Weaned

Soren is weaned, at least I think.  A few weeks ago, he refused to nurse one morning, but happily took a bottle.  I secretly hoped he was self-weaning, because then I wouldn't have to make the decision of when and could feel less guilty when it happened.  His nursing strike turned out to be an anomaly though. 

I didn't plan to wean Soren this early, but I think my decision to stop pumping at work about three weeks ago ended up causing my supply to drop and Soren realized he could get a guaranteed supply from the bottle.  I simply had grown tired of pumping.  It didn't just take time from my work day, but because of the timing of my pumping sessions, along with meetings and lunch, it was rare that I even had an hour-long period to devote to anything on my task list.  I remembered back to when Oliver was Soren's age and how my body adjusted along with Oliver's feeding schedule.  Because I formula-fed more and more often in Oliver's last months of breastfeeding, the weaning process was gradual and quite easy on my body. I kept waiting for that natural slow-down this time around until I realized that when you're pumping, you could just keep going.  Chris and I are taking a trip in mid-September - without the kids - and I made the decision awhile back that it would make sense to wean Soren before the trip.  I was not running around New York City with a manual pump stuffed in my handbag.  I decided that ditching pumping had to be the first step in the weaning process, because I felt like my body was never going to slow down on its own. 

I think some women who work outside the home pull off breastfeeding just on nights and weekends, but my body never fell into a rhythm. My tactic was to hold off pumping as long as I could and then only pump minimally, and the first few days went surprisingly well as I quickly stopped pumping during the day.  But then life happened and I missed a feeding here and there because of going out or Soren skipping a feeding for one reason or another.  I started to hit this cycle of missing a feeding, becoming engorged, pumping for relief, and then experiencing what appeared to be a lessened supply based on Soren's dissatisfied reaction.  I didn't want to counteract the drop by pumping a lot to stimulate supply, because I was pumping at odd times and was worried I'd start producing milk at all these wrong times (i.e. when Soren was sleeping) and I'd end up back in a cycle of needing to pump on a schedule (just what I'd been trying to get away from) or unpredictably becoming engorged. 

This weekend Soren refused to nurse when I got him up in the morning.  I had wanted to hold onto "nights and weekend" breastsfeeding because it's a lot easier than trying to make a bottle for an impatient baby who hasn't eaten all night.  But it didn't bother me to have to make a bottle and Soren enjoyed it just the same.  For the rest of the weekend, I'd offer him the breast first, but he'd maybe take a few sips, before sucking down a bottle.  And with that I decided we had reached the beginning of the end of breastfeeding. 

I still don't consider myself completely finished with breastfeeding though.  My pump is still stashed in my desk at work and another is yet to be packed away at home, just in case.  And my body is still figuring out that it can finally shut off the spigots.  I fell shy of my goal by about three months, but as I told a friend who told me she gave up breastfeeding after four months, once her baby passes the year mark, whether she had fed him breastmilk or formula will seem like a distant memory. 

I'm still wearing nursing bras and yet I can hardly believe that I've left that phase behind with a second child.  I'll never forget how in awe I was to witness an example of natural instinct when I nursed Soren for the first time.  He was not even an hour old and I placed him at my breast and he opened his mouth and flung it forward right onto my nipple with such precision as if he'd done that whole suckling thing a thousand times before.  I'd taken a class on breastfeeding and had read books, yet he knew just what to do straight from the womb. 

I took this picture of Soren (at 7.5 months) because I always liked the sight of him curled up in my lap, especially after he had eaten and was at his happiest.  I'll miss it when he's no longer small enough to fit on my lap.

Thoughts on Pumping

When I decided to go back to work, one of the logistics of being a working mom I really was not looking forward to was pumping.  I told myself I'd give it a try and see how it went.  Unless I worked from home or had my own office with a locking door, I don't think my situation could be more conducive to pumping.  I have a private room reserved for nursing moms, a consistent work schedule, a pumping schedule I can decide for on my own and a boss who wrote her dissertation on the economics of breastfeeding.  And on the few occasions I'd forgotten to take my expressed milk home the night before, the nanny has dropped by my office on her way to take the kids somewhere.

