What Would Have Been a 66th Birthday

Today would have been my mom's 66th birthday.  In the days after her death, I tried to write down stories about my mom for her memorial service and what I thought would come so easily to me didn't.  I couldn't recall any particular words of wisdom she had told me.  I couldn't remember what her hopes and dreams for me or herself had been or if she ever even told me what they were.  I wanted to honor what my mom would have wanted, yet I couldn't even remember what our last conversation had been about.  I had twenty-seven years of memories and I was failing to find meaning in any of them.

Although I struggled to find the right words to share on the day of my mom's memorial service, I've learned in the years that followed that the meaning of my memories of her will reveal themselves over time.

I always knew I wanted to adopt, but hadn't thought beyond that, so I never dreamed that I would one day adopt a child (let alone two!) from China.  I feel comforted knowing that my mom would have been thrilled that Chris and I are adopting from China because I remember her conversation with a relative about it.  Whereas a lot of adoptive parents face criticism and scrutiny of their decisions by their own family members, based on that conversation, I know my mom supported both adoption and inter-racial adoption.  Like a lot of people, there would have been a steep learning curve about special needs adoption and boys needing families as much as girls, but I know she would have quickly become one of our biggest supporters and gone on to do things like organize fundraisers to support Chinese orphanages.

Shortly after my mom's death, I was helping my grandmother clear out her home in preparation to move into assisted living.  My mom had been an only child and when she died, helping my grandmother fell to me.  My grandmother dug through a desk drawer and pulled out a case with an old bottle and other supplies she had used to feed my mother, who had been born with a cleft palate.  I remember wondering why on earth my grandmother had saved this equipment for six decades (and through at least two moves) and why she felt the need to show me.  At the time I wasn't even interested because I was under so much pressure to pack up a house worth of stuff. Of course I had no idea that I, too, would someday have a child with a cleft palate.

I had grown up knowing that one form or another of the name Susannah had been passed down the maternal line for generations.  But when Chris and I decided to adopt from China, I assumed I was going to remain a mom of all boys.  I would have been one very proud mom, but with just one regret - not being able to continue a family tradition.  I had found an old letter from my mom and she stated, very out of the blue, that if I ever had a daughter, she hoped I'd give her the name Susannah. I was shocked more than anyone to be matched with a girl.  I know my mom would have been so excited - to update her genealogy records.  One more Susannah in the maternal line, birthplace, Shenzhen, China.