When Your Heart is Still in China

A fellow adoptive mama recently posted in one of my adoption Facebook groups about how she thinks all the time about going back to China.  The desire to go back sticks with her even during the lowest of lows of parenting a child whose background includes trauma, even though she and her husband are not getting any younger, even while they struggle to regain their footing financially, even with their hands full being the best parents they can be to the children they have and even though she knows that for all of these reasons, they probably won't go back.

My heart is broken along with hers.  Every last word of her confession could have been written by me.  Chris and I went to China knowing that we would be completing our family.  Yet it's so hard seeing how many children still need families and I came home questioning whether we were truly done.  So I dream about going back even though we absolutely cannot adopt again anytime soon, if ever.  I can't stop looking at the advocacy boards on Facebook and imagining the children staring back at me in the pictures blending into our family, even though in reality we have no room left in our house.  We're still catching up financially and adjusting to the expenses that come with having four children. We're two parents being pulled at times in too many directions trying to meet all our children's needs. 

I understand the reality for our family, but I may still never stop dreaming of China. And that's okay even if it hurts a little.  Adoptive families will tell you, "China changes you."  I guess it was inevitable that coming home from China did not mark the end of our family's story. 

Oh, Give Me a Home Where the Bison Roam

It's a shame North Dakota doesn't have a better reputation as a travel destination because folks are missing out.  I'll sum it up my feelings on the topic - eastern Montana is overrated and North Dakota is underrated. 

Years ago, my friend Peter visited me from Germany.  He likes camping, hiking and the great outdoors, so we decided that we'd take a road trip out West and visit states and national parks neither of us had ever seen.  I planned a loop that would take us westward from St. Paul to Glacier National Park, southeast to Yellowstone and then east through the Badlands of South Dakota back to St. Paul.  The problem was that Glacier is a two-day's drive from St. Paul, so I asked a friend who's from Dickinson, North Dakota what she recommend in her home state, and she answered Teddy Roosevelt National Park.  It was conveniently halfway between St. Paul and Glacier.

What was meant just to be a stopover before we made it to our intended destination ended up finding a piece of my heart.  North Dakota, of all places.   It was so special to finally go back with my family. because on that first trip with Peter, we talked about out futures, he with his then girlfriend who would become his wife, and I, with Chris.  We talked about how we looked forward to taking a road trip like this with our own families someday.  There's no way I could have imagined that Chris and I would someday travel back to Teddy Roosevelt with our four children and an au pair to boot.  

Day 1: Drive to North Dakota - We had packed as much as we could the night before and then woke up at 5:00 a.m. to make breakfast for the road, fill the cooler and rouse the kids from their beds.  We were on the road at 6:30 a.m., a half an hour behind schedule.  We had eight hours of driving ahead of us.

Before I make this trip out to be the best we could have imagined, I'll be honest with you.  There was a lot of whining and fighting in the car.  Chris and I had planned to split the driving, but he ended up in the back managing the kids for much of the trip, because he's the more patient one, and I ended up driving most of the way.

We had also planned to hold out as long as we could before popping a movie into the DVD player, because once the kids tired of watching movies, we would have had no more cards left in our back pockets.  I don't think we made it to St. Cloud before we gave in.   Unfortunately, one kid was terrified of an opening scene in A Bug's Life, another kid (who shall remain nameless) taunted his sibling over his fear and the other two couldn't follow the plot line and quickly lost interest in the movie.  We were nowhere near the border with North Dakota and I didn't think we were going to make it.

I also underestimated how much we would need to stop.  If we stopped for gas, we tried getting the kids to use the restroom, but let's just say, public restrooms aren't their thing.  One is terrified of the automatic hand dryers, one insisted that anywhere else was a better place to relieve himself that an actual toilet, so a bush behind the public restroom building got some extra watering and another has a bladder of steel and if he isn't about to burst, why bother going? So we'd pile back in the car and make it 10 miles down the highway and one of kids would announce a need to use the restroom. Sigh.

A friend who has taken road trips with her kids suggested we eat meals in the car because it gives the kids something to do and then when you make a stop, the kids can run around and burn off steam.  I had been feeling pretty proud of myself as I doled out homemade egg sandwiches for breakfast, but by the time lunchtime arrived, I realized that we had so tightly packed the car that we could reach the cooler.

