Applying for a Social Security Number

When you fill out the DS-260, the visa application asks if you would like a social security number automatically be issued to your child.  Of course I checked yes!  Because "automatically" is how my bio children got theirs.  I don't remember filling any forms out for either child, but I'm sure some helpful nurse presented me with the proper paperwork while I was in my post-partum haze and mailed it in for me, and I had the cards in hand long before I would have otherwise gotten around to thinking about what one must do to get a social security number for a newborn.  Because really, at that time in my life, getting a social security number was really, really low on the list of things I was worrying about.

After we adopted Kiera and Matteo, getting a social security number remained very low on my list too.  More pressing were doctors appointments, attachment and bonding and trying to get sleep.  Besides, I really thought their cards would be arriving in the mail any day.  And so I waited.

I was fine with waiting, because again, I have a lot going on right now.  The problem with waiting arose when our health insurance provider told me that per federal law, they can't add Kiera and Matteo to our health care plan without social security numbers.  They are not arguing that our adopted children don't qualify for health insurance; they agree that they will be covered retroactively to the date their adoptions were finalized.  Until then, BlueCross BlueShield acts like Kiera and Matteo don't exist when medical providers try to verify their insurance coverage, so the providers bill us for the full cost of the service.  Thousands of dollars worth of medical bills have arrived and we're expected to pay the bills in full, and then once we have the kids' social security numbers and can add them to our insurance, request each medical provider to resubmit the bills and wait for reimbursement. That's a lot of work on my part, not to mention, after completing an adoption, we hardly have thousands of dollars (let alone hundreds) lying around to front medical bills.   

My adoptive mom friends on Facebook are calling foul that adopted children can't be added without a social security number.  A couple people had been told the same thing, but were able to add their children by typing in 000-00-0000.  This did not fly with BlueCross BlueShield.  I'm enraged both that my adopted children who are entitled to health insurance can't access it in the same way my biological children could, and that the American government can't figure out how to issue social security cards in a timely manner if they're going to pass a law saying you can't be added to an insurance policy without a social security number.

Until I can sort out what federal law requires or does not require, (I contacted my U.S. senator to see if his staff can track down that answer for me) I needed to do what I thought I was supposed to be able to avoid, and that is, apply for their social security numbers in person.  I checked back in with my Facebook friends one last time to double-check whether anyone's cards had ever shown up.  Unfortunately, the majority said theirs never arrived, but then a tiny majority said theirs did, but it took forever.  Over at the social security administration, the woman I got a hold of on the phone said the cards don't always come, but sometimes they do, but they can take a long time and then blamed the consulate for dilly-dallying with sending them the information they need to issue the cards.  She said Kiera's and Matteo's cards could very well be in process, but for security reasons, she couldn't look that up and I'd have to appear in person at the nearest "card-issuing" office. So that's how I ended up at the Social Security Administration office in Minneapolis for three hours with four children (during nap time no less) and every piece of paperwork associated with Kiera's and Matteo's adoptions.

When our number was finally called, I asked the clerk if he could check on their cards and whether they were on their way.  He snorted at me, which I took as verification that those cards aren't actually issued despite what it says on the DS-260.  I had filled out applications for Kiera and Matteo while we waited and presented those along with their Hague adoption certificates, their Chinese adoption certificates (the red booklet), their Chinese passports and my ID. 

Since the only identification I had for the kids were their Chinese passports, he asked for proof that they're American citizens.  I didn't think I needed proof.  I had given him my passport proving I'm an American citizen and I had proof that they're my children.  And I thought that children adopted from China "automatically" became American citizens once they landed in the U.S.  I'm beginning to think "automatically" is a ruse. 

Eventually the children will have proof they're Americans when their Certificate of Citizenship arrives.  Supposedly that document was in the brown envelope we turned over to Homeland Security in Seattle and why we weren't given that document right away or why it takes weeks, or even months, for them to mail it to you, I don't know.  All I know is that my American children are being issued social security cards as green card holders and when we get their Certificates of Citizenship, we'll have to go back to the Social Security Administration office and have them update their status.  (Although their social security number won't change.) 

At least when those social security cards arrive, they'll be in their American names and not their Chinese, which are no longer their legal names.  A social security card doesn't do you much good if the wrong name is on it.  Ironically, the Chinese adoption certificate is the only document with their American names, (the Hague Adoption Certificate only lists the Chinese name) but that was enough for the clerk to process their applications with their new names.

