The meaning and purpose of the weekend continues to evolve as my family changes. When I was a stay-at-home mom, I felt like I had no weekend. Each day honestly felt the same, with the exception that Chris might have been home for two of them, which meant I had an extra set of hands. But every day, seven days a week, was always the same routine - get up with the kids, tend to the kids, and then fit in errands and housecleaning around their schedules. I definitely fell into the trap many stay-at-home moms fall into, which is believing that if it's house- or kid-related, it's my responsibility - even on weekends. As we know, kids' needs and household chores are never-ending, so no wonder I never felt like I had a weekend if I was never leaving the "office."
A pleasant revelation upon reentering the working world is that the weekend returned to being a special part of the week. There's now a clear distinction between my routine during the workweek and my routine over the weekend. I feel that sense of relief building as Friday comes nearer and nearer. (I also feel that, "What it's Sunday night? What happened to the weekend?!") I rarely think about work over the weekend and I've actively resisted setting up my work e-mail account to check it at home, so when I leave work on Friday afternoon, I enter weekend mode.
Another surprise, though, is how tiring the weekend is compared with the work week! That is quite the opposite from my pre-kid life when weekends were for staying out late with friends, sleeping in, lounging around the house and basically doing what I wanted when I wanted. Just because I don't do anything for my paying job over the weekend, doesn't mean there's not a lot to do. Weekends now are kid-focused and they feel like the only opportunity to catch up on everything I didn't have a chance to do during the week. So laundry, grocery shopping and house cleaning compete with playdates and outings with the kids, oh, and maybe kid-free time with our own friends.
So what did last weekend look like at our house?
We squeezed in a post-dinner sledding outing before bedtime on Friday night and then cleaned up from dinner after the kids went to sleep. I caught up on the latest episode of Modern Family, which I'd missed earlier in the week, and then Chris and I collapsed into bed after a long week of work.
Chris and I divided and conquered our Saturday morning. Chris took Oliver to gymnastics and Soren and I went to Target and hauled home a week's worth of groceries just in time for the kids to have lunch and go down for their naps. Nap time is the only hope I have to exercise at all over the weekend, so I grabbed my iPod and headed out for a walk. Unfortunately, Oliver didn't nap and Soren didn't nap well, so by the time I got home, Chris was packing the kids up to take them to swim at the Y. They loved swimming, but came home so tired out from the exercise and lack of naps that the peaceful family dinner I had envisioned was anything but. One or both of the kids was crying, whining or screaming every minute of what as a short dinner. After putting the kids to bed early, Chris and I enjoyed the only downtime we'd had all day and then also went to bed early. That made it the second night we went to bed as early or earlier than we did on a weekday night.
By Sunday morning, our house was a disaster. Daily housecleaning had gone neglected too long and we must have had four loads of laundry piled up in the basement needing to be folded. Chris took the kids to the Science Museum, not just to get them out of the house so they could burn off some energy, but so I could have a chunk of time to put the house in order without the kids turning everything upside down again. I seriously spent two hours ironing and folding laundry and was never so content to work in silence.
I was only halfway through my chore to-do list when Chris and the kids returned. Like every time they come home just in time for a meal and sleep, the next 45 minutes was loud and frantic as wed fed the kids and got them down for their naps. I was lucky to be able to take another afternoon walk, but had to keep it short since a babysitter recommended to us by a friend was stopping over to meet us. I arrived home to discover the kids had barely napped and raced around the house trying to de-clutter while the kids trailed my every move.
By the time the babysitter left, there wasn't enough time left in the afternoon to go anywhere with the kids before we'd have to start dinner, so I set up the kids with my latest time-killing activity - baking. Soren just likes to bang measuring cups and spoons against the counter, but Oliver and I measured out and mixed ingredients and had a loaf of zucchini bread in the oven and scheduled to finish baking just in time for dessert.
By the time dinner (and a special dessert) was over, it was already time to start the bedtime routine with Soren and then Oliver. I'd just gotten Oliver down when a friend showed up for a visit. Although I was exhausted by this point, I was thankful to have that bit of time at the very end of the weekend to catch up with a friend. We've known each other since we were counting our first borns' ages in weeks, and we talked over cups of tea and slices of zucchini bread about dramatically our lives have changed.