I'm just happy we found room for the kids amidst the luggage!

So we made lots of stops.  To eat, to go to the bathroom, to fill up with gas, to buy more coloring books, to see a giant fiberglass cow and to play at the playgrounds we found on the Playground Buddy app.  (A shout-out to Mapleton Elementary in Mapleton, North Dakota for letting us use your playground even though your kids were having recess and for letting us use your bathroom, which thankfully did not have an automatic hand dryer.)

"Salem Sue" on the outskirts of New Salem, North Dakota

We continued westward and 10 and a half hours after we started, we finally rolled into Medora.  The formula that Chris and I go by - add 15 minutes to every hour of scheduled driving time - was a little off due to the longer-than-expected-stop to see Salem Sue, but there was a little surprise for us in Medora.  We looked at the clocks inside our rental house and realized we were on Mountain Time and had "gained" an hour. Ultimately, getting up so early had worked out well for us.  We arrived before dinnertime with enough time to unpack, cook dinner and sit down together for a warm meal. 

Chris was relieved to see s robust sunflower crop. 

Day 2: South Unit - Our first stop was the visitors center, where we checked out two Family Fun Packs that included field guides and binoculars from the visitor center and then set out on the 36-mile loop through the South Unit.  The accessibility of the park is one of things I love about it.  The drive was manageable to do in a day and offered plenty of opportunities to enjoy the park no matter what your skill level is.  Because of the age of our kids, we stuck to the scenic overlooks and short walks.  The walk up Buck Hill was doable with the kids and the views from the top were incredible.  We saw tons of prairie dogs, a coyote stalking prairie dogs and a loan bison here and there.

Chris finally got to see why I suggested we come to Teddy Roosevelt National Park.  It's beautiful!  

After dinner, while Chris put the kids to bed, Celina and drove part of the loop again in hopes that we'd have better chances of animal sightings at dusk.  We were in luck!  We saw a small herd of bison on the side of the road.  Celina was so excited that we spotted some, until a bison started walking towards our car.  She couldn't roll up the window fast enough! 

Day 3: Horse-back riding, Painted Canyon and an evening hike - Celina grew up around horses and is an expert rider, so I took her on a trail ride so she could experience horseback riding in the wild West. We may have been in the wild West, but our horses were pretty tame.  Where they lacked speed, they made up for in dexterity though.  As we climbed the switchbacks to take us to the top of the ridge overlooking Medora, I was amazed that such big animals could navigate steep slopes while carrying people.

It was fun to see Celina so happy and in her element surrounded by horses.

Rawhide and Pepperjack were supposedly best friends.  Except Rawhide nipped Pepperjack in the rear!

After a lunch back at our house, we drove the seven miles east on I-94 to the Painted Canyon, another section of the South Unit.  I had wanted to hike along the plateau, but something stood in the way of our trail - bison. 

This is as close as Celina wanted to get to the bison.  Can you tell she's nervous about what's behind her?

Our plan B became a one-mile hike on the Painted Canyon Nature Trail, which ended up being a lot more strenuous than the distance makes it sound.  It was sunny and blazing hot that day (but thankfully low humidity) and with canyon hiking, it's so easy to get down, but then you've got to get back up again.  The kids did great in the beginning, but then we needed more and more frequent water breaks and by the end, all three of us adults were carrying children. Despite the tears at the end, I'm proud of the kids for completing the trail and I'm happy they got to see spectacular scenery up close instead of from a scenic overlook.

After the Painted Canyon, Celina was game for more hiking, so Chris dropped us off at the Big Plateau trail head and he headed back into town to get dinner with the kids.  After being subjected to heat and sun all day, it was a relief to hike when the sun wasn't as high in the sky.  Plus, we got to cool off in a river. 

