Progress

Bath time is suddenly a pleasant experience for everyone involved.  I don't know how it clicked for Soren that since little kids usually like baths, they must not be that bad, but here I have the photographic evidence that after 17 months, Soren took a bath and liked it. 

 

Oliver has taken lately to announcing that Soren's crying hurts his ears, so I wasn't surprised that he said Soren should get his bath first.  But Soren was having so much fun in there that Oliver decided to come join him.  Soren cried in protest when I made him sit down, but he barely did more than fuss when I washed his hair.  He seemed more annoyed that I was interrupting his play. 

 





Can you believe Soren is enjoying his bath?

And here he is, still having a blast.

House Rules

I believe in rules when it comes to child-rearing, not only because I believe the child development experts who say that children are happier and thrive when they have boundaries, but also because our house would be chaotic without them.  (I mean, more chaotic than it already is!)  Rules also express family values, so not only do they instruct your kids on how they should behave, they teach them what the family they're a part of values. 

Two weeks ago at ECFE, each couple was given a cut-out of a house and instructed to write the family's "house rules" on the paper.  Although Chris and I have been working hard to be consistent with the rules and routines we have established for the kids, much of what we do is reactive.  The exercise of putting my family's house rules down on paper made me feel like I was doing something proactive with the rules. 

So what did I come up with?

1. We are kind and considerate to everyone and everything.
2. We clean up our messes.
3. We eat dinner together as a family.
4. We take off our shoes in the house.
5. We use indoor voices.
6. We take care of our physical, mental and emotional health. 

Rule #1 is our all-encompassing rule.  I decided it covers much of the discipline that occurs in our house.  We're constantly reminding our kids to take turns, touch each other gently and to take care of their things, so this rule summarizes what we expect of the kids in these examples. 

We expect our kids to clean up their toys, but rule #2 is as much to remind Chris and me to practice what we preach.  When four people occupy a small house, it's easy for clutter to multiply if we're all not cleaning up after ourselves. 

Eating dinner together as a family is as much a family value as it a rule.  I'm not even going to get into all the value reasons why we have this rule, but it also serves a practical purpose as well.  Meal planning and prepping, staying within a food budget, wasting less food and cleaning up are all more manageable when the family is on the same dinner schedule. 

Putting this rule into practice takes patience with little kids.  People look at us in admiration when they hear we make the kids sit at the table and eat as a family.  But the truth is, dinner at our house lasts about ten minutes and it's often not a very peaceful ten minutes.  Not a night goes by where we don't have remind Oliver that he needs to come back to the table and sit with the family or go sit in his room.  There's usually screaming from one kid or the other (or both) at some point for some reason or another.  We've recently started teaching Oliver to ask if he may be excused from the table.  We're trying to compromise given that he's three.  So despite our rule, dinner as a family is still a work in progress.   

My grandmother will shake her head at the rule about taking our shoes off in the house.   Really though, all my classmates had at least four of my six rules on their lists, including the shoe rule.  So it's not just me, it's a Minnesota thing.  And the rule is practical.  The less mud, dirt, snow and pollutants you track into the house, the better condition your floors stay and the less cleaning you need to do. 

I'm sure Chris believes that rule #5 is in place for Oliver - and me.  But hey, if he can teach Oliver to whisper, I'll give him all the credit.

Rule #6 is another all-encompassing rule that can grow with our family.  There's a reason we try to eat well-balanced meals, exercise and nap, because it's healthy.  As the kids grow older, I hope they learn to evaluate whether the choices they make are good for their overall health. 

After class that night, I took the house cut-out home and posted the house rules on the refrigerator.  The rules are nothing new for the kids, but now we have focal point when we talk about house rules.  And even though Chris doesn't participate in ECFE and plays more of the "good cop" parent role, I was delighted when I overheard him reminding Oliver during a tussle with Soren that "We are kind and considerate to everyone and everything."

My Little Boys Will Grow Up Some Day

A friend married this weekend and he put together a slide show of childhood photos of he and his wife to show at the reception.  As baby pictures and other photographs of his early childhood childhood flashed up on the screen, I recognized my own sons in those pictures.  Although I didn't know James as a child, there he was, sleeping peacefully in his crib, making a fort out of a cardboard box, goofing off, clutching a stuffed animal, just like my children do now.  And it hit me, my little boys will grow up some day.