Emerging From Hibernation

As winter approaches each year, I joke with my neighbors, "See you in the spring!"  The sad truth is that when it's too cold to linger outside, we see a lot less of our neighbors.  When we're not spending large chunks of time hanging around outside tending our gardens or playing with the kids on the sidewalk, we're simply less likely to run into our neighbors, and if we do, often we exchange little more than a wave and a hello as we dash in the door or out to our car.  Snowstorms are actually good for neighbor interaction, because it's a chance to catch up with a neighbor while shoveling your walk.

I look forward to spring, not just because I'm usually sick of winter, but because I'm anxious to hear what everyone has been up to.  I remember running into a neighbor at the grocery store at the tail end of winter one year and upon seeing me, she flung open her bulky winter coat to reveal that she was pregnant.  If I hadn't run into her in the produce aisle, she might have given birth before I even learned she had been expecting.

We were granted an early spring this year and on one particularly glorious weekend day, we spent as much time outside as possible.  Chris took Oliver, Soren and Kiera to the park while Matteo napped.  Once he woke up, we headed outside to join them.  I noticed our neighbors sitting on their front stoop a couple houses down from us and decided to walk past their house on the way to the park so I could stop and chat. (And pet their ridiculously cute 110-pound Bernese Mountain Dog, because after not seeing him most of the winter, I was experiencing withdraw.) I thought it was common knowledge in our neighborhood that Chris and I were adopting even if they weren't sure of the exact details.  However, as we got closer and closer to our neighbors, I could see the looks on their faces growing more confused and I realized that they had no idea who Matteo was. This is what I mean about neighbors going into hibernation over the winter.  Spring comes and you find out that your neighbors went to China and came home with two more children!

I introduced Matteo and they were giddy with excitement and wanted to hear all about our trip and our new son.  As I talked, they were grinning ear-to-ear when suddenly they blurted out, "We're adopting too!"  It was my turn to be surprised.  They said they're planning to adopt two children from Guyana and I volleyed a surprise right back at them.  That's when I told them about Kiera and they nearly fell off their stoop.  The final surprise of the evening was when we learned we're using the same adoption agency in Texas.

I'm obviously thrilled my neighbors are adopting.  Although they're not adopting from China, adoptive families, regardless of country, share common experiences.  I think it will be a blessing for  our children to have another family right on our street that was formed through adoption.  They have a long, unpredictable road ahead of them, but I am excited to follow their journey. 

File from Love Without Boundaries

Pictures and reports of Matteo's life before we knew him recently arrived in my e-mail inbox.  His orphanage in Fuyang is supported by Love Without Boundaries (LWB) and his lip repair and foster family were sponsored by the organization.  They run many wonderful programs for children across China.  In addition to sponsoring surgeries and foster families, they provide medical care to children so they can stay with their birth families, they set up schools inside orphanages and provide children with well-balanced meals.  These much-needed programs required a lot of resources, yet Love Without Boundaries still takes the time to catalog all the photos and reports for each child in their programs so that if they are adopted, they can one day pass along all this information to the new parents.

The Love Without Boundaries website has a link under it's Contact page called Request for Child Information.  Once the adoption has been finalized, adoptive parents may submit a request for any information the organization has on their child.  I filled out the online form and hit send, but wasn't sure what I would receive or how long it would take. 

Exactly a week later, we received the gift of a glimpse into Matteo's life before we met him.  Love Without Boundaries had responded to our request with a Dropbox link. I clicked on it to find four electronic folders from the different stages of LWB sponsorship: Matteo's two stays in healing homes, his hospital stay for his lip repair and his time with his foster family.  In each folder, meticulously labeled and organized into sub-folders were monthly reports (thankfully written in English) and pictures.  There were 170 pictures from his Anhui Healing Home stay alone! 

I will be forever grateful for the care Matteo received before he became part of our family.  He needed that surgery and of course he needed loving care, like every child deserves.  What we don't necessarily "need" is the information LWB provided.  As much as the origanization was able to share with  us, it still leaves many pieces of Matteo's early life unknown and questions unanswered since LWB can only provide information about Matteo's life while he was under their care.  Yet I will argue that every person deserves to know his or her history; therefore, I am as thankful to LWB for having the discipline and organization to record all this information for each and every child in their care as I am for the medical needs they fulfill. 

