Sticker Shock

When it comes to children, what kind of sticker shock, may you ask, are we referring to? The projected cost of a year's tuition, room and board in the year 2028 when our yet-to-be-born tyke will be entering college? The cost of summer camp when two exhausted parents need a vacation? The total tally for the stroller, the jogger, the Pack 'N Play Portable Play Yard, Clean Water Infant Tub with Built-in Thermometer and all the other modern-day accouterments we supposedly must have in place before our baby enters the world? While these costs have this frugal-minded parent-to-be headed for a panic attack, there are always scholarships and a free "Camp Grandma" at the in-law's cabin in Longville. And as Chris and I gawked at the stuff received at a recent baby shower, the mother of the father-to-be remarked that she raised her son with just a fraction of those things and I think our own parents will attest to that.

However, one of the biggest costs that Chris and I will be confronted with almost immediately, and which we can't seem to get around, is the cost of daycare. If you don't hang around parents of young children or selectively ignore conversations about the cost of childcare, you are in for sticker shock, as we were. So what's the scary number? Our initial research is preparing us to pay anywhere from $165 -$250 a week. Yes, that's per week, not per month. And because you have essentially reserved a crib just for your baby, you pay for the days your child is not there because of illness or a parent's day off from work or the weeks you're on vacation. If you've got a decent annual salary, you may not think it's such an unmanageable amount. However, you have to subtract that cost from what you're actually taking home after taxes, and then what you have left over after you pay the mortgage, your car payment and any other non-negotiable expenses. For one infant, that's $8580 - $13,000 a year. Despite my degree in women's studies, only at this point in my life do I finally understand the struggles of single parents, the working poor and every parent who's agonized over the decision of whether to keep working or stay at home. For those who question why someone with an advanced degree and a fulfilling career would choose to give it up just when he or she is beginning the rapid decent up the career ladder, I'm convinced one of the main reasons is the cost of daycare. That choice to stay home might not really be a choice after all.

Even with our comfortable and relatively stable salaries, the cost of daycare had even me wondering about what could we afford. We both have memories of the lean times our parents experienced when we were really little and the struggles they had arranging childcare. Thankfully, an infant in daycare is doable for us, but not without carefully analyzing a realistic budget to see where we can cut back. We finally transferred my cell phone number to the family plan Chris shares with his brother, for a net savings of $50 a month. That may not sound like a lot, but if you consider the yearly savings of $600, it's more significant. Or still not so, if you think that covers less than a month of daycare. Let's just say, we have a long way to go with the budget fine-tuning.

Talking about money isn't one of my favorite things and I'm not by any means a numbers person. However, because I often panic about money, (as I mentioned before, I get my worrying from my paternal grandmother, but my worrying specifically about money must be inherited from my notoriously frugal - and cheap - depression-era maternal grandmother)I'm slowly learning that looking honestly at what I can afford and can't afford ends up being more comforting than ignoring the issue. This is another example of how Chris and I complement each other so well. I'm a big proponent of saving, (even if media reports say people like me are not helping the economy) but am emotional about money. Chris, on the other hand, is a focused problem-solver. If there's a problem, look for a solution and do it. So a few months ago, Chris and I gathered up pay stubs, mortgage statements, credit card bills, car payments, 401k statements and anything else that could help us document as detailed of a financial picture for us as possible, and plugged all the numbers into a spreadsheet. (If anyone wants the template, I can e-mail it.) It was a tedious task. But now instead of guesstimating our monthly expenses, we know what they actually are. We know what we're saving. We know exactly what debt we have. The budget isn't perfect, because we still had to guess on some things, like how much a week we spend in groceries. Or how much we spend on average for new clothes in a year, and then divided that by 12 for a monthly estimate.

With a child on the way, that spreadsheet is our reality sound check. So yes, it turns out, we can afford to put a child in daycare - we can even afford two. Although, the only additional input we used was the cost of the daycare, not the associated costs of an additional member of the family, since we have no clue what they'll be. And while the numbers say one thing, there are the costs you can't quantify. If I'm having children, I want to be the one actually raising my children. What will both child and parent gain and lose through daycare and pursuing a career? That topic will most likely dominate future entries.

While this is good news, what I found very disappointing is the realization that it would very difficult, if not impossible, to support a family on one income. One of the reasons we bought the home we live in now is because it was the only one we could afford on one income. We wanted that security in case family life prevented one of us from working or one of us became unemployed. We live a more modest lifestyle by driving used cars and spending less money on going out, eating out and clothes than most people our age. I cook at home, pack a lunch every day for work and clip coupons. If it's not on sale, I'm reluctant to buy it. If one of us didn't work, we could get away with one car, (the biggest budget trimmer we can manage) cancel cable, reduce commuting and clothing costs associated with work and still not be able to make it work financially. It's depressing to that think that even with one good salary, a low mortgage and a modest lifestyle, it still doesn't work. How do families do it? If there's someone out there who can tell us out it works, we're all ears.

Despite the fact that our spreadsheet says we can afford to put a child in daycare and keep working, having up to $13,000 less to throw around on all the things we've grown accustomed to with our lifestyle will still be a financial adjustment. We've agreed that starting with our next paycheck, we'll start setting aside what we'll spend in daycare in a separate savings account. We'll not only adjust to living on less income, but we'll finally build up that emergency savings account we've always talked about doing. There's no time like now since the likelihood of actually saving such a significant amount of money once we have a baby is highly unlikely.

The fact that we're even looking into childcare at this early stage is the result of another reality we were given by parents who gone before us - cost aside, it can be really challenging to arrange. Many places recommend you book at least six months in advance to secure a crib for your infant. Or in our case where Chris and I work so far away from each other, and I so far from home, convenient locations are even fewer. Chris's boss, a new-time dad just this past year, thought they'd found the perfect provider, a small in-home daycare near their house. Because a spot wouldn't be open for their daughter until a few weeks after his wife's maternity leave ended, they were lucky that her mother was in a position to babysit full-time in the interim. And then the childcare provider unexpectedly canceled on them. Already stressed at both work and home, both he and his wife were taking vacation time to run around and interview new childcare providers. It's these horror stories I want to avoid.

The planner in me can't help but start now. I'm hoping that the search will go smoothly and Chris and I will find something we're both comfortable with.