Another Step Closer to Paid Parental Leave

My union has been working with the governor the past couple of months on the issue of paid parental leave, but I have not been nearly as involved as I would have liked because, of well, children. My theory is that parenting issues never gain traction in our country because the very people you need out there advocating for what they need - parents - are too busy trying to raise their children.  So it was with delight and relief that, while busy out on leave with one of my children, I opened the newspaper to see that paid parental leave is gaining traction in Minnesota, at least for state employees. 

Mark Dayton proposes paid parental leave for all state employees

Whoever out there is advocating on behalf of us tired parents and parents-to-be, thank you.  Reading this article gave me hope for the first time that paid parental leave might become a reality in Minnesota. 

Paid Parental Leave in the News

I got a call from a reporter on Monday morning and saw this news story posted this morning: Minnesota State Employees Seek Paid Parental Leave.  Pretty cool, even if I find it difficult to listen to a recording of my voice.  But I'll talk to as many people as it takes to get the word out on this issue. 

Since I'm not directly involved in union contract negotiations, I don't know what our chances are in successfully negotiating paid parental leave. At least we have a shot, which isn't the case in other states.  After I finished reading the article on Minnesota's negotiations, another headline caught my eye: Report: MI Needs Family-Friendly Jobs, Not Anti-Family Policies. The Michigan state legislature recently passed legislation prohibiting local governments from enacting ordinances that would require employers to provide paid or unpaid leave. Sadly, other states have passed similar legislation, including our neighbor, Wisconsin. 

Paid Parental Leave

Our union, Minnesota Association of Professional Employees (MAPE) is in the middle of contract negotiations and is pushing for six weeks of paid parental leave for all parents - woman, man, adoptive parent, or bio parent.  It is also negotiating removing the limits on the use of sick leave for adoptive parents and biological fathers.  Parental leave in our contract has remained untouched since FMLA became effective in 1993.

Our union held a meeting earlier this week for its members to talk about the need for paid parental leave.  Union members affected by our lack of paid leave and politicians who have worked on this issue spoke.  So did the Minnesota Department of Health Commissioner who called the need for paid parental leave a public health issue. 

"Public health is what we as a society do collectively to assure the conditions to which all people can be healthy."

Yes, paid parental leave affects public health. Of the myriad of factors that work together to create a healthy community, the things we think of when we talk about being healthy - eating healthfully, exercising, not smoking - are only 10% of the picture.  The largest share of our society's health - 40% - is impacted by public policies and social and economic conditions.  Paid parental leave means that women who want to breastfeed will do it longer, babies with immature immune systems delay going to daycare and are less likely to visit the doctor or land in the hospital, parents follow through with bringing their children in for well-child visits or following a recommended course of treatment and parents don't go to work sick or send their children to daycare or school sick.  The list could go on, and you can read more in the Department of Health's White Paper on Paid Leave and Health, but the most sobering statistic the commissioner shared with us was that 10 weeks of paid parental leave reduces infant mortality by 10%. 

Before the meeting, one of my fellow state workers whose been helping organize union members around this issue, asked if employees would share their experiences with the state's leave policy. My story and many others were forwarded to the governor's office.  This is what I decided I needed to get off my chest.

We adopted two children, ages two and a half and three, from China in February of 2015 and paid parental leave would have greatly benefited the well-being of my whole family. 

Unfortunately, few understand that parents of adopted children also need parental leave.  Many assumed I’d come right back to work after getting home from China and one even questioned how I’d gotten permission to take such a long “vacation.” There’s a false belief that adopted children are easier than newborns because they’re not nursing and not waking throughout the night (not necessarily the case) and the mother is not recovering from childbirth.  So many don’t realize the trauma and loss adopted children have endured and the lasting impact this has on their lives, even when they were adopted as toddlers and eventually lose memories of their adoption.  Add to that a child who has been adopted internationally and is learning a new language and adjusting to a new culture, or a child with medical needs (who make the majority of international adoptions now) and it’s even clearer why parental leave is so important for adoptive parents as well. 

Planning my leave and deciding how much time off I could afford to take was incredibly stressful because I felt like I was choosing between not enough time off and much-less-than-adequate time off.   I had about seven weeks of sick and vacation time and two weeks of comp time accrued by the time my husband and I boarded the plane to China.  I felt fortunate to even have that much.  I was 33 years old when I started at Minnesota Housing with almost a decade of experience in my field, but I was starting over with no accrued leave and a two-year-old and 11-week-old at home.  Naturally, I regularly used sick time or vacation time due to sick children, doctors’ visits and daycare closings. 

