Advent Calendar

Although it's not quite December, Thanksgiving has passed and we can officially get ready for Christmas.  I had been on the hunt for a wooden Advent Calendar, the kind with 24 little doors or drawers, perfect for stashing pieces of chocolate.  I never found what I was looking for, but did stumble across the idea for an Envelope Advent Calendar, where each envelope contains an activity for the day.  Chris and I think this will be a nice tradition for the boys, because it encourages us to do something fun and festive together as a family each day leading up to Christmas.  And the set-up of the calendar is something I can pull off easily despite having few crafting supplies and even less talent or creativity.  With a clothesline and clothespins, a box of small white envelopes, a sheet of labels to print the template of numbers onto and some note cards, I'm set.

Chris and I brainstormed as many toddler-friendly ideas as we could and wrote them out on note cards.  (Including a picture representing the activity would have been nice since Oliver can't read yet.)  Some of the activities we are planning to do anyway, like pick out a Christmas tree, and others are just fun and simple, like eating a Christmas cookie for afternoon snack instead of one of the usual healthful options.  Planning the Advent Calendar made us think about how to instill the fun of the Christmas season with other activities Oliver would like to do.  And it gets us to plan and commit.  It's easy to come up with ideas and then not go do them. 

Some of the activities Oliver has to look forward to in December:

• Pick out Christmas tree
• Decorate the Christmas tree
• Have a snowball fight
• Build a fort
• Build a snowman.
• Bake gingerbread cookies
• Visit Santa
• Take a drive to see Christmas lights
• Read Christmas stories
• Go sledding
• Eat a Christmas cookie for snack
• Open one present early
• Decorate Christmas cards
• Paint a picture of a snow scene
• Shop for a present for Soren
• Make a Christmas ornament
• Go to the zoo
• Help Mom wrap Christmas presents
• Attend Christmas cookie exchange
• Watch How The Grinch Stole Christmas
• Bring a green and red ball to swimming lessons
• Visit the Night Train exhibit at the Twin City Model Railroad Museum
• Skype with a relative we don't see often
• Sing Christmas carols

To keep the activities as flexible as possible, we won't put a note card in an envelope until the night before.  We noticed we have a lot activities that require there to be snow, but if the ground stays barren, those activities will be recycled until next year.

First shotgun

My six-week-old son received his first shotgun today.  It's moments like these when I think, "Only in Minnesota."

And it's moments like these that remind me I'm not celebrating the holidays with the Partenheimers.  Let's just say us suburban Philadelphia folk are not hunters.

While we waited for our Thanksgiving feast to digest before enjoying some pie, Chris's Uncle Clyde gathered the family, shut the football game off and commanded everyone's attention for his presentation of gifts to his newest nephew.  The theme?  Soren's first hunting trip with Grandpa Dan. 

And so Clyde started to pull items out of an over-sized camouflage-bedecked Rubbermaid bin and tell the story of Soren's first hunting trip to the family's cabin on Mule Lake in northern Minnesota.  There were the Crayon-shaped thermoses to hold hot chocolate and chicken soup, the rubber duckies Clyde tossed in the air and shot theatrically with the toy shotgun and, to my chagrin, a lot of camouflage clothing.  Just when we thought Clyde was finished with his show, he carted into the living room a 4'x4' map of the cabin's hunting land he had constructed from plywood and 1x4s, and then proceeded to narrate the story of the first deer hunt with action figures and a toy deer. 

It was better than any football game halftime show.

With no kids of his own, Clyde shared his interests of hunting, fishing and Cribbage with his six nieces and nephews.  Now that those nieces and nephews are having kids of their own, he's taking great joy in welcoming the newest great-nieces and nephews to the family with his gifts.  I thought he was just making a fuss over Oliver's arrival, since he was the first grandchild in the family and he carried on the Oliver family name, well, at least through a first name.  Nonetheless, I don't think Clyde could have been any more thrilled with the name choice than if we had named our first-born son Clyde. So Clyde christened Oliver's arrival with a fishing and Oliver theme, in which Clyde presented him with every single item he could find that had Oliver printed on it, and in a nod to Chris's cousins who grew up on a farm, three toy replica Oliver tractors.

