Bureaucracy

Everyone warns you that the adoption process is long and full of situations out of your control, but like a lot in life, I don't believe it until I live it.  And then I experience a set-back and I reel from the powerlessness to make things right, or at least improve the process for the parents who come after me.  We're not even through the first major step, the home study, and a federal shut-down, the unaccountability of a state employee and the departure of our social worker left me actually wondering if this is all worth it. 

Our home study has been inching towards completion for a few weeks now.  The unfortunate timing of work travel, vacations and then our social worker's call to jury duty caused delays in scheduling the required interviews for the home study.  I kept myself busy with paperwork and training and for the most part felt like I was making progress. 

Eventually there was nothing left to do.  Our home study had been written and approved by our agency's Minnesota branch and the national office.  Back in July we had requested child abuse background checks for all the states we have lived in and they came back in a few weeks, (clear of course!) with the exception of New Jersey's.  Our social worker repeatedly contacted New Jersey's Department of Human Services, but either couldn't get a hold of a live person, or a person who was helpful.  A week and a half ago, she finally learned that my request hadn't been processed because we had used the wrong form.  A no one was going to bother to tell us. 

I mailed in the correct form, but a week later panicked when I wondered if I had filled the form out correctly and if I'd have to wait another two months to find out.  After consulting with our adoption agency, I ended up calling DHS and actually got a hold of the woman our social worker had talked to the week before.  I thought I was going to get an answer about the status of my background check, but instead got an extra dose of frustration.  Even though I explained we had been advised of the wrong form back in July and were never contacted, (and my social worker had explained this to her the week before) the DHS worker snidely informed me that many others were waiting ahead of me and that they were waiting much longer than a day.  A day, I wanted to scream!  I have been waiting since July! I wanted to reach through the phone and shake some sense into this woman that without this one clearance, our entire adoption process was at a standstill. 

The next day I opened the paper and read about the inevitability of a federal government shut-down.  The two-paragraph article mentioned that Immigration would shut down and visas and passports wouldn't be processed.  Even if I had the clearance from New Jersey and we could move ahead to starting on our dossier, we need preliminary approval from Immigration before our dossier can go to China.  Nothing was going right and I felt so powerless to do anything to help the situation. 

The following Monday I received an e-mail from our social worker.  Her husband had accepted a job in New Hampshire and her last day at Bethany would be in two weeks. 

Then the truly unexpected happened.  The woman from DHS I had argued with the Friday before called that evening during dinner.  She wanted to let me know that my background check had been processed and had been put in the mail that Friday.  I was overjoyed, but confused.  What had that attitude been all about since she must have gotten off the phone with me late that Friday afternoon and immediately processed my background check?  She surprised me more by telling me that she's all about forming families and she had heard me loud and clear during our last conversation. 

Our social worker e-mailed us back the next day thrilled to hear DHS in New Jersey had changed its tune.  She had a bit of more good news for me.  Yes, unfortunately, she's still moving to New Hampshire.  But, the USCIS has not shut down.  There will still be delays in processing our I-800A as a result of the federal shut-down, but there still remains hope that we can keep moving ahead, even if at a slower pace. 

It was such a weight off my shoulders to learn that we may actually be able to complete our home study after all and that we can start on our dossier.  However, there's still a part of me wondering how much stamina I'm going to need.  In the latest e-mail I got from our social worker, she kindly said, "You were a great advocate for yourself and your family.  Don't forget to keep doing that though the process."