Ups
1. Morning sickness is pretty much a non-issue for me at this point and my energy levels are back up. I have a full social calender for the weekend, which feels great. I went with my friend Kelly to the ballet last night and as little as two weeks ago, a darkened theater and classical music would have put me to sleep long before the end of the first act. But with much more energy, I made it to nearly the end of the show. In all fairness though, Kelly thought it could have ended an act earlier and been just as good of a performance.
I'm off tonight to celebrate a friend's birthday (Happy Birthday Justin!) and the Persian New Year tomorrow. All my foreign friends are fabulous cooks and, thus, I'm happy to have my appetite back.
2. A near total stranger asked me out last week, which I found very flattering. I'd had a five-minute conversation with the colleague of a grad school friend during a break at a conference and was shocked to receive an e-mail from him the next day. I've been bemoaning my changing figure for a few weeks now and although Chris has been nothing but supportive, and I haven't been seeking confirmation from anyone else, it's nice to know I've still got it...even if just for a few more weeks. A friend suggested I write back, "Sorry, I'm busy until October having my husband's child. Perhaps we could all have dinner together after that." I did write him back and told him delicately that I'm married,(didn't he notice the ring?!) but decided it's probably difficult enough to work up the guts to ask someone out only to find out she's married. To learn she's also pregnant might have been too much. The incident was admittedly a boost to my ego and relaying the story to Chris had the added side effect of keeping him on his toes.
Downs
1. Chris, normally pretty calm, called me at work this week sounding agitated. Andersen Windows announced it would continue shutting down the entire plant one Friday each pay period for another ten weeks. Chris had taken the first announcement in stride. His five Fridays off would coincide with mine and two of the Fridays fell during planned vacations, so he was saving two - albeit, unpaid - vacation days. We also didn't know yet that I was pregnant. The financial hit he was taking seemed minor at the time, especially in exchange for some much needed days off given how much he's been working lately.
The announcement also came just a few days after Chris bought a new (well, used) car. Despite how much we're trying to trim costs and the fact that his former car was paid off, the car was requiring a lot of expensive repairs. We decided that buying a used car in good condition with low mileage would end up being a better investment. Now we have a newer car and an older car and won't be replacing two cars at once. And the new car is a four-door, which Chris realized would be a near necessity a couple of months from now when he's wrestling a car seat in and out of the car.
In the end, we realize the furlough days won't mean financial ruin. With ten percent of all workers in the U.S. subjected to mandatory furloughs, and another 11 percent being encouraged to take voluntary unpaid time off (as I did in February), Andersen is probably handling it the best by spreading the time out of pay periods and thus paychecks.
Kiera, Matteo, Oliver and Soren
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Week 10: Ups and Downs
Ups
1. I've been feeling a lot better this past week. What little morning sickness I had should really have been called evening sickness. It would start on the way home from work, when I assumed my body was possibly just worn down from the day and in need of dinner. While food helped, I still never felt spectacular and often ate a piece of toast to keep something in my stomach until morning and went to bed early. Finally, I feel a lot more like myself. I have moments, where such as when you're getting over something like food poisoning and the sight or smell of a certain food gives you flashbacks or makes you wonder whether you're really over the illness or just being paranoid, but for the most part, I feel good and my energy is back up again too.
Downs
1. Being pregnant isn't the only culprit behind my complaint that I wish my social life were more active. Getting married, moving to the suburbs and working longer days at work (although, those longer days do give me every other Friday off) were slowly contributing to the decline in my social life long before I became pregnant.
I had to quit my soccer team, Hansa, mid-season, which aside from losing out on great exercise, (when an opponent is running towards my goal with the ball is the only time you'll see my otherwise slow stride pick it up a notch, or two, or three) meant I also lost a weekly social opportunity. I've been playing with some of these folks for five years and now that we're getting older and have added relationships, demanding jobs, mortgages in far-flung neighborhoods or towns to our list of responsibilities, the weekly soccer match is the one time we reliably get together.
Living in Stillwater so far away from my friends has also made having an active social life difficult. Some of my friends probably thought I was pregnant long before I actually was because I rarely drank since I'm no longer in walking or biking distance of friends' places or the bar or restaurant where we've met up. But with some advanced planning, I was able to make it work. But that took a lot of energy to always be on the go and that's been in short supply the last few weeks. When it's 8:00 p.m. and I'd rather be in bed, I haven't even been trying to make plans with friends, even on weekends. When I get to work at 7 a.m., post-work plans are also difficult because by the end of the work day, I'm desperate for a proper meal and some downtime to reenergize.
I hope though that now that I've been feeling better, I'll have more energy. The coming of spring will also help, since once the weather turns warmer, the sun begins to provide a desperately needed dose of vitamin D and the trees begin to bud, (which won't be until May) Minnesotans tend to burst out of hibernation and we become more cheerful and physically active and wonder why we would want to live anywhere else.