Kiera, Matteo, Oliver and Soren
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Monday, February 18, 2013
Baby Shower Book Gifts
My grandmother was invited to a baby shower, her first possibly since my mom was pregnant with me, that is, if my mom even had a shower. They don't strike me as having been her thing. My grandmother loves babies, and was delighted by the invitation, but then took a peak at the woman's three registries and quickly became overwhelmed. So she called me looking for advice. She simply wanted to give the mother a book for the baby, because she assumed no one else would get her something like that and she wouldn't risk a duplicate gift. So what do babies "read" she wanted to know?
If you want to get a book a baby will enjoy from day one, I recommend a book with pictures in high-contrasting colors. Tana Hoban published a series of books with titles like Black & White, Black on White and White on Black, which, you guessed it, are simple pictures in black and white, such as a black maple leaf against a white background. Newborns appear oblivious to the world around them, but put a black and white image in front of them, and they become transfixed.
Since babies are interested in people's faces and expressions, books with full-page images of people's faces will maintain their attention. I Love Colors by Margaret Miller, Global Babies, or any of the books in the Baby Faces series by Roberta Grobel Intrater (Smile!, Hugs and Kisses, Peek-a-Boo!, Splash!) are good examples.
When babies are old enough to hold onto books, they'll want to touch them and put them in their mouths. The Indestructibles series picture books printed on paper-like material that can’t be ripped, torn, or punctured. You can even wash them in the dishwasher or washing machine, so they really live up to their name.
Although far less indestructible than the Indestructibles series, any of the books by DK Publishing in the "Baby Touch and Feel" series hold up very well because of their sturdy, padded covers. Each book has a subject (Animals, Pets, Things That Go, Bathtime) and each picture in the book has a segment with a texture resembling the actual object. So the Bathtime book will have a picture of a towel and then a section of the picture has been cut out and replaced with a towel-like texture.
If you want to get a book a baby will enjoy from day one, I recommend a book with pictures in high-contrasting colors. Tana Hoban published a series of books with titles like Black & White, Black on White and White on Black, which, you guessed it, are simple pictures in black and white, such as a black maple leaf against a white background. Newborns appear oblivious to the world around them, but put a black and white image in front of them, and they become transfixed.
Since babies are interested in people's faces and expressions, books with full-page images of people's faces will maintain their attention. I Love Colors by Margaret Miller, Global Babies, or any of the books in the Baby Faces series by Roberta Grobel Intrater (Smile!, Hugs and Kisses, Peek-a-Boo!, Splash!) are good examples.
When babies are old enough to hold onto books, they'll want to touch them and put them in their mouths. The Indestructibles series picture books printed on paper-like material that can’t be ripped, torn, or punctured. You can even wash them in the dishwasher or washing machine, so they really live up to their name.
Although far less indestructible than the Indestructibles series, any of the books by DK Publishing in the "Baby Touch and Feel" series hold up very well because of their sturdy, padded covers. Each book has a subject (Animals, Pets, Things That Go, Bathtime) and each picture in the book has a segment with a texture resembling the actual object. So the Bathtime book will have a picture of a towel and then a section of the picture has been cut out and replaced with a towel-like texture.
Friday, February 15, 2013
Soren Update: 16 Months
This past month has been rough for Soren, so I guess it's no wonder he hasn't always been his usual happy-go-lucky self. There was the flu, then the double ear infection and then what I thought was just diarrhea from the antibiotics, but was in fact probably a mild version of the Norovirus. At least the antibiotics worked the first try in treating the ear infection, the Norovirus was just more gross than debilitating, and by the start of this week, not a single person even had a runny nose. With everyone finally recovered, including our poor nanny, I hope February will be a better month.
The only nice part about Soren being ill is that I got to hold him a lot. He's definitely your typical clingy baby when he's sick. Oliver never clung. But Soren just didn't want to be put down. My co-workers felt so bad to hear one of my kids had the flu, but those with older kids did listen with longing when I told them how much he wanted to snuggle. I hear this from parents of older kids so often - they miss the cuddling.
I knew Soren was recovering when I noticed he was babbling more. It was reassuring to hear his sweet baby voice talking about his world. We're starting to recognize actual words amidst his babble. Real words still catch us offgaurd when we hear them, like we didn't believe what we just heard, but we're pretty sure he can say, book, ball, bye (or bye bye), go and aqua, or at least words that somewhat resemble these words.
