2014 - A Year in Facebook Status Updates

January 6
Joanna Imm: I never expected that Governor Dayton would be the person to give me the best birthday present this year: the day off from school on the coldest day in 20 years. Also, happy birthday to M Sharmila de Silva, Marissa Matsumoto and Kirsten Partenheimer, three lovely ladies who I've had the pleasure of sharing my birthday with over the years.

Abigail Karels: Happy Birthday, Donald Ristad, Joanna Imm, Kirsten Partenheimer, and Marissa Matsumoto! I hope your day has been as bright as the weather is legendary.

January 27
-40 windchill doesn't even phase me anymore. Didn't even bother pre-warming the car. But I still appreciate heated seats!

February 11
Chris and I are expecting our third child, this one from China! We hope to bring him home (yup, most likely a him) by the end of 2014/early 2015. The next couple of months (or more) will be a big waiting game as we await a match. No matter how much longer we have yet in the adoption process, we are thrilled about what the future will bring.

February 13
Started the morning at 5:30 a.m. when I discovered a malfunctioned waterline to our refrigerator flooded our kitchen floor. Amazingly, I was able to clean everything before the kids woke up. The best part is our kitchen floor has never looked so clean since it's now been mopped twice in three days.

February 15
Made it to LA where it's 70 degrees! I don't even know what to do with this weather. Too bad we won't get to enjoy it since our flight to Sacramento leaves in an hour.

February 21
Super thankful for Christopher Chesla who's been happily keeping our sidewalks and driveway clear since the snow first started coming down. I haven't had to lift a shovel once this storm.

February 27
I've heard already heard a couple of these pre-adoption and I naively thought no one would actually make these comments to a child. As the future mom of a child who will probably be a boy, I could add a couple more to this list...."I thought they only hate girls in China...or...I thought they only gave away their girls." http://shine.yahoo.com/…/kim-kelly-wagner-photo-series-girl…

March 1
Alice Seuffert: Workout and waffles.— with Jamie Smith and Kirsten Partenheimer.

March 7
Went to watch Andy Chesla's bonspiel, where Chris coached Oliver to announce, "It looks like your drinking team has a curling problem." Awesome.

March 13
"Look mama, grass!" (Said Oliver as he pointed to the brown grass peaking out from the receding snow.) You'd be excited too about something you haven't seen since early December.

March 15
Ice caves at the Apostle Islands National Seashore — in Bayfield, Wisconsin.

 I love reading the sheriff's reports for small town newspapers. Of particular interest in Bayfield and Ashland Counties last week - six cows wandered onto a roadway and their owner had to be contacted to come get them; police investigated two occupied vehicles after hours at Meyer's Beach and found people sleeping and "they appeared to be dressed appropriately"; and my favorite, "caller stated he saw an eight-to-nine-foot male covered in hair waking along the side of the highway. Officer reported no Sasquatch or anything resembling one was located."

March 17
Happy St. Patrick's Day St. Paulites!


March 23
Meghan Filbrandt Brown: Last day of boot camp--sad to see it end, but so proud of the women who stuck it out! We saw some amazing fitness and strength gains. I'm going to call out Kirsten Partenheimer for holding a plank for 4+ minutes! New session starts in 3 weeks, PM me if interested!

March 25

St. Paul-area folks: If you love cooking, want to solve the question of what to feed your family each night and want to meet other families in the area, join us for our April meal exchange on Saturday, April 5 from 9 - 10 a.m. at Immanuel Lutheran Church in St. Paul. Bring six family-size freezer meals to swap and bring home six delicious, homemade meals for minimal-prep dinners later in the month. Message me if you're interested and I can answer questions and send you the invitation.
— with Alice Seuffert.

April 5

I have four free tickets for the Minneapolis Remodeling Expo, taking place today and tomorrow. If you go, stop by booth #132 and say hi to Minnesota Housing!

April 20

Rouzbeh Amini: I think that you guys need one of this for the cabin:
http://www.vipukirves.fi/english/description.htm

June 17
Somehow I missed the memo that there would be TV cameras at our meal exchange tonight, (for a Twin Cities Live segment) or I would have showered after the gym today. My 15 minutes of fame might be a disheveled-looking one.

June 26
In the game of "I love you more than...," Oliver wanted to make sure I loved him more than my flowers. Then he assured me he loves me more than pirate treasure. I'm one loved mom!

June 28
I'll be at Twin Cities Pride this weekend with Minnesota Housing. Stop by booth B022 to say hello!

June 30
Alice Seuffert: Fun video from Twin Cities Live featuring our June meal exchange! Thanks to everyone who has participated in the meal exchange the last 4 years. We've had so many great meals, built a community and saved countless hours meal planning! Let me know if you'd like to join a future exchange. If you'd like to start up your own, here is information about our monthly exchange: http://diningwithalice.com/mealexchange/

July 3
Well, Scott Partenheimer, you were just handed Uncle of the Year on a silver platter. Andy Chesla brought gifts for the boys when he came back from vacation in Colorado - fire starters! As a bonus, one package included small, really sharp and pointy metal sticks.

July 6
It's the first night the boys are sharing a room and I've only had to go up there three times. I won't claim victory on the room-sharing until they've actually fallen asleep.