1. I've been feeling a lot better this past week. What little morning sickness I had should really have been called evening sickness. It would start on the way home from work, when I assumed my body was possibly just worn down from the day and in need of dinner. While food helped, I still never felt spectacular and often ate a piece of toast to keep something in my stomach until morning and went to bed early. Finally, I feel a lot more like myself. I have moments, where such as when you're getting over something like food poisoning and the sight or smell of a certain food gives you flashbacks or makes you wonder whether you're really over the illness or just being paranoid, but for the most part, I feel good and my energy is back up again too.
Downs
1. Being pregnant isn't the only culprit behind my complaint that I wish my social life were more active. Getting married, moving to the suburbs and working longer days at work (although, those longer days do give me every other Friday off) were slowly contributing to the decline in my social life long before I became pregnant.
I had to quit my soccer team, Hansa, mid-season, which aside from losing out on great exercise, (when an opponent is running towards my goal with the ball is the only time you'll see my otherwise slow stride pick it up a notch, or two, or three) meant I also lost a weekly social opportunity. I've been playing with some of these folks for five years and now that we're getting older and have added relationships, demanding jobs, mortgages in far-flung neighborhoods or towns to our list of responsibilities, the weekly soccer match is the one time we reliably get together.
Living in Stillwater so far away from my friends has also made having an active social life difficult. Some of my friends probably thought I was pregnant long before I actually was because I rarely drank since I'm no longer in walking or biking distance of friends' places or the bar or restaurant where we've met up. But with some advanced planning, I was able to make it work. But that took a lot of energy to always be on the go and that's been in short supply the last few weeks. When it's 8:00 p.m. and I'd rather be in bed, I haven't even been trying to make plans with friends, even on weekends. When I get to work at 7 a.m., post-work plans are also difficult because by the end of the work day, I'm desperate for a proper meal and some downtime to reenergize.
I hope though that now that I've been feeling better, I'll have more energy. The coming of spring will also help, since once the weather turns warmer, the sun begins to provide a desperately needed dose of vitamin D and the trees begin to bud, (which won't be until May) Minnesotans tend to burst out of hibernation and we become more cheerful and physically active and wonder why we would want to live anywhere else.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Holiday Snail Mail
I still write real letters - albeit fewer these days - and I love receiving "snail mail." Even before e-mail came about, my family members always mailed birthday cards to each other, even when living in the same house. It never struck me as odd, just how a birthday card should properly be delivered. I guess it was recognized even then that receiving a piece of mail was special, and in the Internet age, it's more so. My grandmother still sends me a card for every holiday. And I mean every holiday - Thanksgiving, Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day...if Hallmark makes a card for the occasion, I'll receive one.
Grandmother always encloses cash with her cards, even for non gift-giving occasions. For years it was usually $2. She finally started to factor in inflation and now I get $10. I thought as I got older (I turned 30 in January) I'd stop getting cards, but without fail, I still get them.
When I lived in Berlin, I discovered that my roommate Jens also received holiday cards from his grandmother. And just like mine, she had enclosed a bit of cash, usually 5 Deutschmarks, which was a little over $2. Germany switched to Euro in the middle of my year there, so she exchanged the 5 Deutschmarks for 5 Euros, which was equal to about $5. His profit instantly doubled. I was surprised, but delighted, that this card-sending (and money enclosing) practice was a universal grandmother trait. The difference is just what the recipient did with the cash. My grandmother often suggested I go to a movie (which she loves doing herself). Jens bought cigarettes - with his grandmother's blessing.
I still received a $10 bill with my St. Patrick's Day card this year, but with a different note:
"I don't know what you can do with this paltry bill, but instead of suggesting a movie rental, how about a 'piggy bank' for the baby. After reading your blog and all the costs for raising a child today, maybe you can put away change and start in saving for the coming arrival. You could open a little bank account for him/her upon arrival."
My grandmother has read my mind. High on my preparation-for-baby-to-do list is to open a 529 and/or Coverdell Education Savings Account(ESA). (http://www.mnsaves.org/faq/about.html) She may not think $10 is very much, but despite how well investments are faring in today's market, I'm still trying to have faith in the concept of compounding interest. And because my child's college education is at least 19 years away, I can still have hope that our country will somehow be able to bring the spiraling cost of higher education into check. But just in case, Chris and I will start saving. We haven't yet even talked about how much we want to (or can) save or researched any of the options, but we've got $10 to start.
Grandmother always encloses cash with her cards, even for non gift-giving occasions. For years it was usually $2. She finally started to factor in inflation and now I get $10. I thought as I got older (I turned 30 in January) I'd stop getting cards, but without fail, I still get them.