I had been looking over a map of hiking trails with a park ranger earlier in the day and when I saw the trail she was suggested crossed a river, I asked her if there was a bridge.  She assured me it wasn't very deep and we could wade across.  That evening we stood at the edge of the river and peered at the trail marker on the other side. I hesitated for a moment.  We were in the wilderness with not a soul around and the woman who is usually responsible for my children was now my responsibility. Us host parents ask a lot of our au pairs and I wondered if I was asking too much to hike into a wilderness full of bison and wade across a river.  I asked her if her parents, who are big into hiking and camping, would be okay with her doing this and she said they'd be proud of her. 

With that off our shoes and socks came and we sunk our feet into the squishy clay river bottom and slowly shuffled across.  The river was as shallow as the park ranger had promised and only came as high as my knees.  Once on the other side, the most challenging part was getting our shoes back on without planting our feet in the clay or slipping on the riverbank.

We never did see the bison or wild horses we had hoped to see on that hike, but reaching the top of the plateau was nonetheless rewarding.  Not another sole was around as we gazed cross the prairie and North Dakota's Badlands and listened to the chirps of the prairie dogs and let the gentle prairie breeze dry the sweat from our skin. 

Day 4: North Unit - The North Unit is over an hour's drive from Medora and its out-of-the-way location was the reason I didn't make it up there on my last trip. 

It was a little too early for lunch when we arrived, so we decided to walk along the Little Mo Trail, which is a paved nature trail less than a mile long.  After our canyon climb the day before, I assumed this would be no problem for the kids. It was already really hot and Matteo and Kiera wanted none of it.  That almost ended up a complete parenting fail except that Oliver and Soren were surprisingly pretty into it.  We weren't far from a campground where we found a picnic table under a large shade tree and has a pleasant lunch.

After lunch, we played a couple of rounds of Monopoly Deal before heading back out on the trail.

Getting food in everyone's stomachs must have been key to generating a second wind, because the kids were in much better moods after lunch.  Chris took Oliver and Soren on a hike up a butte, while Celina, Kiera, Matteo and I explored the area around the base.  We then continued along the 14-mile scenic road that winds its way into the park. 

Day 5: Chateau de Mores and the Petrified Forest - Each day was hotter than the day before, so by our last day in Medora, we had the kids take it easy and instead of hiking, we went to Chateau de Mores, a hunting "cabin".  We went because only because we heard about a reenactment of a German immigrant's life, played by a university professor from Dickinson.  The whole thing was completely lost on all the kids, but I certainly enjoyed it.

After lunch, Celina gave us the best gift of all by watching the kids for a couple of hours so that Chris and I could go on a hike that was more than a mile.  We drove out to the Petrified Forest trail head, which is accessible by dirt road.  From there it's about a one-and-a-half-mile hike.  We continued past the Petrified Forest, to the top of a plateau and then hiked along the ridge line for awhile.  The temperature topped out at 100 degrees that afternoon and there was zero shade.  It was hot for sure and we needed to take a lot of water breaks, but the hike in those conditions were surprisingly manageable.  As hot as it was, the humidity was thankfully low and there was always a light breeze. 

That hike was probably one of my favorites since it was just Chris and me in a rare couple of hours of just the two of us. 

Day 6: Drive home -Our drive home was a repeat of our drive out to North Dakota.  We packed as much as we could the night before, woke at 5:00 a.m. and ate breakfast in the car.  We made more stops than planned, (the return trip's shout-out goes to Tower City, North Dakota for their lovely city park) the kids argued over which movie to watch and all four never managed to nap at the same time.  With seven people packed in a car, the drive wasn't always pleasant, but we made it.  Without stopping at Salem Sue on the way home, we cut a half an hour off our trip and made it home in a mere 10 hours. 

Our family's first big road trip was a success.  My kids are so young that they will remember little if any of this trip, but I'm nonetheless thankful for the trip.  I don't know when we'll have the opportunity to travel again, but that just gives me plenty of time to dream about where we should head next.

The Tessla Wedding

Chris' brother Andy, and Danielle, the woman our family has adored since the two first started dating, finally tied the knot on August 23 in Two Harbors, Minnesota.

We drove up to Duluth on Friday so that we could sightsee before the Sunday wedding.  There's not much to see on the drive up I-35 until you approach Duluth and the highway dips over the hills surrounding Lake Superior and the harbor and lake stretch out before your eyes.  Duluth is a port city and when you approach from the south, its industrial harbor dominates the view.  Nonetheless, I heard Celina whisper, "Wow!" as we cruised down into the city.