Although pumping has gone really well, I do wonder if my work environment had been even slightly inconvenient for pumping, whether I would have stuck with it.  If I weren't able to take pumping breaks as needed, but instead had to divide my lunch break to be able to pump, I have to say that I'd probably pick socializing with co-workers at lunch or going to the gym and utilizing the precious limited time to do something parents so often have zero time to do: workout.  Or if I had to take a pay cut because I was only allowed unpaid time to pump or had to work an extra hour each day to make up for pumping breaks, I don't think I'd continue.  Since I'm breastfeeding when not at work, and am barely pumping enough to feed Soren the next day, two bottles of milk just wouldn't be worth the extra effort or inconveniences. I don't think I'm selfish for thinking this way, just lucky that I'm experiencing the type of work environment every nursing mom should have.

Used baby gear

When it comes to baby products, sometimes I wonder if recommendations about buying new isn't based solely on concern for safety, but with increasing company profits. First it was only car seats that experts were telling parents had to be purchased new, then when the law went into effect banning the manufacture of drop-side crib, suddenly all second-hand cribs, even if they hadn't been recalled and met current safety specifications, were a no-no.  I've even seen some sources warning parents that used crib mattresses are a SIDS risk and others saying that a car seat shouldn't be reused for a younger sibling because new safety features are being added all the time.  I obviously support strict standards of safety for products used for or by children, but what frustrates me is the blanket ban of classes of used products without either an explanation of why a second-hand product is unsafe or education about how to evaluate whether a product could be safely reused.  Sure it's easier to just say, don't reuse such and such, and buy new instead to guarantee safety.  (But given all the recalls, buying new simply for safety's sake can be a false sense of security.)  But parents are going to continue to seek hand-me-downs and honestly, buying new for many parents is not an option. 

Like many expecting parents, Chris and I were overwhelmed with everything we needed to prepare to welcome home a new baby and we bought as much second-hand as we could to save money.  I thought I was being thrifty when I bought a barely-used double-electric Medela brand Pump in Style Advanced breast pump from an acquaintance.  After I delivered Oliver, a nurse offered to show me how to use the pump, but was horrified when she found out it was used.  She explained that the way my pump was designed, there was the potential for milk to pass through the pumping mechanism, meaning that if my friend had a disease, it could be passed on to my baby.  I was frustrated that Medela is forcing every women who wants or needs to pump into buying an expensive new pump just because it designed a pump in such a way that it could potentially cause a transfer of disease, even though the company makes hospital-grade pumps whose design isn't a health risk for the pumps' multiple users.  I wasn't about to demand a medical history from the woman I bought the pump from, and Chris and I decided it wasn't worth the risk, so we threw it out, despite the voices lingering in my head of my mom and ueber-frugal maternal grandmother exclaiming, "That was a perfectly good pump!"

Turns out I didn't need that expensive pump.  Like so many other baby products I bought because everyone else said I needed them, I didn't evaluate the need for a double-electric pump based on my particular circumstances.  I was a stay-at-home mom who spent little time away from my baby and I didn't have time to pump anyway. 

But going back to work after Soren's birth made me look into breast pumps again.  I almost considered not pumping at all, given how unappealing it seemed to me, and then the prices of new pumps were stressing me out given all the other expenses I was incurring to get ready to go back to work.  Breastfeeding is touted as being cost-free, but that's only if you breastfeed on demand and never leave your baby, which really, how many can logistically pull that off, or want to do that?  So then you have the cost of bottles, the pump and a myriad other accessories associated with storing milk or cleaning bottles and pump parts.  But I had a supportive office environment and I didn't want to jeopardize my milk supply for breastfeeding outside of work, so I decided I'd give pumping a go.

When a friend offered to sell me her also barely-used Pump in Style Advanced pump during search number two, I told her I'd been down that road before.  Even though she assured me that her pump had not been "contaminated," and she's someone I trust greatly, I realized I wasn't going to consider buying even her pump if I didn't finally examine one and see for myself what the big worry was concerning milk getting into the pumping mechanism.  I happened to stop by another friend's house the next day, and I asked to look at her pump and have her explain to me how it worked.  I'd always assumed the milk passes through the two, long thin tubes that connect the breast shields and bottles to the electric pump, so as soon as that nurse in the hospital after Oliver's birth said that the pumping mechanism couldn't be sterilized, I never questioned the actual potential for contamination..  But once I saw that only air passes through the tubes and the expressed milk drips straight into the bottle and that it would take a major malfunction for milk to backup through those looooong tubes to reach the pumping mechanism, I completely trusted buying my friend's pump off her. 