When I lived in Berlin, I discovered that my roommate Jens also received holiday cards from his grandmother. And just like mine, she had enclosed a bit of cash, usually 5 Deutschmarks, which was a little over $2. Germany switched to Euro in the middle of my year there, so she exchanged the 5 Deutschmarks for 5 Euros, which was equal to about $5. His profit instantly doubled. I was surprised, but delighted, that this card-sending (and money enclosing) practice was a universal grandmother trait. The difference is just what the recipient did with the cash. My grandmother often suggested I go to a movie (which she loves doing herself). Jens bought cigarettes - with his grandmother's blessing.
I still received a $10 bill with my St. Patrick's Day card this year, but with a different note:
"I don't know what you can do with this paltry bill, but instead of suggesting a movie rental, how about a 'piggy bank' for the baby. After reading your blog and all the costs for raising a child today, maybe you can put away change and start in saving for the coming arrival. You could open a little bank account for him/her upon arrival."
My grandmother has read my mind. High on my preparation-for-baby-to-do list is to open a 529 and/or Coverdell Education Savings Account(ESA). (http://www.mnsaves.org/faq/about.html) She may not think $10 is very much, but despite how well investments are faring in today's market, I'm still trying to have faith in the concept of compounding interest. And because my child's college education is at least 19 years away, I can still have hope that our country will somehow be able to bring the spiraling cost of higher education into check. But just in case, Chris and I will start saving. We haven't yet even talked about how much we want to (or can) save or researched any of the options, but we've got $10 to start.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Happy St. Patrick's Day
Although I'm not Irish or Catholic, and have never really gone gung ho over St. Patrick's Day, it has become a sentimental day for me because it's the day Chris and I met. If it hadn't been for a day that Americans have come to celebrate by going out to bars and if it hadn't fallen on a Friday, I believe that Chris and I may have never have crossed paths, even though we were linked by only a few degrees of separation. But there I was out in downtown Minneapolis with a large group of soccer friends, including Ethan and his wife Lesley, who had invited her college friend James. Chris, who was visiting James for the weekend at the tail end of his spring break from UMD, came along. By the time I met up with the group, they had abandoned O'Donovan's Irish Pub and relocated to the non-Irish Brothers, a place crowded with undergrads who may or may not have legitimate IDs, no cover and cheap drinks. But as much as it is a meat market, it's also much less pretentious than most other clubs downtown, and on the most crowded night of the year for drinking establishments, it had room for our group. Still, it's the last place I expected to meet my future husband. Or that three years later I'd be pregnant with our first child and celebrating St. Patrick's Day, not drinking green beer, but in a doctor's office.
After much anticipation for today's appointment, it was rather short, but still packed with a lot of information. The nurse started by reviewing my medical history (determined quickly that I'm not a high-risk pregnancy) and gave us the book Your Pregnancy & Birth and a folder packed with information regarding childbirth classes, resources for parents, recommended prenatal tests, a hospital registration form, a medication list(apparently pregnant women can take more than just Tylenol), an equally long list of all the signs indicating you should call the doctor ASAP and so much other information that when it came to questions, I didn't know what to even ask. Chris has been doing more reading than I thought and looked much less overwhelmed. The nurse also recommended that we sign up for a five-week birth class, and a breastfeeding class if it's not covered in the birth class. Blood was drawn, my urine tested (no traces of sugar or protein - forget what they were testing - but the lack of both was a good thing), weight confirmed (despite my self-consciousness, my weight gain wasn't as significant as I thought it was) and I was out the door.
This is good news to Chris, but I learned I'm not carrying twins. Usually one wouldn't find that out until the first ultrasound at 20 weeks, but if I were carrying twins, I would have been informed of that when I went in for that spur-of-the-moment ultrasound a few weeks ago to determine how far along I am. I was disappointed, but the nurse left with, "Well, maybe next time."
After much anticipation for today's appointment, it was rather short, but still packed with a lot of information. The nurse started by reviewing my medical history (determined quickly that I'm not a high-risk pregnancy) and gave us the book Your Pregnancy & Birth and a folder packed with information regarding childbirth classes, resources for parents, recommended prenatal tests, a hospital registration form, a medication list(apparently pregnant women can take more than just Tylenol), an equally long list of all the signs indicating you should call the doctor ASAP and so much other information that when it came to questions, I didn't know what to even ask. Chris has been doing more reading than I thought and looked much less overwhelmed. The nurse also recommended that we sign up for a five-week birth class, and a breastfeeding class if it's not covered in the birth class. Blood was drawn, my urine tested (no traces of sugar or protein - forget what they were testing - but the lack of both was a good thing), weight confirmed (despite my self-consciousness, my weight gain wasn't as significant as I thought it was) and I was out the door.
This is good news to Chris, but I learned I'm not carrying twins. Usually one wouldn't find that out until the first ultrasound at 20 weeks, but if I were carrying twins, I would have been informed of that when I went in for that spur-of-the-moment ultrasound a few weeks ago to determine how far along I am. I was disappointed, but the nurse left with, "Well, maybe next time."