July 7
Canning experts out there...making strawberry jam and the top layer is setting, but everything underneath is still rather soupy. I've already tried resetting it and after making a mess of the kitchen, I'm just canning it and hoping for the best. At least my kitchen smells yummy.

July 14
I see blue sky, so why is it still raining directly above our house, the one with only half a roof and a tarp with big holes covering it?

Liula Bey:

Thanks for making my Sunday happier! Kirsten Partenheimer

 
July 28
With our house under renovation, there are plenty of places we could stash a time capsule for a future family to come upon the next time this old house needs to be gutted. What would you suggest we put in it?

July 31
Our neighbor's house in the West 7th neighborhood is finally for sale! (After being vacant nearly four years.) It's a fixer-upper for sure, but with three bedrooms up, a functional layout, great neighbors and schools, this could be a wonderful family home for someone interested in renovating.

August 14
Writing thank you letters to all of Oliver and Soren's teachers at daycare. It's so hard to convey how much we appreciate what they do!

August 24
Twin Cities soccer players - Does anyone know of a coed or mens team looking for a mid-fielder for the fall? Our au pair arrived last week from Germany and would love to find a team to play on.

August 26

My gosh, it's hard to believe that my brother and sister-in-law are parents! Baby Neale finally made his debut into this world late this morning. To paraphrase my brother, "I've done a lot of crazy things in my life, but wow, that was crazy. And all I did was sit there." To which I responded, "Welcome to parenthood. It'll continue to be a crazy ride." — with Scott Partenheimer and Stevie Neale.

September 6

My almost three-year-old is getting too big for the baby swing!— in Saint Paul, Minnesota.

Chris promised me no one was going to fall off a ladder, and so far so good in the rip-two-layers-of-siding-off-the-house-ourselves project.

September 10
The kids are already talking about Halloween. Does anyone have a size 3T firefighter costume or 5T vampire costume I could buy from you?

September 14

Chris and Marcel partake in a Hanover specialty - a shot of beer and a shot of vodka in two separate glasses and downed at the same time.
— with Marcel Lücke and Christopher Chesla.

September 29
I wish I could have bottled up Oliver's excitement about turning five today. After going to Shoots and Ladders, bringing cookies for his preschool classmates, choosing what we ate for dinner (tacos) and receiving his first ever Legos and a Transformer for birthday gifts, he declared today the best day ever. I don't know if I've ever seen him so happy. The wonderful part is that at age five, he's going to experience many more "best days ever".

October 4
Thanks Dawn Puroway, Monica Wimpee Digre and Carrie Henning-Smith for an awesome race this morning! It was so much fun to run with you guys. And a big, big thank you to Christopher Chesla, Oliver, Soren, Drew, Noelle, William, Jeff, Leyla, Leif, Jeff and Miles for coming out on a chilly morning to cheer for their moms and wives.

Dawn Puroway: A great morning for running my 2nd 5K race!

October 9
Happy 23rd birthday to our wonderful au pair! Much love from Oliver, Soren, Chris and Kirsten
— with Marcel Lücke.

October 26

I thought perhaps Watson would want a friend. Much to Christopher Chesla's relief, I did not come home with a dog.

October 31
Happy Halloween from Minnesota Housing.

November 1

China Said Yes! Oliver and Soren are getting a new brother and sister! Sometime early next year, Chris and I will travel to China to bring home our new son and daughter. We are overjoyed and nervous all at the same time about becoming a family of six. 

 

November 10

Hello Minnesota from a slightly more tropical locale.

November 11
It's about time. A little bit of Maine finally coming to Minnesota.

November 13

To help our au pair survive his first Minnesota winter, I'm looking for a pair of mens snow boots (size 9 or 9.5) winter hats, gloves, etc. If anyone has used outdoor gear they're willing to sell, please let me know. Thanks!

 

November 15

My freezer is full of sweet potato and black bean enchiladas, curried pumpkin soup, buttermilk pancakes with strawberry sauce (perfect for our "pancake Wednesday" breakfast-for-dinner night), personal pizzas with goat cheese, veggies and honey and a huge tray of an all-American Tator Tot Hotdish. I love our St. Paul Meal Exchange!

November 26

And this was the pre-Thanksgiving Day dinner..I'm exhausted, but it was worth it to get all these Chesla cousins together.

November 28

I'm filling out some important visa paperwork on behalf of my two children in China and the National Visa Center spelled my first name wrong. KM Bub or Kirsten Van Rybroek, want to guess what name they came up with?

December 9

Staying up way too late preparing last-minute meals for our St. Paul Meal Exchange was worth it because as I was leaving for work and had no idea what to make for dinner tonight, I reached into my freezer and pulled out Curried Pumpkin Peanut Soup and Butter Chicken and Naan. Problem solved.

 

December 17

Does anyone in St. Paul or Minneapolis have ice skates we could borrow this weekend? Or do you know where we can rent them?We're looking for women's size 7.5 and men's size 9 skates. Thanks!

December 25

Merry Christmas to all, but especially to Kiera and Matt waiting for us in China. Looking forward to hanging two more stockings next year!

December 27

On Inge's last day in the States, Minnesota pulled through with a fresh blanket of snow and a much-welcomed dose of sunshine. With a skate on Lake of the Isles before heading to the airport, she finally got to see the Minnesota I love so dearly. Safe travels Inge, and you're welcome back any time!— with Ingrid Lücke.