I spent an evening scrolling through all the pictures and enjoyed seeing images of him that I had never seen before.  It was also bittersweet to be playing catch-up through pictures of my son's early childhood, yet again, I'm thankful for everything and I wished there were more. 

Matching With Our Next Au Pair

It was a sobering realization that living in Minnesota and taking care of four children is not every au pair's dream.  It may be our dream, but when au pairs have one year to live the American dream, they want California or New York and one or two (school-age) kids. I desperately hoped someone would be open-minded enough to look past the number of kids and the location and focus on what we had to offer - friendly, welcoming family, city location, access to a car, steady hours and no evening or weekend work.  Then we found Marcel who was willing to give Minnesota a try and be flexible as we adopted two children midway through his year.  I'm sure his experience has not been what he initially expected, but he's nonetheless having a memorable year.

With this living proof that an au pair can have an awesome experience outside of California or New York, I set out on our search for our next au pair with a great deal of optimism.  I updated our family's profile with adorable pictures of our newest additions and wrote about what a wonderful year we're having with Marcel.  As I proofread our profile, I thought, "Who could say no to us?"

Apparently a lot of people.  Seemingly as soon as I hit send on the introductory e-mails I sent to each au pair candidate, the rejections rolled in.  Many never even responded.  It shouldn't have surprised me that most of the reasons focused around not wanting to come to Minnesota and/or take care of four children, but it was still depressing.  Even the woman who could do a handstand on a moving horse (she competes in a sport I'd never heard of called vaulting; it's like gymnastics on horseback) thought four kids was overwhelming.  Let me repeat, SHE COULD DO A HANDSTAND ON A MOVING HORSE - yet she was afraid she couldn't handle our four children. 

We did eventually find our next au pair.  She rides horses, but as far as I know, cannot do a handstand on one.  But we're not hiring an equestrian.  We're hiring an au pair.  The one we matched with is almost 20 years old, from Germany, and has an impressive application filled with extensive babysitting experience and an internship at a daycare program for children with special needs.  In Skype interviews and e-mail correspondence, she came across as kind, social, fun-loving and family-oriented.  In fact, she started to seem too good to be true.  So I ended up sending her one final e-mail where I laid it all out.  Winters are long in Minnesota.  Our kids are loud and you won't be able to sleep in on the weekend.  The hours are long.  There's a lot about the job that's not glamorous, like driving the kids to school, packing lunches, cleaning, doing laundry and cleaning up potty accidents.  In your country the drinking age is 16; in ours it's 21.  I had to cut myself off and hit send before I completely scared her off.  I knew she was the one when her reply left me feeling confident that she wants to spend the year in Minnesota with our family - four kids and all.

Ear Tube Procedure

I don't know if ear tubes are even a surgery.  Maybe they should be called a procedure, which sounds less drastic, because they were so darn easy in comparison to Matteo's palate surgery. Yes, they got general anesthesia, but they were off to the OR and back in less than a half an hour.  They woke up a little groggy, but were reasonably chipper after some food and drink.  And then we were off for home with instructions to administer Tylenol, if needed.

We arrived at the hospital at 6:00 a.m. for Matteo's 7:30 a.m. surgery, which was followed by Kiera's at 8:00 a.m.  In comparison to Matteo's late afternoon surgery when he had his palate repaired, neither kid showed any sign they were thirsty or hungry. As an example of their general good nature, Matteo hugged the teddy bear the woman from Child Life Services gave to him instead of whacking it to the ground (which is so out of character for him!) when he was presented with a similar teddy bear before his palate surgery. 

At 7:30 a.m. sharp, the surgery team arrived to take us to the OR.  I got to carry Matteo while the woman from Child Life Services played with Kiera.  I laid Matteo down on the operating table and got to hold his hand while they put him to sleep.  I was surprised at how well he did.  I would imagine being back in an operating room so soon would bring flashbacks, but it was if he knew what to do instead. 

I spent a few minutes with Kiera before it was time to take her back for surgery.  She wouldn't lie down on the table, so the anesthesiologist put her mask on her sitting up, but she otherwise was so chill about the whole thing that everyone was commenting on how they have never seen such a relaxed child, much less a child so young. 

When I got back to the post-op area, Matteo was already back in his room.  No sooner had the nurse delivered some apple juice for me to help him drink when I heard that they were bringing Kiera back from surgery.  The nurses asked if it would be easier for me if they could transferred Kiera to Matteo's bed and I happily agreed. 