After the slide show ended, the couple began their first dance together and James' mom happened to stand next to me as she waited to dance with her son.  I told her that I gathered that when she took those pictures, she couldn't imagine James as an adult, nonetheless a married adult, anymore than I can imagine my little boys as adults.  She shook her head in disbelief.  And yet it still feels so far away, the possibility that I could be in this fellow mom's shoes, who at one time was rocking her son to sleep and seemingly moments later, was dancing with him on his wedding day.

Hiring a Housekeeper

I learned some good lessons when I was a stay-at-home mom, one of them being that I can't do it all. I had always thought people with house cleaners were lazy or living in houses too big for them to reasonably manage.  Or that a stay-at-home parent negated the need for a housekeeper. 

Much to my surprise, I had trouble keeping up with housecleaning when I was home full-time. Being home all day meant that the house took a beating. My day was a constant rotation of sweeping, vacuuming, running loads of wash, folding laundry, wiping down counters and tables, changing diapers and taking out the trash, and no matter how many times I did these tasks, I just couldn't keep up. And that was just routine cleaning. Deep cleaning the house was virtually impossible with little kids underfoot. I couldn't vacuum if they were napping or mop floors if they were awake, and by the time they took naps or fell asleep for the night, I was too exhausted to clean anymore.   I vacillated between feeling simply overwhelmed by the state of my house to feeling like I was going to snap if I couldn't erase the dirt and clutter. 

Now that I'm back at work, some of the household chores are more manageable, thanks to a nanny who's naturally a clean-as-she-goes type, while other things, like laundry and deep cleaning, grew unmanageable.  The real problem is that, of my own making, I'm a victim of the "second shift."  Even though I'm no longer a stay-at-home mom and I work a full-time job outside the home, most of the domestic work falls to me.  I grocery-shop, cook, manage the nanny, schedule appointments for the kids and take them there, arrange babysitters when we want to go out on the weekends, do laundry - and, of course, clean. 

Chris had long resisted the idea of a housekeeper because of the cost.  Even though I lack time, my frugality was making me feel guilty about paying for something I'm capable of doing on my own.  But that I was the problem, I was doing it on my own and I was fed up.  The few times we'd had a professional house cleaner come, I felt so much more relaxed when I wasn't noticing every crumb on the counter top or sticky spot on the hardwood floors.  So I finally contacted a housekeeper who quoted me a great price and could come on a regular schedule.  Chris again balked at the price.  Then I calmly explained the other option of dividing up a chores list and doing it on our own.  I couldn't even finish explaining this other idea when he dismissed that one too and suddenly agreed to the housekeeper. 

I'm hoping that having a housekeeper relieves some of the stress I've been feeling about the house.  And although I still feel guilty about hiring a housekeeper, I remind myself it's okay to do things that make your life easier and that just because we need help at this stage in our lives, doesn't mean it'll be like this forever. 

Soren Update: 17 Months

It only took 17 months, but Soren finally made progress in enjoying a bath (i.e., not screaming through it).  Enjoying might be an exaggeration, but after he tried climbing out of the tub a couple of times, I got him to sit and then read him a book.  Soren likes books so much that it's possible he was finally distracted enough from his bath ordeal.  The book was a waterproof one my grandmother got him recently in an attempt to give him something to like about the bath.  While I read to him, he reluctantly held onto a tugboat Chris's parents got him for his birthday, which had been their attempt to get him to like the bath.  While Soren never smiled, he eventually pushed his boat back and forth in the water in a playful manner.  He seemed relieved when I finally pulled him out of the tub, but I consider that bath time a success!

After I dried him off and changed him into his pajamas, I noticed what is the beginning of a curl in the hair on the back of his head. He even has enough hair now to become "mussed."  My bald baby is finally growing some hair!

Chris took Soren swimming at the Y recently and despite his history with not liking the water, when "swimming" on his own terms, he had fun.  It took him awhile to warm up to the experience, but the Y has a zero-entry pool and for awhile, he just sat on the side of the pool playing with some toys, then walked around and finally ventured into the pool to join Oliver and Chris.  From there on out, he had a blast, well, except for the two times he fell over in the water and Chris had to rescue him.