Friday, March 13, 2009
Week 9: Ups and Downs
Ups
1. A soccer teammate told me that elephants gestate for 22 months - the longest gestation period for any animal. Their babies also average 260 lbs. At least I can be thankful I'm not an elephant. And as for playing soccer again soon, my teammate pointed out, "You’ll be back in business by this time next year. Imagine a pregnant elephant sitting on the sidelines, season after season - poor pachyderms!"
Chris, who probably imagines that the misery of pregnancy-related woes, like morning sickness and mood swings, is compounded by the duration of the pregnancy and the size of the baby, is also thankful we're not elephants.
2. Chris and I have some friends experiencing difficult circumstances with no easy or right solution, which is difficult for us, because it's a natural instinct to want to jump in and help a friend fix the problem and make him or her happy again. While watching friends deal with such circumstances isn't the most uplifting, we have both expressed our thankfulness that we have each other and our relationship is solid. There will undoubtedly be great periods of stress in the coming months, (and years) but it's a lot less overwhelming since we know we have each other. We find it comforting that we will be making decisions and dealing with life's hurdles as a team.
Downs
1. With no news on my pregnancy, things have been kind of boring lately. I don't know if I was expecting nine months of excitement, but well, sometimes life is just business as usual. I've run out of things to write about in this blog, so I'm looking forward to next Tuesday's doctor's appointment, for many reasons, one of them being that I'll have something to report on.
1. A soccer teammate told me that elephants gestate for 22 months - the longest gestation period for any animal. Their babies also average 260 lbs. At least I can be thankful I'm not an elephant. And as for playing soccer again soon, my teammate pointed out, "You’ll be back in business by this time next year. Imagine a pregnant elephant sitting on the sidelines, season after season - poor pachyderms!"
Chris, who probably imagines that the misery of pregnancy-related woes, like morning sickness and mood swings, is compounded by the duration of the pregnancy and the size of the baby, is also thankful we're not elephants.
2. Chris and I have some friends experiencing difficult circumstances with no easy or right solution, which is difficult for us, because it's a natural instinct to want to jump in and help a friend fix the problem and make him or her happy again. While watching friends deal with such circumstances isn't the most uplifting, we have both expressed our thankfulness that we have each other and our relationship is solid. There will undoubtedly be great periods of stress in the coming months, (and years) but it's a lot less overwhelming since we know we have each other. We find it comforting that we will be making decisions and dealing with life's hurdles as a team.
Downs
1. With no news on my pregnancy, things have been kind of boring lately. I don't know if I was expecting nine months of excitement, but well, sometimes life is just business as usual. I've run out of things to write about in this blog, so I'm looking forward to next Tuesday's doctor's appointment, for many reasons, one of them being that I'll have something to report on.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Sticker Shock
When it comes to children, what kind of sticker shock, may you ask, are we referring to? The projected cost of a year's tuition, room and board in the year 2028 when our yet-to-be-born tyke will be entering college? The cost of summer camp when two exhausted parents need a vacation? The total tally for the stroller, the jogger, the Pack 'N Play Portable Play Yard, Clean Water Infant Tub with Built-in Thermometer and all the other modern-day accouterments we supposedly must have in place before our baby enters the world? While these costs have this frugal-minded parent-to-be headed for a panic attack, there are always scholarships and a free "Camp Grandma" at the in-law's cabin in Longville. And as Chris and I gawked at the stuff received at a recent baby shower, the mother of the father-to-be remarked that she raised her son with just a fraction of those things and I think our own parents will attest to that.
However, one of the biggest costs that Chris and I will be confronted with almost immediately, and which we can't seem to get around, is the cost of daycare. If you don't hang around parents of young children or selectively ignore conversations about the cost of childcare, you are in for sticker shock, as we were. So what's the scary number? Our initial research is preparing us to pay anywhere from $165 -$250 a week. Yes, that's per week, not per month. And because you have essentially reserved a crib just for your baby, you pay for the days your child is not there because of illness or a parent's day off from work or the weeks you're on vacation. If you've got a decent annual salary, you may not think it's such an unmanageable amount. However, you have to subtract that cost from what you're actually taking home after taxes, and then what you have left over after you pay the mortgage, your car payment and any other non-negotiable expenses. For one infant, that's $8580 - $13,000 a year. Despite my degree in women's studies, only at this point in my life do I finally understand the struggles of single parents, the working poor and every parent who's agonized over the decision of whether to keep working or stay at home. For those who question why someone with an advanced degree and a fulfilling career would choose to give it up just when he or she is beginning the rapid decent up the career ladder, I'm convinced one of the main reasons is the cost of daycare. That choice to stay home might not really be a choice after all.