December 31

To all my European friends, happy New Years and all the best in 2015!

Consulate Appointment

Our agency called today to let us  know that we got our first choice Consulate Appointment (CA) of Tuesday, February 10.  The CA is the last adoption-related appointment in China, after which we're permitted to travel home with Kiera and Matteo.  With many other adoptive parents trying to squeeze in their trips before the start of Chinese New Year on February 19, the biggest holiday in China, I'm relieved to have locked down the date of a key appointment of our trip. 

Expired Fingerprints and Travel Approval

Did you know that your fingerprints expire?  According to the U.S. government, they're only good for 15 months.  Our fingerprints are scheduled to "expire" on February 4, yet we're looking at returning home on February 12.  That's that not going to work in the government's eyes.  So Chris and I showed up at the USCIS office at our designated appointment time and had our "biometrics" retaken.  It was a relief knowing that this is all a formality and this time around we're not waiting for any approval or clearance.  And unlike every other step in this process, it was free of charge!

The woman taking Chris's fingerprints asked him the ages of the children we're adopting.  He got the usual reaction we get when folks hear we're adopting a two-year-old and nearly three-year-old.  After patiently listening to how much work that age is, he waited for just the right moment to deliver the news that we're well-acquainted with the age group since we also have a three-year-old and a five-year-old at home.  "You're crazy!" she cried with both disbelief and enthusiasm.  Yes, perhaps we are.

Back at work, I finally received the exciting and very much anticipated confirmation that we received our Travel Approval (TA) from the Chinese government.  The document had arrived in our agency's office in Texas yesterday afternoon.  My China adoption Facebook groups have been abuzz since the day after Christmas with news of Travel Approvals being mailed out, but since our agency was closed that day, no one could confirm for me whether or not our TA had been issued and was on its way.  There are a couple of us on the exact same timeline as we come down the homestretch, and we celebrate each other's progress and lift each other up during set-backs.  The CCCWA had announced a month ago that they'd be shutting down their computer system the week after Christmas to complete a system upgrade and all of us waiting our Travel Approvals have been hoping the CCCWA employees would want to clear their desks before the big shut-down.  Miraculously, that seems to be what happened.

While it's super exciting to receive TA, the computer shut-down is putting a damper on us moving forward with travel plans.  We need to request not only a consulate appointment (CA), but also the dates in province when we pick up Matteo and Kiera.  The timing of all three appointments has to line up.  We can't request our provincial dates because of the shut-down, our agency said they wouldn't request our CA without the provincial dates confirmed and we can't book our flights until we have all these dates confirmed.  

I pushed back on my agency to at least schedule our consulate appointment.  That's what everyone else's agency is doing and I'm worried about getting an appointment on the day we want.  If not, we'll have to request one the following day, and if the not that, the next day and so on.  One woman got her third choice, which means an extra two days in China.  That's an extra two nights of hotel, two days of meals, two days of guide fees and so on.  Our agency is motivated to wait until they can schedule everything at once so they don't have to reschedule, but despite risking aggravating the people at our agency, I'm very motivated about saving money.  They relented and are requesting February 10, which will allow us to fly home on February 12.

Last Christmas Waiting For You

I've never spent a Christmas waiting for a child.  My first two were fall babies, so the Christmas prior I had no inkling I'd have a nearly-three-month-old the following year.  This Christmas was of course different, as has been seemingly everything during this adoption process.  We originally thought we'd have our children home well before Christmas and then we faced the depressing reality that we wouldn't meet them until 2015, for a process we began in 2013. 

Putting aside the circumstances I couldn't control, I vowed to enjoy the season with the family I have with me here now.  It felt like the busiest Christmas ever as we simultaneously stayed on track with the final stages of the adoption process and hosted our au pair's mother, so some things simply didn't get done due to not enough hours in the day.  Yet when I think about the memories from this past month, I know I made time for what was important. 

I don't know what Oliver and Soren will remember from this Christmas, perhaps very little of what exactly we did.  But I do hope they remember that it was fun.  Because that's what it was for me.  We baked gingerbread cookies with friends, learned the lyrics to our favorite carols at Dawn and Drew's annual Carols and Cocoa party, visited Santaland at Macy's (thanks Dan and Nan!) and read Christmas book after Christmas book from the collection we've accumulated over the years.  Although this Christmas will go down in our memories for being a brown Christmas, we still enjoyed winter activities like Soren's first try at downhill skiing and tubing for Oliver and me.

And then there was the usual big, boisterous Chesla Christmas Eve gathering.  Oliver and Soren had a blast playing with their cousins and opening presents and even got to stay up until (gasp!) 10:00 p.m.  It was wonderful to see my husband's family embrace Marcel and his mom on a holiday they were spending so far from home. 

Christmas Day itself was much quieter, with much-needed downtime.  After opening presents at home, we enjoyed a light lunch at Dan and Nan's and opened yet more presents.  By Christmas night we were already researching and designing plans for a custom Lego table, because yes, with a five-year-old in the house, this Christmas could be described as the "year of the Lego".  We have this crazy dream of not having our house overrun with tiny plastic bricks. 

During all of this, Kiera and Matteo were always on my mind and in my heart.  I did end up spending this Christmas without them, but I'll remember it as the last Christmas waiting for them. 

