Oliver's 3rd Birthday

I decided that at age three, Oliver was old enough for his first kid party.  I invited a couple of his friends, baked a cake, decorated the dining room for a birthday lunch and planned a couple of games.  I thought about how best to cater the games to the three-year-old level, but clearly had missed a few details, like that this age group does NOT like to be blindfolded.  So the classic Pin the Tail on the Donkey was a bust.  Since three-year-olds like to aimlessly run in circles, I thought for sure I'd have more success with Musical Chairs.  But I guess the kids appreciate the "aimlessly" part of "aimlessly run" and never really grasped the concept of having to march in one direction and stop just because the music stopped.  At least they liked the prizes! 

We eventually abandoned the games and the kids ran to the front of the house where they emptied the porch of all its trikes and toys, drew with chalk on the sidewalk and...raked leaves. Go figure.  I could have had a leaf raking party and the kids would have had just as much fun and my yard would have been raked.   

The cake was a hit though.  Dessert always is.  Oliver happily complied with sitting in front of his cake so we could sing for him and he beamed at his chocolate cake with chocolate icing the whole song and then blew out his three candles all by himself.  Once all the kids were served, an unusual silence permeated the dining room as the kids contently munched on their cake.  And then because they're all three years old, the guests had to leave so they could go home and take their naps. 

Oliver had already had a busy day marking his third birthday.  He, his dad and Soren explored a fun new playground in the morning while I got the house ready for the party, and after nap (which never happened due to the fact that he had just overloaded on sugar and his Uncle Andy and Papa Danielle were over) they were going to go together to an afternoon Twins game. 

Since a nap wasn't going to happen, Oliver got to open his birthday gifts from his family.  He received unit blocks, a couple of books, a toy lantern to illuminate his forts, and a Wild jersey and Twins jacket from his Minnesota sports loving aunt and uncle. 

Oliver had so much fun that he announced at bedtime that evening that he wanted it to be his birthday again. He probably meant, again, as in the next day, as if you can just declare any day your birthday.  I'm promised him that he'd get another birthday, but that he'd just have to wait a year. 

Oliver Update: 3 Years

This past year has been wild with a new baby and new job that I had nearly failed to realize the verbal, cognitive, and fine and gross motor skills Oliver has developed since he turned two.  Other than talking, it's not that he's developed many new skills, it's just that over the past twelve months, he does everything better.  As for the new skills though, at age three, he's able to climb (really high) ladders at the playground, jump, operate an iPad better than Mom, tell stories and take his own shoes on and off.  I take for granted that he can say, "I love you, Mom."  It feels like he's been saying those heart-melting words his whole life, but in fact, he barely said any two-word phrases and his vocabulary was quite limited by his second birthday. 

Three is an age of juxtapositions.  There are the nights when I wrestle with Oliver to change him into his pajamas and brush his teeth and others when I cuddle with him in his bed and we chat about three-year-old stuff and I'm in awe of the life Chris and I created.  Going into any situation - playing, sitting down for dinner, going outside, picking out clothes for the day - I never know whether I'm going to encounter calm or hysterics.  I'm often on edge waiting for what I assume is going to be an inevitable power struggle. 

Oliver has been simultaneously adjusting to a number of transitions this past month and the adjustment has upped the ante on his behavior.  In the span of two days, he started preschool, started with a new nanny, went back to ECFE and started potty training in earnest.  In addition, Chris is back in school, which means Oliver goes from Tuesday bedtime until Friday afternoon without seeing his dad.  The result is that Oliver vacillates between not being cooperative about simple tasks, like getting dressed, being clingy when I'm trying to get ready for work because he doesn't want me to go, to pushing his brother over to get attention or just stage an all-out tantrum.  His ECFE teacher assured me these behaviors are normal for this age and that it can take weeks to adjust to so many transitions.  At her suggestion, we're putting together a timeline with pictures that cue Oliver to what the schedule is for that day and we hope that helps him feel more comfortable knowing what's coming next. 

A year later, Oliver still likes his trains, but can now play with them mostly independently.  We moved them to the basement to give him something to play with while he hangs out with Dad when football games are on.  He was never into blocks until a couple of months ago, but now plays with them daily.  Of course he still loves trucks of any kind and impresses friends and family by his ability to identify various construction vehicles.  He enjoys watching the most mundane videos of garbage trucks and fire engines on YouTube, which the nanny discovered is the key to successfully watching two kids and preparing lunch prep.  And like most kids, he's obsessed with his dad's iPad, which he likes to play games on and watch the occasional Bob the Builder video. 