Soren continues to communicate nonverbally too by pointing at things he's curious about, run to the pantry and stand below the snack cupboard, throw his sippy cup on the floor, push his glass away when he doesn't want anything more to drink, and of course whine and cry for things.
He still HATES baths, but surprisingly hasn't minded me brushing his teeth lately. He chills out in my arms like the tooth brush is providing a gum massage.
He's testing his independence. He'll wander away and play, then come back to me for either a hug or to briefly sit in my lap.
Just like his brother, Soren likes to help in the kitchen. When I bake, I pull two dining room chairs up on either side of me at the kitchen counter and while Oliver measures flour, I let Soren bang away with an extra set of measuring cups and assorted wooden spoons. He just likes to feel part of the action. One afternoon I'd pulled his booster sit into the kitchen so he could eat a snack while I got dinner started, and when he saw me rifling through a kitchen drawer looking for a wooden spoon, he started to whine and reach towards the drawer. I happen to have a miniature wooden spoon, which I found and gave to him, so he could hold his own spoon while I sauteed onions at the stove. He was such a happy guy hanging out with mom. Soren was probably the happiest though when he got to decorate sugar cookies with Liula for Valentine's Day. Not surprisingly, more of the icing went in his mouth than on the cookies. Oliver and his friend helped decorate cookies too, and between the three of them, they managed to decorate enough cookies to bring to ECFE and give to their teachers as gifts and classmates.
For about a week and a half, Soren had developed the routine of waking up at 4:30 a.m. or 5:00 a.m., and for the first time ever with either of my kids, we let him sleep in our bed. Well, at first I thought Chris was trying to get Soren to go back to sleep in his crib until I felt a baby plop down next to me as Chris would decide it was easier to put Soren in our bed and then go to the gym before work. It was so nice to wrap my arms around him and snuggle him against my chest. Unfortunately, neither of us sleep well with this arrangement, which is why I've never co-slept before, and so for the umpteenth time, I commenced sleep training and Soren resumed his twelve-hour stints of sleep in just a day or two.
The only nice part about Soren being ill is that I got to hold him a lot. He's definitely your typical clingy baby when he's sick. Oliver never clung. But Soren just didn't want to be put down. My co-workers felt so bad to hear one of my kids had the flu, but those with older kids did listen with longing when I told them how much he wanted to snuggle. I hear this from parents of older kids so often - they miss the cuddling.
I knew Soren was recovering when I noticed he was babbling more. It was reassuring to hear his sweet baby voice talking about his world. We're starting to recognize actual words amidst his babble. Real words still catch us offgaurd when we hear them, like we didn't believe what we just heard, but we're pretty sure he can say, book, ball, bye (or bye bye), go and aqua, or at least words that somewhat resemble these words.
Soren continues to communicate nonverbally too by pointing at things he's curious about, run to the pantry and stand below the snack cupboard, throw his sippy cup on the floor, push his glass away when he doesn't want anything more to drink, and of course whine and cry for things.
He still HATES baths, but surprisingly hasn't minded me brushing his teeth lately. He chills out in my arms like the tooth brush is providing a gum massage.
He's testing his independence. He'll wander away and play, then come back to me for either a hug or to briefly sit in my lap.
Just like his brother, Soren likes to help in the kitchen. When I bake, I pull two dining room chairs up on either side of me at the kitchen counter and while Oliver measures flour, I let Soren bang away with an extra set of measuring cups and assorted wooden spoons. He just likes to feel part of the action. One afternoon I'd pulled his booster sit into the kitchen so he could eat a snack while I got dinner started, and when he saw me rifling through a kitchen drawer looking for a wooden spoon, he started to whine and reach towards the drawer. I happen to have a miniature wooden spoon, which I found and gave to him, so he could hold his own spoon while I sauteed onions at the stove. He was such a happy guy hanging out with mom. Soren was probably the happiest though when he got to decorate sugar cookies with Liula for Valentine's Day. Not surprisingly, more of the icing went in his mouth than on the cookies. Oliver and his friend helped decorate cookies too, and between the three of them, they managed to decorate enough cookies to bring to ECFE and give to their teachers as gifts and classmates.