And Now Some News From Shenzhen!

The same care package service that sent us an update on Matteo was finally able to get us an update on Kiera too.  Angela from Lady Bugs and Love is Chinese and lives in China, so she is the one who personally calls the orphanages on behalf of adoptive parents to ask for updates.  She e-mailed me to let me know to check with our adoption agency for the update, because the orphanage had insisted on sending it through the agency and wouldn't release answers to our questions directly to Angela.  However, they did pass along a message, which Angela relayed to me in her e-mail:

The orphanage staff told me Kiera is doing so well.  She's totally healthy now.  She had mild cerebral palsy when she entered the orphanage.  But after therapy, she's fully recovered.  She's even better than the children who are sent as "healthy referrals"!  She said just tell her family no worries, no concerns, she's doing well.  

Since you can't "cure" cerebral palsy and we haven't received any mention of therapy before, I still question whether Kiera actually has CP and am bracing myself for a surprise diagnosis of something else when we get home.  Until then, I'm rejoicing in the reassuring words of "she's doing so well." And in the videos we received with the update, she does look healthy and happy. 

Kiera's update describes her good emotional development with examples of how she can exchange back-and-forth gestures with others, as well as back-and-forth sounds, smiles and other gestures with caregivers.  She likes dolls, cartoon movies and blocks.  She can draw circles and lines and the numbers 1 and 2.  We were last told that she's quiet and introverted, but our latest update describes her as lively and outgoing.  I can't wait until I find out for myself what her personality is really like. 

She's still super tiny - not even on the growth charts.  I had been concerned about her size earlier, but given that she's living with a foster family, looks healthy and appears to be on target developmentally, I'm not really worrying about it anymore. 

I'll leave you with two of the videos the orphanage sent of Kiera.  I believe both were taken within the past week or two in the playroom of the orphanage. 

• Kiera plays basketball
• Kiera draws

Carols and Cocoa

After a two-year hiatus from Carols and Cocoa, we made it this year!   Every year we crowd into my friend's living room to sing Christmas carols accompanied by a piano.  Except two years ago it snowed enough the afternoon caroling was planned that I couldn't even manage the short ten-minute drive to her house.  Then last year their daughter came down with the highly-contagious Hand, Foot and Mouth disease. So I was thankful that this year the weather cooperated and everyone was healthy. 

My friend's husband played the guitar while his sister played the piano and everyone who wanted to sing sang along.  Adults took breaks in the kitchen to sip hot cocoa or tea and munch on seasonal treats while the kids alternated between joining us for a carol or two and then disappearing to the kids' bedroom to play.  Oliver's favorite song right now is Frosty the Snowman.  Both kids liked ringing the bells we were given for a raucous rendition of Jingle Bells.  It was a wonderful way to spend a winter afternoon.

Thankful to Those Around This Table

I was so excited to have the honor of hosting Thanksgiving this year. I love big family gatherings and I got more than a bargain with 15 of us around our dining room table...and three cards tables lined up at end.  The result was a dinner table that stretched from the dining room to the other end of our living room.  It was cozy, but we all fit.

Once table was set and our guests seated, everyone was anxious to dig into the turkey, stuffing, green bean casserole and all the other Thanksgiving foods they look forward to enjoying at this annual feast.  But first I asked everyone to say what they were thankful for.  Oliver was one of the first to answer the question.  Because of this picture I had found earlier that week among a pile of artwork he brought home from preschool, I anxiously awaited his answer. 

"I'm thankful for Dad," he began, then paused, but finally finished with, "and Mom."  Whew!  Glad I made the cut!

Soren happened to be next and his answer was the same.  This shouldn't be a surprise since he copies everything Oliver says, but I at least have him officially on the record (with 14 witnesses) as being thankful for good old mom. 

As my turn approached, I looked around the table and saw what I was thankful for looking back at me.  I'm thankful for those who help me take care of my children.  For Marcel, who took a chance on our family and left his home to help us with our kids, for Uncle Andy and "Papa Danielle" who babysit on a moment's notice, for Liula who continues to be a part of our lives even though she's not our nanny anymore, and Grandma Nan and Grandpa Dan who are our back-up childcare and whose three-week commitment to taking care of Oliver and Soren means we aren't going to be schlepping them with us to China. 

Never Too Old for St. Nick

As he does every year, St. Nicholas visited our house.  He had an extra pair of shoes to fill this year.

In addition to the traditional goodies St. Nicholas brings, St. Nicholas left Marcel the book Twas the Night Before Christmas.  I guess he thought our German should have his own copy of this American Christmas classic.

Oliver and Soren were very excited about St. Nicholas' visit and last night right bed scampered downstairs to select a pair of shoes.  I have to give Oliver credit for his strategy for increasing his haul of St. Nicholas loot by choosing to leave out his snow boots and not his regular shoes.

As is the tradition in our house, Oliver and Soren also each received a book to add to the collection of Christmas books that come out each season.

Visas

Visa is the word that has defined the post-China approval stage of the adoption process.  As soon as we received our Letters of Acceptance (LOA) from China, we mailed in our I-800 application to the USCIS.  The I-800 is needed to finalize the immigration process for Kiera and Matteo.  They will fly to the United States on their Chinese passports with American visas and automatically become American citizens when they land on U.S. soil.

