A Celebration of Friendship

I can't believe I met these women more than five years ago.  That was back when we had just 11 children among the 11 of us in this photo.  Now we have 25, with three more on the way.  My two, and well, I'll leave you guessing whose smile has that pregnancy glow to it. 

I met most of them at a new parent group at a local hospital and two of them shortly afterward in a stay-at-home moms group.  I say over and over again I'm not sure where I'd be as a mom without these women. I met them when I needed them most and am thankful I'm still friends with them today because they are some of the coolest people I know.

I'm the first in our group to adopt (and probably the only who ever will) and they have embraced me with as much support and enthusiasm as they did when I announced my pregnancy with Soren.  So with our travel to China getting closer and closer, they threw me send-off celebration.  As much as they intended the party me and my growing family, I saw it as a celebration of our friendships.  How incredibly fortunate we all are to have each other and watch our children grow up together. 

Lego Table

We have a five-year-old, which means we also have Legos.  The classic toy I played with as a kid reentered my life when Oliver received a set for his birthday. He coveted those plastic bricks for months and cried when we made him take his creations apart to clean up.  Then came Christmas when both kids received plenty more Legos and the reality hit us that we'd forever be clearing half-constructed creations from our dining room table before setting it for dinner and scouring the living room floor for the tiniest of Lego pieces before being able to vacuum if we didn't implement a Lego organization system. 

I didn't even know where to start when Chris announced he'd found the perfect design plans. Who would have imagined my husband the engineer would find his dream design on a mommy blog.  In fact, the plans for the Lego Storage and Play Table on a blog called none other than "That Mommy Blog".



The plans utilize Ikea furniture for an easy DIY project.  Chris was so motivated to contain the Legos he braved Ikea, which is across the street from The Mall of America, the Saturday after Christmas - with both kids in tow.  He made another stop at Home Depot to have a board cut to create the tabletop and pick up the remaining supplies.

Back at home, Chris decided on a couple of modifications to the original plans.  Because the Lego baseplates usually run $5 per 10"x10" plate, he decided to cover the tabletop with green felt.  Off I went to Joann Fabrics while Chris started construction with Oliver and Soren as his helpers. 

He then decided he wanted a deeper tabletop.  Because the table and storage towers don't sit flush against our wall, by having a deeper table top, the tabletop can sit flush against the wall.  This creates a larger work surface and prevents Legos from dropping between the table and the wall.  He also added a lip to the front of the tabletop, which served two purposes.  The lip was screwed into both the table and the storage units, which stabilized the table.  It also keeps Legos from slipping onto the floor.

The picture above is the Lego table before the felt was laid down.  Chris cannot take on even the smallest of projects without finding a new tool he "needs" to buy to complete the project.  The latest purchase was a new staple gun. The nails he had went through the 1/2"-thick tabletop, and because Home Depot didn't carry any short enough, the Lego table went on hold until the new staples arrived.

What was originally going to be an office now doubles as a Lego command center.

Flights Booked!

"We're going to China!"  It's as if that has become my mantra, I say it so often.  I said it when we announced we're adopting. I said it when we got our referrals.  And I said it even with yet more confidence when China issued our Letter of Acceptance and followed with their Travel Approval, giving us the green light to go to China to pick up our children.  But with our tickets now booked, we are definitely going to China!

Figuring out our flights was overall challenging because there are so many factors to consider.  We're flying into Beijing in northern China and back home from Southern China.  I spent way too much time analyzing flights on sites like Expedia and Kayak and surveing my fellow adoptive moms on Facebook.  They advised me on the airlines you'd rather be flying with on a 13-hour flight and those to avoid.  They gave me a head's up about needing a longer connection time in the U.S. than our travel agent who specializes in adoption travel recommended.  When I  finally had zeroed in on flights last week, we couldn't book because we had yet verified our provincial dates.  Meanwhile, the prices for our four tickets crept up by a total of a $1,000.

Deciding on flights to Beijing was easy part of the travel equation.  Even though Korean Airlines and Cathway Pacific were consistently mentioned as the best airlines to fly to China, our location in Minnesota doesn't make either airline practical.  Because we want to take advantage of the perks that come with Chris's frequent flyer status with Delta, we accepted that's really the only option for us. Beyond the airline, my main criteria was to pick a flight that didn't leave too early in the morning so we wouldn't start our 24-hour journey already tired, and one that landed later in the afternoon in Beijing so, if need be, we can go straight to bed once we make it our hotel.   We settled on flying via Seattle with a 2.5-hour layover, getting into Beijing at 8:00 p.m. (China time) the next day.

