Happy Halloween!

I've always liked Halloween even though I don't like dressing up.  But I do like chocolate, fall, apples, carving pumpkins and everything else associated with the holiday.  And now that I have children, I've let go of the pressure to feel like I have to dress up or go to Halloween parties and instead use my kids as an excuse to let it be "their holiday."  It was extra fun this year now that we have an au pair and can share this quintessentially American holiday and all its traditions with him. 

Soren chose to be a fire fighter and I was thrilled that a co-worker happened to have costume from the previous year.  It fit him perfectly!

Oliver wanted to be a vampire, but after going back and forth about whether he wanted face make-up and to do his hair, it proved to be too much for him.  He admitted he wanted to be a "good-looking" vampire, so that's what he was! 

I wasn't sure whether Marcel was going to dress up or not, but I think he got some pressure from the other au pairs.  A couple of them went to Target earlier this week and he found this Superman costume on the clearance rack.  Since it was so cold, he liked the costume because he could fit his normal clothes underneath the costume to keep warm.  I told him that with Superman, the order of clothing is actually the other way around.

Whether he was into dressing up or not, I think Marcel got a kick out of trick-or-treating.  He loved seeing everyone in their costumes and walking around the neighborhood and seeing how some people go all out with decorating.  We came to one house, which had what looked like a haunted house set up in their backyard.  Oliver was too terrified to even go near the house, but I insisted Marcel had to go in, you know, in the name of cultural experience.  I think he was actually pretty nervous. 

He emerged unscathed.  In reality this haunted house served up no tricks, just treats.  The homeowners were handing out their candy inside, which lead to a humorous moment when Marcel received his candy and the homeowner looked at him and said, "You're a little big for trick-or-treating."

After that house, we headed back home where everyone gorged on candy and watched Charlie Brown and the Great Pumpkin.  Then the kids, overstimulated from sugar and the excitement of the evening, melted down and needed to go to bed.  And our kid who's too big for trick-or-treating, headed out with friends to find some adult Halloween parties and enjoy this American holiday with people his own age. 

My (Healthy) Little Peanuts

With fall birthdays for my children, we get through the annual wellness visit, one of the semi-annual dentist visits and flu vaccinations in one fell swoop.  The kids started with dentist appointments, which went better than expected considering that both kids actually sat in the chair and more or less complied with instructions (Oliver more so than Soren).  When the hygienist told Oliver he must be doing a good job brushing because his teeth and gums looked so healthy, I couldn’t help but tell her that meant I was doing a good job brushing. She was quite happy to hear that I actually brush the kids’ teeth, which she instructs all parents to do.  Yes! Scored a “good mom” point there.  But then the dentist came in and announced that Oliver has a cavity.  I guess my brushing isn’t quite as stellar as I had thought.  

I’m often questioned why I bring my kids to the dentist when they’re so young.  Trying to convince people there’s a purpose in taking care of and treating teeth that are going to eventually fall out must be a constant battle dentists face.  Even I have questioned why, but it turns out Oliver's cavity is a good example of why it's important I keep bringing them in.  The cavity is in one of his molars, which he’s going to have until he’s 10 or 11 years old.  The dentist explained that cavities can spread slowly through the enamel, but once they penetrate the softer part of the tooth, the decay of the entire tooth can happen pretty quickly - in less than a year.  The thought of a tooth decaying in my otherwise healthy five-year-old's mouth was enough to book the appointment to have it filled without giving the decision much more thought.  

At their wellness check-ups, the boys came away with a glowing report of good health.  They're still tiny little guys, but healthy!  

Soren

• 28.8 pounds (17th percentile)
• 35.5 inches (10th percentile)

Oliver

• 37.4 pounds (22th percentile)
• 41 inches (13th percentile)  

When the doctor came in, he asked Oliver a ton of questions.  Thankfully Oliver had the right answers.  He insisted he loves broccoli and emphasized that he eats fruit at lunch every day.  (Okay the second part is at least true.)  He never mentioned the fruit snacks Dad lets him buy when they go grocery shopping together or the cookies he talks me into giving him.  Oliver loved showing off how high he could count and how he could balance on one foot.  He had all sorts of things to tell the doctor, which meant, unfortunately, that Soren never really got a chance to talk.  So that the doctor wouldn't think he was mute, I finally had to interrupt Oliver to tell him to let his brother answer first. 