Here's where the simple concept of "applying for a visa" gets kind of ridiculous.  I sent the I-800 application by overnight mail to a "lockbox" in Lewisville, Texas.  If I had sent it by regular mail, it needed to go to the elusive "lockbox" in Dallas, Texas.  I still haven't figured out what this "lockbox" is.  I think it might be a black hole.

From there, the application took the standard two weeks to travel by mule-drawn cart to Lee's Summit, Missouri, where it is assigned to a USCIS officer for review.  Do not ask me why we couldn't just mail our applications directly to Missouri, because at this stage in the process, I'm terrified of making a wrong move and halting the entire adoption, so I stopped asking reasonable questions.

Once our officer approved our applications, she sent them by "two-day" mail, which was really five-or-six-day mail to the National Visa Center (NVC) in Portsmouth, New Hampshire.  Day six of our application's journey was Thanksgiving, so that pushed us back yet another day.  I had already been stalking the NVC since Monday hoping to get something called a "GUZ" number.  Pretty sexy sounding, right?  Like much of this process, I do not even know what a "GUZ" number is, but I do know I need it to fill out the DS-260, which is the immigrant application through the State Department.  I filled the DS-260 on behalf of Kiera and Matt and swore to the U.S. government that my two-year-olds do not intend to engage in polygamy, are not members of the Communist party and are not terrorists, just to name a few.

After calling the NVC repeatedly before I could get something other than a busy signal and then spending 30 minutes on hold before reaching a human being, I finally had my GUZ# in hand and immediately logged into the DS-260 application.  That's where I saw they had entered my name as K-R-I-S-T-E-N.  While waiting on hold again (for 50 minutes) with the NVC, I entertained myself by ranting on Facebook and commiserating with my two fellow K-I-R-S-T-E-N friends.

This past Monday I hounded politely e-mailed the NVC requesting a pdf of the cable they send to the U.S. Consulate in Guangzhou, China alerting them that our applications have been forwarded.  In the age of electronic correspondence, I wasn't going to wait around for the paper copy of the cable to come in the mail.  Once my agency had the pdf of the cable and a copy of our DS-260, they sent an envelope of paperwork by overnight mail to our agency's in-country rep.  He or she will hand-deliver Kiera and Matt's applications to the consulate.  Deliveries of visa applications are only permitted on Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays, so we hope that as I type this, all the proper paperwork is sitting on a consular official's desk.  They take exactly two weeks to issue what is called an Article 5 letter, which certifies that Kiera and Matt meet the qualifications for an immigrant visa.  We hope to get their Article 5 letters on December 18.  That completes their visa process.  Whew!

Chris and I still need to apply for our visas from the Chinese government.  We are also waiting on travel approval from China, who won't issue that until we have our Article 5.  Once we have travel approval, we can request our consulate appointment, which will be the final step in the adoption process.  And once we have our consulate appointment, we can book our flights to China!

Because much of these final steps follow a predictable timeline, our agency is preparing for us to leave on January 22.  Kiera and Matteo, just six more weeks!

Surprise from Fuyang!

One of the hardest parts about the wait is not knowing how our children are doing or even what they currently look like.  When we first saw Matteo's face in May, we were looking at the picture of a chubby toddler taken months before.  We got a brief update on him right before we matched and we've had virtually zero information since then.  Our agency hasn't been able to get an update and neither had the third-party courier we sent a care package through.  The care packages were delivered, but the courier reported that the orphanages weren't being quick to cooperate with providing updates.  I'd given up on any updates until a little over a week ago, when I decided to give another courier a try.  In addition to sending care packages, Ladybugs and Love From Above will also call orphanages and request pictures and updates.  Even though they have a good success rate, if the other service hadn't been successful, maybe the orphanages really were being tight-lipped. 

Weekends (and holidays) can be a lonely time in the adoption world because us parents still waiting to meet our children know we won't receive any news while agencies are closed.  Whatever hope we had for an approval on a step in the process or an update on our children disappears by Friday morning (since China offices are already closed for the weekend by that point) and doesn't reappear until Monday morning.  So I was shocked to get an e-mail today from an "Angela" with the subject line "Yang Chen Tao."  It was an update on Matteo!

It sounds like he's doing really well, which of course, is a relief. Although his palate has not been repaired, the update reports that his speech is "clear and understandable".  He's starting to talk and he likes to ride his bike and play with his toy excavator.  Whoever wrote the update described him as "introverted and playful."

Along with the update we got six pictures, all of which are very precious to us.  They were taken in the last week at what I assume is his foster home.  Chris the cyclist was thrilled to see pictures of Matteo "repairing" his bike.

Look at that big grin!  This is the first time we've ever seen Matteo smile.

I had asked about Matteo's foster family and was told that he lives with his foster parents and an older brother and sister, plus younger foster brothers and sisters from the orphanage.  He looks happy and well-loved and there's a part of me that feels guilty knowing that we are going to take him away from everything he knows and loves.  The facts tell me that he needs continued medical care, that he can't stay with his foster family past age 14 and that he needs the guarantees in life that a forever family provides - but my heart still hurts knowing I will be the one to take him away from the life as he knew it.