He still likes coloring with markers, painting and drawing with chalk.  He's been less into bubbles lately, but that may be because we've kept them out of reach recently, so out of sight, out of mind.  He loves being outdoors and likes riding his tricycle up and down the sidewalk in front of our house.  He hasn't quite figured out the peddles - he pushes himself along with his feet and when he's built up momentum, only then doe he put his feet on the peddles. 

We've asked Oliver a couple of time over the past few weeks what he wants for his birthday and all he was books.  Of course he still likes to be read to, but he'll look at books on his own and occasionally I'll overhear him "read" random parts of a book that he knows from memory.  Although he still enjoys many of the books he's been reading since he was a baby, he's grown out of the baby board books and to my relief has advanced to books with a story line.  I imagine that many of the books we read to him now he'll still be enjoying as he heads into elementary school. 

What I don't know is how long he'll want me to curl up with him in bed to read him a bedtime story.  No matter how stressful of a parenting day I've had, on those nights when Oliver and I lie in bed and talk, they're just magically sweet and I'm reminded that my "big boy" is actually just three.  He's sometimes frightened, sometimes sad.  He has an amazing vocabulary and has reached the point where he can express feelings, but he can't say why he feels that way.  He's still so innocent and his mom and dad are still the center of his world.

I'm usually exhausted by the time we reach Oliver's bedtime and I find lying with him and talking about his day relaxing.  Before I get up so I can let him sleep, I smother him in hugs and kisses until he's giggling and then he smiles innocently at me when I say how lucky I am that I have him for a son and how proud I am to be his mom. 

To Feel a Runner's High Again

As the end of 2011 wound down, my brother asked the readers of his blog about running what their running goals for 2012 were.  My answer was simple. 

My goal is to once again experience a runner's high. After knee problems, two kids, two c-sections and no time for me as a stay-at-home mom, just getting back into running is my simple goal.

It is a simple goal, but it's been challenging to accomplish.  With weekends devoted to the kids and everything I failed to accomplish during the week, I have yet to find time (or motivation) to run over the weekend.  Since I developed a consistent routine of going to the gym over lunch during the work week, I tried replacing some gym workouts with jogs along the river.  It continues to be difficult to find time right before lunch and then hope it doesn't rain, I don't get too hungry to run or I'm not scheduled for a last-minute meeting. 

I still find it difficult to find the motivation to run when I feel the pressure of deadlines at work and the weather isn't great and my lunch sitting on my desk staring at me. I don't know what "getting back into running" is supposed to look like and I don't know when I can say I've reached my goal. After how many weeks or months of consistent running can I say again that I'm a runner?  Either way, I've started to notice that I'm craving my mid-day runs.  I actually have energy to burn.  I'm even starting to feel that runner's high again. I'm not totally there yet, but I'm getting there.

Soren Update: 11 Months

Soren and Oliver have moments where they're actually playing together.  They'll chase each other around or play peekaboo from around a piece of furniture.  Soren so clearly loves watching or playing with his big brother and I think how much more exciting everything his for him because he has an older sibling to provide entertainment, either directly or indirectly.

Yet poor Soren has also taken the brunt of Oliver's attention-getting tactics.  Experts say kids crave attention, even if it's negative and every time Oliver shoves Soren over or "bumps" him with a toy, he's proving those experts right.  His "attention-getting" (read: naughty) behavior was so bad one evening that Soren started crying every time Oliver came near him. 

Soren can be a little feisty himself though. He shocked Chris and me when he crawled toward Oliver....and tackled him! He made a beeline for Oliver, who was sitting on the floor, tucked his head, leaned into Oliver's torso, flung his arms around him and knocked him over. It was hilarious and so unexpected. We didn't realize he could even physically do that.  The difference with Soren doing something like this is not only is he smaller than Oliver and less likely to hurt him, but at eleven months old, he's playing, not acting with malice.