Even with our comfortable and relatively stable salaries, the cost of daycare had even me wondering about what could we afford. We both have memories of the lean times our parents experienced when we were really little and the struggles they had arranging childcare. Thankfully, an infant in daycare is doable for us, but not without carefully analyzing a realistic budget to see where we can cut back. We finally transferred my cell phone number to the family plan Chris shares with his brother, for a net savings of $50 a month. That may not sound like a lot, but if you consider the yearly savings of $600, it's more significant. Or still not so, if you think that covers less than a month of daycare. Let's just say, we have a long way to go with the budget fine-tuning.
Talking about money isn't one of my favorite things and I'm not by any means a numbers person. However, because I often panic about money, (as I mentioned before, I get my worrying from my paternal grandmother, but my worrying specifically about money must be inherited from my notoriously frugal - and cheap - depression-era maternal grandmother)I'm slowly learning that looking honestly at what I can afford and can't afford ends up being more comforting than ignoring the issue. This is another example of how Chris and I complement each other so well. I'm a big proponent of saving, (even if media reports say people like me are not helping the economy) but am emotional about money. Chris, on the other hand, is a focused problem-solver. If there's a problem, look for a solution and do it. So a few months ago, Chris and I gathered up pay stubs, mortgage statements, credit card bills, car payments, 401k statements and anything else that could help us document as detailed of a financial picture for us as possible, and plugged all the numbers into a spreadsheet. (If anyone wants the template, I can e-mail it.) It was a tedious task. But now instead of guesstimating our monthly expenses, we know what they actually are. We know what we're saving. We know exactly what debt we have. The budget isn't perfect, because we still had to guess on some things, like how much a week we spend in groceries. Or how much we spend on average for new clothes in a year, and then divided that by 12 for a monthly estimate.
With a child on the way, that spreadsheet is our reality sound check. So yes, it turns out, we can afford to put a child in daycare - we can even afford two. Although, the only additional input we used was the cost of the daycare, not the associated costs of an additional member of the family, since we have no clue what they'll be. And while the numbers say one thing, there are the costs you can't quantify. If I'm having children, I want to be the one actually raising my children. What will both child and parent gain and lose through daycare and pursuing a career? That topic will most likely dominate future entries.
While this is good news, what I found very disappointing is the realization that it would very difficult, if not impossible, to support a family on one income. One of the reasons we bought the home we live in now is because it was the only one we could afford on one income. We wanted that security in case family life prevented one of us from working or one of us became unemployed. We live a more modest lifestyle by driving used cars and spending less money on going out, eating out and clothes than most people our age. I cook at home, pack a lunch every day for work and clip coupons. If it's not on sale, I'm reluctant to buy it. If one of us didn't work, we could get away with one car, (the biggest budget trimmer we can manage) cancel cable, reduce commuting and clothing costs associated with work and still not be able to make it work financially. It's depressing to that think that even with one good salary, a low mortgage and a modest lifestyle, it still doesn't work. How do families do it? If there's someone out there who can tell us out it works, we're all ears.
Despite the fact that our spreadsheet says we can afford to put a child in daycare and keep working, having up to $13,000 less to throw around on all the things we've grown accustomed to with our lifestyle will still be a financial adjustment. We've agreed that starting with our next paycheck, we'll start setting aside what we'll spend in daycare in a separate savings account. We'll not only adjust to living on less income, but we'll finally build up that emergency savings account we've always talked about doing. There's no time like now since the likelihood of actually saving such a significant amount of money once we have a baby is highly unlikely.
The fact that we're even looking into childcare at this early stage is the result of another reality we were given by parents who gone before us - cost aside, it can be really challenging to arrange. Many places recommend you book at least six months in advance to secure a crib for your infant. Or in our case where Chris and I work so far away from each other, and I so far from home, convenient locations are even fewer. Chris's boss, a new-time dad just this past year, thought they'd found the perfect provider, a small in-home daycare near their house. Because a spot wouldn't be open for their daughter until a few weeks after his wife's maternity leave ended, they were lucky that her mother was in a position to babysit full-time in the interim. And then the childcare provider unexpectedly canceled on them. Already stressed at both work and home, both he and his wife were taking vacation time to run around and interview new childcare providers. It's these horror stories I want to avoid.
The planner in me can't help but start now. I'm hoping that the search will go smoothly and Chris and I will find something we're both comfortable with.
However, one of the biggest costs that Chris and I will be confronted with almost immediately, and which we can't seem to get around, is the cost of daycare. If you don't hang around parents of young children or selectively ignore conversations about the cost of childcare, you are in for sticker shock, as we were. So what's the scary number? Our initial research is preparing us to pay anywhere from $165 -$250 a week. Yes, that's per week, not per month. And because you have essentially reserved a crib just for your baby, you pay for the days your child is not there because of illness or a parent's day off from work or the weeks you're on vacation. If you've got a decent annual salary, you may not think it's such an unmanageable amount. However, you have to subtract that cost from what you're actually taking home after taxes, and then what you have left over after you pay the mortgage, your car payment and any other non-negotiable expenses. For one infant, that's $8580 - $13,000 a year. Despite my degree in women's studies, only at this point in my life do I finally understand the struggles of single parents, the working poor and every parent who's agonized over the decision of whether to keep working or stay at home. For those who question why someone with an advanced degree and a fulfilling career would choose to give it up just when he or she is beginning the rapid decent up the career ladder, I'm convinced one of the main reasons is the cost of daycare. That choice to stay home might not really be a choice after all.