People ask me if he knows he's going to be adopted and frankly, I have no idea.  I don't know what he's been told and whether he's even seen the pictures we sent him of his new family.  I don't know what he or his foster family thinks of us.  But no matter what he's been told, he's not even two and a half, so how much can he possibly understand anyway?

What Would Have Been a 66th Birthday

Today would have been my mom's 66th birthday.  In the days after her death, I tried to write down stories about my mom for her memorial service and what I thought would come so easily to me didn't.  I couldn't recall any particular words of wisdom she had told me.  I couldn't remember what her hopes and dreams for me or herself had been or if she ever even told me what they were.  I wanted to honor what my mom would have wanted, yet I couldn't even remember what our last conversation had been about.  I had twenty-seven years of memories and I was failing to find meaning in any of them.

Although I struggled to find the right words to share on the day of my mom's memorial service, I've learned in the years that followed that the meaning of my memories of her will reveal themselves over time.

I always knew I wanted to adopt, but hadn't thought beyond that, so I never dreamed that I would one day adopt a child (let alone two!) from China.  I feel comforted knowing that my mom would have been thrilled that Chris and I are adopting from China because I remember her conversation with a relative about it.  Whereas a lot of adoptive parents face criticism and scrutiny of their decisions by their own family members, based on that conversation, I know my mom supported both adoption and inter-racial adoption.  Like a lot of people, there would have been a steep learning curve about special needs adoption and boys needing families as much as girls, but I know she would have quickly become one of our biggest supporters and gone on to do things like organize fundraisers to support Chinese orphanages.

Shortly after my mom's death, I was helping my grandmother clear out her home in preparation to move into assisted living.  My mom had been an only child and when she died, helping my grandmother fell to me.  My grandmother dug through a desk drawer and pulled out a case with an old bottle and other supplies she had used to feed my mother, who had been born with a cleft palate.  I remember wondering why on earth my grandmother had saved this equipment for six decades (and through at least two moves) and why she felt the need to show me.  At the time I wasn't even interested because I was under so much pressure to pack up a house worth of stuff. Of course I had no idea that I, too, would someday have a child with a cleft palate.

I had grown up knowing that one form or another of the name Susannah had been passed down the maternal line for generations.  But when Chris and I decided to adopt from China, I assumed I was going to remain a mom of all boys.  I would have been one very proud mom, but with just one regret - not being able to continue a family tradition.  I had found an old letter from my mom and she stated, very out of the blue, that if I ever had a daughter, she hoped I'd give her the name Susannah. I was shocked more than anyone to be matched with a girl.  I know my mom would have been so excited - to update her genealogy records.  One more Susannah in the maternal line, birthplace, Shenzhen, China. 

I Hope You Never Forget You Are Loved

My co-workers threw an adoption shower for Chris and me and I was taken aback by their generosity and care for Kiera and Matteo.  They want to see them home just as much as we do.  I feel fortunate that we've been surrounded by so much love and support during this adoption and that I've felt I've been able to share our experience so candidly.  At the party were the people who have always had time to listen to me vent or share my worries, who have shrieked with delight at seeing Kiera's and Matteo's referral pictures for the first time and who have talked adoption with me on a very long car ride and back on a business trip. This wait has been hard and the shower was exactly what I needed, which was a fun distraction from the frustration of more paperwork, set-backs and my overall worry, as well as a reminder of how much my entire family is supported.

My co-worker Laura made this ridiculously cute panda bear cake.

We spent the evening enjoying good food, strong cocktails and of course that delicious panda bear cake.  I caught up with co-workers and then Chris and I opened gifts, which ranged from children's books of Chinese folk tales to hand-me-downs for Kiera from a friend who knows we have zero girls clothes.  No shower would be a shower without a silly game, where we had to identify the language "baby" was written in.  Chris got them all right!  I was just thankful I got 宝宝 correct, which is, you guessed it, baby in Chinese.

For the final activity, our host handed out sheets of paper titled "Wishes for Baby".  On it we had to finish sentences that began with "I hope you love....", "I hope you laugh...." and so on. Some made us laugh out loud.  Others brought tears to my eyes. Either way, my heart was full by the time everyone's contributions were read out loud.

Here's a sampling:

I hope that you love your new family.
I hope you aren't afraid of dogs.
I hope you love Minnesota winters.
I hope you get a room of your own someday.
I hope you laugh until your belly aches.
I hope you never forget China.
I hope you ignore insensitive people.
I hope you become strong and secure.
I hope you respect yourself.
I hope you grow up to be a leader.

The line that summed up all our wishes for Kiera and Matt was simply, "I hope you never forget you are loved."

Winter is Here

One day we were on the beach in New Jersey basking in the sun on an unseasonably warm fall day and the next day our plane touched down in snowy Minnesota.  We were only away for four days, but in that time, fall slipped away.  Which was sad, because it was the most beautiful fall I've experienced in the eleven years I've lived here and suddenly it was gone. Although it is usually quite cold here in November, it's still rare for us to have snow at this time of year.  Regardless of the date on the calendar, we had several inches of snow on the ground and a forecast of sub-freezing temperatures for the foreseeable future.  Whether we liked it or not, winter had officially arrived.