Then last Thanksgiving Cousin Sophia received her own bin of themed gifts, and by this summer, months away still from Soren's birth, Clyde was working on his next future niece or nephew's gift.  Apparently not knowing the gender was driving not just Nan crazy, but her brother as well.  Even though I knew I was having a boy, I cringed at the thought of pink fishing rods and princess-themed sleeping bags.  Think it crazy, but I wouldn't be surprised if Fleet Farm sells pink hunting rifles.

From my shock that my newborn had received a (toy) shotgun to the groans from family members that Clyde needed to move his presentation along, this is what family memories are made of.  Only time will tell whether Soren shows an interest in hunting, but if he ends up taking that first trip with Dad, Grandpa Dan and his Great Uncle Clyde, I picture one of the adults sitting in a deer stand in the cold dawn hours and breaking the silence with a chuckle at the memory of Uncle Clyde traipsing his action figures and toy deer back and forth across a plywood map while a once newborn Soren, oblivious to the show, slept soundly in mom's arms with a bright orange cap placed delicately on his head.

Oliver's two-year and Soren's one-month wellness check-ups

I finally got Oliver to his two-year wellness check-up at the end of this week.  I had held off on scheduling it until the baby was born, but then Soren arrived super late and I discovered it's difficult to land a double appointment for two kids.  So instead of getting Oliver in alongside Soren's newborn appointment, I got him in with the baby's one-month appointment. 

I was hoping Oliver would show off his new vocabulary to the doctor.  Whereas I had expressed concern at his 18-month appointment that he was talking yet, the doctor must have heard enough from him amidst the crying to determine that he is now on track with speech development.  For the past week, Chris had been meticulously recording every word Oliver can say in case the doctor asked, and then it never came up.  (He can say just over 100 words, in case you're wondering.)

Meanwhile, Oliver is 34 and 3/4 inches tall (55th percentile) and weighs about 25 pounds (25th percentile).  They're now calculating his BMI, which is 14 (<5th percentile).  Because she didn't have any concerns about the ratio of his height to his weight, she said we could continue with whole milk and wouldn't recommend anything under 2% for now. 

Soren is 21 inches long and up a half an inch from his newborn appointment and a full inch from birth.  He's in the 45th percentile for height, down from the 75th.  I don't give these percentiles much weight, as the doctor had told me when Oliver was a young baby that they don't find their "genetic path" until they're about nine months old.  As for weight, Soren is an even 10 pounds, or 50th percentile.

The doctor said both boys looked great and gave them a clean bill of health.  And she didn't forget to assure me I was doing fine as a mom.  She must tell everyone that, but gosh, she sure does know what we want to hear.

Art class and homemade play dough

Swim lessons for Oliver have not been going well since Soren was born, despite Uncle Andy's incredible patience and perseverance with a wailing child.  Wanting to find something that Oliver would definitely like, I signed him up for a toddler art class at a local rec center through Parks and Recreation.  He loves coloring, painting and playing with play dough, but we don't have the room for large projects, nor do I have the creativity to design art projects or patience for mess, so this would be Oliver's big artistic opportunity.  Oliver enjoys the class so much that he willingly ditched Tot Time when I told him art class was starting down the hall (and this is from a kid who generally protests ceasing any activity even when there's the promise of doing something else just as appealing) and headed out the door with my friend without so much as a glance in my direction as I stayed behind for a few minutes to change Soren's diaper. 

When my dad heard about the class, he exclaimed, "What's a kid his age do in art class?" 

The answer?  Just mess around.  And that's fine.  I'm not keen on highly-structured organized activities for young children, especially babies and toddlers, but the teacher for this class knows toddlers.  Each week, she sets up three stations with a different activity and the children can choose whatever they want to do during the 45-minute class.  When I saw the easels set up for our first class, I assumed Oliver would want to paint the whole time, but he also spent some time at the play dough table and gluing "googly eyes" on a piece of paper at what was supposed to be the make-your-own-sock-puppet table.

The teacher roams the classroom and helps the kids as needed, but otherwise, let's them do what they want.  The best part is that she does the cleanup and kids and parents can go enjoy the last part of the open gym held down the hall.   

Back at home, space and resources permitting, I am trying to foster Oliver's creative and artistic side with ideas gleaned from the art class, his early children education class or playdates with friends.  Two popular activities with Oliver have been the rice "sandbox" and homemade play dough.