Before we were discharged, the ENT doctor came back to talk to me.  Matteo's surgery had gone as expected.  He had quite a bit of fluid built up in his ears and for kids with cleft lip and palate, tubes are pretty much par for the course.  As for Kiera, we assumed she'd need tubes.  She's three and didn't speak Chinese. (Although she's starting to mimic us.)  Her audiology testing indicated she has mild conductive hearing loss.  However, when the doctor cleared out all the ear wax, he said her ears looked very healthy.  While that it in itself is great news, it leaves us to wonder if there's more behind her language delay than simply mild hearing loss.  Both kids will have audiology testing again in a month so we'll learn if a lot of earwax was all that was impairing Kiera's hearing.  The only sign we've gotten so far that she can hear better is when she covered her ears while I pureed soup for Matteo's lunch.

Kiera and Matteo got lots of attention during our short stay.  Everyone was so curious about them and we got a couple questions about whether they were biological siblings or even twins (asked by people who all had access to their charts with their birthdays - six months apart, so negative on both).  Other than getting their own beds for the OR, they shared a bed in pre-op and post-op and the sight of two tiny, hospital gown-clad children playing peacefully in bed and sipping apple juice was too much for the nurses to not stop in and say hello. 

Being prepped on what to expect with surgery

The nurse who helped us out to our car said it's very rare to have two siblings in for surgery at the same time, so that's why they were attracting so much attention.  He could only think of one other instance, but said the children were a lot older, and therefore not as cute. 

Post-Adoption Report Pictures

We need to submit eight pictures of each child for Kiera's and Matteo's one-month post-adoption reports.  They're supposed to show what our children have been up to since joining our family and how they are doing.  Since we haven't done a whole lot that's picture-worthy since coming home (we're supposed to be cocooning, and it's mostly been cold here in Minnesota), I've had to make a point to keep my camera on me and try to take pictures when we're out and about, or simply when I catch the kids in a good mood.  My kids have heard way too many times, "Smile!  I need a picture to send to China!"

When I finally uploaded all my photos onto my computer, I was combing through them when I came upon this one. This is what "real" siblings do, right?

Okay, really, I'm not going to let that one make the cut. Oliver and Soren actually play quite nicely with Kiera and Matteo and have been awesome big brothers.  There were so many other pictures to chose from that it's going to be hard to narrow them down to just eight.

Matteo

Clockwise from top left: 1. Guangzhou. 2. Playing with blocks at home. 3. Guangzhou. 4. Choo Choo Bob's train store.

Clockwise from top left: 1. Cruising the hospital in his car before his cleft palate surgery. 2. Family picture on Kiera's birthday. 3. Going for a walk pushing three kiddos. 4. Every time he sees the camera, he throws his arm around Kiera for a picture.

Clockwise from top left: 1. Matteo wearing his big brothers' hand-me-down overalls. 2. Donning their junior firefighters hats on a trip to our local fire station. 3. Posing with their siblings, friends and two friendly firefighters at the end of our tour of the fire station.

Clockwise from top left: 1. Kids love carrying their stuff in bags. 2. Snuggled up for a cold winter's walk. 3. All four siblings "smile" for the camera at the Minnesota Children's Museum. 4. Matteo "helped" me bake.

Kiera

Clockwise from top left: 1. Kiera and Matteo "helped" me bake. 2. Getting her teeth cleaned at the dentist. 3. Playing with trains at Choo Choo Bob's train store. 4. Getting a loving hug from Matteo while playing blocks.

Clockwise from top left: 1. Kiera on her third birthday. 2. Wearing the birthday crown Oliver made her while everyone sang Happy Birthday to her. 3. Riding in a wagon at Grandma and Grandpa's house. 4. Trying on her new shades from Uncle Andy and Aunt Danielle.

Clockwise from top left: 1. Guangzhou. 2. Kiera with Matteo and Daddy in Guangzhou. 3. Family picture on Kiera's birthday. 4. Matteo and Kiera.

Kiera had no fear jumping into the ball pit.  As you can see, she loved it!

One day we were all sitting at the table eating when Oliver said out of the blue to me, "When you send those pictures to China, you need to tell them that Kiera and Matteo are really happy here and we love them very much."

