What I Do All Day

When Oliver was four weeks old, someone asked me, "When Chris goes to work tomorrow, what do you do?" From the tone of voice it was implied, "so what in the world do you do all day?" As in, if you don't go to work, how do you fill your days? How do not die of boredom with nothing to do? The short answer is, I take care of Oliver.

But that doesn't do justice to the situation, because I think there's still this misconception that I take care of Oliver and in between, sit around relaxing, sleeping in, being bored, doing nothing with my time, or whatever people want to believe. I'm not the first to realize that motherhood is a thankless job, or that you never get a vacation from it, or retire, or have the opportunity to leave it at the office. And I'm not the first to realize that those who stay home with their kids get less respect than if they earned a paycheck. And finally, I realize I'm probably not the first to document my time to prove to the world the "work" I do. But here you go. I thought it would be interesting to document for a 24-hour period what I actually do all day. (And I happened to pick a day when Chris had a random day off work, which meant I got a shower and made dinner.) Because my day doesn't start when Chris's does, when his alarm goes off and he gets ready for work and leaves for the day. Mine starts just after midnight and ends shortly before midnight 24 hours later, and then the cycle repeats itself.

Oct. 26, 2009

12:35 a.m. - Rise and shine for diaper change and a round of nursing.

1:23 a.m. - Oliver's fallen asleep, so I lay him in his crib and hope I can go back to sleep too.

1:24 a.m. - Oliver's eyes are now wide open.

1:25 a.m. - Since he's clearly not happy about being in his crib, I take him out and feed him some more.

1:33 a.m. - I put him back in his crib and cover his hands with socks because I'm afraid they're cold and I have a theory that if he's toasty warm, he'll sleep longer and that the icy hands he usually has when I pick him up out of his crib are what must have woken him up. Besides, I keep forgetting to buy a mini emery board to smooth out his jagged fingernails, because I'm tired of him scratching me and my big hands aren't steady enough to clip his teeny tiny nails without creating even more jagged edges.

1:39 a.m. - I give him a pacifier. I've discovered these are controversial, but also discovered that when I'm desperate to get a fussy baby to calm down and sleep, I'll try anything and any parenting theories I had pre-baby go out the window.

1:45 a.m. - I wait a few minutes to see if his settling down is for real before going to bed.

2:00 a.m. - I can't sleep, because I can't keep from listening for any peeps coming from his crib, which would be a sign that he really isn't asleep and that I may need to get out of bed again. Waiting for what I feel like is going to be the inevitable fills me with dread. If I'm lucky, I'll fall asleep quickly and get two hours of sleep. Otherwise, I could be out of bed again in 45 minutes...or 30 minutes...or 10.

3:45 a.m. - Up for another feeding.

4:13 a.m. - Change his diaper again.

4:41 a.m. - I put Oliver back in his crib and he immediately wakes up.

4:48 a.m. - Again, I wait to see if he's really fallen asleep before trying to go back to bed. While I wait, I make a grocery list and add emery boards to list.

6:35 a.m. - I'm up for the third time since midnight to feed Oliver.

7:17 a.m.- I'm wide awake with a misleading feeling of refreshment, despite the fact that I've slept around 5 and a half hours, interrupted, since going to bed around 10:00 or 10:30 p.m. the night before. But I go back to bed hoping for another hour, or maybe even two, of sleep.

7:26 a.m. - Sure enough, he starts fussing, and I get out of bed to give him a pacifier and hope that'll be enough to settle him down with the least effort on my part so I can salvage some sleep.

7:54 a.m. - I haven't fallen asleep yet, because I've been lying in bed listening to him continue to fuss. He had appeared to be gassy, which wasn't something I could really do anything for, and since he never broke out into crying, I had put earplugs in and tried to go back to sleep, with no success. But I finally get up and change his diaper.

8:00 a.m. - I decide there's no use in going back to sleep, so I make myself breakfast.

8:45 a.m. - Chris had gotten up while I was eating and tried to feed Oliver a bottle of formula, but he didn't seem to be interested, even though he was acting like he was hungry. So when I was finished eating and cleaning whatever I could in the kitchen before Oliver had a complete meltdown, I nursed him.

9:43 a.m. - I take Oliver with me to run errands at Menard's and Target so that Chris can study. It's more cumbersome to bring him along, but it doesn't slow me down as much anymore, as I've refined the routine of loading and unloading his car seat in the car and shopping carts. Proof that he enjoys the outings: he sleeps. Not a peep from him the the entire time, even when I accidentally ram into another cart at Target while making a beeline for the checkout line.