The last part of any American's adoption trip takes place in Guangzhou in southern China, which is where the American consulate is located.  We can't leave Guangzhou until we have our children's American visas, which aren't ready for pick-up until later in the afternoon.  That means that unless you take one of the few late evening flights available, you need to stay an extra night.  Whether we fly out the day we get our children's visas or the next, there aren't any ideal flights from Guangzhou to Minnesota.  The "best" option would have been to fly to via Los Angeles, have a 6.5-hour layover, get on a red-eye, and land in Minnesota at 6:00 in the morning.  No thanks.

Many families choose to make the two-hour trip from Guangzhou to Hong Kong, stay the night and fly from Hong Kong the next day. I'm not keen on the idea of packing the four of us up to travel to another city (the fourth for the trip) for what will be a stay of not much more than 12 hours.  But there are so many more flight options for us and we're guessing that the cost difference in flights out of Hong Kong compared with Guangzhou will make up for the cost of staying a night in an expensive city like Hong Kong.

Since we unfortunately can't get a direct flight from Hong Kong to Minnesota, we had to take two factors into consideration for our layover: time and where.  It's anyone's guess how long it takes to get through customs with children you've just adopted from another country, even ones who "automatically" become American citizens when they pass through customs stateside.  No matter what point of entry I asked about, the stories about easy or hard it was getting through customs varied.  Some adoptive families had horror stories of surly customs officials and two-hour-plus waits when others spoke of breezing through in 20 minutes. What everyone agreed on, though, is that you should have a layover with a minimum of three hours.

The other consideration was where our layover would be.  Because our children are flying on Chinese passports with U.S. visas, we cannot fly through Canada, the Philippines or Taiwan. (My guess is that they'd need a visa for these countries.)  Korea and Japan, for whatever reason, are okay.  There are no direct flights from Seoul to Minneapolis and the one flight from Tokyo directly to Minneapolis was almost $4,000!  That's too bad because it would have been really nice to have our kids become American citizens by landing in our home state.

Instead, they will become Americans in Seattle.  We will have a four-and-a-half layover before taking our second flight home to Minnesota, where we're scheduled to arrive just after dinner.  No matter how dirty or tired I am, what I look forward to most is reuniting with the other half of our family.  I predict by that point I'll be a crying mess.  

Kindergarten Roundup

Among the adoption-related items on my to-do list in preparation for leaving for China, I also have, "submit kindergarten lottery registration".  Since school selections are due around the time we’re planning to come home from China, we toured schools late this fall and will submit our registrations before we leave.  

Deciding on a kindergarten shouldn’t be so difficult. It used to be that if kids went to public school, district boundaries dictated which school they went to.  Parents had no choice really, unless they could afford to move or send their kids to private school.  Not that lack of choice is a good thing, but it does make the deciding part a whole lot easier.  

Instead we live in a district that touts “school choice,” which depending upon the neighborhood you live in and resources available to you, could mean an overwhelming number of choices, or no realistic choice at all. The St. Paul School District has some excellent schools that rival the education found in a top-notch private school, but also schools that are so bad (in my opinion) that we would sell the house we just finished renovating and move before I'll send my kids there.  I'm convinced that sending my kids to certain schools in St. Paul would be more detrimental to my kids' education, safety and well-being than not sending them to school at all.  Thankfully our designated community school is well-respected and everyone we've talked to who sends their kids there love it.  On the other end of spectrum in school quality are my friends who live in neighborhoods not far from my own whose community school has the lowest test scores in the city.  That school is clearly not a realistic choice for their children.  

Regardless of what you think of your community school, there are choices beyond that school (in theory, at least) and that's where choosing a school gets complicated. A few years ago, St. Paul rezoned its school assignments and created a “community school” for every zone of the city. It's trying to get back to neighborhood schools, which I support, except if my neighborhood had a crummy option, I'd gladly drive my kids to school on the other side of the city if I had to. The district also designed schools with special programs or teaching philosophies (International Baccalaureate, language immersion, Montessori, STEM, for example) as regional magnets or city-wide magnets.  Instead of sending your child to your community school, you can opt to send them to a regional magnet (where your children and the other children in that particular region have preference) or one of the city-wide magnets.