I will certainly do that.  I have no idea if their foster families will ever get any of the information from our post-adoption reports, but I asked our agency if they can at least make sure the families get the pictures of their former foster children.  Kiera and Matteo were loved so much and if pictures say a thousand words, hopefully no translation is needed to convey that Kiera and Matteo are happy and they are loved. 

Palate Surgery Recovery - Finally Better Days

The day after I wrote about Matteo's rough recovery from his palate surgery, things finally started looking up for him.  It started with actually getting a decent amount of food into him that night and for the first time, he might have actually felt satisfied.  Not being hungry does amazing things for your mood!

Although the rip in his palate continued to look worse into Wednesday, by that evening, it looked like it was started to retract, just like the doctor said it would probably do.  I brought him in for another post-op visit this morning and low and behold, it looks like his palate has actually fused back to his gum line in a few places.  (I know those are not very technical terms, but that's the best way I can describe it.)  The doctor thought things looked worlds better compared with what he saw on Monday.

Unfortunately, he did see another hole had formed towards the back of Matteo's palate and he was unable to see if there was also a hole in his nasal palate.  He couldn't tell if what he was seeing was a fistula, which would require surgery to repair.  Matteo wouldn't have another surgery until at least six months after the palate repair and I've heard it's "easier".  A lot can happen in the next couple of months, but I'm preparing myself for the reality that Matteo may need another surgery. His next post-op visit isn't for another three months, so we won't know what our next steps are until then. 

The doctor wants Matteo on a liquid diet through Monday, but from Tuesday on, he can have soft foods.  After two weeks of drinking his food, the soft food diet is going to be amazing!  He'll be able to have bread (with crusts cut off), pasta and eggs that haven't been pureed.  He can have anything that doesn't require a lot of chewing and just needs to stay away from anything that will be hard or rough on his mouth.  The soft food diet lasts a week and hopefully he's cleared for real food. 

Liquid Diet

Since Matteo has had his palate surgery, I've played this awful game with myself of trying to decide what the worst surgery is to have and decided that palate surgery just might be right up there simply because of the liquid diet you're subjected to for at least two weeks (followed by at least a week of a soft food diet).

As uncomfortable as it sounds, a liquid diet is necessary because the cleft repair is not strong enough and chewing food can easily damage it.  The mouth needs time to heal.  Until then, patients can only consume foods that can be swallowed without any chewing.  Children's Hospital of Minnesota has a helpful pamphlet on feeding your child. 
 
Some of the foods we've tried:

• Jello
• Applesuace
• Yogurt made with whole milk
• Baby foods of every flavor, including the ones with the pureed meats
• Whole milk
• Carnation Instant Breakfast drink
• Oatmeal (pureed)
• Eggs (pureed)
• Soup (pureed)
• Tomato soup with crushed crackers
• Beef broth
• Beef broth with baby food added
• Ice cream
• Milk shakes
• Whipped cream
• Pudding
• Mashed potatoes

Matteo quickly (very quickly) grew tired of the traditional "liquid" foods of jello, applesauce, pudding and yogurt.  We bought a bunch of baby food, but he had zero interest in that because the flavors were probably too boring for him.  (Ironically, trying to feed our two-and-a-half-year-old after a cleft palate surgery was the first time we ever bought baby food since we had done Baby Led Weaning with Oliver and Soren.)  We thought maybe he'd like the combination of flavors in those pouches of pureed fruits and vegetables.  Soren and Oliver loved those things.  Nope, Matteo turned his head at that too. 

We finally got him interested in very soupy mashed potatoes.  I bought the instant kind and added whole milk and extra butter to get as many calories as I could in him.  One time I poured in cream.  Once he discovered the potatoes, he started refusing all other foods, including sweet foods.  I think he liked having something warm to eat. When a nurse called from the hospital to check in on Matteo, I'm glad she mentioned that kids tend to find one food they like and stick with it, because I would have otherwise worried that all he was eating was mashed potatoes.

Unfortunately, the mashed potatoes fad didn't last forever.  There were some days when he I honestly don't think Matteo ate more than 300 calories.  He reluctantly ate a couple of those fruit and vegetable squeeze pouches he at first refused to eat.  But at 60-90 calories each, they don't pack much punch.  However, compared with the dairy-laden diet he'd previously consumed, he could benefit from a little fiber, so something good came of it. 

