A Special Video From Shenzhen

It took me a moment to make sense of the text I received while I was at the hospital with Kiera, who needed an MRI to rule out a potential concern her ophthalmologist had raised.  I naively thought the MRI would be quick, but found myself in an empty waiting room with a "couple hours'" wait.  And suddenly I had a text message from a woman named "Alison" from a number I didn't recognize.

She said she was a friend of "Kelly" from the hospital.  How do I know Kelly and how do I know this hospital I asked myself.  Then I realized she was referring to the hospital in Shenzhen where Kiera was born, but I hadn't recognized the name at first because she had spelled it differently. Alison wanted to know if I had received Kelly's e-mail.  I had not, or I wouldn't be this confused. Then I remembered asking the nurses for any pictures they had of Kiera as an infant and being told it was against hospital policy to give them to me.  In the middle of our goodbyes, I had casually slipped a piece of paper with my contact information to a particular nurse who seemed most sympathetic to my desire to learn as much as I could about my daughter's early life.

I quickly texted Alison back and thanked her for reaching out to me.  She explained that she's Chinese and moved to the U.S. with her family, but had gone to nursing school with Kelly in China.  I assume since Alison is living in the U.S. and speaks English, Kelly had asked her to contact me.  I ended up passing my time waiting for Kiera by texting with Alison.  She of course wanted to know about Kiera, but when I shared pictures of all the kids, she wanted to know what life is like as a mom of four.  She said the nurses hoped I would send some recent pictures of Kiera, which I promised to do.

Then Alison said she had a video that Kelly had sent her and wanted me to have.  The link revealed a two-and-a-half-minute-long photo montage of Kiera's early life, including newborn photos.  It is absolutely priceless!  I can't emphasize how rare it is with an adoption from China to have such early photos and even how rare it is to have contact with someone back in China who knew your child.

When we first visited the hospital with our guide back in February, we had to talk our way in.  We were very warmly-received once the nurses who had taken care of Kiera agreed to meet with us, but I always wondered what they thought of the day the baby they had once taken care walked back into their lives as a nearly-three-year-old accompanied by an American mother.  After talking to them, I know Kiera was well-cared for, but after seeing the pictures in the video and seeing how much work they went through to collect pictures and put the video together, I now know that our little girl has a place in those nurses' hearts.  That was clear in the final picture in the video, where the nurses the nurses stood in a line, each one smiling and her hands cupped in the shape of a heart. 

China Trip Day #20 -Revisiting Shenzhen

It’s unusual with an adoption from China to have as much information as we do regarding Kiera’s birth.  Even something as simple as a birthdate is only an estimate for a child who was abandoned with no identifying information.  So I feel fortunate to have even the little bit of information we do have.  

I’m part of a birth parent search group on Facebook.  I think people join the group because they want to search for their children’s birth parents, but finding them isn’t the sole goal.  Discovering any information about your child’s history is considered a success.  One mom told me she’s not searching because she believes she’ll actually find her son’s birth parents; she feels she owes it to her son to say she did everything she could to find them.  

This group is a valuable resource for understanding the cultural and political forces that result in children being abandoned in China and the strategies for searching for Chinese birth families.  In this group (and among others in the adoption community) there is a general distrust of the information orphanages give families.  There are a lot of reasons information about a child’s abandonment or origins could be completely fabricated, namely because of child trafficking, or family planning officials who kidnap children from families in violation of the one-child policy.  Sometimes orphanages have been involved in the fraud and other times they have been lied to as well and they pass a fabricated file on to the adoptive family.  So the first step in any search of a child’s history is verification that the information you have is even true.  And that’s how I found myself with Kiera back in Shenzhen.

It was last night and the kids had already gone to bed and Chris was getting ready for bed himself when I received a message from another adoptive mom whose son is from the same province as Kiera.  She’d hit a dead end with the search for her son’s birth family.  She reminded me that gathering information is so much easier when you’re in China.  She knows I want find out as much as I can about Kiera's (and Matteo's) histories, so she encouraged me to go back to Shenzhen. But it was Sunday night, and the only free day we had in the remaining days we had left in China was the next day. For a productive visit, I couldn't just show up in Shenzgen not knowing my way around, and more so, not knowing any Chinese. I would need a translator. Despite the odds, I thought of my friend and how her biggest hurdle was that she wasn’t physically in China, and I knew I’d regret it later if I didn’t at least try.  I just wish I thought of doing this last week!

While my friend back in the States tried getting a hold of a guide she knows here in Guangzhou, she sent me down to the concierge desk for help in finding a guide or a driver.  Neither of us had any luck though.  On a whim, I googled guides in Guangzhou and found a listing.  At 9:30 p.m. I started e-mailing.  Most were translators for business people and I wasn’t sure if they’d be interested in playing detective for a day, let alone with such short notice.  At 10:30 p.m. I lucked out. I got an e-mail from a guide named Jenny.  She was free the following day and could be at my hotel at 8:00 a.m. with a driver.  

The next day, just as she said she would be, Jenny was waiting in the lobby of our hotel.  She was enthusiastic about our trip and on the drive to Shenzhen, I briefed her on the information I had received from the orphanage and what I wanted to find out.  I had decided to bring Kiera with me for two reasons. One is that when you’re asking for favors from people, it’s helpful to have an adorable three-year-old by your side, because who can say no to that face, right?  Also, this is her story and someday I’ll be able to tell her that she participated in the search and show her the pictures with her in them of the places special to her history.  

It ended up being a long and tiring day – much more draining than I had anticipated.  We did a lot of walking, waiting, talking, asking, asking again, guessing, taking a chance, hitting dead ends and trying again. Jenny was awesome.  Wherever I wanted to go next or whatever I wanted to ask, she went with it.  While I had hoped Kiera would win over those we needed to talk to, I think she left an impression on her guide, who really doted on her.  As exhausted as I was by the time we made it back to Guangzhou, the trip had been worth it.  We didn’t accomplish all I had hoped to do, but my goal had been to verify the information we had been given, and miraculously we were able to do that.  I have so many more questions, but at least I know that the little information we have is true.