Rice "Sandbox"
It was amazing how such a simple setup entertained Oliver and my friend's daughter.  Lay an old sheet on the floor, fill a Rubbermaid tub with a large sack of rice (the sizes you find at Asian markets) and use old measuring cups and other household objects as scoops and rakes.  The kids were (quietly) engrossed in scooping and dumping rice, or transferring it to the bucket set up next to the tub.  When they were finished, the lid went back on the tub and any stray pieces of rices were gathered up in the sheet and dumped outside.

Homemade Play dough
Another activity Oliver really enjoys is playing with play dough.  He didn't really get into the stuff until around his second birthday, but it is quickly becoming an activity he'll sit at the table and do himself, which just might help us keep our sanity this winter when we're more housebound. 

I found a recipe for homemade play dough online, and even though I am NOT crafty whatsoever, I was able to successfully whip up a large batch of this stuff in less than 15 minutes. 

Ingredients

• 2 cups flour
• 2 cups warm water
• 1 cup salt
• 2 Tablespoons vegetable oil
• 1 Tablespoon cream of tartar
• food coloring (liquid, powder, or unsweetened drink mix)
• scented oils or baking extracts like vanilla (optional) - I just skip this

Directions

1. Dissolve salt in the water.
2. Pour all ingredients into a large pot.  
3. Stir constantly over medium heat until a ball forms by pulling away from the sides.  
4. Knead the dough mixture until the texture matches play dough (1-2 minutes).
5. Knead in food coloring.

Store in plastic container.  Should last for at least 3 months.

NOTE:  The high salt content will most likely prevent your children from taking no more than a lick of the play dough, but dogs are not as discerning and can become really sick.  Please keep out of reach of pets.

I found some play dough molding and sculpting tools at a toy store, but you can also use plastic cookie cutters, rolling pins or anything else you think would be fun for the kids to use to manipulate the dough.

Soren update: 1 month

It's only been a month since Soren was born, but it feels like it's been a lot longer than that.  I think that's because I've been awake for more hours of this past month than any other month since Oliver was a newborn.  It's been an exhausting month, yes, but I expected that.  But it's also been a joy as I've discovered that it feels as natural to be a mom to these two little boys as it was to be a mom to just one. 

After just one month, I'm already exclaiming how big Soren has gotten.  It's easy to forget how quickly babies really do grow.  He regained his birth weight in eight days and by the next week had nearly doubled the pediatrician's prediction for weight gain.  Even without the scale, I knew he was getting heavier, because I could feel it when I lifted him in his car seat. His one-month appointment isn't actually until next week, but I'm interested in what his "stats" will be. 

Regardless of how much he weighs, he's starting to look more like a baby and less like a newborn.  His ruddy, pale complexion is quickly turning into a darker, more even skin tone (and relieving my worries that he inherited my fair skin, because he looked so pale when he was born) and his face has filled out and his body grown plumper.  I've also noticed that his neck strenghth has improved and he's beginning to put weight on his feet if you hold him up and let his feet touch the ground.

Just like when Oliver was born, it was difficult to tell who Soren looked like.  I did think he looked nothing like Oliver, but otherwise, he just looked like a generic Caucasian newborn.  Everyone always said Oliver looked exactly like Chris, which I've never completely agreed with, (I always thought he looked like a mix of the two of us) but a month later, I do think Soren now looks exactly like his dad, with the exception that he's got my earlobes and nose.  It's the feet we have no idea who they come from.  I didn't get a close look at Soren right after he was born, and when we got back to my hospital room, one of the first things Chris said about Soren is that he has really long toes.  Yup, skinny feet and really long big toes.

Soren was born with a respectable amount of dark hair, but when I gave him a bath about a month later, I swear a good bit of hair on the top of his head was washed away with the bath water.  It's been thinning out since then (especially on top) and I predict he'll probably lose most of it (not uncommon for newborns) and won't grow it all back until after 18 months, just like the case for most Partenheimer and Chesla babies.