Chris was eating eating a beef stew one night for dinner and while he couldn't give Matteo the big chunks of meat, he gave him some broth to sip and he slurped it down.  We realized that other than the mashed potatoes, Matteo's diet had been devoid of salt and he was probably craving it.  For a few days thereafter, each morning I prepared a pot of beef stock to have on hand for the day.  For meals, I mixed a cup of stock in a bowl with one or two of the baby foods and he gobbled that up.  I also pureed a can of soup I found in the cupboard and he liked that too.  One day he wanted to squirt strawberry-flavored applesauce from one of those pouches into his soup.  I thought there was no way he was going to like it, but he ate it.  I guess it shouldn't matter that I thought it was gross, just as long as he was eating. 

Just as suddenly has Matteo had devoured his "soup," he was done with it.   He also refused any of the other foods he had previously eaten.  I had once tried preparing Carnation Breakfast drink, but he had refused to even try it.  Unlike American kids, Chinese kids are given really hot drinks (formula boiling hot, tea, etc.), so on a whim, I decided to give the Carnation Breakfast drink another try by boiling the milk before adding the mix.  That was the trick! He went through two of those each morning and at over 250 calories for each drink (when using whole milk), he finally finished a breakfast with his tummy full. 

Because it makes no sense why he loves something one day and hates it the next, or vice versa, our strategy has been to keep a lot of different foods on hand, try to ignore all the food we're wasting and just keep trying until something interests him.  Unfortunately, sometimes it's taken all day, or even longer, to stumble upon something he wants to eat, but when we do, it's an awesome sight to watch him happily eat. 

Rough Recovery

Matteo's palate surgery recovery has been rough going.  Most of last week was difficult as he was enduring those painful first couple of days after surgery and we desperately tried to stay on top of his pain medications.  Even with his pain controlled, he's miserable on a liquid diet.  He cries so much and I know it's because he's hungry.  He shows little interest in what we serve him, presumably because he wants real food.  I haven't seen him eat pudding since he left the hospital and has turned down ice cream and yogurt too.  Instead he moped around the kitchen while I made dinner and with a desperate look in his eyes, pointed at the noodle casserole on the counter.  Another day, we were eating lunch, and he refused what I had served him.  He wanted to sit on my lap while I ate my sandwich and Sun Chips.  He picked up a chip and held it in his hand.  I was curious if he'd try to eat it, but he knew he wasn't allowed to and instead tried to gently lick the chip.  That was one of the most pathetic sights I've seen!  It broke my heart and made me wonder if this experience is going to damage his healthy relationship with food.  Matteo has a healthy appetite and has shown no signs of food insecurity like we'd learned about during our adoption training.  He lived in a foster family his whole life and was never deprived food.  But that's exactly what we're doing to him now.  He has no way of knowing that what we're doing is actually meant to keep him healthy. 

Just when we thought we could ease him off the prescription pain medications, Matteo suddenly seemed to be in as much pain as he was the day after surgery.  When his fever spiked to 104 in the middle of the night, I called the triage line in a panic thinking that his palate had become infected.  The doctor told me they rarely see a post-surgery palate infection and the likely culprit was an ear infection.  He sent me to the pediatrician the next morning who confirmed not one, but two badly-infected ears, which he managed to get despite being on an antibiotic after the surgery.  She prescribed daily antibiotic injections, assured me the shots are fast-acting, and even double-checked his palate.  I felt relieved leaving the office that we were back in control of Matteo's recovery. 

Matteo continued to be fussy at breakfast the next morning and didn't want to eat, which we assumed was because his ears were still hurting him.  When I looked at him from across the table, I saw what looked like a flap of skin hanging down from the roof of his mouth.  I darted around the table and looked in his mouth to see my fears confirmed.  The stitches from his palate repair were coming undone.  To me it looked like the roof of his mouth was coming apart. 

I called the triage line again, this time in tears.  Matteo's surgeon called me back and tried to assure me it wasn't as bad as it looked and promised me he's not in worse shape than before the surgery.  Unfortunately, the front of the palate is very fragile and there was a high likelihood it wouldn't hold.  But because the palate is made up of two layers (an oral palate and nasal palate), he explained we only needed one to hold (preferably the nasal palate).  Whatever was happening with the oral palate I was seeing coming apart, it wasn't something a few stitches could fix and we'd have to let it be and reevaluate in six months whether another surgery would be needed.  I hung up the phone feeling like I'd been talked back off from the roof ledge.