Match Reviewed

I was driving home from work one day last week when I just broke down in tears.  I can't remember if I'd gotten another update from our agency that there was still no news - still no movement on the review of our dossier(s) and not even the update on our children we'd requested weeks ago from their orphanages.  Or maybe nothing in particular triggered my sadness, or perhaps it was the nothingness itself.  The radio silence from the CCCWA, and at times, even our own agency, about whether we were making any progress or on when we would finally meet our children was eating away at me.  Sometimes I just wanted to scream at that nothingness or vent to anyone who would listen.

Instead, on that day, I just cried.  My children felt so far away and in some ways, not even real.  When I was pregnant I had proof kicking at my belly that my children existed.  After going so long without any additional proof that they exist - an update from the orphanage with new pictures or acknowledgement from the Chinese government that they will be ours - my mind began to wonder if they really do.  Was this just a cruel practical joke?  The adoption process can make you go crazy, I tell you.  My rational side knows they do exist.  And here I was missing out watching them grow up.  Watching Oliver and Soren grow and play and discover new things reminds me every day of what I'm not experiencing with my Chinese-born children. We've been staring at pictures that are probably nine months old now and I cried thinking that if we finally make it to China, I won't even recognize them.

Although I still might not recognize my own children someday given how long this process has dragged on, the good news is that I now know we'll eventually get to see them.  Yes, I can finally say, "We're going to China!"  I received the call late this afternoon that both our dossiers have been "match reviewed," which means our applications to adopt these two children has been approved by the CCCWA.  Our "Letters of Acceptance" (LOA) are in the mail.  I'm tempering my excitement until I see those letters from the Chinese government with my own eyes.  If my estimates are correct, we could be on a plane to China by February 1 and back to the States just before the Chinese New Year. 

Joining the Smartphone World

I don't try to keep up with trends and therefore have little concern about the latest fashion or newest technologies.  If it still fit or worked and was in fine condition, I kept it.  I'm proud of being frugal.  So the embarrassment I felt every time I pulled my flip phone out in public surprised me.   

 

I had resisted the switch to a "smartphone" for so long because I didn't want to pay for a data plan on top of the monthly charge for the phone plan.  I'm just too cheap for that, especially when my flip phone was costing me $10 a month because my line is an add-on to my husband and brother-in-law's family plan.  

What finally made me break down and buy a smartphone (aside from the embarrassment I mentioned earlier) is that I accepted that our world is now designed around smartphones.  It is assumed that you can access information anywhere, and when you can't, you're out of the loop.  At least that's how I felt.  How long was I going to hold out out of principle? And let's be honest, smartphones are convenient.  Being able to look up directions, find out when the next bus is coming or translate a word during my Chinese class have been some of the basic ways I've used mine.  I'm traveling next month by myself with the kids and having a phone that can check into our flights, find directions to everywhere we need to go and look up whatever information we need as the day's plans evolve honestly make me feel less stressed about the trip. 

I ended up with an iPhone 5s despite my friend's warning that if I buy an Apple product, the company will have me under their spell and I'll never be able to "quit Apple."  Maybe so, but since my husband is my main tech support and he has an iPhone, an iPhone is what I got.  Even with his help and daily tutorials from a tech-savvy co-worker, I'm still intimidated by my own phone.  But as the expression goes, "If you can't beat them, join them."

Be the Match

Somewhere in this country, there's a seven-year-old girl dying of leukemia.  Eight years ago, a friend of mine signed up with the National Marrow Donor Program during a registry drive at her college.  She joined eleven million people in the United States and millions more worldwide who have committed to donating bone marrow donate or cells from circulating blood (called PBSC donation) to any patient who matches to them.  Eight years later my friend learned she happens to be the best - and only - genetic match for this little girl.

As a mom, my heart immediately went out to the parents of this child.  I cannot imagine how painful it would be to have such a sick child, especially one who could die, and how helpless I would feel not being able to make my child better.  And when I thought about my friend being the one and only match, I wondered at first how the parents would feel about being so dependent on a stranger.  But then I realized it's not dependency they most likely feel, but hope.  Without bone marrow donation, this little girl is out of options.  But because my friend has been matched with her, there is now hope.

The opportunity to turn helpless into hope became my main motivator in joining the registry.  Registration is easy and free.  Create an account on the Be the Match website and request a registration kit.  I received a packet with four giant Q-tips and instructions on how to take a swab of my cheek cells.  I mail the cheek swabs back in and they tissue test the swabs and add me to the database, which doctors around the world can search. 