Soren loves tofu and beans, but also can't resist sweets.  I spilled a bag of chocolate chips on the kitchen floor and like a dog running to his dog bowl when he hears the clink of Kibble hitting the dish, Soren scrambled to my feet and competed with me to scoop up the chips.  I tried putting whatever I could scoop up back in the bag while he grabbed what he could and shoved them in his mouth.  I purposefully left a couple behind on the floor and he was a happy baby gorging on chocolate. 

But let him gorge on chocolate, because I want him to fill out his size 12-month pants.  We moved him into size 18-month tops, but even though his size nine-month pants are too small, we have trouble keeping the size 12-month pairs on him, even when attach Dapper Snappers to the back of his pants to cinch the waistline.     

I'm afraid to say that I think we're entering the tantrum stage.  Soren is such a sweet boy who I can still rock in my arms before I lay him in his crib, but he can also throw a fit if he doesn't get what he wants. 

He's also very sensitive to criticism.  Without saying a word, a friend moved a glass of water Soren had reached for on the coffee table and Soren toddled away hanging his head, and then broke down in hysterics and it took me ten minutes to calm him down.   I think he's going to be the type of kid who's eager to please.  We've started to limit use of the pacifier to naptime and bedtime, so before going downstairs in the morning, I ask him where his pacifier goes, and he either hands it to me or walks over to his dresser and places it on top.  He also enthusiastically throws trash away if you ask him to (but you've got to watch him, but he's also put non-trash items in the trash can too) and is a great helper when it's time to put toys away. 

At playtime, Soren likes his Little People barn and Little People things in general, and like his brother, likes any sort of toy vehicles.  The advantage of having an older sibling is that he gets to play with big kid toys.  Whereas Oliver didn't get his train set until his second birthday, Soren has been playing with trains for months now and loves them.   He is still really into books and "asks" for a book at bedtime. 

Soren is always full of energy.  He still likes to climb and has learned how to climb down the stairs.  He's also learned how to climb on top of the dining room table, much to Oliver's dismay.  I had run upstairs when I heard Oliver screaming and crying that Soren was on top of the table.  I didn't believe him, but when I came downstairs to investigate, Soren was on his hands and knees on the table, and smiling!  We've taken our adventurous Soren sledding a couple of times this winter and of course he loved that.  He also likes chasing Oliver around the house, yet it's difficult to tell who's chasing who since they move at different speeds.  What we end up with before bedtime is two near-over-tired little kids running "the loop" through our dining room, living room and kitchen in a second wind. 

If my neighbors happen to look out there window first thing in the morning, they probably think I'm a little crazy.  Because what they'll see every morning sometime between 7:45 a.m. and 8:00 a.m. is me waving enthusiastically at the house and blowing kisses.  That's because there are two little boys who climb up to the window because they HAVE to watch me leave for work.  I actually have to ask for a goodbye hug and kiss from Soren, because once he sees that I'm leaving, he immediately runs to the window and cries if no one picks him up and puts him on the bank of shelves that runs underneath our front window.  So even though I have trouble seeing Oliver and Soren because of the glare in the window, I know they can see me, and so when I get down to the sidewalk, I complete the last step of my morning ritual and dramatically wave goodbye and blow my kisses to them. 

Soren is officially down to one nap a day.  There have been some mornings in the past month when he's yawned throughout breakfast or appeared cranky, but he's no longer interested in a morning nap.  Although Oliver's mid-day nap is no longer a given anymore, at least not on the weekends when we're with him, the fact that Soren only takes one nap has opened up our schedules significantly.  We have developed a preferred routine of having an hours-long block of time in the morning to go somewhere with the kids, come back for lunch and a nap, and then an opportunity for a pre-diner activity.  Our options for post-nap will increase as the weather gets warmer and we can spend more time outside. 

Jelly Roll Cake

Oliver is fascinated with Paul's jelly roll in the book Alexander and the Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Which is funny since Oliver has never had a jelly roll.  Now that I think of it, I've never even had a jelly roll.  But every time I turn the page, he points to the jelly roll "with the little coconut sprinkles on top" in the drawing and comments that he wants one. 