To bring home my third and fourth children, I reluctantly decided to only take the 12 weeks allowed by FMLA even though our union contract allows us to take an additional three months through Parental Leave.  I was initially very thankful when I learned about Parental Leave, but when HR explained to me that it does not cover health benefits if you’re in “unpaid status” like under FMLA, I realized I would never be able to take advantage of it.  I carry the health insurance for our family of six and could not afford the $1,500 monthly COBRA payments, much less when on unpaid leave. I have short-term disability, but was not eligible for benefits for adoption. That left me with only the 12 weeks of FMLA, three of which would be spent in China. (China only requires one trip to complete the adoption, whereas other countries require two, or even three trips before you can bring home your child, or a four-to-eight-week stay in country.) Five weeks were unpaid once my accrued leave ran out, but I was almost forced to take more unpaid time even though I had the accrued leave.  I had three weeks of sick leave, but birth fathers and adoptive parents are only allowed to use five days.  With a letter from our social worker who documented the known medical needs of our children and time needed for bonding post-adoption, I was successfully able to petition to use up whatever sick time I had. 

Meeting our children in China was an incredible experience, but the hard work really started once we were home.  We arrived home on a Thursday and my husband, who had used up all his PTO, went back to work, still jet-lagged, the following Monday.  I was also out the door that Monday and off to Gillette Children’s Hospital, where we had a surgical consult for my son, who was born with cleft lip and palate.  My remaining nine weeks of FMLA were busy as I worked to address the medical needs we were aware of prior to their adoption, uncover previously undiagnosed needs and make up for their overall lack of medical care prior to joining our family.   This care between my two children included visits to the International Adoption Clinic and our pediatrician, palate repair surgery and a tough three-week recovery, diagnoses of hearing loss, ENT procedures under general anesthesia, ophthalmologist appointments, an MRI under general anesthesia, appointments with an attachment therapist who specializes in working with adopted children, evaluations through our school district, dentist appointments, re-vaccinating and treating parasites. 

My leave was busier than I wanted it to be because it left little time to bond with my new children who were exhibiting classic attachment issues related to adoption.  But I had no choice.  At most I would have been able to extend my leave by an additional two weeks by using my comp time.  However, because I had depleted my vacation and sick time, I needed to save my comp time for my children’s medical appointments in the coming months, including weekly speech therapy appointments for both kids. 

Paid parental leave will not benefit me since our family is complete.  Yet it’s something I still feel is crucial to supporting the well-being of employees and their families.  I hope that MAPE will negotiate a policy that reflects the varied family needs across its membership. 

The End of Leave

Tomorrow I return to work exactly 12 weeks from the day we left for China, 11 weeks, four days since we met Matteo and 10 weeks, four days since we met Kiera.  I utilized every last hour of FMLA available, but when I can count in weeks how long I've known my children, parental leave in this country simply isn't long enough.  In many ways Kiera and Matteo are doing so well.  I'm honestly amazed they could come this far in such a short time.  Yet returning to work at this point in their transition still isn't ideal.  Neither child has learned to speak any English in these 10 or 11 weeks and their "minor special needs" still require multiple doctors visits over the next couple of weeks.  When I tried to kiss Kiera goodnight this evening, she refused to look me in the eye, a stark reminder of how far we still have to go with attachment.

Despite my feelings on the length of FMLA, I'm remarkably calm about returning to work.  I'm neither excited for my first day back, nor dreading it.  Maybe because I'm at kids number three and four, I've accepted the return to work as part of the natural evolution of a working mom, even when I'm returning sooner than I would like.  My calmness is also in stark contrast with the days leading up to my departure where my nerves were so shot that I could hardly sit still.  I will take my feeling of indifference to returning to work over my emotional state 12 weeks ago.

I do know that I'm returning to work a changed person.  I am definitely not the person I was three months ago when I could still only imagine what it would be like to travel around the world to meet my children.  

FMLA Decision

After a lot of consideration about parental leave.  I decided to take the standard 12 weeks of FMLA.  I wish it were more, but financial considerations decided for me.  I have only about seven weeks of vacation and sick time accrued (and I realize that is more many people have) and the reality of taking unpaid time has sunk in.  And then after the 12 weeks of FMLA, I'm responsible for the full cost of my family's health coverage (on top of not earning a salary), so that there guarantees I'll come back after 12 weeks, unless I have reason to stay home. I'm going in tomorrow for a few hours not only to tie up some loose ends, but also to make sure that FMLA clock doesn't start ticking until tomorrow instead of Saturday.  Those four extra days are precious to me. 

