House Rules

I believe in rules when it comes to child-rearing, not only because I believe the child development experts who say that children are happier and thrive when they have boundaries, but also because our house would be chaotic without them.  (I mean, more chaotic than it already is!)  Rules also express family values, so not only do they instruct your kids on how they should behave, they teach them what the family they're a part of values. 

Two weeks ago at ECFE, each couple was given a cut-out of a house and instructed to write the family's "house rules" on the paper.  Although Chris and I have been working hard to be consistent with the rules and routines we have established for the kids, much of what we do is reactive.  The exercise of putting my family's house rules down on paper made me feel like I was doing something proactive with the rules. 

So what did I come up with?

1. We are kind and considerate to everyone and everything.
2. We clean up our messes.
3. We eat dinner together as a family.
4. We take off our shoes in the house.
5. We use indoor voices.
6. We take care of our physical, mental and emotional health. 

Rule #1 is our all-encompassing rule.  I decided it covers much of the discipline that occurs in our house.  We're constantly reminding our kids to take turns, touch each other gently and to take care of their things, so this rule summarizes what we expect of the kids in these examples. 

We expect our kids to clean up their toys, but rule #2 is as much to remind Chris and me to practice what we preach.  When four people occupy a small house, it's easy for clutter to multiply if we're all not cleaning up after ourselves. 

Eating dinner together as a family is as much a family value as it a rule.  I'm not even going to get into all the value reasons why we have this rule, but it also serves a practical purpose as well.  Meal planning and prepping, staying within a food budget, wasting less food and cleaning up are all more manageable when the family is on the same dinner schedule. 

Putting this rule into practice takes patience with little kids.  People look at us in admiration when they hear we make the kids sit at the table and eat as a family.  But the truth is, dinner at our house lasts about ten minutes and it's often not a very peaceful ten minutes.  Not a night goes by where we don't have remind Oliver that he needs to come back to the table and sit with the family or go sit in his room.  There's usually screaming from one kid or the other (or both) at some point for some reason or another.  We've recently started teaching Oliver to ask if he may be excused from the table.  We're trying to compromise given that he's three.  So despite our rule, dinner as a family is still a work in progress.   

My grandmother will shake her head at the rule about taking our shoes off in the house.   Really though, all my classmates had at least four of my six rules on their lists, including the shoe rule.  So it's not just me, it's a Minnesota thing.  And the rule is practical.  The less mud, dirt, snow and pollutants you track into the house, the better condition your floors stay and the less cleaning you need to do. 

I'm sure Chris believes that rule #5 is in place for Oliver - and me.  But hey, if he can teach Oliver to whisper, I'll give him all the credit.

Rule #6 is another all-encompassing rule that can grow with our family.  There's a reason we try to eat well-balanced meals, exercise and nap, because it's healthy.  As the kids grow older, I hope they learn to evaluate whether the choices they make are good for their overall health. 

After class that night, I took the house cut-out home and posted the house rules on the refrigerator.  The rules are nothing new for the kids, but now we have focal point when we talk about house rules.  And even though Chris doesn't participate in ECFE and plays more of the "good cop" parent role, I was delighted when I overheard him reminding Oliver during a tussle with Soren that "We are kind and considerate to everyone and everything."