Soren now has two bottom teeth and he's so smiley that it's easy to show them off.  And he's tried more kinds of food than your average 11-month-old, no matter how many teeth the kids has.  He's what you'd call a good eater and is game for trying most things.  Of course, he has foods he prefers over others, namely fruit.  I've perfected getting oatmeal the right consistency to make oatmeal wedges, which I make with soy milk, and Soren enjoys that for most breakfasts.  Maybe this is the result of having an older child who's on a set schedule, but for weeks now, Soren has been eating his meals and snacks at the same time as Oliver.  He's still getting bottles of formula on demand, but we mostly give him a bottle to coincide with when he's getting real food. 

Chris went into his room to get Soren up from a nap and he was sitting in his crib clapping.  It's his newest skill.  Soren is still sleeping well at night and taking consistent morning and afternoon naps. I need to start setting my alarm again, because Soren doesn't necessarily cry anymore when he wakes up. Get this, he waits patiently in his crib. Many morning I go in there and he's sitting in his crib happily (and quietly) waiting for someone to come get him. We'll see how long that lasts!

He pulls himself up on everything he can.  Last week he took his first steps while holding onto a pushing a toy cart.  The friction of the wheel rolling across the grass created the perfect speed for him. 

He's wearing his first pair of big boy shoes.  He's gone barefoot all summer since he doesn't walk and he's outgrown his Robeez slipper-like shoes.  I finally dug through a box of Oliver's old sneakers and found a pair of toddler size three shoes.  He pulled at his feet a bunch to try to pull the shoes off.  He must have been confused about what they were, but then gave up.

Sometimes Even a Tiger Needs a Lactation Consultant

The Minnesota Zoo has set up a Tiger Cam to view its two new Amur Tiger cubs who are being raised by zoo keepers until they are old enough to join the adult tigers on view by the public.  They were born this summer at the St. Louis and Minnesota Zoos and as stated on the sign next to the television screen, they're being hand-raised because their mothers were not successful in nursing them.  I had the same reaction that many who I've told this story to had and that was confusion.  As a mom, I know that many humans have one difficulty or another breastfeeding, but shouldn't nursing be natural for animals?  Turns out a couple of tigers ended up reminding me of what I already knew about motherhood.

A volunteer for the zoo happened to be standing nearby answering questions about the tigers, so I asked her why the tigers had difficulty nursing their cubs.  She explained that just like any new mom, animals can be overwhelmed by motherhood and don't necessarily know exactly what to do.  Hmmm, I can identify with that.  Motherhood is a learning curve for anyone.  And yes, there's instinct.  The cubs and moms knew to nurse, but what happens when there's a problem?  Tigers don't have books on breastfeeding and lactation consultants to help troubleshoot.  I'm taking a wild guess that there's only so much a zookeeper can do to help a dangerous animal like a tiger. 

And there was something else I could identify with by living in a society with smaller families who may live farther apart and that is lack of role models.  The volunteer went on to explain that tigers who are raised in captivity or were abandoned as cubs might not have ever seen another tiger raise a cub, so it's simply less likely they'll know what to do. Gosh, I remember how lonely I felt after Oliver was born and how overwhelmed I felt for being completely responsible for the survival of an infant whose existence still seemed surreal for me.  But I also remember a nurse coming into my room after Soren was born and commenting, "This one one clearly isn't your first."  So cut the new moms some slack, tiger or human. 

Learning about the tigers was an aha moment that even in the "natural" animal kindom, not everything comes naturally, even something supposedly instinctual like motherhood and breastfeeding.  Any seasoned mom knows that labor and delivery don't go as planned, breastfeeding sometimes sucks or doesn't work out and a lot of the time we don't know what the heck we're doing.  And if one more person tells us any part of the experience is supposed to "natural", we just might scream (or cry). 

Oliver Starts Preschool

I remember reading a Family Circus comic in early September one year, probably when I was still in school myself, where the kids were peering solemnly out the bus's back window and one commented, "I didn't know mom knew how to do a back flip."  Now that I'm back at work and away from home during the day, sending Oliver off to school, even if for just a total of five hours a week, is less about liberation for me and more about giving him the chance to have fun and do something independent of mom and dad for the first time. 

Because of Oliver's fall birthday, we had limited preschool options since the programs for the youngest children require them to be three by September 1.  I respect the need for a cutoff and I wasn't going to try to push him ahead for preschool, but I still felt he was ready for something.  He loved ECFE last year, but that was only one night a week, and he still has five long days worth of finding an outlet for his energy and desire to be around other kids. Luckily, the St. Paul Park and Rec Department not only randomly operates a couple of preschools out of their rec centers, but offers a program for two-and-a-half-year-olds.  The school we picked is highly regarded by other parents we've encountered in the neighborhood and the best part of all, it's affordable at an incredible $100 a month.  That's a third, or even a fourth as much as many other preschools I looked into. 

