End of Naps

The milestone parents of preschoolers either dread or look forward to is the dropping of the nap.  If it's your oldest child who no longer needs a nap, this development may not be a welcomed milestone because you're so used to the break and still need it when you have young kids who demand a lot of your energy.  Or if it's your youngest child, you may look forward to this day because no need for an afternoon nap opens up the whole day for the rest of the family. 

Oliver has been in the slow transition towards dropping a nap for months now, but Chris and I never pushed it because we weren't ready.  We looked forward to having quiet time in the middle of the day when the kids were sleeping.  Truthfully, there were days when I felt like I wouldn't make it unless Oliver napped because I so desperately needed that mid-day break.  And because we have a younger child who's napping, Oliver might as well be napping too. 

The transition started when Oliver stopped napping on the weekends.  In fact, aside from the times he's been sick, I can't remember the last time he's napped for us.  Yet, he almost always napped for the nanny.  But eventually he started have trouble going to sleep at night.  Trouble as in two or three hours past his bedtime.  Then Chris went away for a long weekend and I was facing a couple of days by myself with two kids, one of whom was refusing to nap.  My time alone with the kids went surprisingly well because even though Oliver didn't nap, he was actually in a good mood all day and he went to bed on time.  I wasn't getting my mid-day break, but I wasn't spending my precious "me" time in the evening stressing that he wasn't going to sleep.  That's when I decided we were going to cancel Oliver's naps.

Oliver's been "nap-free" for two weeks now and he's doing really well.  There are moments that are tough, like the separation anxiety that resurfaced when leaving him at ECFE.  The class starts at 6:00 p.m. and he's undoubtedly tired by that point.  And our nanny has found him dozed off on the couch mid-day, so it's clear he still needs a bit of sleep on some days.  Surprisingly, he hasn't been going to bed earlier than usual, like I expected, so maybe that's a sign he really was ready to drop a nap.

The transition has been most stressful on our nanny who's trying to keep two boys quiet (we do a nanny share with another newly-minted nap-free child) so Soren can sleep, but it's required Chris and me to give a little too.  I'd prefer Oliver not watch so many videos, but letting the kids watch something on the laptop is sure to keep them quiet, at least for some time.  And our nanny needs a break.  The kids eventually get restless though, so we've got to settle for whatever nap Soren manages before he's woken up by the noise the big kids make. 

Like with any transition, it's about finding a new routine.  For the nanny it's figuring out how to foster quiet time for kids who aren't napping anymore and for me, it's figuring out how to keep Oliver entertained while I also get some semblance of down-time.  This whole no-nap thing has made me realize that at only three and a half, Oliver's better at entertaining himself than I thought.

I admit that dropping a nap was a milestone I dreaded, but after the bedtime struggles we've been through, I'm relieved Oliver has turned this corner.  Now I don't see lost quiet time, but new opportunity. 

The Long Road to Diaper-Free

Oliver is now completely diaper-free, even at night. Despite my excitement, it's been a long road.  I wasn't always sure I was making the right decisions, but we eventually got there.

Our last hurdle was to get Oliver to use the toilet since not only had he created for himself a big case of constipation, but Chris and I were also frustrated with changing him in to a diaper before putting him to bed for the night, only to have to change his soiled diaper after he'd done his "business" just minutes after we'd kissed him goodnight.  So I did the opposite of what I assumed every doctor or parenting book on toilet-training would recommend and bought a bottle of Miralax and juice boxes of apple juice, fed him as many canned peaches for dinner as he wanted and hoped I was successful in jump-starting his system well before bedtime so he physically couldn't wait for a diaper anymore.  It worked.  Oliver has been in underwear every night since.

But establishing a consistent (and stress-free) potty routines continues to be a challenge.  Oliver still often fights puts off having to use the potty.  I think that's typical for kids this age who don't want to stop the fun they're having to use the toilet or are afraid they won't get to go back to what they're doing.  I once had to repeatedly assure Oliver his plate of waffles would still be there after he used the potty before he decided to leave the table on his own free will.  And I've been guilty of not letting him off the potty until he'd relieved himself in instances when I either knew he had to go badly or knew he wasn't going to have the opportunity to use a toilet later on. 

I felt guilty about pushing Oliver, because the consensus in parenting circles today is that you should have a cheerful "oh, don't worry, accidents happen" attitude and let your child guide the process.  I actually don't say that completely cynically.  I did try to be as relaxed as possible when we were in the toilet awareness stage and I never punished Oliver for an accident.  But when we reached the point that Oliver knew how to use the toilet and I believed he understood the cues his body was giving him, I felt it was best to be firm about what was expected of him.  The rationale behind the tactic of giving him an extra dose of fiber was that a constipated kid isn't going to have opportunities to practice using the potty, something Oliver had grown anxious about, (admittedly, potentially because of the pressure he was feeling to perform) and I wanted him to have a chance to experience a success. 