The problem is that the few schools in St. Paul considered “good” are over-subscribed with children from within the school boundaries and outside applying for spots.  If the school is designated your community school, your child is very likely to get in, but the district does not guarantee you a spot.   The district technically gives you two choices during the school lottery.  School placement workers counsel parents that if their first and second choices are for “popular” schools, (i.e., ones I consider good schools) and they don’t get into their first-choice school, they're not going to get into the second-choice school either, because all the spots will have been filled by families who picked it as their first choice school and/or by rising kindergartners who have an older sibling already attending the school. That means that you really only have one shot of getting into a good school, and that chance is pretty slim if that school isn't your community school.   

It feels like you have to put all your eggs in one basket.  Do you list the community school outside your zone that has more spots available because it’s a large school, but also where kids in the zone or those with siblings have preference over you, as your first choice, or the regional or city-wide magnet, for which you have equal preference as everyone else, but there are also fewer spots available? Even for us with a good community school option, what if we liked one of the regional or city-wide magnets better?  Do we cross our fingers and hope we get into the school we like better, or play it safe and stick with the community school where we get preference in the lottery?  The college application process of identifying "reach" and "safety" schools had to have been less stressful than deciding how to rank my son's kindergarten registration. 

Then there are charter schools to consider.  In Minnesota, charter schools are tuition-free, independent schools, so many families .  They are also open to all students in the state, so the neighborhood or city you live in doesn't have any bearing on your chances of getting in. Charter schools also hold their own lotteries, so parents can apply to one or more charter schools, as well as the St. Paul School District lottery and hope their child gets into at least one.  

I know it seems silly to stress about deciding on a kindergarten, but I care deeply about my children's educations.  I simply want them to go to a school where they feel safe, where they can develop strong friendships and jump start a lifelong interest in learning.  I want them to love school.  I want them to learn more than their father and I can possibly teach them.   

In the end, we only toured two schools, Expo, our community school, and the Twin Cities German Immersion School, a charter school in St. Paul.  I wanted to see more, including the Chinese immersion magnet school in our district, a regional magnet with an IB program that would have given our kids automatic admission to a better middle school and high school than the ones we're zoned for, and the K-8 arts-focused school down the block from our house.  The the reality is, with my maternity leave looming,  I didn't have time to tour every school I had a passing interest in.  

I liked Expo, but I had hoped to love it like everyone else does.  Instead, I loved the German immersion school, which surprised me.  I'm a little leery of schools that have a special focus, whether that be language immersion, science and technology, the arts, or whatever, because while all those things are great, kids need to learn to read, write and do arithmetic.  I want a school to provide a core academic foundation.  That's what I saw in action at the German school and the language immersion component was simply a bonus. 

We'll rank Expo as our top choice in the St. Paul school lottery and apply to the Twin Cities German Immersion School.  Sometime in late February we'll hear whether Oliver has a spot in one school or the other, or even both. 

Chinese Visas Issued

As we wait to sort out travel dates, we got a welcome surprise in the mail yesterday.  Our passports came back from the courier with our visas for China pasted in them.  If we had to, (well, if we could) we could get on a plane today and fly to China.  Alas, we'll have to wait 18 more days.

Not long ago China started offering a 10-year visa for the same price as any of their other visa options.  Of course we checked off this option on our application in hopes that someday we'll take the entire family on a heritage tour.  Even when our passports expire in four years, we can carry our expired passports along with our new passports and the Chinese visa will still be valid.

I was thankful we were approved for the 10-year visa.  If Chris or I worked for a religious organization or the media, or as a writer, editor, publisher or photographer, even if the intent of our trip is for adoption and not business, we would have only been allowed a single-entry visa valid for 30 days.  I guess they don't consider unpaid, amateur bloggers writers.  Fine by me.

2014 - A Year in Facebook Status Updates

January 6
Joanna Imm: I never expected that Governor Dayton would be the person to give me the best birthday present this year: the day off from school on the coldest day in 20 years. Also, happy birthday to M Sharmila de Silva, Marissa Matsumoto and Kirsten Partenheimer, three lovely ladies who I've had the pleasure of sharing my birthday with over the years.

