appreciated.  I know why they had the rules they had, why they pushed us, why they made mistakes.  I know how proud I made them and how batty I also drove them sometimes.  Only now do I know how much they love/d me. 

Having children has affected my understanding of family. After leaving my childhood home and living on my own as an adult, I never imagined that I'd experience that sense of family again. Yet coming home to Chris, Soren and Oliver is where I feel happiest, safest and most comfortable. My kids give me that much more to live for and I want to do the best for myself and for them.