It's true Oliver would eventually left diapers behind on his own, but I think in our circumstance, we avoided prolonged frustration by stocking up on extra laundry detergent and stopping with diapers all together. 

We Have a Walker

I'm ready to call it, we have a walker.  Soren has been taking steps for a month now, but it's always been with a lot of encouragement, usually in the form of Chris or I plopping Soren down on his feet, scurrying a few feet a way and then calling to him with outstretched arms to "Come to Mommy!" or "Come to Daddy!"  He was taking more and more steps each day, and then he got an ear infection and experienced a side effect similar to having motion sickness.  Not surprisingly, he did nothing but crawl for nearly two weeks.   

Soren eventually got his land legs back and within the last few days, it's like the lightbulb went off in his head that he does know how to walk.  I'll be not paying attention to what he's doing and then I'll notice him out of the corner of my eye letting go of whatever he's holding onto and making a slow, steady walk towards something - a door, chair, wall - a few feet away.  It's as if he's saying to himself, "Okay, this time I'm going to try to make it all the way to dining room table."  It's neat to watch how determined he is. 

Another Milestone - Gone with the Pacifier

After a week and a half, I feel comfortable saying that Oliver no longer uses a pacifier.  For a few months now he's gone without one at nap time and nighttime sleep was the only time he was allowed to use it.  But Chris and I just didn't have the energy to pull the plug for good.  Until relatively recently, Soren was getting up really early and imagining Oliver crying for hours at night and then at the other end of the night having Soren rise at 5:00 a.m. made me want to cry too. 

I actually considered hiring a babysitter for a couple nights in a row to cover bedtime based on the strategy that kids listen to everyone else better than their parents.  Our nanny decided one day that Oliver didn't need his pacifier at nap and he obliged with very few tears.  However, for three straight weekends, Oliver screamed and threw himself about refused to nap without his pacifier.  The reason Chris and I were able to resist giving in and allowing him to have his pacifier so we could all enjoy peace and quiet is because we knew based on the nanny's success with the no pacifier rule that Oliver was clearly engaging in a hard-fought power struggle.  He didn't need the pacifier.    But again, it was a nighttime power struggle I wasn't ready yet to subject myself to. 

Then it occurred to me that ever since our family has settled into a more manageable schedule and I'd been getting a little more sleep, that there wasn't going to be a better time to take away the pacifier for good.  At dinner that night I explained to Oliver that he wasn't going to get his pacifier at bedtime, but that he'd have his brown bear to snuggle with.  Oliver barely batted an eye at the news.  An hour later we got ready for bed and he asked for his pacifier as usual, but I reminded him of our discussion at dinner and that he had his stuffed animals.  I distracted him with picking out a bedtime story and when we were finished, I kissed him goodnight, turned out the light and closed the door.  I waited outside for him to get out of bed and start crying for his pacifier, but his room stayed quiet.   

Sometimes parenting cuts you a break.  Giving up the pacifier can be a battle between many parents and their toddlers, but for whatever reason, Oliver was not going to make this one of them.

Potty Training - Just the Beginning

We were never sure when to officially start potty training with Oliver.  Since this milestone is by a long shot our least favorite part of parenting in the early childhood years, (like, leaps and bounds ahead of even dealing with tantrums) we weren't particularly motivated to start.  We've been in the toilet awareness phase for a few months now, where Oliver can tell us when he's gone, is interested in when mom and dad use the toilet, and loves making a game out of sitting on his potty chair.  But we've never put any formal toilet-training strategy in place.  The most we've done is remind him during diaper changes that he should tell us he needs to go and we'll let him sit on the potty.  Otherwise, we seem to be letting Oliver potty-train himself and hope he just magically gets the hang of it.

Tonight he announced that he wanted to go upstairs and use the potty.  Since he usually goes off and hides to do his business, I thought maybe there was some seriousness to his request, so we trekked upstairs. 

Low and behold, he went on the potty!  I had one of those I-know-I've-become-a-parent moments when I clapped and cheered at the sight of poop in the bowl of his toilet chair. 

My excitement quickly waned when Oliver wanted to try again, and I had to concentrate on keeping myself from gagging while dumping the contents into the regular toilet.  I deal with my kids' poop every day, but for some reason this variation of cleaning up after my kids' bodily fluids was almost too much to handle.