The weather was so beautiful that Chris and I decided to drive straight to Park Point, where we unloaded the kids and let them frolic in the sand and the gentle waves lapping on shore.  Park Point is a thin peninsula - just wide enough for one road and block-long side streets on either side - that stretches for three miles into Lake Superior and divides Duluth Harbor from St. Louis Bay.  The northern edge of the peninsula is lined with an uninterrupted sandy beach, a rarity in Minnesota, whose lakes are often lined with rocks and dense forests.  Celina stuck her feet in the lake to experience first-hand Lake Superior's notoriously cold waters.

Those sand dunes trick me into thinking there's an ocean beyond them, not a lake.

Our au pair, Celina, was as relieved as the kids to finally be out of the car and relaxing on the beach.

When dinnertime approached, we drove to our Airbnb rental house, a Scandinavian-style house that stood in stark contrast to the historically working class, Italian neighborhood in West Duluth. We ordered pizza, unpacked and then went to bed so we'd be rested for a day of sightseeing.  We needed that rest because Saturday was indeed a long day.

We started at Enger Park not far from the house.  The park sits on a hilltop and has the best views in the city of the harbor and lake.  We took in the view, walked through the Japanese gardens, rang the Japanese peace bell and climbed the historic water tower for yet more beautiful views.

Duluth is a port city.

A view of Duluth and the iconic Lift Bridge from Enger Park

The North Shore of Lake Superior, which stretches from Duluth to Grand Marais is dotted with some of the state's most beautiful parks.  On the drive north, you cross over river after creek after river that empty into Lake Superior.  The most impressive of them is the Gooseberry River because of the multiple falls where the river drastically drops in elevation.  Gooseberry Falls State Park was super crowded on such a warm summer day and the kids were so tired by this point that they were more excited about the ice cream we surprised them with than the beautiful surroundings.  However, we still got a little walking in to view the falls and Oliver and Chris waded around in the shallow pools below the falls.

The last of the Gooseberry River before it flows into Lake Superior

One of the middle falls

My favorite of the two state parks we visited that day was Split Rock Lighthouse State Park. Tours of the lighthouse cost extra and the lines to buy tickets were super long, so we skipped the crowds and walked down to Pebble Beach.  The entire beach was lined with pebbles and could have been called "Skipping Stone Beach," because those pebbles were perfect for skipping across the water.

Split Rock Lighthouse in the distance

As Celina gazed out over the water, she commented how she couldn't believe what she was looking at was just a lake.  Lake Superior is the largest of the five Great Lakes and they're not called "great" for nothing.  Her boyfriend back home in Germany was fooled by the lake when he first saw the picture she sent him.  After she informed him that she was at a lake, and not the ocean, he spent the time in between WhatsApp messages trying to figure out where we had taken his girlfriend and concluded she must have ended up in Canada.  

Because our children were happy as could be spending the afternoon on that beach, we never saw any other part of the park.  But it didn't matter because we were all content to sit in the sunshine, skip pebbles and climb on the rocks.  We needed that relaxing afternoon where we had nothing in particular on our agenda.

On our way back to Two Harbors for the groom's dinner, we stopped in at the lodge where Danielle and Andy were staying so we could change.  It's a testament to how chill Andy and Danielle are that they let seven of us crash their room on the night before their wedding.  While Chris showered and I ironed everyone's clothes, the rest of the adults entertained the kids with cartoons until it was time to make ourselves look as presentable as we could after spending a day playing in the sun. 

The morning of the wedding was pretty hectic since we had little time to get ready for the late-morning ceremony.  Chris, who was the Best Man, had to be there even earlier than the rest of us and I had to get four children bathed, dressed and driven 40 miles up the coast.  Luckily I had Chris' parents and Celina helping me and the bathtub was so big, I could bathe all four kids at once.

The wedding was beautiful, particularly Danielle.  Andy and Danielle met playing softball, and his courting of her was initially done covered in sweat and infield dirt.  What a juxtaposition to see her about to walk down the aisle in a stunning wedding gown with her hair and makeup so elegantly prepared.