While registering involves just a few easy steps, actually donating bone marrow is admittedly a huge commitment.  The typical time commitment for the donation process is 20-30 hours of your time spread out over a four-to-six-week period because the lead-up to donation requires multiple doctors visits, tests and blood donations.  Then there's an actual procedure, which involves general anesthesia and a small incision in your back where a needled is inserted to remove the bone marrow.  But the procedure is short and routine enough that most donors don't stay overnight in the hospital.

The whole needle in the back thing initially made me gasp, but then I reminded myself I've done that before, but without general anesthesia.  They were called epidurals.  And I got them because I was in labor and in a lot of pain and I was tired, oh, and can I mention one more time, I was in labor.  Going through labor (plus two c-sections and a surgery for a ruptured fallopian tube and ovary) got me over my fear of needles really quickly and anything else in the medical world that made me feel squeamish.  The bone marrow donation procedure honestly sounds like a walk in the park.  And it feels like the least I can do to bring hope to someone else in this world. 

Happy 3rd Birthday to Soren!

My little guy is three. Soren still has the sweetness of a baby, but the budding, stubborn independence so typical for kids his age.  Shrieks of "I do it!" are heard more often at our house and a simple task like throwing a used diaper in the trash can turn into hysterics if he wants to do it and isn't allowed to.  I've always said he's my easy-going child, but I think three is going to be the year he challenges that!

Just like Oliver did at this age, Soren is starting that slow, frustrating process towards dropping naps all together.  Whether he naps at all and for how long have been hit or miss, but at least we have noticed a pattern.  If there's else going on during nap time, he'd rather be doing that instead of napping.  Therefore, he usually naps the afternoons Oliver has preschool.  But again, this is a slow process, so the lack of sleep eventually catches up with him and he wants to nap no matter what else is going on.  Whether he naps or not, he has difficulty falling asleep at night, which has been challenging on Chris and me who look forward to our peace and quiet once the kids have gone to bed!

What Soren shows no progress towards is potty-training.  He seemed very interested in it months ago and even insisted on going to daycare with no diapers a couple of times.  We've never even used a potty chair with him and instead managed to get him used to sitting on the toilet.  Although he knows how to use the toilet, it's clear he hasn't learned to recognize when he has to go.  So we stepped back from toilet-training and are letting Soren more self-awareness before giving it another try.  

Soren loves preschool.  Thank goodness, because he always wanted to hang out in Oliver's classroom at drop-off and was so proud when he got his first book bag, but with all the transitions the last year, I wasn't sure he was going to change his mind about this whole preschool thing.  Drop-offs were a little rough the first few weeks, but nothing out of the ordinary for a barely-three-year-old.  He only has four other kids in his class and typical for his age, he names his teacher as his favorite friend at school.

It's strange to have a blond child, well dirty-blond really, but given no one in my family has anything close to blond hair, his looks very blond to me.  And friends have commented that his hair looks blonder, although I'm attributing that to a summer spent in the sun.  Before anyone starts making jokes about mailmen, Chris had blond hair as a kid, even though it's now as brown as mine.

Soren's pronunciation has been slow and coming.  He especially has trouble saying the "s" sound.  But just in the last week or two we noticed that he's starting to pronounce his name correctly, and not "Oren."  He hasn't 100% mastered the "s" sound, so if I hear him stumble on a word, I try to see if I can get him to repeat it correctly.  One day he asked for a spoon and after a couple rounds of me trying to get him to say it correctly and him responding with "poon," he finally matter-of-factually said, "I want one of those."  Way to adapt. 

Soren's fear of dogs is still pretty intense, but we're starting to see him  open up to them.  He still flips out most of the time (and I mean utterly and completely lose it), but if he has an opportunity to warm up to the idea, (that is the dog doesn't approach him, look at him, surprise him with its presence, and so on) he might actually reach out his little hand for a quick pet.  Unfortunately I forgot to mention Soren's fear of dogs to our au pair, but he quickly figured it out when he took the kids to their first playdate and the family had a dog, the most docile, lethargic Lab one has probably ever met.  When I asked Soren what they did with the dog when he was scared, he said in a timid little voice, "The doggie had to go to his woom."

After the party the week before his birthday, Soren's actual birthday was quite low-key.  We spent the morning at the park with friends and he got Izzy's ice cream for dessert that evening.  He was also quite excited to open his birthday presents to find a Mickey Mouse movie and Heatwave, the transformer.  