Bed transition

Of the major transitions/milestones in a young child's life, transitioning from a crib to a bed probably ranks right behind toilet training, getting rid of the pacifier and starting solids in the amount of anxiety and frustration created for parents. We were motivated though to transition Oliver from his crib to a bed because we need the crib for the new baby. I've been anxious about setting up the baby's room and now that it's finally be cleared out and the new area rug laid down, it's time to move the furniture in. So I disassembled the crib and moved it to the other room, and laid down a new twin mattress with sheets, comforters and for the first time, pillows!

After three nights and as many naps without the security of his crib, Oliver is doing well. Given that we had a successful trial run at the cabin a few weeks ago, I had a decent amount of confidence that the switch wasn't going to be a complete disaster. But still, this time we were making the switch for good and there was no going back. (Even if I had a pack 'n' play set up on stand-by, just in case...)

The first night Oliver cried when I put him to bed on his new mattress, but he settled down quickly, but then I heard him up and about a half an hour later. When I entered his room, he was standing by his bookcase and excitedly held up a book when he saw me. Clearly he had discovered the benefits of not being in a crib. He has free access to his toys and books!

The second night I peeked in his room before I went to bed and I was alarmed when I couldn't find him. My flashlight darted around his room until I finally noticed him on the very edge of his bed with his head and upper body resting on the mattress and his lower body splayed out on the floor in a jumble of blankets. I could hear him softly breathing and decided it was better to let him keep sleeping like that than risk waking him up.

Naps have been more difficult, because I don't think he sleeps as soundly, and once he wakes up, he's up. So naps have been half as long as usual, which means Oliver has been sleep-deprived (and relatively cranky) the past couple of days. I've been putting him to bed 30-45 minutes earlier at night to try to help him catch up on sleep and I'm hoping that he eventually gets over the excitement of the bed and starts napping longer again.

Putting on His Walking Shoes

I took Oliver to buy a new pair of shoes today because it felt like I was stuffing his little feet in those size four shoes he had been wearing. Plus, he needs a properly fitting shoe with a flexible sole for walking. Yes, Oliver is walking! Those shoes just aren't for show anymore.

To frame the expectations of what I mean by "walking," I must clarify that Oliver still does plenty of crawling. But in the past two weeks he'd progressed from taking a few steps (6.5 steps had been his max per attempt) about once a day to trying to walk as often as possible in the past few days. Although his walk exemplifies where the word "toddler" comes from, I've noticed he's become a lot more comfortable upright and moving on two feet. If he stumbles, he places his hands on the floor to steady himself, pops back up and continues on. Crawling is still the fastest for him, which he demonstrated when he heard his dad come through the door after a week-long business trip. Oliver dropped to the floor at the announcement that "Daddy's home!" and transitioned to the fastest signature crab crawl I've seen in awhile.

I'm guessing it could be a few weeks, or even months, until he stops resorting to crawling when he feels like it, so until then, I'll be resorting to carrying him wherever he can't crawl to, like to the car. My heavy-lifting days aren't behind me yet.

Happy Birthday Oliver!

I remember being in the hospital and marveling at how I could report Oliver's age in hours, and then felt sad as the days ticked by and I was soon referring to how old he was in weeks. Well, weeks turned into months and now here I am, one year from the day Oliver came into our lives. I watched a neighbor cradle her tiny, sleeping three-week-old against her chest and I started to say, I remember when Oliver was that little, but stopped, because I realized that I can't actually remember him ever being that small. Now I'm the parent saying, "They grow up so quickly, don't they?"

Raising a baby has proven to be simultaneously the most humbling and joyful experience in my life. No parenting books or warnings from seasoned friends could have prepared me for what it would be like to be up at all hours of the night for weeks on end, to feel my blood pressure rise with each wail, to question every decision I make about Oliver, to second- and third- and fourth-guess those decisions, or to worry until my heart aches.

And yet I can't imagine life without my little boy. The baby whose happiness is my happiness. Who flashes a huge toothless smile at the sight of me. Who loves no one more in the world than his mom or dad. Whose his own person with his own personality, thoughts and desires. And whose toys scattered around the house, fleet of strollers cluttering our front porch and the debris zone left at meal times remind me that my life has forever changed. But for the better.

We're throwing a party for Oliver to celebrate his first birthday. Sure he doesn't understand the concept of birthdays or that we're gathering to celebrate him, so I'll admit that the party is just as much for Chris and me. Because what we're also celebrating is that we made it our first year as parents. And like the past year, we expect the next twelve months to be everything, yet nothing we expected.