Oliver update: 10 months

Ten months is hardly a milestone month, but it is two months shy of the big, monumental first birthday and in my moms group, the moms of other babies Oliver's age already have birthday party planning under way. Oliver's been invited to two birthday parties so far and I eagerly attended, because I'm in probably just as much awe as their parents are that the birthday kids are a year old. Plus I wanted to take mental notes about how one goes about putting on a party for a one-year old. I picked up a few tips, such as, like anything else in arm's reach, the burning candle on the birthday cake is just as enticing as anything else babies will instantly reach for to try to put in their mouths.

One night at dinner, I asked Chris what he wanted to do for Oliver's birthday, but I wouldn't tell him what I had in mind, because I wanted his uninfluenced opinion. It was a deer-caught-in-the-headlights moment as I sensed he was stammering for the "correct" answer. However, he summed up exactly what I had in mind - super small, low-key, short in duration and occurring between Oliver's naps.

Oliver has spent the last month trying to crawl. Just last week he started propping himself up on his hands and knees and I was excited thinking it would be any day now that he starts to crawl. But I think he's still building the strength and developing the coordination to do so. I noticed this morning for the first time what I decided to call the "inchworm crawl." He tried pushing himself forward, but either his strength would give out or he'd lose his balance and he'd slide forward into a rug belly flop. After a few tries, he returned to his roll-and-reach move to try to grab a toy I had purposefully put out of his reach. I placed the toy even farther away to see if he'd do a roll-and-reach and then pop up into the inchworm like a jerky, slow-moving dance routine.

Oliver still has no teeth and I'm actually loving his toothless grin more and more that I think I might be sad when he sprouts his first tooth. He's even impressing the parents of his fellow baby-lead weaning baby friends that, yes, a baby can chew and eat solids without teeth.

I've had so many false alarms that teething had commenced that I hesitate to propose that Oliver's extreme crankiness and runny nose these past few days is actually that. Maybe it's just a cold. Or I worry that it's an ear infection and immediately take notice any time he touches his ear and wonder if that movement constituted a "grab," since grabbing at the ears is a tell-tale sign of an infection. Or does he need adjustments to his nap and bedtimes? My other theory? He's tired of hanging out with mom. He can be at his fussiest, but when Chris walks through the door in the late afternoon, he's all smiles and ready for playtime. It's so tough, though, to tell what's really going on with babies. So many of the symptoms for everything from serious illness to uncomfortable, but normal developmental or physical changes, like teething, are similar. It's like the ubiquitous "flu-like symptoms" health care providers tell you to be on the lookout for. You're terrified you have SARS or H1N1 and it's really just a 24-hour stomach bug.

Last week we swear we heard Oliver say, "Hi Dad!" His consonant sounds consisted of a lot of a-ba-ba-ba or a-wa-wa-wa, but he makes a lot of "d" sounds and I've even heard him utter mama twice, but that was mere coincidence and not initiated by my presence. This morning he was practicing "ga." Not fascinating stuff to the rest of the world I realize.

Oliver is still creating a mess at mealtimes, so the only thing that has changed has been my attitude. Since I don't hang around other babies while they eat, I don't have an idea of what normal eating behavior is. Plus, up until now, most of the stories I had heard about solid-feeding were from parents who were spoon-feeding purees. There were a lot of complaints about babies trying to grab spoons, but these babies weren't being given access to an entire potato wedge to throw at their mother's heads. But as these babies transition into finger foods, and as they end up eating snacks and such at playdates, I'm slowly coming to accept that throwing food, dropping it off the edge of the high chair and just plain messing around with it (I know the latter is something that's supported with baby-lead weaning - it's just gets old and I had hoped he'd grow out of it sooner) are all really typical behaviors for this age and I'm not the only parent to be frustrated.

Although I've always believed strongly in the reasons for doing baby-lead weaning, there have many moments when I envied parents doing purees because it was less messy and easier to do meals away from home. However, a few months farther along in the process, I'm now able to see the bigger picture. And that is that no matter when you start purees with your baby, whether it's rice cereal at four months, or pureed vegetables at six months, eventually your baby is going to need learn to eat finger foods. He will need to learn to feed himself. And she will need to go through that same messy process Oliver has been on. Whereas other parents have debated when to start finger foods, worried about how to do it or were just plain anxious about jumping in for fear of their baby choking, Chris and I never had to do that transition with Oliver.

We have made adjustments along the way though. Oliver's developed the pincer grab, so I can give him smaller pieces to pick up with his thumb and forefinger, (although he still likes sticks of food he can gnaw on) but still needs to practice how to get the food into his mouth without also chomping down on his thumb and finger. He's definitely stating his preferences for limited kinds of foods, (juicy fruits like peaches or pears...even toast and pizza are going out of favor) but I've been persistent with trying to offer up different kinds of foods multiple times until he gives it a try. Unlike other babies, he's never been keen on bananas, but suddenly ate a whole banana with his breakfast yesterday and again this morning. And I'm believing that parents can have a huge influence by modeling positive behaviors in their children when I witness Oliver more interest in food and less interest in throwing when he sits down to dinner with us and eats what we're eating. Unfortunately, because of his feeding schedule, family meals are still difficult to coordinate, so I often have to feed Oliver separately when he's ready to eat. But that strategy has also helped, as I'm learning to better read his cues on when he's hungry and would be interested in eating, instead of sitting him down for lunch just because it's noon and I'm ready for lunch. I've learned that his disinterest in food (followed by food throwing) is more because he's not hungry and not because he doesn't like a particular food.