As the ceremony was about to begin, Celina took Oliver, Kiera and Soren to their seats while I stayed behind with Matteo and prepped him for his big role as ring bearer. The music started and one by one, the wedding party made its way down the aisle.  As we waited for Matteo's turn to walk, I handed him the ring box and he immediately put it to his ear and shook it!  Then he was up!  I took his hand and led him towards the beginning of the aisle, bent down and whispered to him to go to Daddy, and then ducked out of view.  Matteo took no more than two steps at a slow pace, but once he zeroed in on Chris, he broke out in a huge smile and booked it down the aisle.  Everyone started laughing, because who could think a little boy in glasses and a tie running with a toddler gait is not cute?

Chris and Andy's Uncle Pat performed the ceremony and was both poignant and funny in his remarks.  I think it's very special when someone who knows a couple so well is given the honor of marrying them.  

After the ceremony, we enjoyed a brunch overlooking the lake and then mingled with family, played yard games and had a little too much fun with the DIY photo booth Danielle had set up.  There have to be at least 100 photos of Oliver and his cousins stored on that iPad!

A morning wedding ceremony and mid-day reception meant that we actually left at a decent hour and got our kids to bed on time, something they desperately needed after our busy weekend.  We were up early the next morning to pack and back in St. Paul by lunchtime.  We had to do a quick turnaround, because bright and early the next morning, we were off on our next adventure - North Dakota!

Oliver is Off to Kindergarten

It's a new era for our family.  As of today, we officially have a school-age child.  Sending any child off to kindergarten is a big deal, but being that we were a family with four non-school-age children, it's kind of a relief to send one child off to school.  I know I'm very much in the minority when I answer with an honest no to everyone who's asked me if I'm sad about Oliver starting kindergarten.  With his fall birthday making him older for his grade, he's more than ready for something more challenging. 

We had applied to both our neighborhood school and the Twin Cities German Immersion School (TCGIS) and were very lucky to get spots in both schools.  The day after we got home from China, we received the call from TCGIS that Oliver has gotten a spot in the lottery, and even though the school was our top choice and I should have been jumping with joy, the best I could do in my jet-lagged state was politely thank them for the call. I had no idea how lucky we had really been.  A friend with an older child at TCGIS informed me that 110 children were wait-listed and that this might be the first time in the school's history that some children never make it off the waitlist.

So off to German school Oliver was headed.  Our first morning was pretty hectic as we prepared for seven of us to get out the door in the morning.  Chris and I arranged to take the morning off of work so we could take Oliver to school, and of course Celina and the rest of the kids had to come too.

Our au pair made Oliver's first day of German school special by making him a Schultuete, which all German children receive on their first day of school.  (They receive theirs in first grade since kindergarten is part of preschool in Germany and first grade is considered the start of official schooling.) The cones are filled with school supplies and lots of chocolates and candies.  As a special treat, Oliver's Schultuete included some German chocolate Celina had brought from home for this purpose. 

Once we got to school, we found our way to the wing of the building with the kindergarten and first grade classrooms.  It was already hot and humid, even so early in the morning, and it was even more stifling in a hallway packed with anxious parents and anxious children.  We found Oliver's locker and then walked him into his classroom to meet his new teacher. 

I was thrilled when I found out that Oliver would be in Frau Suter's class because his teacher and I actually go way back.  We met when we were counselors at the Concordia Language Villages, when I knew her as Uschi, her German camp name, and we not only taught together, but were even co-counselors in the same cabin. I really admired her for how well she spoke German and her ability to connect with our campers.  We lost touch over the years and I had no idea she became a teacher, let alone at TCGIS.  The four summers I taught at Waldsee seem like a lifetime ago since I was single and childless then, so it's both surreal and awesome to have Uschi, I mean, Frau Suter, end up being my child's kindergarten teacher. 