No Gifts Please

When planning my kids' party, I had internal debates about things like whether to have an outdoor party in the fall when it could rain or be too cold or what time of day would work best for the kids still napping.  But what I really struggled with up until I sent the invitations out was what to do regarding gifts.  The selfish truth is that I wanted it to be a gift-free birthday party.  I didn't want extra stuff in my house, I didn't want my kids to have more shiny new things to squabble over and I didn't want my kids ending up with an excess of things they might or might not end up playing with. (To top it off, the thank you note-writing would have fallen squarely on me.)  I felt like the gifts my kids received from Chris and me and other family and close friends was more than enough.  Kids go to a lot of birthday parties and I didn't want to add any financial burden on my friends.  Really, I just wanted our friends to come, celebrate our kids and have a good time. 

My friends handle the gift issue in different ways.  Some probably barely give it a second thought.  It's a birthday party and if people want to bring gifts, or not, they see no harm.  Others have encouraged homemade gifts or inexpensive, but lasting gifts, like books.  One friend did a gift exchange.  She asked everyone to bring a used puzzle or game.  The kids exchanged the wrapped gifts and everyone got to open one and take it home.  

I decided it was easiest to go the "no gifts" route.  Even though it's considered poor etiquette to write "no gifts" on an invitation, it would have been worse in my opinion if some people showed up with gifts when others brought nothing. 

There were times ahead of the party that I felt guilty, like I was depriving my children of the joy of opening a pile of gifts at an event that rivals Christmas in the anticipation and excitement.  I wasn't so much worried about Soren, who at three, doesn't quite get the gift thing yet.  But Oliver has been to enough birthday parties and that I assumed he'd think birthday party is synonymous with gifts.  Was he going to be disappointed if no one brought him a gift?  Even worse, would he be hurt and wonder why other kids at parties get presents, but he doesn't?

Thankfully I didn't hear a single comment or question about presents from Oliver and Soren.  As relieved as I was, I was still amazed.  It's not like I can walk through Target without the kids seeing something that they just have to have.  So it was really nice to watch the party unfold as I had hoped, where the kids played and had a blast. 

A Year of Firsts

When Marcel arrived in the U.S., he was excited and ready for new adventures despite being completely exhausted.  He claimed to be nervous even as he smiled big.  I admired him for the way he immersed himself in a new country, new language and new family.  You never would have guessed that he had never spent more than a layover in an English-speaking country.  And he went with the flow as we all figured out our new daycare routine with him as our au pair.  He rolled with the punches, or maybe I should say with the swing of hammers, as our house continued to be dismantled around him in a renovation that never ceases.    

Marcel has experienced a lot of firsts these past few weeks.  First diaper change ever.  (Really!)  First load of laundry.  (Again, really!  I'm going to embarrass him here, but his mom still did his laundry for him back in Germany.)  First taste of tofu.  (As he scarfed down the lasagna dinner, he had no idea the "ricotta" was actually tofu.)  First American date.  Probably first time he's been carded at a bar. First soccer game on American soil, which also included his first hat trick during an American soccer game.  First trip to Las Vegas.  First time on water skis.  And as a birthday gift, tickets to his first NFL game, a surprisingly welcomed gift by an otherwise soccer-obsessed German.  

To me, Marcel has earned all these firsts.  Back home he's lived in the same apartment building his entire life.  The same building that his dad, grandparents, aunt and a cousin also live in.  His mother lives three blocks away.  Most of his friends he's known since he was a kid.  The same person has been cutting his hair his whole life.  That's how tight-knit his world was.  Yet he chose to step out of his comfort zone and live with another family for a year, and in Minnesota of all places.  I'm pretty sure he had never heard of Minnesota just five months ago when we first interviewed him.

The other night Marcel came home from a goodbye party for a fellow au pair.  I asked him how the party was and he paused and then said with a tinge of sadness and disbelief, "A year goes by quickly."  I'm sure a year felt like a long time when he said goodbye to his family and friends back home, but it is relatively short with all the "firsts" I know he's going to need to fit in that time.  

S'mores Cupcakes

When I asked Oliver what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday, I shouldn't have been surprised when he said a cake with marshmallow icing.  The kid is obsessed with S'mores and, in particular, roasting the perfect marshmallow.  And that's when I got the idea to combine Oliver's request for marshmallow icing with his love of S'mores.  Much to my delight, a quick search on Pinterest revealed a blog with a recipe for S'mores Cupcakes.  Who would have thought there's such a thing?

My cupcakes didn't look quite this pretty, but surprisingly, pretty darn close!