When I was asked for the umpteenth time if my mere weeks-old baby was sleeping through the night, it warranted the Facebook status update of, "Do I look like he's sleeping through the night?" So no, Soren is not sleeping through the night, and while I wish he were, I know that his sleep patterns, as tiring as they are for me, are typical of a newborn.  He started out sleeping in about 2.5-hour chunks, but within his second week was going in spurts of waking every hour.  The saving grace is that he eats quickly and is quite easy to put back to sleep after a night feeding.  With Oliver I was up a minimum of an hour and when it got really bad, as long as three hours.  Soren started out being awake for 45 minutes, but now is awake for as little as 20-30 minutes. 

Where we are experiencing problems is during the late afternoon and evening.  Among parents, this is referred to as the witching hour, and if you're unfortunate enough to have a colicky baby, you may deal with inconsolable crying for hours in the evening.  It hasn't gotten that bad for us, but starting around three weeks, the witching hour time period has gotten particularly trying.  Gentle movement is the only thing we've found to soothe him.  I have to put him in the Ergo, while Chris walks around with him cradled in his arms.  If we're lucky, once he konks out, we can cease the gentle bouncing and pacing and lay him down and he might stay asleep.  I started to reread a sleep training book I got when Oliver was a baby and the author, a pediatrician and expert on sleep, said the irritability is normal and there really isn't anything you can do about it, and recommended soothing your baby however you can and left us readers with parting words that this behavior supposedly peaks around six weeks and then will start to improve. 

Soren is a good nurser.  Women can encounter so many problems with breastfeeding, as I was reminded of when I went back to the new parent group I had attended with Oliver and discovered I was one of the very few who wasn't experiencing even a minor problem.  So I'm thankful the experience is going well. 

Parents of more than one child always comment on how different the personalities of their children are, but despite growing up with a brother whose personality/temperament was much different than mine, it was difficult to imagine anything but a carbon copy of Oliver in both looks and personality.  But within just hours of Soren's birth, I already noticed differences, mainly that he seemed pretty chill.  My in-laws say that Oliver reminds them exactly of Chris as a child - stubborn and demanding - but when my mother-in-law first held Soren, she said, "Looks like we have an Andy here." Andy is Chris's younger, more easy-going younger brother.  (Andy is often late to family functions, so when family learned that Andrew is Soren's middle name, they felt it was fitting for a baby born eight days late.)  While Soren likes to be held and cuddled, he's also mostly content to lie on his back and look at the lights or the people around him.  He doesn't cry during diaper changes or even during baths, except when we take him out and he gets cold. 

Just like how we've been getting to know Oliver these past two years, I look forward to seeing what kind of person Soren grows up to be.

Saying a prayer at 2:00 a.m.

A long time ago I heard the quote, "There are no atheists in a foxhole." As someone who's not particularly religious, but can't comfortably say I'm an atheist, I agree with this quote. When there's no other hope, why not try a prayer?

I think about this quote when I'm up with Soren at night and am desperate for him to go to sleep, and I've decided that there may not be atheists at two o'clock in the morning among parents of crying babies. Even I, who questions whether there's really a higher power, find myself praying at odd hours in the morning. So after I've nursed, rocked, swaddled, shushed, pleaded and cried, maybe a prayer is the only thing that will work. Can my child please, please just go to sleep, I ask, so I can get some sleep myself?

The sky hasn't fallen

I have two friends due with their second kids in the next few months and they both want to know how I'm doing. Yeah, like how I'm recovering, how the baby is sleeping and all that. But really what they want to know is how I'm handling it with two kids. Just as I had desperately sought reassurance during my pregnancy from friends who'd just had a second baby, my still-pregnant friends want to know if I'm keeping my sanity and logistically how it's done. Expecting the worst had probably caused me a lot of unnecessary anxiety as I prepared for Soren's arrival, but the upside is that the reality doesn't seem as bad.

Taking care of a newborn is pretty much the same the second time around as it was the first. I change a lot of diapers, do a lot of wash, get up multiple times a night and spend hours nursing. What has changed is me. With Oliver, I remember being overwhelmed by the relentlessness of these tasks and by the feeling that this was going to be my life forever.  Often I still feel like the newborn stage will last forever, but having an older child gives me the perspective to know that it really does get easier.  Taking care of a baby feels like second nature now, so while I'm still getting to know Soren, there's otherwise not much of a learning curve. I'm a lot more confident and stress about things less.