Even with our comfortable and relatively stable salaries, the cost of daycare had even me wondering about what could we afford. We both have memories of the lean times our parents experienced when we were really little and the struggles they had arranging childcare. Thankfully, an infant in daycare is doable for us, but not without carefully analyzing a realistic budget to see where we can cut back. We finally transferred my cell phone number to the family plan Chris shares with his brother, for a net savings of $50 a month. That may not sound like a lot, but if you consider the yearly savings of $600, it's more significant. Or still not so, if you think that covers less than a month of daycare. Let's just say, we have a long way to go with the budget fine-tuning.
Talking about money isn't one of my favorite things and I'm not by any means a numbers person. However, because I often panic about money, (as I mentioned before, I get my worrying from my paternal grandmother, but my worrying specifically about money must be inherited from my notoriously frugal - and cheap - depression-era maternal grandmother)I'm slowly learning that looking honestly at what I can afford and can't afford ends up being more comforting than ignoring the issue. This is another example of how Chris and I complement each other so well. I'm a big proponent of saving, (even if media reports say people like me are not helping the economy) but am emotional about money. Chris, on the other hand, is a focused problem-solver. If there's a problem, look for a solution and do it. So a few months ago, Chris and I gathered up pay stubs, mortgage statements, credit card bills, car payments, 401k statements and anything else that could help us document as detailed of a financial picture for us as possible, and plugged all the numbers into a spreadsheet. (If anyone wants the template, I can e-mail it.) It was a tedious task. But now instead of guesstimating our monthly expenses, we know what they actually are. We know what we're saving. We know exactly what debt we have. The budget isn't perfect, because we still had to guess on some things, like how much a week we spend in groceries. Or how much we spend on average for new clothes in a year, and then divided that by 12 for a monthly estimate.
With a child on the way, that spreadsheet is our reality sound check. So yes, it turns out, we can afford to put a child in daycare - we can even afford two. Although, the only additional input we used was the cost of the daycare, not the associated costs of an additional member of the family, since we have no clue what they'll be. And while the numbers say one thing, there are the costs you can't quantify. If I'm having children, I want to be the one actually raising my children. What will both child and parent gain and lose through daycare and pursuing a career? That topic will most likely dominate future entries.
While this is good news, what I found very disappointing is the realization that it would very difficult, if not impossible, to support a family on one income. One of the reasons we bought the home we live in now is because it was the only one we could afford on one income. We wanted that security in case family life prevented one of us from working or one of us became unemployed. We live a more modest lifestyle by driving used cars and spending less money on going out, eating out and clothes than most people our age. I cook at home, pack a lunch every day for work and clip coupons. If it's not on sale, I'm reluctant to buy it. If one of us didn't work, we could get away with one car, (the biggest budget trimmer we can manage) cancel cable, reduce commuting and clothing costs associated with work and still not be able to make it work financially. It's depressing to that think that even with one good salary, a low mortgage and a modest lifestyle, it still doesn't work. How do families do it? If there's someone out there who can tell us out it works, we're all ears.
Despite the fact that our spreadsheet says we can afford to put a child in daycare and keep working, having up to $13,000 less to throw around on all the things we've grown accustomed to with our lifestyle will still be a financial adjustment. We've agreed that starting with our next paycheck, we'll start setting aside what we'll spend in daycare in a separate savings account. We'll not only adjust to living on less income, but we'll finally build up that emergency savings account we've always talked about doing. There's no time like now since the likelihood of actually saving such a significant amount of money once we have a baby is highly unlikely.
The fact that we're even looking into childcare at this early stage is the result of another reality we were given by parents who gone before us - cost aside, it can be really challenging to arrange. Many places recommend you book at least six months in advance to secure a crib for your infant. Or in our case where Chris and I work so far away from each other, and I so far from home, convenient locations are even fewer. Chris's boss, a new-time dad just this past year, thought they'd found the perfect provider, a small in-home daycare near their house. Because a spot wouldn't be open for their daughter until a few weeks after his wife's maternity leave ended, they were lucky that her mother was in a position to babysit full-time in the interim. And then the childcare provider unexpectedly canceled on them. Already stressed at both work and home, both he and his wife were taking vacation time to run around and interview new childcare providers. It's these horror stories I want to avoid.