When I make these again, (because, let's be honest, I have a "cupcake rotation") I'll try making the ganache with milk chocolate for a more authentic s'mores flavor combination.  The only difficult part was trying to remove the sticky marshmallows from the baking tray and place them on the cupcakes, so I might try "frosting" the cupcakes with marshmallow Fluff and toasting them for a few seconds under the broiler. 

S’mores Cupcakes

makes  12 cupcakes

for the cupcakes:

• 1 cup graham cracker crumbs (from 9 crackers)
• 1 cup all-purpose flour, spooned and leveled
• 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon fine salt
• 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, at room temperature
• 3/4 cup sugar
• 2 large eggs
• 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
• 3/4 cup whole milk

for the ganache:

• 1/3 cup heavy cream
• 6 ounces semisweet chocolate, chopped

for the topping:

• 12 large marshmallows

make the cupcakes:
Heat oven to 350° F with the racks in the middle and top positions. Line a standard 12-cup muffin tin with paper liners. Whisk together the graham cracker crumbs, flour, baking powder, and salt in a medium bowl.

Beat the butter and sugar in a separate bowl with an electric mixer on medium-high until light and fluffy, 2 to 3 minutes. Beat in the eggs, one at a time, then the vanilla, scraping down the sides of the bowl as necessary. Reduce mixer speed to low and add the dry ingredients and milk alternately, beginning and ending with the dry ingredients and mixing well between additions. Mix until just combined.

Beat the butter and sugar in a separate bowl with an electric mixer on medium-high until light and fluffy, 2 to 3 minutes. Beat in the eggs, one at a time, then the vanilla, scraping down the sides of the bowl as necessary. Reduce mixer speed to low and add the dry ingredients and milk alternately, beginning and ending with the dry ingredients and mixing well between additions. Mix until just combined.

Divide the batter among the muffin cups. Bake, on the middle rack, rotating once, until a toothpick inserted in the center of a cupcake comes out clean, 20 to 24 minutes. Cool in the tin for 10 minutes; transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.

make the ganache:
Meanwhile, bring the cream to a boil in a small pot. Remove from heat, add the chocolate, and let sit for 5 minutes. Whisk to combine. Let cool slightly.

make the topping:
Place the marshmallows on a parchment-lined baking sheet, 2½ inches apart. Bake on the top rack until golden and deflated, 6 to 10 minutes. Let cool.

assemble the cupcakes:
Divide the ganache among the cupcakes, then top each with a toasted marshmallow. Let sit until the ganache is almost firm to the touch, 15 to 20 minutes, before serving.

Tamarack Nature Center Birthday Party

Oliver and Soren had a joint birthday party on Saturday at the Tamarack Nature Center to celebrate turning five and three. It was a simple affair - cake and a craft in a classroom inside the nature center and then play time at the center's incredible natural play area.  Lots of friends made the trek up from St. Paul to enjoy afternoon sunshine and brisk fall air against the backdrop of forest and prairie. 

The party was a humbling reminder that "simple" is still a lot of work.  While I was baking four dozen cupcakes, Chris was making a last-minute run to Michael's for more craft supplies.  Two hours before we needed to leave for the party, where was I?  At Target of course.  And then there was what I couldn't control, the weather. The weekend before the party had been gorgeous - sunny and unseasonably warm.  But it rained every day for the next week, which left me obsessively checking the weekend weather report.  I was nervous that a high of 45 and wind was going to dampen guests' enthusiasm for leaving the warmth of the nature center building.  And then how were we going to entertain 15 kids inside a classroom for two hours?

My worries ended up not being reality.  The craft activity of making trick-or-treat bags was a hit with the kids and ended up being a great way to keep them occupied while we waited for everyone to arrive.  After singing Happy Birthday and eating as many cupcakes as their hearts desired, the parents bundled the kids up and ushered them outside while my mother-in-law and a couple of friends helped me pack up and take everything out to the car.  When I joined the group over in the play area, parents and kids were building forts with tree branches, digging moats in the sand area or playing tag among the boulders.  The brisker weather ended up working to our advantage as we had the whole place to ourselves.  Not only did the kids have fun, but the adults too!  Many of my friends had never been to the Tamarack Nature Center and were as delighted about discovering this gem of a play area as their kids were. 

Despite all the work that had gone into this "simple" party, it was clearly worth it.  Not only did my kids have fun, but it was wonderful to be reminded how loved they are by so many people.