For about a week and a half, Soren had developed the routine of waking up at 4:30 a.m. or 5:00 a.m., and for the first time ever with either of my kids, we let him sleep in our bed. Well, at first I thought Chris was trying to get Soren to go back to sleep in his crib until I felt a baby plop down next to me as Chris would decide it was easier to put Soren in our bed and then go to the gym before work. It was so nice to wrap my arms around him and snuggle him against my chest. Unfortunately, neither of us sleep well with this arrangement, which is why I've never co-slept before, and so for the umpteenth time, I commenced sleep training and Soren resumed his twelve-hour stints of sleep in just a day or two.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Mice to Meet You!
My nanny has learned the harsh truth about Pinterest. It's full of wonderful ideas that somehow make you feel inadequate, especially if you don't own a glue gun. What happens is that you scroll through page after page of beautiful pictures of craft projects and think, "Oh what a cool idea. I can do that!" And then you try the craft and it turns out a lot harder than you think it was going to be and doesn't look anything like the one the semi-professional blogger took with her professional-level camera. And if you don't own a glue gun, your chance at success plummets.
I still love Pinterest, though, because if you can evaluate what would actually be a feasible project - and not fall into the trap of believing that to be a good mom/wife/woman you have to be decorate your house, design your kids' bedrooms, decorate your kids' birthday cakes and make handmade Valentine's like you see in the pictures - the site is a trove of ideas for the non-creative types like me.
And speaking of those handmade Valentines, I came home early this week to my dining room covered in little red hearts and scraps of yellow paper, kids high on sugar from eating the chocolate instead of gluing them into shape of mice, and a frazzled nanny who had realized that this particular Valentines-making project wasn't one little kids could actually help much with, so she was left to finish the cards herself.
The end result? Still pretty darn good!
 |
| Mice to meet you! |
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Gift-Giving at Kids Birthday Parties
For the first time, Oliver attended the birthday party of a classmate, a boy from his preschool class. Until now, the only birthday parties Oliver has attended have been for the kids of friends. So I knew what the birthday kids were interested in and what values their parents placed on gifts. But what do I buy for a child I've never met and who Oliver, at barely three and a half years old, can provide few relevant details about? Then I remembered that books are safe gifts, at least for preschoolers. A kid can never have enough of them, they're "educational," but fun, they don't take up a lot of space, so the birthday kids' parents can't hate you for cluttering their house with another plastic object, and let's be honest, they're affordable, so it's a sustainable type of gift for the years of birthday parties my kids will be attending. So books it's going to be.
Friday, February 8, 2013
Relief That Chris Finished School
A few years ago seems like forever ago. In that time, Chris and I bought a house, married, had a baby, bought another house and had another baby. And in the middle of all that, Chris started an MBA program. Even as I fully encouraged Chris to go back to school, it felt like a daunting task, and I wasn't even the one having to go to class or study. (Although, I ended up proofreading many papers on his behalf.) I remembered how stressful I found graduate school at times, yet I had had zero responsibility back then compared with what Chris would be juggling. But we decided there was nothing to lose in trying, even if his anticipated graduation date of 2014 seemed so, so far away. We just prepared for the long haul.
Each new semester required an adjustment, but we would all eventually find our rhythm. Saturday mornings became Chris's main study time over the weekend, so I made it a habit of getting the kids out of the house, whether to the park in the warmer months or playdates with friends during colder weather. Most semesters he was in class at least two nights a week, and while the dinner and bedtime routines were chaos, I did end up relishing having some alone time once the kids went to bed. Meanwhile, Chris learned to let go about having to get straight A's and figured out how much time he needed to devote to studying so schoolwork wouldn't take over his life. School is a huge time commitment, especially when you have so little time as it is as parents of young children, but we made it work.
That's not to say the past couple of years haven't been tiring in general and I wasn't always the supportive wife I had always imagined I'd be. Chris started his MBA program during my last month of pregnancy, and other than the possibility of going into labor and Chris having to miss class (apparently, missing class because your wife had a baby wasn't a good enough excuse to prevent your grade from being affected) I thought the timing was perfect. Chris working full-time (business travel included) and attending school was going to be totally manageable if I were a stay-at-home mom. In fact, the set-up seemed perfect. Unfortunately, I had had a naive notion of what parenthood would be like. I didn't understand how exhausting parenting is, so I found myself often worn out, and lonely, while solo-parenting.