The planner in me can't help but start now. I'm hoping that the search will go smoothly and Chris and I will find something we're both comfortable with.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Week 8: Ups and Downs
On each Pregtastic episode, the podcasters start the show with two ups and two downs, and I thought it would be a good way to summarize how each week has been going.
Ups:
1. Everyone asks how I'm doing and has been very concerned about morning sickness. The good news is that I haven't really had any morning sickness. I've heard that the simple things in life - adequate sleep, food and exercise - help, so whether that's what's working for me, I'm not sure.
2. It's been fun witnessing how excited Chris is about the pregnancy and his support has been comforting. I have my indecisive moments, but when I know what I want or what I need to do, I go after it. Since I'm the one actually carrying the baby, I started out looking as pregnancy as something that I had to do, but when I slowed down for a second, I realized that Chris is continuously by side.
Downs:
1. Although morning sickness has thankfully been a negligible issue for me, I have been dealing with what I'll refer to as mild food issues. I seem to be a constant state of mild unease (not quite nausea), intermixed with either having an appetite, feeling full or not feeling satisfied no matter what I eat. Often I have a combination of conflicting signals from my stomach. I can be nauseous and feel full even though I haven't eaten in hours, and be uninterested in food, even though, as I stated in one of my ups for the week, I think it makes me actually feel better. So I find myself eating just to keep my stomach settled, and worry every time I feel any sense of hunger come on that I'll start to feel nauseous again.
2. After talking about my issues with food and the abandonment of my typical eating patterns, it shouldn't be a surprise that I'm gaining weight. I know it's not a new complaint and is rather ironic that a pregnant woman would complain about weight gain since it is inevitable, but it's not the baby weight I'm anxious about. It's the weight I'm gaining because my eating patterns have drastically changed (for the worse) and the fear that I won't take it off afterwards. I've learned that it's a myth that pregnant women can eat whatever they want, and in reality, it's very easy to gain too much weight. After losing 15% of my body weight a few years ago through lifestyle changes, it's an adjustment for me to abandon a lot of the good habits I had worked so hard to make a natural part of my everyday life.
Excessive weight gain is also a concern for me since I'm not as active anymore. Soccer ceased as soon as I found out I was pregnant and a nagging knee injury has dampened my enthusiasm for running. I get my money's worth out of my gym membership, but yesterday's post-workday workout was the first one I had to quit early because I was growing too exhausted and too hungry to continue. That may lead me to join Chris's gym in Stillwater, just so I can come home to eat and relax and regain my energy for more physical activity. His gym also has a pool and when I'm eight months pregnant and desperate for exercise, you may find me engaged in one sport I never though I'd willingly participate in - swimming. To try to end a drawn-out "down" on a positive note, I guess it's just going to be a matter of me finding a new rhythm for a healthy lifestyle.
Ups:
1. Everyone asks how I'm doing and has been very concerned about morning sickness. The good news is that I haven't really had any morning sickness. I've heard that the simple things in life - adequate sleep, food and exercise - help, so whether that's what's working for me, I'm not sure.
2. It's been fun witnessing how excited Chris is about the pregnancy and his support has been comforting. I have my indecisive moments, but when I know what I want or what I need to do, I go after it. Since I'm the one actually carrying the baby, I started out looking as pregnancy as something that I had to do, but when I slowed down for a second, I realized that Chris is continuously by side.
Downs:
1. Although morning sickness has thankfully been a negligible issue for me, I have been dealing with what I'll refer to as mild food issues. I seem to be a constant state of mild unease (not quite nausea), intermixed with either having an appetite, feeling full or not feeling satisfied no matter what I eat. Often I have a combination of conflicting signals from my stomach. I can be nauseous and feel full even though I haven't eaten in hours, and be uninterested in food, even though, as I stated in one of my ups for the week, I think it makes me actually feel better. So I find myself eating just to keep my stomach settled, and worry every time I feel any sense of hunger come on that I'll start to feel nauseous again.
2. After talking about my issues with food and the abandonment of my typical eating patterns, it shouldn't be a surprise that I'm gaining weight. I know it's not a new complaint and is rather ironic that a pregnant woman would complain about weight gain since it is inevitable, but it's not the baby weight I'm anxious about. It's the weight I'm gaining because my eating patterns have drastically changed (for the worse) and the fear that I won't take it off afterwards. I've learned that it's a myth that pregnant women can eat whatever they want, and in reality, it's very easy to gain too much weight. After losing 15% of my body weight a few years ago through lifestyle changes, it's an adjustment for me to abandon a lot of the good habits I had worked so hard to make a natural part of my everyday life.