I panicked again the next morning when I looked in Matteo's mouth and saw that more stitches from his palate had come undone and a flap of palate that had once connected somewhere right behind his teeth was close to resting on his tongue.  I called the triage line again and asked to see any doctor since I knew Matteo's surgeon was in surgery all day.  I was shocked when the nurse called back and said the doctor would see Matteo between surgeries if I could meet him at the hospital in an hour.  We happen to live close to the hospital, so I loaded all four kids in the car and headed over.

I almost wanted the doctor to look in Matteo's mouth and gasp about what rough shape he was in because it would mean they'd have to do something.  Instead I heard much the same from what he told me the day before.  There's nothing they can do.  He only needs one layer to hold.  The nasal layer is intact.  I questioned what to do about the layer of his palate hanging above his tongue and he assured me the whole thing wasn't going to rip away.  I can't imagine Matteo starting back on solid food in this state, but the surgeon said the layer will eventually retract and his mouth is going to look a lot different a month from now.  I guess I just have to trust him. 

As if he had read my mind, he said he never blames the parents or the child, because as careful as we are, a child sticking his finger in his mouth or a parent hitting the roof of his mouth while spoon-feeding isn't a likely cause.  If the it was going to fail, it was simply going to fail.  In a way, that was nice to hear since Chris and I had been racking our minds trying to pinpoint when everything went wrong. 

The doctor also recommended we stop looking in Matteo's mouth, because it does look worse than it is and we'll only worry.  That's harder said than done when I can literally see part of his mouth hanging down above his tongue! I have been peaking and, yup, it looks worse today than it did yesterday.  Yet I'm slowly starting to trust the doctor.  We have another post-op appointment on Friday and hopefully enough time has passed at that point that we'll be able to assess what the rest of his recovery is going to look like.

Adoption Announcement

Since I had made birth announcements for Oliver and Soren, I couldn't wait to make an adoption announcement for Kiera and Matteo.  (Okay, I didn't actually make anything.  A talented person with an Etsy shop takes all the credit. Check out Judy Lee Studios.)

Without further adieu:

Happy 3rd Birthday to Our "Kiera Dear"

There was a time when I was afraid that we wouldn't make it to China in time for Kiera's third birthday.  We first laid eyes on her last May and I thought for sure we'd meet her in the fall.  When it was clear that fall travel was no longer a possibility, I set my hopes on having her home for Thanksgiving, then Christmas.  And when that wasn't going to happen, I realized the next special date on the calendar was her birthday. 

We made it home with a month to spare and got to celebrate the third birthday of our little "Kiera Dear," as her father has affectionately nicknamed her.  We chose to keep the party small and celebrate with immediate family at her Grandma and Grandpa's house where Kiera and her brothers played with all the outdoor toys Grandma diligently picks up at garage sales and second-hand stores.  There was even a new Radio Flyer wagon to bring home, a present from Grandma and Grandpa. 

After a dinner of pizza and salad, we sang Happy Birthday to Kiera, who wore the birthday crown Oliver had made for her as she waited to blow out three candles in the shape of a football.  (The only candles I could find.  Poor third child!) She looked both perplexed and amused by the attention as we sang and did not no what to do at the end of the song, so her dad blew out her candles for her. 

With the help of her brothers, Kiera opened a couple of gifts after we finished our cake.  She's the only kid of mine to get excited about receiving clothes and she loved trying on her new sunglasses.  Because here's the hilarious part.  I, the non-girlie-girl, not only got a girl when I was expecting all boys, but got what just might be a girlie-girl.  She loves her dolls and always wants a pretty hair clip in her hair.  She's best described as dainty, with her petite features and cautious approach. 

Kiera is tougher than she looks though.  If one of her brothers take a toy from her, she's not timid about yanking it back from him.  She's slow and steady climbing the playground equipment, but she's not afraid to get up there.  I've seen her only become bolder in the month since she's gotten home.  When we were in China, she had to be coaxed down the slide, but that's no more.  We had her evaluated by our school district's special education team and the district has an indoor playground with a ball pit.  The therapists were amazed that a child her age climbed in without hesitation.  Just like with a body of water, kids get nervous because they can't see the bottom.  

