Online Community

When you don't know anyone in real life adopting, what else can you do but turn to the Internet? If I had realized how big the China adoption community is, I would have searched Facebook much sooner, because once I typed in key words like "China" and "adoption," groups popped up, I requested to join whatever looked remotely relevant and that's how I found my online adoption community. 

These groups were my sanity during the process and it often seemed like some of the members knew more than my own agency.  Anytime I doubted what my agency was telling me, (and even when I wasn't doubting) I immediately verified the information on Facebook.  Because the members of the Facebook groups represented most likely every adoption agency in the country, I got immediate confirmation about what was a China requirement versus and agency requirement, and learned what to ask for based on what other agencies were doing better than mine or what to look out for based on the horror stories others told. 

We cheered each up during long waits or set-backs in the process, and celebrated even the smallest victories, like clearing the next step in the process.  And of course we loved seeing pictures of each others' kids, whether that first referral photo, meeting them for the first time in China or back at home where we watched them blossom.  That I even had pictures to show of Kiera and Matteo I owe to the Facebook groups.  When I voiced my frustration with not being matched by our agency, a couple people reached out to me and suggested I switch, advised me on how to do it and then supported me when our old agency fought the switch.

All these groups are closed, which means others can see that you joined the group, but not anything you post on the group's wall.  A few of them are secret groups, which means that they don't turn up in searches and an admin has to add you and can only do so if you're friends. Before adding you to a group, an admin will mostly e-mail you and ask you a couple of questions to make sure you're legit and that the group is right for you.

• Rate Your China Adoption Agency - Before you pick an agency, read agency reviews and ask recent clients about their experiences.
• China Adoption Questions - Whether you're in the early stages of thinking about adopting from China or are in process, this is the place to ask all the random questions you have about adopting from China.
• Prospective Adoptive Parents for China - A group devoted specifically to answering questions from those thinking about adopting from China.
• China Adopt 2 Questions - Are you thinking of adopting two?  Ask any questions related to adopting two at once.
• China Adopt 2 and Beyond - This group is specifically for those of us matched with two or have already come home with two.
• Dossier to China - Some agencies do your whole dossier for you, (and charge you a lot) but with support from this group, you'll be able to do it by yourself. 
• Changing China Agencies - This group was started by the moms who've helped me and others to switch agencies.  They were fielding so many questions, they thought a separate group for this issue was needed.
• Families with Children Adopted from China - This group has thousands of members and is open to adoptive parents (and soon-to-be) and adoptees.  It includes what I call the two generations of Chinese adoption - parents of older adoptees adopted from the non-special needs programs
• Considering Older Child Adoption from China - For parents who've adopted (or are thinking of adopting) a school-age child
• China Waiting Child Advocacy - This groups advocates for harder-to-place children, such as those with moderate or severe needs or children over age two.  Many parents have found their children on this group.
• Journey Across Forever - For adoptive parents who are searching or have found birth family, foster family, finder or nannies of their children
• Working Adoption Moms - For a long time it felt like I was the only adoptive mom who was not a stay-at-home mom.  There are plenty of moms who work, adopt and then put their children in daycare like any other working parent.
• Secular Adoptive Families - Even more alone as a working mom, I'm a non-religious working mom in a community that is VERY religious.  Although not exclusive to China adoption, I wish I had found this group prior to starting the adoption process.
• Secular Foster and Adoptive Parenting - also not exclusive to China adoption, but supportive nonetheless
• After Adoption Support - Not a China-specific group, but there are a lot of China families active in this group, which provides "after the airport" support
• China Adoption Lifebook Group -Tons of great ideas here for putting together your child's lifebook

Then there are the "DTC"  or "LID" groups.  The acronym DTC stands for "dossier to China" and LID stands for "log-in date," the date on which your dossier is logged into China's system. When you reach the DTC and then LID stages you're either already matched with a child or are now eligible to be matched with a child and that's a point where the whole adoption starts feeling real. It's good to join one of these groups because you connect with people in the same stage in the process.  However, because our adoption got so drawn out, I kept having to join new DTC/LID groups so I could find people on a similar timeline. 

• DTC or Travel January - June 2015
• DTC or Travel Fall/Winter 2014
• DTC Spring/Winter 2013 - 2014
• China LID Mid-August - Mid-September
• DTC China Spring Summer 2014

There are also province-specific groups and maybe even one for your child's orphanage or city.

• Hefei Adoption - open to anyone with a child from Anhui; although many people in the group have children from Hefei
• Anhui Group - Moderated by our guide, an employee of the government, and I don't totally trust her, but since there are so few Anhui groups, I want to stay connected
• Children from Fuyang, Anhui - I founded this small group for those of us with children from Fuyang
• Shenzhen Adoptive Families 
• Shenzhen Birthparents Search
• Families with Children from Guangdong
• Families with Children Adopted from Guangdong Province

There may be a group for your part of the U.S.as well.

• Frozen Ladybugs - Guess which state this group's members hail from.

Your agency probably has a group for its families.  These groups might not be as open since people are less likely to be candid when an employee of the agency is moderating the group.  But other agency-specific groups were simply started by a parent wanting to connect with others who adopted from the same agency.

• Great Wall China Adoption Family Connection Group

If your child has a special need, there might be a group devoted to that need.

• Parenting our Adopted Children with CP
• Precious Cleft Smiles China