Excessive weight gain is also a concern for me since I'm not as active anymore. Soccer ceased as soon as I found out I was pregnant and a nagging knee injury has dampened my enthusiasm for running. I get my money's worth out of my gym membership, but yesterday's post-workday workout was the first one I had to quit early because I was growing too exhausted and too hungry to continue. That may lead me to join Chris's gym in Stillwater, just so I can come home to eat and relax and regain my energy for more physical activity. His gym also has a pool and when I'm eight months pregnant and desperate for exercise, you may find me engaged in one sport I never though I'd willingly participate in - swimming. To try to end a drawn-out "down" on a positive note, I guess it's just going to be a matter of me finding a new rhythm for a healthy lifestyle.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Pursuing an MBA
Chris is approaching the two-year mark at Andersen Windows, at which point he will be eligible for MBA programs for working professionals. Since he’s started at Andersen, he’s been encouraged to get an MBA, something many of his co-workers have done and recommend. The advanced degree would expand his career opportunities and after two years away from the academic environment, he misses school.
But with a baby arriving just six weeks after he’d start what will be potentially a five-year process to earn his MBA, some have tried to encourage him to hold off on going back to school until he sees how he handles such a major transition in his life. Even one of Chris’s co-workers, who’s expecting his first child in May, may hold off on entering a similar degree program, so people’s concerns gave us cause to think through the positives and negatives with more seriousness.
After we talked, Chris and I decided that he has nothing to lose in starting a masters. Andersen will cover tuition two-three classes a year, which means the financial stake is minimal. He's also entering a program tailored towards working professionals and he has the encouragement of his boss, so he'll get support from his school when work conflicts with class and vice versa. Chris would rather get in the habit of studying now, and then postpone his program if parenthood is too overwhelming, rather than never even start because parenthood is, well, rather overwhelming, and he can't imagine adding anything else to his plate. By going to school at night while holding a full-time job and being a parent, his grad school experience will surely be different from mine, but the payoff will be the same.
We realized that in life there are just some things you can’t control. In a perfect world, Chris would have finished school at 22, started his MBA at 24 and finished by the time he would be 29. In between, he would have met a wonderful woman a few years his junior, who wouldn’t have been ready to have kids for many years. By the time kids came he along, he would have already finished that MBA. Instead, he finished school at 24 and met a (equally wonderful) woman four years his senior, who doesn’t want to wait around another five years while we try to check off as much as possible on our imaginary “before we have kids” to-do list. I feel very strongly about family planning and waiting to have kids until you’ve had a chance to complete certain milestones – college, living on your own, starting a career, etc. However, where is that point in your life where you’ve accomplished the things you wanted for yourself in life – the things that would have been very difficult or maybe impossible with kids – but haven’t yet waited too long to have children? How do you recognize that point in your life?
I think Chris and I are here. I feel thankful that we have had the opportunity to accomplish what we have - careers, homeownership, grad degree for me, financial stability. There will so many plans we'll have to reevaulate, but with the baby coming, the question of whether we're in the right stage in our life to start a family is moot. Now our focus is on what we still want to accomplish in our lives and how and at what pace we will fulfill those goals.
But with a baby arriving just six weeks after he’d start what will be potentially a five-year process to earn his MBA, some have tried to encourage him to hold off on going back to school until he sees how he handles such a major transition in his life. Even one of Chris’s co-workers, who’s expecting his first child in May, may hold off on entering a similar degree program, so people’s concerns gave us cause to think through the positives and negatives with more seriousness.
After we talked, Chris and I decided that he has nothing to lose in starting a masters. Andersen will cover tuition two-three classes a year, which means the financial stake is minimal. He's also entering a program tailored towards working professionals and he has the encouragement of his boss, so he'll get support from his school when work conflicts with class and vice versa. Chris would rather get in the habit of studying now, and then postpone his program if parenthood is too overwhelming, rather than never even start because parenthood is, well, rather overwhelming, and he can't imagine adding anything else to his plate. By going to school at night while holding a full-time job and being a parent, his grad school experience will surely be different from mine, but the payoff will be the same.
We realized that in life there are just some things you can’t control. In a perfect world, Chris would have finished school at 22, started his MBA at 24 and finished by the time he would be 29. In between, he would have met a wonderful woman a few years his junior, who wouldn’t have been ready to have kids for many years. By the time kids came he along, he would have already finished that MBA. Instead, he finished school at 24 and met a (equally wonderful) woman four years his senior, who doesn’t want to wait around another five years while we try to check off as much as possible on our imaginary “before we have kids” to-do list. I feel very strongly about family planning and waiting to have kids until you’ve had a chance to complete certain milestones – college, living on your own, starting a career, etc. However, where is that point in your life where you’ve accomplished the things you wanted for yourself in life – the things that would have been very difficult or maybe impossible with kids – but haven’t yet waited too long to have children? How do you recognize that point in your life?
I think Chris and I are here. I feel thankful that we have had the opportunity to accomplish what we have - careers, homeownership, grad degree for me, financial stability. There will so many plans we'll have to reevaulate, but with the baby coming, the question of whether we're in the right stage in our life to start a family is moot. Now our focus is on what we still want to accomplish in our lives and how and at what pace we will fulfill those goals.
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