The uncertainties around how much time off I'll need is hard for a planner like myself.  I just don't know what we'll need until we meet our kids and come home with them.  I don't know how they'll adjust.  I don't know how the rest of my family will adjust. Although I know we're looking at one surgery for sure, until they're evaluated by doctors, I don't know what additional treatments they'll need. What calms me down a little is knowing that thanks to a supportive workplace and boss, I have lot of flexibility in how I take my leave. I can come back part-time, work from home or some combination thereof that fits with my family's needs and still allows me to do my job.

Thinking More Seriously About Parental Leave

My meeting with HR to discuss options for parental leave revealed good news and bad news.  The good news is that per my union contract, I'm allowed to take six months of leave, and with manager's approval, I can take a year.  Anyone familiar with the inadequacy of parental leave policies in the United States will know it's rare to have this much guaranteed time off - with your job protected.  Of course there's a catch.

The bad news is not just that the time is unpaid, (unless I use vacation and sick leave, of which I only have about six weeks) but that my health insurance is only covered by my company during the 12 weeks of FMLA, as required by law.  After that point, the union-negotiated, unpaid Parental Leave applies for the next three months and I will be responsible for the entire cost of my family's medical insurance, which is about $1,500 a month.  My HR rep said that for this reason alone, very few employees take leave beyond what's covered by FMLA.

I carry our family's health insurance, which is a blessing, because I have access to a plan with low premiums, wide coverage and low deductibles and out-of-pocket costs.  I estimate that my hospitalization in May would have cost us at least $2,000 - $3,000 under Chris's insurance, but "only" $700 with mine.  With two kids already and a third whose "minor and correctable" need could require surgery, health insurance is a serious consideration.

I'm thankful for the 12 weeks of FMLA I qualify for and that it'll most likely be financially feasible to utilize every last hour of that leave, but I worry it won't be enough time.  I have no idea what needs our child will have, not just medically, but also from an attachment standpoint.  Will the nine weeks or so left of FMLA after we return from China be enough bonding time with our son?  Will he be ready so soon after meeting his new family to transition to full-time daycare or even a nanny?

Chris and I have a lot of time before we need to make a decision about parental leave.  And once we are matched, we'll hopefully have a better idea of our child's medical needs, which could assuage one part of my worry about adequate leave. 

Adoption and FMLA

Yes, FMLA applies to adoption.  That's why it's called the Family and Medical Leave Act, because it protects employees who take leave for medical reasons and/or to take care of family, including parents who adopt and/or have foster children.  Therefore, when talking about FMLA and leave from work, I like using the term "parental leave" because it encompasses terms like maternity leave, paternity leave and adoption leave and I want to get away from language that implies that only women get leave or should take leave.

So, yes, I will take parental leave after the adoption.  It surprises me how many people are surprised when they hear that.  But I try to be patient because I know those who are unfamiliar with adoption don't understand how our trip to China isn't a vacation, how important and challenging forming attachment with a new child is and how the weeks and months after the adoption of a child are just as exhausting and life-changing as they are after the birth of a child.

Chris and I still don't know how much leave each of us will take.  Much of it will depend upon the timing of the adoption, the needs of our child, what my employer will allow (if I choose to extend leave beyond the 12 weeks guaranteed by FMLA) and what we can afford.  Due to many factors, I'll most likely take the bulk of the leave.  Because FMLA only protects your job and health benefits, and does not provide pay, I will use up my vacation and sick time and the remainder of my leave will be unpaid.  The only difference is that if I had given birth to our child, instead of adopted him, short-term disability would have covered a portion of my salary.  That's the one area where adoptive parents get the short end of the stick. 

As much as I had researched my rights under FMLA before starting the adoption process, I was still pleasantly surprised that I could use FMLA and sick time simultaneously for the time I needed off work to attend home study visits with our social worker, consultations with doctors at the International Adoption Clinic and our biometrics appointment with the USCIS.  Using sick time meant I got paid and FMLA protected my job.  (Not that I felt I needed protection, but it was more a matter of protocol.)  I'm fortunate at my company to still have separate sick time and vacation time and that I can count the time I take for the kids' doctors appointments or to stay home with them when they aren't feeling well as sick time.  But it never occurred to me that I could use sick time for an unidentified child who is not yet legally ours, and for appointments that weren't medically-related.  But it was welcome news and made me feel as supported as my pregnant co-worker.