In support of my children who are thrilled about the snow, (and our au pair who is curious about whether a Minnesota winter will live up to the legend) I'm trying to embrace winter.  I feel like I shouldn't complain since winter used to be my favorite season.  But as an adult and parent with real responsibilities, like getting to work on time and dressing uncooperative kids in multiple layers of clothing, winter can be cumbersome. Nonetheless, although yesterday's temperature topped out at about 25 degrees, it was sunny and the few inches of snow we had received on Saturday had refreshed the beauty of our white landscape.  And I began to feel guilty about wasting a perfectly good Sunday afternoon indoors.  So I announced we were going for a walk in the woods.  (It helped that I had run into a friend at Target that morning who agreed to embrace winter alongside me.)

We met at Fort Snelling State Park, which is an overlooked state park wedged between Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport and the border of St. Paul where we live.  Except for the planes flying overhead (which we didn't see many of despite our proximity to the airport) and a view of a highway bridge in the distance, I found it otherwise unbelievable that we were in a forest practically in the middle of the city.  

At the park we pulled the sleds out of the car and loaded them up with blankets and the kids and set out on foot towards Pine Island, which has a couple of loop trails and views of the river.  Other than the occasional hikers, a couple walking five little dogs in brightly colored sweaters and dog booties and two cross country skiers undeterred by the ungroomed trails, it felt like we had the park to ourselves. 

We hiked for quite a ways with the kids happily gliding along behind us in the sleds.  Although it was hard work pulling almost 70 pounds, I appreciated both the workout and staying warm despite the temperatures in the high teens.  The sleds were a good idea because I wonder if we would have even made it to the trail head before one the kids started complaining.

Oliver and Noelle had a blast being pulled in the sled.

We stopped the sleds so the kids could move around and we slid down the bluff to explore the river's edge. It was the perfect afternoon and I was reluctant to turn back until my hiking partner, Dawn, reminded me that we should quit while we're ahead.  In her experience, the kids go from happy to FINISHED with the whole experience with no warning.  

Dawn and her daughter Noelle

 Either she jinxed us or she was right on, because Soren started crying as I was trying to get he and Oliver situated in the sled.  Dawn let Oliver ride in Noelle's sled so that I could zip Soren in the stroller cover I had brought to double as a sled blanket.  He didn't like riding flat on his back, (and let us know with more hysterical crying) so I wedged my backpack behind him so he'd be resting on an incline. 

 

With Soren finally semi-comfortable, we pulled the sleds quickly back to the visitors center where we noshed on the snacks we had brought.  The warm building and some food definitely lifted everyone's mood.   

A simple walk in the woods was surely more complicated accounting for the kids, but it was worth it to be able to spend a frosty early winter afternoon with them under a canopy of trees covered with snow. 

Please Smile for the Camera

My kids and husband strongly dislike having their picture taken, which drives me nuts because I like photographing them and it's no fun when I have such beautiful subjects who turn their heads or suddenly look pained as soon as the camera comes out.  It also makes me sad because I take these pictures knowing that we'll be thankful to have them to look back on someday.  Despite how difficult my family makes it on me, I tote my camera along and try to capture moments of our lives.  If I know ahead of time there's potential for a photo op, I preemptively make a plea for "just one nice family photo."  When asking nicely hasn't worked, I've resorted to threats of making everyone pose for pictures for as long as it takes to get one where everyone is looking at the camera with a normal-looking smile.  Not surprisingly, that often doesn't work either.

I don't know if I've just worn my husband down or he has come around to believing that documenting our family on camera is a gift everyone will appreciate years down the road, but recently he's been cooperating for photographs.  And he evens tries to wrangle the kids into compliance.

Oliver, we learned, responds well to bribes.  In this Mother's Day' photo, Chris told the kids they'd get a cookie if they smiled nicely in a photo with Mom.  Oliver immediately complied, but not even a cookie was going to get Soren to look at the camera, or even stand next to me.  Which is why I have that death grip on his hand...

More recently, I was visiting family back in New Jersey when I drove with the kids to the Jersey Shore for an afternoon.  When it was time to leave, I wanted just one picture of me with my boys after such a beautiful afternoon spent together on the beach.  A passerby on the boardwalk offered to take the picture and she tried coaxing Soren to look at the camera.  He refused and he pouted to drive his point home that he wanted no part of this mini photo session. 

Then I remembered the chocolates my grandmother had given me the day before to give to the kids.  Since they'd already had plenty of sweets that day, I tucked them in a pocket in my purse.  Barely breaking my smile, I whispered to Soren, "I'll give you a piece of chocolate if you smile."

Letter Seeking Confirmation

Our long-awaited "letters seeking confirmation" (also referred to as a "letter of acceptance" or LOA) arrived yesterday, one for each child.  The letters written in Chinese and English asked if we accept the referral.  Since a simple check mark next to the statement about accepting the referral of the adoptee was all that was needed (and nothing more), I resisted the urge to circle and highlight the statement to make sure it was clear that, yes, WE ACCEPT!  We said yes back in May, we're saying yes now and we'll say yes again in February when we finalize our children's adoptions in China. 

China Said Yes!

Our “letter of acceptance” from China arrived yesterday at our agency in Texas.  This is our proof that China said yes!  After a very, very long wait (129 days to be exact), the China Center for Children's Welfare and Adoption (CCCWA) approved our application to adopt.  And with that approval, we are finally allowed to share our children with the world.

We are delighted to introduce to you our daughter, Kiera Susannah Jieyu Chesla, and son, Matteo Chentao Partenheimer Chesla.