Abigail Karels: Happy Birthday, Donald Ristad, Joanna Imm, Kirsten Partenheimer, and Marissa Matsumoto! I hope your day has been as bright as the weather is legendary.

January 27
-40 windchill doesn't even phase me anymore. Didn't even bother pre-warming the car. But I still appreciate heated seats!

February 11
Chris and I are expecting our third child, this one from China! We hope to bring him home (yup, most likely a him) by the end of 2014/early 2015. The next couple of months (or more) will be a big waiting game as we await a match. No matter how much longer we have yet in the adoption process, we are thrilled about what the future will bring.

February 13
Started the morning at 5:30 a.m. when I discovered a malfunctioned waterline to our refrigerator flooded our kitchen floor. Amazingly, I was able to clean everything before the kids woke up. The best part is our kitchen floor has never looked so clean since it's now been mopped twice in three days.

February 15
Made it to LA where it's 70 degrees! I don't even know what to do with this weather. Too bad we won't get to enjoy it since our flight to Sacramento leaves in an hour.

February 21
Super thankful for Christopher Chesla who's been happily keeping our sidewalks and driveway clear since the snow first started coming down. I haven't had to lift a shovel once this storm.

February 27
I've heard already heard a couple of these pre-adoption and I naively thought no one would actually make these comments to a child. As the future mom of a child who will probably be a boy, I could add a couple more to this list...."I thought they only hate girls in China...or...I thought they only gave away their girls." http://shine.yahoo.com/…/kim-kelly-wagner-photo-series-girl…

March 1
Alice Seuffert: Workout and waffles.— with Jamie Smith and Kirsten Partenheimer.

March 7
Went to watch Andy Chesla's bonspiel, where Chris coached Oliver to announce, "It looks like your drinking team has a curling problem." Awesome.

March 13
"Look mama, grass!" (Said Oliver as he pointed to the brown grass peaking out from the receding snow.) You'd be excited too about something you haven't seen since early December.

March 15
Ice caves at the Apostle Islands National Seashore — in Bayfield, Wisconsin.

 I love reading the sheriff's reports for small town newspapers. Of particular interest in Bayfield and Ashland Counties last week - six cows wandered onto a roadway and their owner had to be contacted to come get them; police investigated two occupied vehicles after hours at Meyer's Beach and found people sleeping and "they appeared to be dressed appropriately"; and my favorite, "caller stated he saw an eight-to-nine-foot male covered in hair waking along the side of the highway. Officer reported no Sasquatch or anything resembling one was located."

March 17
Happy St. Patrick's Day St. Paulites!


March 23
Meghan Filbrandt Brown: Last day of boot camp--sad to see it end, but so proud of the women who stuck it out! We saw some amazing fitness and strength gains. I'm going to call out Kirsten Partenheimer for holding a plank for 4+ minutes! New session starts in 3 weeks, PM me if interested!

March 25

St. Paul-area folks: If you love cooking, want to solve the question of what to feed your family each night and want to meet other families in the area, join us for our April meal exchange on Saturday, April 5 from 9 - 10 a.m. at Immanuel Lutheran Church in St. Paul. Bring six family-size freezer meals to swap and bring home six delicious, homemade meals for minimal-prep dinners later in the month. Message me if you're interested and I can answer questions and send you the invitation.
— with Alice Seuffert.

April 5

I have four free tickets for the Minneapolis Remodeling Expo, taking place today and tomorrow. If you go, stop by booth #132 and say hi to Minnesota Housing!

April 20

Rouzbeh Amini: I think that you guys need one of this for the cabin:
http://www.vipukirves.fi/english/description.htm

June 17
Somehow I missed the memo that there would be TV cameras at our meal exchange tonight, (for a Twin Cities Live segment) or I would have showered after the gym today. My 15 minutes of fame might be a disheveled-looking one.

June 26
In the game of "I love you more than...," Oliver wanted to make sure I loved him more than my flowers. Then he assured me he loves me more than pirate treasure. I'm one loved mom!

June 28
I'll be at Twin Cities Pride this weekend with Minnesota Housing. Stop by booth B022 to say hello!