Every Thursday the two local papers each have a food section and I enjoy reading them in hopes of finding a new recipe.  I have a box full of recipes I've clipped from these papers and other sources over the years.  When I saw the recipe for Jelly Roll Cake, I told Oliver he was going to get his jelly roll with little coconut sprinkles on top.

Oliver is now a consistent presence by my side when I'm doing anything in the kitchen, whether it be cooking, baking or making my lunch to bring to work.  He drags a chair from the dining room into the kitchen and stands with me at the counter asking if he can help.  So on the Sunday morning I decided we were going to attempt the jelly roll cake, I pulled the flour and sugar out of the pantry and set up bowls and measuring cups on the counter.  He likes scooping the flour and sugar in the measuring cups, I level them off and then he gets to dump the contents in their respective bowls.  When the recipe called for beating the eggs with an electric mixer, he got to use the hand mixer for the first time.  He was scared of the mixer at first, but after watching me use it, felt brave enough to hold it by himself and mix the eggs until they were a frothy yellow. 

Our baking experiments always remind of these Target commercials that used to air, where, say, a little kid was trying to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and slopped the contents of the jars onto the bread - and all over the counter.   Luckily, according to the announcer, peanut butter and jelly ingredients are inexpensive at Target so you can afford to experiment.  By the time Oliver and I finish, the countertop and floor are usually covered in flour and we've used enough dishes to fill a dishwasher.  But it makes me happy that Oliver likes participating in something that I also enjoy. 

The Jelly Roll Cake unfortunately landed in the failed experiment category.  The jelly roll pan we have is larger than what the recipe called for, so I doubled the recipe to try to compensate, but I should have only done the recipe and a half because it was too thick.  The pan is also warped, so the batter slid to the lower sloop of the pan and one corner of the cake was too thin (and overbaked) and the rest of the cake just way too thick to be able to roll.  Oliver didn't care though.  I applied a layer of raspberry jam to one piece, put another on top and he and Soren dug into what had become a two-layer cake. 

Jelly Roll Cake

• 1 cup confectioners' sugar for dusting cloth (optional)
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 3/4 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 4 eggs
• 1 cup sugar
• 2 tablespoons water
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 cup blackberry or raspberry jam, currant jelly, lemon curd or sweetened whipped cream flavored with jam

To prepare oven, sheet pan: Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Generously grease 11-by-15-by- 1-inch jellyroll pan. Line pan with wax paper or kitchen parchment. Grease well.

To prepare countertop: Place fresh kitchen towel on countertop with long side toward you. Sprinkle towel generously and evenly with confectioners' sugar.

To make batter: In medium bowl, combine flour, baking powder and salt. Using fork, mix well. Set aside. In mixing bowl, beat eggs at high speed for 2 minutes or until bright yellow and thick. Gradually add sugar, beating continually, until incorporated. Beat for 3 to 4 minutes or until pale yellow, velvety and thick. Add water and vanilla. Beat for 1 minute or until well mixed. Sprinkle flour mixture over batter. Using wood spoon or rubber spatula, mix gently until just incorporated.

To bake cake: Scrape batter into prepared pan. Spread out to form smooth layer. Bake for 8 to 10 minutes or until cake is browned at edges and springs back when touched lightly at center.

To roll cake: Remove cake from oven. Quickly turn out onto prepared kitchen towel. Peel away wax paper. Carefully roll up cake, lifting long side nearest you and folding in towel with cake. Cool for 15 minutes.

To fill cake: Carefully unroll cake. Spread with 1 cup jam or jelly, extending filling almost to edges. Roll cake up tightly. Place on towel, seam side down. Cool completely.

To serve: Just before serving, lightly sprinkle cake with confectioners' sugar. Transfer to serving plate. (Note: If not serving within 2 hours, wrap cake tightly. Refrigerate. Set out 1 hour before serving to return to room temperature.)

Makes 8 to 10 servings.

