Transitions

Transitions are a fact of life when you participate in the au pair program.  The au pair contract is for one year (they can extend six to 12 months) and then it's time to say goodbye and welcome someone new.  

Families hosting au pairs have different preferences for handling the transition from the outgoing au pair to the incoming au pair.  Some purposefully schedule an overlap by contracting the new au pair to arrive a couple of days, or even a week or more, before the outgoing au pair departs.  Others want no overlap at all, often because they prefer to train the new au pair themselves or want to do things differently with the next au pair, but sometimes because the outgoing au pair wasn't stellar or developed "senioritis" at the end of the year and they don't want the new au pair influenced by bad habits.  Host parents with lots of vacation time or alternative childcare will sometimes choose take a week or two break between au pairs so they have more time to say goodbye to the outgoing au pair and prepare for the next arrival.

With a small house and no affordable full-time childcare alternatives, our transition plan was decided for us.  We needed as little overlap as possible, without any gap in childcare. Even though we left it up to Marcel to decide when he would leave for his travel month, he had to be out of his room by the morning Celina arrived and sleep on the couch in the basement after that. In the end, we had a one-night overlap.   I spent the morning of Celina's arrival furiously cleaning and running last-minute errands while Marcel took the kids to preschool and then to the Children's Museum.  Then the entire family and Marcel sprinted to the airport where I'm now 0-2 in being on time for my incoming au pair's flight. 

I give both Marcel and Celina a lot of credit for how maturely they handled the transition.  Even though they only overlapped one night under the same roof, they've been a presence in each other's lives for longer.  Marcel interviewed Celina, and after we matched, was a resource for her as she prepared to come to the U.S. Because Marcel was from the same country and spoke the same language as Celina, he took on more a mentor role than your average outgoing au pair. I was thankful for Marcel's maturity, because it's not unusual for outgoing au pairs to feel jealous of the attention the new au pair is getting or feel like he or she is being replaced. That was never the case with Marcel and not only could I talk openly with him about our plans for Celina's arrival, but he was a resource for me as he clued me in on what Celina must be feeling and what she would want in her room.

Celina was equally as gracious and was comfortable sharing the attention that would have been completely hers if her arrival had not coincided with Marcel's last night.  Instead of the welcome dinner I had planned in Celina's honor, we ended up spending her first evening on the lake so Marcel could go waterskiing one last time.  She listened with genuine interest to our stories of our year with Marcel and politely tolerated countless comments of Marcel liked doing this/eating that/going there and so on. 

As well as our transition went, I don't think I'd want an overlap of more than a night because it was an incredibly emotional time.  It was tiring doing all our "lasts" with Marcel while doing all our "firsts" with Celina.  It was easy to want to spend time all our time with the au pair who had become a family member, but then I'd feel overwhelmed by all that I had to get done with Celina, who had less than 72 hours before her first day of work.  

Two excellent au pairs are what got me through the transition.  We had had a great year with Marcel and as sad as we were for him to leave our family, the wonderful memories remain.  And then there's Celina, who I'm so excited is finally here and I look forward to getting to know her.  No matter how many au pairs have come before, the new au pair deserves a warm welcome and the attention as if she were the first.  With that, we proceed through the transition and focus on the joys of welcoming a new person into our family.