Chris and I had been talking up preschool in preparation for Oliver's first day.  We got him his first bookbag, a red kid-sized version of the iconic L.L. Bean bookbag, talked to him about the schedule and what he could expect and reminded him that two of his friends would be in the same class.  At breakfast this morning, he seemed content, but I couldn't describe him as being excited.  I headed to work and an hour later the nanny texted me a picture of Oliver standing in front of the rec center building with his giant bookbag on his back. 

I surprised Oliver by picking him up and when I first spotted him as he emerged from his classroom, his lower lip quivered as he scanned the crowd of parents for a familiar face.  When he saw me, he matter-of-factly told me how he was "just a little sad" at the beginning and then told me how he cried.  His teacher overheard our conversation and confirmed that he did become upset when he was dropped off, but that he quickly cheered up and had fun the rest of the morning.  I couldn't get out of him much about his day, but he finally talked about playing with trucks, going to the gym to play with a ball and walking in a line to the gym.  But just like he'll eventually grow into his bookbag, I'm confident he'll grow to love going to preschool. 

Kids Birthday Parties

It's finally September and Oliver's birthday month, which means I can start talking about plans for his birthday party without people thinking I'm so full of my child.  Truthfully, I've been planning his and Soren's in my head since the beginning of the summer. 

And even when not deciding on the details of their parties, I've been talking with my friends about kids birthday parties in general.  Since Oliver's group of friends primarily consists of the kids of parents I met in a hospital parent group, their birthdays are in clusters, starting with a 4th of July baby and ending with a mid-November baby, so birthday parties are a common subject for a couple of months every year.  As we navigate the kids birthday party circuit with our first-borns, we're learning from each other as we go.  Who do we invite?  What time of day do we hold hold the party?  How do we handle gifts?  What food do we serve and activities do we offer?  And most important, we learned, beware, because one- and two-year-olds will reach for the candles, so hold that cake out of reach while you sing. 

Clearly I'm very excited about my kids' birthdays and want to celebrate with them and create a special day for them.  I remember the excitement I felt as a kid leading up to my birthday and how magical the day felt and I hope my kids will experience the same.  However, I'm very cognizant of how the values Chris and I want to pass along to our kids are expressed through the parties we host for them.  How do we host parties for our kids that celebrate them, (without making it about us, the parents) focus on enjoying time with friends and family, aren't centered on gifts, don't display over-indulgence and are pulled off with a reasonable amount of time, energy and money spent? 

If I ever find myself getting out of control with birthday party planning, I'll always have my friend's daughter's third birthday party to think back to and keep myself in check.  My friend e-mailed me (yup, a personal e-mail - no fancy invitations or even an evite) to invite our family to the daughter's post-nap party at our favorite park.  They covered a picnic table with a tablecloth and served cupcakes, watermelon and lemonade.  The main activity?  The playground.  There was no gift opening because a no gift request was made by the parents, although a handful of kids brought small gifts or a homemade card. The biggest disappointment of the day was that the birthday girl saw her mom baking the cupcakes that morning and threw an all-out tantrum when she was told that for one, the cupcakes take time to bake and cool, so she couldn't have one that instant, and two, they were going to save them for the party.  That afternoon she finally got her cupcakes and I don't think any more elaborate of a party would have made her happier. 

We'll be venturing into new territory this year with Oliver's first kid party. He'll get to invite a handful of friends and I've already consulted parents of older children for simple, age-appropriate party games. We'll have cake and lemonade and then send the kids home (sans party bags).  And I've been thinking of non-party-related ways to make his day special and the traditions I want to start, such as letting him choose what we have for dinner on the day of his birthday. 

As wholesome and well-suited as Oliver's friend's party was, I realize navigating the birthday party scene will get trickier as my children grow older.  So far we've dictated what the party would be like.  But they'll be going to more and more parties and will see what their friends have done for parties and received as gifts.  I know it'll be a tough lesson for our kids to learn that they can't have everything their friends have and for me as a parent to resist the urge to "one up".