Source: Pioneer Press, 2/28/13

Weekends with Kids

The meaning and purpose of the weekend continues to evolve as my family changes.  When I was a stay-at-home mom, I felt like I had no weekend.  Each day honestly felt the same, with the exception that Chris might have been home for two of them, which meant I had an extra set of hands.  But every day, seven days a week, was always the same routine - get up with the kids, tend to the kids, and then fit in errands and housecleaning around their schedules.  I definitely fell into the trap many stay-at-home moms fall into, which is believing that if it's house- or kid-related, it's my responsibility - even on weekends.  As we know, kids' needs and household chores are never-ending, so no wonder I never felt like I had a weekend if I was never leaving the "office."

A pleasant revelation upon reentering the working world is that the weekend returned to being a special part of the week.  There's now a clear distinction between my routine during the workweek and my routine over the weekend.  I feel that sense of relief building as Friday comes nearer and nearer.  (I also feel that, "What it's Sunday night? What happened to the weekend?!")  I rarely think about work over the weekend and I've actively resisted setting up my work e-mail account to check it at home, so when I leave work on Friday afternoon, I enter weekend mode. 

Another surprise, though, is how tiring the weekend is compared with the work week!  That is quite the opposite from my pre-kid life when weekends were for staying out late with friends, sleeping in, lounging around the house and basically doing what I wanted when I wanted.  Just because I don't do anything for my paying job over the weekend, doesn't mean there's not a lot to do.  Weekends now are kid-focused and they feel like the only opportunity to catch up on everything I didn't have a chance to do during the week.  So laundry, grocery shopping and house cleaning compete with playdates and outings with the kids, oh, and maybe kid-free time with our own friends.     

So what did last weekend look like at our house? 

We squeezed in a post-dinner sledding outing before bedtime on Friday night and then cleaned up from dinner after the kids went to sleep.  I caught up on the latest episode of Modern Family, which I'd missed earlier in the week, and then Chris and I collapsed into bed after a long week of work. 

Chris and I divided and conquered our Saturday morning.  Chris took Oliver to gymnastics and Soren and I went to Target and hauled home a week's worth of groceries just in time for the kids to have lunch and go down for their naps.  Nap time is the only hope I have to exercise at all over the weekend, so I grabbed my iPod and headed out for a walk.  Unfortunately, Oliver didn't nap and Soren didn't nap well, so by the time I got home, Chris was packing the kids up to take them to swim at the Y.  They loved swimming, but came home so tired out from the exercise and lack of naps that the peaceful family dinner I had envisioned was anything but.  One or both of the kids was crying, whining or screaming every minute of what as a short dinner. After putting the kids to bed early, Chris and I enjoyed the only downtime we'd had all day and then also went to bed early.  That made it the second night we went to bed as early or earlier than we did on a weekday night. 

By Sunday morning, our house was a disaster.  Daily housecleaning had gone neglected too long and we must have had four loads of laundry piled up in the basement needing to be folded.  Chris took the kids to the Science Museum, not just to get them out of the house so they could burn off some energy, but so I could have a chunk of time to put the house in order without the kids turning everything upside down again.  I seriously spent two hours ironing and folding laundry and was never so content to work in silence. 

I was only halfway through my chore to-do list when Chris and the kids returned.  Like every time they come home just in time for a meal and sleep, the next 45 minutes was loud and frantic as wed fed the kids and got them down for their naps.  I was lucky to be able to take another afternoon walk, but had to keep it short since a babysitter recommended to us by a friend was stopping over to meet us.  I arrived home to discover the kids had barely napped and raced around the house trying to de-clutter while the kids trailed my every move.   

By the time the babysitter left, there wasn't enough time left in the afternoon to go anywhere with the kids before we'd have to start dinner, so I set up the kids with my latest time-killing activity - baking.  Soren just likes to bang measuring cups and spoons against the counter, but Oliver and I measured out and mixed ingredients and had a loaf of zucchini bread in the oven and scheduled to finish baking just in time for dessert. 

By the time dinner (and a special dessert) was over, it was already time to start the bedtime routine with Soren and then Oliver.  I'd just gotten Oliver down when a friend showed up for a visit.  Although I was exhausted by this point, I was thankful to have that bit of time at the very end of the weekend to catch up with a friend.  We've known each other since we were counting our first borns' ages in weeks, and we talked over cups of tea and slices of zucchini bread about dramatically our lives have changed.