The therapists were so impressed by how well Kiera is doing and think she is developmentally on target in every area, except of course speech.  We hope that ear tubes, scheduled near the end of the month, is all she needs to restore her hearing and hopefully jump start her language.  Even with reduced hearing, we have noticed that very recently she's starting to mimic words we say.  She even yelled out "Dog!" unprompted at the park when she saw a dog. 

Even though she doesn't speak much, we know Kiera understands quite a bit.  As long as there's context to what I'm asking her to do, she follows directions quite well.  And she's starting to answer questions by nodding her head yes or no.  I'm amazed by how well she (and Matteo) communicate non-verbally.  Their cues are so subtle though that it's sometimes like a puzzle.  I was outside our bedroom one day when Kiera pointed inside our bedroom.  I asked if she had something to show me and I reached for her hand.  She let me lead her into the bedroom.  She pointed excitedly at the bed and I remembered how Chris was throwing the kids on the bed the night before.  They thought it was great fun. I was so excited I figured out what she was trying to tell her, so without delay, I picked her up and threw her (gently) on the bed and she shrieked with glee.  

Preparing for China Trip

The adoption process moved in predictable and reasonably quick (relatively speaking) steps once we received our Letter of Acceptance (LOA) in early November, but once we got our Travel Approval at the end of December, travel planning kicked into high gear.  We left less than a month later.

During the long wait, I had casually researched what we would need to do to prepare to leave for China, but when our departure was suddenly imminent, I could hardly think straight about all that we had to do and didn't know where to start.  I finally sat down and drafted a to-do list.  It was three pages long and, no, we didn't manage to check everything off that list.  But when it was all said and done, we made it to China and back home again with our two children.  

The list here contains travel prep I think applies to most people. I edited out the items specific to our family, like registering our son for kindergarten, since the deadline fell while we were away.  We left our older children home with Grandma and Grandpa and had people staying at the house the whole time we were gone, so our to-do list reflects that situation.  

House and Cars
	Paint kids’ room
	Furnish kids’ room
	Decorate kids’ room
	Car maintenance (oil changes, windshield washer fluid, etc.)
	Schedule house cleaning while we’re away
	Instructions and check for house cleaner
	Stock up on household items (paper towels, toilet paper, etc.)
	Withhold mail
	Stop newspaper
	Arrange care for pets
	Find someone to tend gardens - water plants, weed as needed
	Find someone to mow the lawn
	Arrange snow removal
	Leave extra house key with neighbors
Adoption Tasks
	Using list from agency, compile all adoption documents and store in plastic file folder
	Copy files onto flash drive
	Request cash from bank for orphanage donation
	Gifts for civil affairs, nannies, etc.
Travel
	Research flights
	Contract travel agents
	Book flights once we have CA
	Research travel insurance
	Contact health insurance company about coverage in China
	Print additional passport photos (for visa and travel)
	Double-check your passport is still valid for at least six more months past your return date
	Fill out and sign visa paperwork
	Mail to courier (we used There’s Always Hope)
	Purchase supplies for trip (see packing list)
	Notify credit card companies of your travel plans
	Ask bank and credit card company about fees for withdrawing money overseas
	Book hotel in Hong Kong
	Contact doctor about vaccinations, prescriptions, etc.
	Fill prescriptions
	Leave behind copies of passports, visas, credit cards, drivers license
	E-mail family and friends travel itinerary and how to reach us
	Verify flights within three days of travel
Miscellaneous
	Set up VPNs on laptop and cell phones
	Download podcasts, movies (for you and the kids), ebooks, games
	Schedule appointments with specialists, pediatrician, International Adoption Clinic for return
	Set up auto-pay to pay bills
	Freeze meals
	Get haircuts
	E-mail family and friends info about airport homecoming
	Put gym membership on hold
	Install kids’ car seats in the minivan
For those staying with our children
	Medical power of attorney for children
	Visa gift cards to cover expenses for the kids
	List of emergency numbers/contact information
	Grocery list of what we’d like stocked up for our return
	Photo albums of our family for the kids
	Paper chain for the kids to count down the days until our return
	Notify preschool about our departure
	Schedule babysitters to relieve Grandma and Grandpa while we’re gone
	Notes for caregivers about the kids’ routines, trash and recycling days, etc.
	Share Internet connection password
Day Before Departure
	Change voice mail greeting on cell phone
	Clean out wallet and only bring what’s absolutely necessary
	Trial run with packing to make sure everything fits and is under weight limit
Day of Departure
	Put fresh sheets on the bed
	Take out the trash