11:47 a.m. - I decide against more errands because I don't want to push my luck and have Oliver wake up and demand to be fed asap. And I'm hungry. At home I leave him in his car seat to keep sleeping so that I can eat lunch and eat it in peace. I feel guilty about how much he naps in his car seat, but I know that placing him in his crib will.

12:22 p.m. I feed Oliver a bottle while Chris puts together his stroller. Feeding him from the bottle is usually quicker process and I had been noticing that it sometimes knocks him out sooner and for longer than breast milk (or so I was imagining at least) and honestly, sometimes I just need a break from having Oliver attached to my breasts.

12:40 p.m. - Unfortunately, bottle feeding is also a messy process and he usually lets a good portion of it spill down his face. His bib and his clothes are wet, so I change him into dry clothes and a fresh diaper. We take a look at his new ride his father has assembled and put out on the porch.

12:47 pm. - Seemingly unimpressed with the new stroller, I try to interest Oliver in a second round of formula.

2:00 p.m. - I clean up after Oliver after he vomits all over himself, his fresh clothes and the mattress sheet that had been laundered the day before.

2:09 p.m. - I make a call to have our retirement account beneficiary updated with Oliver's new social security number.

2:22 p.m. - I put warm clothes on Oliver and strap him into the Baby Bjorn to walk down the street to the Early Childhood and Family Education Center at Monroe Community School to pick up an application to enroll the two of us in an early childhood education class. I'm ecstatic when I meet the friendly staff and find out there's room in the 3-5 p.m. Wednesday class. I'm really, really looking forward to meeting other local parents.

3:12 p.m. - I let Oliver continue sleeping while I have a snack and make pizza dough for tonight's dinner.


3:33 p.m. - I go to nurse Oliver and discover he's had a "blow out" and has soiled his clothes. I take him upstairs to put the third set of clothes on him that day.

3:44 p.m. - I sit down to feed him and try multi-tasking by reading a book on breastfeeding a friend lent me. It would have been a good book to read before week four of my kid's life, but since Oliver's being a fussy eater, I'm not able to do more than skim a couple paragraphs here and there.

4:29 p.m. - Since the temperature is mild for late October, I load Oliver in the new stroller and go for a much sought after walk. I walked a couple of miles a day up to the day before I gave birth, but I barely have the time or energy for even this simple form of exercise any more.

5:37 p.m. - Oliver slept the entire 42-minute walk, but started crying within minutes of being placed in his crib. Chris runs interference so I can get the pizzas in the oven.

5:58 p.m. - Chris takes over the other half of dinner prep so I can feed Oliver.

6:30 p.m. - Oliver remains fussy, so Chris holds him while I eat. After I'm finished, I bring Chris a few slices of pizza, which he eats with one hand while he holds a now sleeping Oliver with the other.

7:00 p.m. - I watch some TV and nurse Oliver some more.

7:38 p.m. - Hoping that Oliver stays asleep, I go take a shower, which I haven't had a chance to do since Saturday morning.

8:00 p.m. - Oliver is screaming by the time I've gotten out of the shower, so Chris changed his diaper and Oliver peed all over himself, the back wall and the floor. He's changed into his fourth outfit of the day. I feed Oliver while Chris cleans up.

8:30 p.m. - I watch TV while Oliver sleeps in my arms. Despite my concern about screen time for young children, I need something to do to ease the boredom - and keep me awake during the late/early hours - during all those hours I spend breastfeedin. Watching TV is the easiest, because accept for the occasional channel change, it doesn't require use of either hand.

9:13 p.m. - Since Oliver is sleeping peacefully and has clean clothes and diaper on, I put him to bed in his crib so I can go to sleep. As usual, I haven't had a nap today and I'm really, really tired.

9:38 p.m. - He's crying again, so I try feeding him a little bit more.

10:05 p.m. - Back to bed for both of us.

So that's what I do all day. And again the next day. And the next.

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While the demands of a baby are unrelenting, the first few weeks and even months are particularly brutal. Oliver gradually became a more efficient eater and started sleeping in longer stretches and eventually through the night. I also learned how to better read his tired and hungry cues and help him learn to put himself to sleep, and together, we brought some sanity and order to our days. Though my days still feel like they'll never end, at least they're more manageable than they were when Oliver was only four weeks old.