We knew Oliver was nervous, but he held it together until it was time for us to leave and then the tears started.  My friend's daughter, who is in first grade, tried comforting him by telling him that she was sad last year too when her parents had to leave, "but the rest of the day was pretty awesome."  With that ringing endorsement of kindergarten, I decided it was a good time to give my final kisses goodbye and assure Oliver that he would be okay.  As much as I had not been sad about Oliver starting kindergarten, I was suddenly on the verge of tears, especially has my crying boy thrust both palms in my face to receive two "kissing hands".  We had read The Kissing Hand the night before about a little racoon whose mom kisses one of his hands so he could take her love with him when he went to school.  Oliver had informed me last night that he was going to ask me to kiss both hands so he wouldn't have to worry about forgetting which hand contained my kiss. 

When Oliver hopped off the bus this afternoon, I was relieved that he was in good spirits.  As one can expect from a five-year-old, we didn't get a whole lot out of him about what he thought of his first day.  Everyone was nice, but he couldn't remember anyone's names.  They sang a "hello" song, but he couldn't remember the words.  He learned the German word Tschuess, which means goodbye.  He kind of liked lunch, and rattled off everything that came in the school's hot lunch today, but then later begged me for a cool lunchbox so he could pack his own lunch.  The drama teacher walked them out to the bus and the older kids aren't as good at listening as the younger kids because his teacher asked them to move out of the way in the hallway and she had to ask them three times.  Despite the vague report from his day, I think it overall went well. 

Our Au Pair, a Fellow Blogger

Our new au pair, Celina, started a blog so she could share her year in the U.S. with her friends family and boyfriend back home.  I was super excited and immediately asked if I could read it, you know, as a fellow blogger.  As soon as the words left my mouth though, it occurred to me that she perhaps wouldn't want her host mother reading her blog.  It's hard enough to live with your employer and perhaps she'd want some semblance of separation between us and her private life.  And then I panicked when I wondered what she'd have to say about our family.  I know we're not perfect, but to read about our imperfectness is another thing. 

However, when Celina shared the web address with me, curiosity got the best of me and I immediately started to read.  And I loved it!  Of course I was relieved (and flattered) that she had nice things to say about her experience living with our family, but what I most appreciated was reading about her perspective on things, like what she finds cool and interesting and what she thinks of all her new experiences in our city and our country overall.  I like hearing her side of the story of shared experiences, such as when I had her drive the minivan for the first time.  I could tell she was nervous, but she did great.  Not until I read her blog did I understand just how nervous she was!  After I read her account of the differences in driving laws and customs between the U.S. and Germany and how she affectionately referred to our minivan as "the boat", I had a greater appreciation for her driving skills. 

I also enjoy Celina's blog because it's in German and it's a fun way for me to practice the language.  Although I'm quite rusty speaking German, I was surprised by how few words I needed to look up and how effortlessly I read through her posts.  If you also know German or don't mind using an online translator, you can check out her blog as well:  ceeelina.wix.com/12months

I hope Celina continues to blog even as her time in Minnesota gets busier and she has less time to write and even after the newness wears off and she doesn't think she has anything cool to write about anymore.  I know her words are precious to everyone reading back home and that she will appreciate having written down her thoughts during this life-changing year. 

Transitions

Transitions are a fact of life when you participate in the au pair program.  The au pair contract is for one year (they can extend six to 12 months) and then it's time to say goodbye and welcome someone new.  

Families hosting au pairs have different preferences for handling the transition from the outgoing au pair to the incoming au pair.  Some purposefully schedule an overlap by contracting the new au pair to arrive a couple of days, or even a week or more, before the outgoing au pair departs.  Others want no overlap at all, often because they prefer to train the new au pair themselves or want to do things differently with the next au pair, but sometimes because the outgoing au pair wasn't stellar or developed "senioritis" at the end of the year and they don't want the new au pair influenced by bad habits.  Host parents with lots of vacation time or alternative childcare will sometimes choose take a week or two break between au pairs so they have more time to say goodbye to the outgoing au pair and prepare for the next arrival.

With a small house and no affordable full-time childcare alternatives, our transition plan was decided for us.  We needed as little overlap as possible, without any gap in childcare. Even though we left it up to Marcel to decide when he would leave for his travel month, he had to be out of his room by the morning Celina arrived and sleep on the couch in the basement after that. In the end, we had a one-night overlap.   I spent the morning of Celina's arrival furiously cleaning and running last-minute errands while Marcel took the kids to preschool and then to the Children's Museum.  Then the entire family and Marcel sprinted to the airport where I'm now 0-2 in being on time for my incoming au pair's flight. 