And then I got really mad that so many women are being scared off from buying affordable, but used, equipment.  As a parent-to-be and then a new parent, I had no idea what to look for half the time.  I couldn't tell a useful piece of baby gear from a worthless, albeit, still safe, piece.  I trusted something just because it was new, even though I had no idea how to eveluate if the product would prove to be safe, (or eventually be recalled) and avoided everything I heard from whatever source, regardless of credibility, could be unsafe.  After being entrenched in the world of baby gear for a few years now, I feel like I have a better handle on evaluating used items.  There are many things I will buy off Craig's List or from consignment sales, and there are a couple of things I'll only buy from trusted friends like car seats and breast pumps.

Even if I threw one perfectly good pump away, I'm happy I didn't end up buying a brand-new one like I'd thought I would have to.  My friend has some extra cash for something she'll never use again and I'm keeping one piece of baby gear out of the landfill.

"Rosa Parks of breastfeeding"

I wrote last about feeling lucky that my new job is supportive of female employees pumping at work.  When the woman who told me how to reserve the designated room for pumping popped by my desk on Friday to see how things were going, the guy who sits next to me announced that she's the "Rosa Parks of breastfeeding." 

When my co-worker returned from maternity leave three years ago, she tried using the nursing room, but found it often occupied with people wanting to use the phone or taking power naps or what not and then she ended up wasting time looking for a private place to pump.  After pumping in a storage room, her frustration sent her to Human Resources where she very nicely asked for a dedicated room where nursing mothers have priority.  She matter-of-factly explained the dedication pumping entails, because a woman needs to commit to pumping multiple times a day in and day out or else her milk supply drops and/or she encounters health complications.  The room where a woman could pump in private already existed in our office, but without the simple assurance that she would have access to it when she needed it, her chance at success with long-term pumping was jeopardized.   When she was denied, she drafted a petition and went from desk to desk to talk to her co-workers about the issue and build support.  Who knows why it took a petition, but Human Resources changed course and relabeled the room the "Nursing Room," updated its employee manual to say that nursing mothers have priority for the use of the room, and the world went on turning. 

Although my co-worker experienced some backlash for her effort, (in the form of negative comments from fellow co-workers, such as the one who said that's not something that should get priority) by the time I arrived three years later, the culture had changed.  So I thanked her for paving the way for the rest of us, because I'm not sure if I would have had the guts to stick myself out there like she did.

Pumping at work

One of the best parts for me about being a stay-at-home mom was that I didn't have to pump.  I breastfed on demand and pretty early on in Oliver's life decided that he was going to get formula the few times I wasn't around to feed him myself.  I realized that pumping was time-consuming and a chore and didn't want to be a slave to the machine.  Well, as of today, pumping is now a new way of life for me. 

I started a new job today and among the usual matters one handles on the first day, like meeting with HR, setting up your e-mail and voicemail and figuring out where everything is, I had to track down a place where I could pump and then interrupt my orientation to go do so.  Thankfully the office culture at my new job is supportive of nursing women.  When I told my boss that the HR rep didn't think I could reserve the dedicated nursing room, she took me over to the desk of someone who'd know the real answer - another nursing mom.  (And yes, I can look up when the room was available and block off time on my calendar so I have the room reserved and no one tries to schedule me for a meeting during pumping sessions.)  And I'm lucky I work in a flexible office environment.  I know women who are teachers, flight attendants, doctors and delivery truck drivers who face many more challenges if they choose to pump at work. 

Despite the favorable set of circumstances I was heading into, pumping had gotten off to a frustrating start when my attempt at stockpiling bottles of expressed milk yielded me three ounces by the first day of work.  Since I was nursing full-time on demand a baby who still didn't have an eating schedule and nursed quit frequently, finding time to pump, let alone reasonable quantities, was nearly impossible.  The lowest point was when Soren woke up unexpectedly early from a nap and wanted to eat and I ended up feeding him the bottle I had just pumped because my body hadn't had the time to produce more milk.  Then were the two times Chris was home with Soren and fed him a bottle of my liquid gold when I was just minutes away.  I finally gave up one night when the kids were in bed and I couldn't bring myself to pump, because I was paranoid that would be the night Soren would wake up earlier than usual and I'd be dragging myself from my warm bed down to the kitchen to heat up a bottle.  I reminded myself I wasn't opposed to formula and enjoyed the last few days of not being attached to a pump.  My gamble might be working out.  The number of ounces I was able to pump today was a little more than what Soren actually ate, so he should be set for tomorrow.