That's not to say that taking care of two doesn't take more work and bring on additional stress. Not a day goes by where both boys aren't crying at the same time, or at a minimum, both need something at the same time. And inevitably, their schedules will never completely sync. The morning that Oliver sleeps in late is of course the morning that Soren won't go back to sleep after an early-morning feeding. Gone are the days of being able to run out the door with a sippy cup and extra diaper stashed in my purse. Now I'm back to lugging a car seat out to the car with an overstuffed diaper bag on my back and a toddler trying to break free from the grasp of my other hand. I had thought that the experience of taking care of my friend's son last year wasn't relevant to taking care of a toddler and a newborn because this child and Oliver are the same age, (and thus on the same schedule and have the same needs) but to my surprise, the experience prepared me for the situations I just described. Sometimes one kid just has to wait, the kids will cry, often at the same time, you won't be able to please everyone at once, you'll have to continuously adapt schedules and routines based on changing needs, and preparing meals, cleaning up and getting out the door all just take longer.  That's just the reality and the kids will survive.

The advantage of being a stay-at-home mom is that when things don't run smoothly, the consequences don't matter as much. The earliest we ever really need to be anywhere is 9:00 a.m. and if we're late, well, we're late. My fellow participants in the early childhood activities we participate in are more than understanding of a mom who's late because her toddler had a meltdown while she was preparing to leave the house. Choosing sleep over a shower after a rough night up with a newborn? It's not like I have a boss and co-workers I have to look presentable in front of. And if the toddler is uncooperative and the baby demands non-stop nursing and I just can't make it to the grocery store or find time to cook dinner, well, all the sandwiches we ate for dinner when I was sick during pregnancy and didn't have the energy or stomach to cook set a manageable standard post-pregnancy of what constitutes dinner.

Having Oliver changed my life and sometimes I was resentful. I grieved the loss of free time and the spontaneity of an unscheduled life. The relationship Chris and I had changed too as we assumed new roles (he, family provider, me, stay-at-home-mom) and learned to negotiate family and household responsibilities alongside limited time for friends and hobbies. Eventually it felt like we had brought some order into our post-child lives. We finally had our routine as a family and our time and energy devoted to school, work, raising a child and managing a household appeared like it was maxed out. So I had thought the arrival of a second child would be what would send our orderly lives spiraling out of control.

Although our adjustment hasn't been seamless, Soren was born into a family already adapted to a chaotic and busy life with kids. It has dawned on me that it was Oliver's arrival that made my life before his birth unrecognizable to the one I live today.  When Oliver was born, I initially thought I could simply add Oliver to the routine of my pre-child lifestyle.  Eventually, though, a life built around new friends with kids Oliver's age and the baby and toddler activities in my area was formed, my kid's rigid schedule became the norm and my expectations of what it's like to do or accomplish anything with a young child were adjusted.  So when Soren arrived, I already had the support of the same group of friends who'd helped me through Oliver's first two years and a social life geared towards a mom and a toddler.  Meanwhile, my housekeeping standards didn't have much farther to fall. 

Having a second kid forced me to face the reality that I can't run the household and raise kids by myself, even if I'm a stay-at-home mom. I'm learning to rely on Chris a lot more, who in turn is keeping more manageable and consistent work hours. When Chris walks in the door at the end of the day, he's all about Oliver. And our new babysitter and my helpful in-laws are also helping me maintain a healthy balance in my life. If I had spent my first two years of parenthood failing to be the perfect mom and housewife I'd envisioned myself being, I surely wasn't going to be more successful with two kids.  I'm finally learning to ask for help and let go.

While I discovered that life as a mom of two is more manageable than I could have imagined, I know it'll get more difficult before it gets easier. Soren will develop a nap schedule just as Oliver abandons his. He'll no longer be a portable little infant. He'll develop his own interests and may not want to tag along to Oliver's activities. But those changes will come gradually and I'm sure I'll figure it out as they grow. Meanwhile, I'm just thankful the sky hasn't fallen and am trying to enjoy the acclimation period of this new phase of motherhood.

soren.chesla@gmail.com

Chris found this You Tube video about a dad who e-mails his daughter with memories of her childhood, and both of us find it really touching. Oliver has his own e-mail address and now Soren does too, (soren.chesla@gmail.com) so maybe Chris will be inspired to include his own memories in e-mails to our boys.