Kiera

Kiera was born on March 12, 2012 in Shenzhen, which is in Guangdong province.  She’s five months younger than Soren, and will most likely be in the same grade.  In the adoption community, kids closer than nine months in age to each other are called "virtual twins."  I've always wanted twins, but I never imagined I'd have twins in this sense.  

These are the first pictures we ever saw of Kiera!  She's probably around 19 or 20 months old in these pictures.

The orphanage staff named Kiera Jie Yu, which is pronounced sort of like Jeh Ew.  We had thought about the name Kieran for a boy, so when ended up with a little girl, Kiera was a natural alternative.  And Susannah (or some variation of it) has been passed down for generations in the maternal line of my family.  My middle name is Susannah, my mom's cousin is Susan, my grandmother was Suzanne and it continues up the line.  My mom had made it known that if I ever had a girl, she hoped I would carry on this naming tradition. 

Kiera lived for awhile in an orphanage in Shenzhen, but is now living with a foster family who lives near the orphanage.  She still visits the orphanage most days so that she can play in the playroom with other children.  Although we know nothing about her foster family, kids thrive much better in these (albeit temporary) family environments than in an institution, so we are thankful for the change in living situation. 

Kiera was diagnosed with cerebral palsy, but so far, the doctors who reviewed her file haven't been able to see any evidence of it.  She doesn't appear to have any physical limitations, but it remains to be seen whether she was misdiagnosed or not. Based on her picture, we suspect she has ptosis of her left eye, which our doctor said is mostly a cosmetic issue and surgery should fix.  But again, until we meet her and have her evaluated, there are so many unknowns.

We don't know much about what kind of kid Kiera is except that she likes all toys and games (what kid doesn't?) and that she's quiet and introverted, but has reportedly come out of her shell a bit since living with her foster family. 

Matteo 

Matteo "Matt" Chentao Partenheimer Chesla was born on September 30, 2012 in Fuyang City in Anhui province.  At only six months younger than Kiera, he and Kiera are also considered virtual twins!  (And since Kiera is a "virtual twin" to Soren, I'm not sure if that means that Chris and I technically have "virtual triplets"...)  However, because of his fall birthday, he'll end up in the grade behind her in school.  

And these are the first pictures we ever saw of Matteo!  The Chinese bundle their babies up!  I'm guessing these pictures were taken in the late fall or early winter and it's very cold where Matteo lives.  He's probably around 15 or 16 months old in these pictures.

Matt was named Chen Tao by the orphanage staff.  According to his file, his name "represents the good wishes that he will live freely and happily like a dragon under the sunshine."  It’s a fitting name given that he was born in the year of the dragon.  

Other than when Matt went to a "healing home" to prepare for and recover from surgery, he has lived with a foster family in Fuyang.  We know nothing about his foster family, but he's reportedly close to his foster mother and we were ecstatic to see that he appears very well fed!  

Like his sister, we knew we would keep Matt’s Chinese name as his middle name, but we wanted to choose a new first name for him.  The problem is that Chris and I have a heck of a time agreeing on names!  In a case of Facebook serendipity, I met an adoptive mother (from Minnesota no less!) who volunteers for Love Without Boundaries stateside.  Love Without Boundaries works in Matt's orphanage, sponsored his surgery in China and currently sponsors his foster family. When she found out Matt was at an orphanage supported by Love Without Boundaries, she told me that if I sent her his picture and Chinese name, she'd let the volunteer coordinator in Fuyang know that Matt has a family coming for him.  When I sent her the information, she wrote back, "I know him!  That's Matt!"  Because the Chinese government does not let anyone working with orphans to post their Chinese names and other identifying information, Love Without Boundaries gives the children in their care nicknames and Matt just happens to be what they called him.  My contact on Facebook suggested I search the Love Without Boundaries website to see if I could find any pictures of our little boy because the organization often posts pictures of the kids in their programs.  I immediately typed "Matt" into the search box on their website and a post about "Smiling Matt" was the first to pop up.  (I hope reading that post leaves you smiling as much as Chris and I were.  When we have so little information about our adoptive children's early lives, we were relieved to learn that he's been so loved and well-cared for.)

At this point, Chris and I were still debating names, but after reading the blog post, we realized that the only name we both liked was Matt. Since there are already two Matthew Cheslas in the family, we went for the Italian, Matteo. 

As you can see from his pictures, Matt was born with cleft lip and palate.  He had a very successful surgery on his lip at five months of age, but will need to have surgery on his palate shortly after he comes home.  Like most children with corrected cleft lip and palate, he will most likely need speech therapy.  

Every time I look at Matt's referral pictures, I laugh.  I think this kid is going to keep us on our toes!  His file described him as "cheerful and cute", active, energetic and extroverted. 

What's next?

Everyone wants to know when we get to go to China, but the answer is that it'll still be awhile.  I would have gotten on a plane last May when I first saw their faces if I could have.  Instead, we'll have to wait until possibly February 1 before we can fly over there.  We still have a lot of paperwork to complete, mostly for the U.S. side of things, and then of course, there are a lot of travel arrangements to make.  Over the course of a two-to-three-week trip, we'll travel from northern China to the south and spend time in three different provinces.  So it'll take about another 10 weeks to get all this squared away.