How's Oliver doing?

Many people have been asking how my recovery is going, especially given the c-section, but equal numbers want to know how Oliver is adjusting to the new baby. It's been difficult on him for sure. He started saying the word "baby" a week or two before Soren's arrival, so he'll point out the baby and expresses some curiosity in him, but often he acts indifferent towards him.

A new sibling has got to be difficult for a two-year-old to comprehend. Oliver definitely noticed I looked different as my stomach grew bigger, but to understand how a new person suddenly appeared in our house, where he came from, and the fact that we're also mommy and daddy to the little baby, that's beyond his comprehension at this point. So we're left with a kid who just seems sad sometimes. He used to spend all day with me, but now I'm holding or feeding a baby seemingly ever minute of the day, don't have much time to spend with him without the baby and can't pick him up.

Having Chris off work has helped a lot, because while I'm planted on the couch feeding Soren or trying to stay off my feet to recuperate from surgery, Chris's main job has been playing with Oliver. They're having a lot of fun together, but yet, tantrums have taken on a new intensity and trying to get him to do anything (brush his teeth, get ready to go outside, get ready for dinner) have become big battles. Granted, this new stage of yelling no at every suggestion or question may have as much to do with the age as with the new baby. Even when not being defiant, he's simply clingier and sad without us. He asks constantly for the other parent when one of us is out and misses us that much more he's left with a caregiver.

I'm panicking about the transition of Chris going back to work, but even Chris is having difficulty seeing Oliver sad so often, even though he's otherwise quite happy much of the day and is enjoying the special attention. I started this blog for Oliver, (and now Soren) and that's always been my thing, not Chris's. But then Chris surprised me by asking what Oliver's e-mail address is. (Yup, I set up a gmail address for him.) He wanted to send him an e-mail so that Oliver can read it when he's older and know that helping him through this transition has been challenging for us too, because we want him to be happy and that we love him so much.

Chris and I are first-borns and can't remember life without our little brothers, so we know Oliver will come out all right. Even when we choose to have kids, us parents may still mourn the lives we had before. It makes sense that even a two-year-old, though he won't remember these difficult days, may have some mourning to do as well. And even though he doesn't understand now how much his dad and I care about how he's feeling, I do hope someday this blog post from his mom and e-mail from his dad do show him that we really had been trying the best we could.