I also underestimated the affect of his time commitment to school would have on the kids and family life. I do still think it was better that Chris went back to school before the kids' lives became so busy with activities, yet his absence was eventually noticed by Oliver and Soren's awareness wouldn't be too far off. Depending upon Chris's class schedule, the kids would go days without seeing him, because Chris went right from work to class, came home long after their bedtimes and then headed to work the next morning before they woke up.
I was fortunate during this time to have met a wonderful group of fellow new parents, but Chris has never even met some of them three and a half years later. We've celebrated birthdays and holidays together, exchanged meals, supported each other through the births of additional children, shared tips and leads on childcare and babysitters, and shared our parenting joys and challenges. Parenthood would be a much different experience without them, yet they are a part of my life Chris knows little about because he's been so busy with school.
The pace of our lives might finally slow down now that Chris attended his final class of his MBA program yesterday evening. He is sad school is over because he enjoyed his classes and is a life-long learner. But I'm ready to celebrate and reflect on what he has accomplished. I'm so incredibly proud of Chris. If our roles had been reversed, I don't know if I would have enrolled in school, let alone finished a year ahead of schedule. I was always so impressed with how well he managed the long days of work and then night class and found the motivation to get up early to study, read during his lunch break instead of going out with co-workers or go the library on a warm and sunny Saturday morning. He was pulled in so many different directions - overnight business trips on class nights, the birth of two children, honey-do lists, a basement renovation that still isn't completely finished - but he finished his masters, learned a lot and even enjoyed the ride.
Each new semester required an adjustment, but we would all eventually find our rhythm. Saturday mornings became Chris's main study time over the weekend, so I made it a habit of getting the kids out of the house, whether to the park in the warmer months or playdates with friends during colder weather. Most semesters he was in class at least two nights a week, and while the dinner and bedtime routines were chaos, I did end up relishing having some alone time once the kids went to bed. Meanwhile, Chris learned to let go about having to get straight A's and figured out how much time he needed to devote to studying so schoolwork wouldn't take over his life. School is a huge time commitment, especially when you have so little time as it is as parents of young children, but we made it work.
That's not to say the past couple of years haven't been tiring in general and I wasn't always the supportive wife I had always imagined I'd be. Chris started his MBA program during my last month of pregnancy, and other than the possibility of going into labor and Chris having to miss class (apparently, missing class because your wife had a baby wasn't a good enough excuse to prevent your grade from being affected) I thought the timing was perfect. Chris working full-time (business travel included) and attending school was going to be totally manageable if I were a stay-at-home mom. In fact, the set-up seemed perfect. Unfortunately, I had had a naive notion of what parenthood would be like. I didn't understand how exhausting parenting is, so I found myself often worn out, and lonely, while solo-parenting.
I also underestimated the affect of his time commitment to school would have on the kids and family life. I do still think it was better that Chris went back to school before the kids' lives became so busy with activities, yet his absence was eventually noticed by Oliver and Soren's awareness wouldn't be too far off. Depending upon Chris's class schedule, the kids would go days without seeing him, because Chris went right from work to class, came home long after their bedtimes and then headed to work the next morning before they woke up.
I was fortunate during this time to have met a wonderful group of fellow new parents, but Chris has never even met some of them three and a half years later. We've celebrated birthdays and holidays together, exchanged meals, supported each other through the births of additional children, shared tips and leads on childcare and babysitters, and shared our parenting joys and challenges. Parenthood would be a much different experience without them, yet they are a part of my life Chris knows little about because he's been so busy with school.
The pace of our lives might finally slow down now that Chris attended his final class of his MBA program yesterday evening. He is sad school is over because he enjoyed his classes and is a life-long learner. But I'm ready to celebrate and reflect on what he has accomplished. I'm so incredibly proud of Chris. If our roles had been reversed, I don't know if I would have enrolled in school, let alone finished a year ahead of schedule. I was always so impressed with how well he managed the long days of work and then night class and found the motivation to get up early to study, read during his lunch break instead of going out with co-workers or go the library on a warm and sunny Saturday morning. He was pulled in so many different directions - overnight business trips on class nights, the birth of two children, honey-do lists, a basement renovation that still isn't completely finished - but he finished his masters, learned a lot and even enjoyed the ride.
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