I give both Marcel and Celina a lot of credit for how maturely they handled the transition.  Even though they only overlapped one night under the same roof, they've been a presence in each other's lives for longer.  Marcel interviewed Celina, and after we matched, was a resource for her as she prepared to come to the U.S. Because Marcel was from the same country and spoke the same language as Celina, he took on more a mentor role than your average outgoing au pair. I was thankful for Marcel's maturity, because it's not unusual for outgoing au pairs to feel jealous of the attention the new au pair is getting or feel like he or she is being replaced. That was never the case with Marcel and not only could I talk openly with him about our plans for Celina's arrival, but he was a resource for me as he clued me in on what Celina must be feeling and what she would want in her room.

Celina was equally as gracious and was comfortable sharing the attention that would have been completely hers if her arrival had not coincided with Marcel's last night.  Instead of the welcome dinner I had planned in Celina's honor, we ended up spending her first evening on the lake so Marcel could go waterskiing one last time.  She listened with genuine interest to our stories of our year with Marcel and politely tolerated countless comments of Marcel liked doing this/eating that/going there and so on. 

As well as our transition went, I don't think I'd want an overlap of more than a night because it was an incredibly emotional time.  It was tiring doing all our "lasts" with Marcel while doing all our "firsts" with Celina.  It was easy to want to spend time all our time with the au pair who had become a family member, but then I'd feel overwhelmed by all that I had to get done with Celina, who had less than 72 hours before her first day of work.  

Two excellent au pairs are what got me through the transition.  We had had a great year with Marcel and as sad as we were for him to leave our family, the wonderful memories remain.  And then there's Celina, who I'm so excited is finally here and I look forward to getting to know her.  No matter how many au pairs have come before, the new au pair deserves a warm welcome and the attention as if she were the first.  With that, we proceed through the transition and focus on the joys of welcoming a new person into our family. 

Back-to-School Shopping

Unbeknownst to the other, Chris and I were each obsessively checking the website of Oliver's school for the 2015-2016 school supply list.  With our oldest starting kindergarten in the fall, we finally get to relive the excitement of a new school year with rites of passage, like back-to-school shopping.  Once the lists were posted, we enlisted Grandma Nan to watch the younger kids so that Chris and I could take Oliver out to dinner and then go buy his school supplies together.  He chose Punch Pizza and afterward we headed to Target. 

Buying school supplies has changed a lot since I was a kid.  In the days before big box stores, I remember shopping at Binkley's 5 & 10 or Rite Aid, where I hoped to score a cool Trapper Keeper.  I remember picking out supplies that are still staples today - pencils, pens, folders and notebooks - but I have no idea if we were given a list. 

Kids get lists these days.  Your local big box store probably even has the list from your kid's school. Oliver's kindergarten supply list contained about $70 worth of supplies, and that was before we bought new shoes, clothes, a lunchbox and a book bag. 

We also discovered the lists are very specific.  We couldn't just buy any crayons or markers, they had to be Crayola brand.  We had to buy a 9" x 12" dry-erase board, but Target only carried 8.5" x 11" or 10" x 14".  We decided we'd look on Amazon at home and moved on.  Next on the list were "two black, thin-tip, low-odor dry-erase markers", but the only ones we could find came in multi-color packages of four, with only one black marker in each.  I relented on the Crayola brand even though the frugal part of me thought the store brand would sufficiently serve the same purpose, but I decided we weren't buying two packages of markers.  Oliver would go off to kindergarten with two thin-tip, low-odor dry-erase markers, but one would be black and the other blue.  A friend with older children had warned me that we might have to go to multiple stores because the last item on your list will be a yellow, three-ring, two-pocket folder and the only colors left would be green.  With the exception of the dry-erase board, we found everything we needed. 

Even so, Oliver summed up the school supply shopping experience when he exclaimed, "Why does this school have to be so complicated!"