Oliver update: 13 months

During last weekend's trip to Philadelphia, I would not have been as relaxed bringing Oliver to dinner in the dining room of my grandmother's retirement home, with its carpeted floors and white linen tablecloths, if he were still in his food-throwing/dropping stage. I realized a few weeks ago that I couldn't remember the last time food ended up on the floor on purpose and that I wasn't changing the newspaper I had laid out underneath his booster seat very often. I had been so frustrated by this stage and yet it seemingly vanished without my noticing. Oliver actually puts food he's not into back on his tray (although he still has the habit of squirreling away food underneath his leg - a habit my friend's kid does as well!) And for everyone who's laughed when they've seen Oliver be stripped down to his diaper prior to a meal, I actually let Oliver eat his lunch the other day with all his clothes on.

Around Oliver's first birthday, his appetite dropped significantly, (totally normal for a twelve-month-old when the body is trying to grow in length and not in girth) and I've finally adjusted to the idea that he doesn't eat as much as he used to. If we ate lunch away from home, I'd pack an entire cooler of food, fearful Oliver could eat through the entire stash. Now lunch isn't much more than a piece of toast, a piece of fruit and some veggies, and he rarely eats all of the three. If we're on the go, I can even get away with Cheerios, a few sticks of cheese and a banana - a combo that's relatively mess-free and can be eaten while riding in his stroller.

After consulting with the wise moms from my moms groups about Oliver's picky-eating tendencies, I've taken a new tactic when serving food. It's now take it, or leave it. No more offering up fruit or toast if Oliver doesn't want to eat what he's served. He won't starve, they assured me, and I'm not going to be stunting his cognitive development if he doesn't eat a well-balanced diet every meal, or doesn't eat at all. Just follow up with a bottle of milk and offer him a snack when that time rolls around.

I just wish I'd done this earlier. I now understand where picky eating starts and how easy it is for parents to become enablers. Although I've heard this numerous times during discussions on nutrition that parents are supposed to determine the what (healthy foods), when (at meal times, and not any time they please) and where (at that table, and not running around noshing on snacks) when it comes to food and it's your children who should always be in control of how much (and you need to trust them on that), it's easy to succumb to the fear that your kid isn't getting enough to eat. I worried that if he didn't eat enough at that meal, he'd be hungry later or he'd end up with "failure to thrive" diagnosis at his next wellness check-up. I mixed up denying him a particular food when he had other healthy alternatives on his tray with denying him food period. Sure I could explain to a three- or four-year-old that the only food he was getting was what was being served for dinner, but to a one-year-old? It didn't seem right. So if Oliver threw a fit at the table, I tried offering him something else instead.

Oliver may always be slow to try new foods - that's just part of his unique temperament and and there's nothing wrong with that. But I still have a choice in how react. I make exceptions to my hard-line stance when we're away from home and don't want to create a scene or if I'm desperate for a few more minutes of mealtime piece (because once Oliver is finished his food, he doesn't sit quietly - something we'll have to work on at an older and more appropriate age). But it's worked out well. I don't give in to his demands for a particular food, but I also don't push food on him. And I've learned that sometimes he's really just tired and would rather have his bottle and take a nap, than eat. And sometimes he eventually eats whatever he was previously protesting!

As you may know from a previous post, I gave up breastfeeding and Oliver is now exclusively on cow's milk. We're working, well supposedly, on weaning him from the bottle, which his doctor would like done by 18 months. I have a special cup I give him to drink out of, but given that half the time he'd prefer to bang the cup against his tray, I haven't dared put more than a small amount of water in it. The alternative is a sippy cup, but I can't find one he's into and I just don't have the energy yet to deal with his protests when he doesn't get his milk in bottle. Oliver at least seems to be getting over his demand that his milk be served warm. One of the same friends who advised me about it being okay to not offer Oliver different foods if he didn't like what he was being served, said that it was even okay to go for a week allowing him to refuse cold milk if he was getting dairy and the healthy fats associated with it in other forms like cheese or whole yogurt.

The upside of that whirlwind weekend visiting family a two+-hour plane ride away is that the shake-up in Oliver's schedule actually had a positive affect on him. The past few weeks had been a struggle with the slow transition towards one nap. Whether he took a morning nap or not, he seemed to always be cranky, yet wouldn't sleep long in the afternoon and some days I thought I could have put him to bed at 4:30 p.m. and he would have welcomed it. Then we went away for a weekend, when he never went to bed on time, and attempts at having him nap in the car failed, (despite this being a successful tactic on our trip to Seattle in August) yet we landed back in Minneapolis on Sunday morning, made it home just in time for lunch and Oliver went down for a long nap and woke up the happiest baby alive. He repeated the one long nap and happy demeanor the next day, which I thought was going to be his sleep-all-day-on-no-schedule-catch-up-day. I don't dare declare Oliver "transitioned," because he then went a three-day stretch at two naps a day, but knowing he's capable of long afternoon naps and can manage napless mornings, even if that doesn't make him the happiest of fellows, makes me more relaxed that we're on the right track.

Oliver still isn't walking or standing on his own yet, but he's crawling, cruising along furniture and pulling himself up on everything. The only walking he does is behind his push cart, which he can lean on for support. He looks so happy and proud of himself when he's cruising the lower level all by himself. His happiness easily turns to frustration, though, because he can't figure out how to maneuver the cart around obstacles, like a wall or furniture. So he erupts into tantrum-like tears until someone diverts his cart towards a clear course. I'll admit to hiding his cart when I don't have time to turn him around every two seconds and hopes he finds another toy just as entertaining.

I also need to make sure the gate at the bottom of the stairs is closed, because if Oliver sees the gate open, he makes a beeline for the stairs and wants to engage in his other new favorite activity - climbing. If you pry him from the stairs, he protests, but if the gate is closed, shaking the gate is clearly just as much fun as climbing, but that doesn't need supervision.

I'd predicted last month that Oliver could have two teeth by thirteen months, but that one tooth on his bottom gum line is still making its way in. You can see it now, though, we he smiles. Every now and then I check to see if I can feel anything else coming in, but so far nothing.

Maybe no one else agrees, but I'm convinced Oliver's hair is starting to grow. We went outside on a really windy evening and believe it or not, his hair was blowing in the wind.

Oliver is still not saying any discernible words, although he's consistently saying, "Mum, mum, mum." My friend, whose son is two months older and now says "Mom," and it's clearly directed at her, said his "Mum, mum, mum" babble is a pre-cursor to saying mom.

You can help develop your baby's pre-literacy skills by reading to him or her. We're working on that....Oliver doesn't often sit still for longer than a three-page book. He likes to turn the pages, but if he realizes you're actually trying to read the words on the pages instead of just letting him turning the pages as fast as he can, he tries to crawl out of your lap. He does show interest in "reading" interactive books, like those with different textures on the pages he can feel, or those with flaps he can open and close. He likes ripping books off shelves or pushing them off the coffee table. But the experts say that's all part of creating a positive association with books. And when he puts them in his mouth? The tongue has more nerve endings than the fingers, so that's just how babies explore their new world. I always leave a book with him in his crib at night and during nap times and every now and then I find him paging through the book. My little bookworm - so adorable.

While I've long been familiar with the term pre-literacy and have always known it's good to read to kids, I just recently learned about "pre-math" skills. Oh, Chris will be all over this one. I've noticed in the past couple of months that Oliver likes to stack and sort toys, which is typical at this age. Who knew that activities like stacking blocks or matching shapes to the appropriate cut-outs in the lid of a bucket is a child's start to understanding math concepts?