Kids Birthday Parties

It's finally September and Oliver's birthday month, which means I can start talking about plans for his birthday party without people thinking I'm so full of my child.  Truthfully, I've been planning his and Soren's in my head since the beginning of the summer. 

And even when not deciding on the details of their parties, I've been talking with my friends about kids birthday parties in general.  Since Oliver's group of friends primarily consists of the kids of parents I met in a hospital parent group, their birthdays are in clusters, starting with a 4th of July baby and ending with a mid-November baby, so birthday parties are a common subject for a couple of months every year.  As we navigate the kids birthday party circuit with our first-borns, we're learning from each other as we go.  Who do we invite?  What time of day do we hold hold the party?  How do we handle gifts?  What food do we serve and activities do we offer?  And most important, we learned, beware, because one- and two-year-olds will reach for the candles, so hold that cake out of reach while you sing. 

Clearly I'm very excited about my kids' birthdays and want to celebrate with them and create a special day for them.  I remember the excitement I felt as a kid leading up to my birthday and how magical the day felt and I hope my kids will experience the same.  However, I'm very cognizant of how the values Chris and I want to pass along to our kids are expressed through the parties we host for them.  How do we host parties for our kids that celebrate them, (without making it about us, the parents) focus on enjoying time with friends and family, aren't centered on gifts, don't display over-indulgence and are pulled off with a reasonable amount of time, energy and money spent? 

If I ever find myself getting out of control with birthday party planning, I'll always have my friend's daughter's third birthday party to think back to and keep myself in check.  My friend e-mailed me (yup, a personal e-mail - no fancy invitations or even an evite) to invite our family to the daughter's post-nap party at our favorite park.  They covered a picnic table with a tablecloth and served cupcakes, watermelon and lemonade.  The main activity?  The playground.  There was no gift opening because a no gift request was made by the parents, although a handful of kids brought small gifts or a homemade card. The biggest disappointment of the day was that the birthday girl saw her mom baking the cupcakes that morning and threw an all-out tantrum when she was told that for one, the cupcakes take time to bake and cool, so she couldn't have one that instant, and two, they were going to save them for the party.  That afternoon she finally got her cupcakes and I don't think any more elaborate of a party would have made her happier. 

We'll be venturing into new territory this year with Oliver's first kid party. He'll get to invite a handful of friends and I've already consulted parents of older children for simple, age-appropriate party games. We'll have cake and lemonade and then send the kids home (sans party bags).  And I've been thinking of non-party-related ways to make his day special and the traditions I want to start, such as letting him choose what we have for dinner on the day of his birthday. 

As wholesome and well-suited as Oliver's friend's party was, I realize navigating the birthday party scene will get trickier as my children grow older.  So far we've dictated what the party would be like.  But they'll be going to more and more parties and will see what their friends have done for parties and received as gifts.  I know it'll be a tough lesson for our kids to learn that they can't have everything their friends have and for me as a parent to resist the urge to "one up".