June 30
Alice Seuffert: Fun video from Twin Cities Live featuring our June meal exchange! Thanks to everyone who has participated in the meal exchange the last 4 years. We've had so many great meals, built a community and saved countless hours meal planning! Let me know if you'd like to join a future exchange. If you'd like to start up your own, here is information about our monthly exchange: http://diningwithalice.com/mealexchange/

July 3
Well, Scott Partenheimer, you were just handed Uncle of the Year on a silver platter. Andy Chesla brought gifts for the boys when he came back from vacation in Colorado - fire starters! As a bonus, one package included small, really sharp and pointy metal sticks.

July 6
It's the first night the boys are sharing a room and I've only had to go up there three times. I won't claim victory on the room-sharing until they've actually fallen asleep.

July 7
Canning experts out there...making strawberry jam and the top layer is setting, but everything underneath is still rather soupy. I've already tried resetting it and after making a mess of the kitchen, I'm just canning it and hoping for the best. At least my kitchen smells yummy.

July 14
I see blue sky, so why is it still raining directly above our house, the one with only half a roof and a tarp with big holes covering it?

Liula Bey:

Thanks for making my Sunday happier! Kirsten Partenheimer

 
July 28
With our house under renovation, there are plenty of places we could stash a time capsule for a future family to come upon the next time this old house needs to be gutted. What would you suggest we put in it?

July 31
Our neighbor's house in the West 7th neighborhood is finally for sale! (After being vacant nearly four years.) It's a fixer-upper for sure, but with three bedrooms up, a functional layout, great neighbors and schools, this could be a wonderful family home for someone interested in renovating.

August 14
Writing thank you letters to all of Oliver and Soren's teachers at daycare. It's so hard to convey how much we appreciate what they do!

August 24
Twin Cities soccer players - Does anyone know of a coed or mens team looking for a mid-fielder for the fall? Our au pair arrived last week from Germany and would love to find a team to play on.

August 26

My gosh, it's hard to believe that my brother and sister-in-law are parents! Baby Neale finally made his debut into this world late this morning. To paraphrase my brother, "I've done a lot of crazy things in my life, but wow, that was crazy. And all I did was sit there." To which I responded, "Welcome to parenthood. It'll continue to be a crazy ride." — with Scott Partenheimer and Stevie Neale.

September 6

My almost three-year-old is getting too big for the baby swing!— in Saint Paul, Minnesota.

Chris promised me no one was going to fall off a ladder, and so far so good in the rip-two-layers-of-siding-off-the-house-ourselves project.

September 10
The kids are already talking about Halloween. Does anyone have a size 3T firefighter costume or 5T vampire costume I could buy from you?

September 14

Chris and Marcel partake in a Hanover specialty - a shot of beer and a shot of vodka in two separate glasses and downed at the same time.
— with Marcel Lücke and Christopher Chesla.

September 29
I wish I could have bottled up Oliver's excitement about turning five today. After going to Shoots and Ladders, bringing cookies for his preschool classmates, choosing what we ate for dinner (tacos) and receiving his first ever Legos and a Transformer for birthday gifts, he declared today the best day ever. I don't know if I've ever seen him so happy. The wonderful part is that at age five, he's going to experience many more "best days ever".

October 4
Thanks Dawn Puroway, Monica Wimpee Digre and Carrie Henning-Smith for an awesome race this morning! It was so much fun to run with you guys. And a big, big thank you to Christopher Chesla, Oliver, Soren, Drew, Noelle, William, Jeff, Leyla, Leif, Jeff and Miles for coming out on a chilly morning to cheer for their moms and wives.

Dawn Puroway: A great morning for running my 2nd 5K race!

October 9
Happy 23rd birthday to our wonderful au pair! Much love from Oliver, Soren, Chris and Kirsten
— with Marcel Lücke.

October 26

I thought perhaps Watson would want a friend. Much to Christopher Chesla's relief, I did not come home with a dog.

October 31
Happy Halloween from Minnesota Housing.

November 1

China Said Yes! Oliver and Soren are getting a new brother and sister! Sometime early next year, Chris and I will travel to China to bring home our new son and daughter. We are overjoyed and nervous all at the same time about becoming a family of six. 

 

November 10

Hello Minnesota from a slightly more tropical locale.

November 11
It's about time. A little bit of Maine finally coming to Minnesota.

November 13

To help our au pair survive his first Minnesota winter, I'm looking for a pair of mens snow boots (size 9 or 9.5) winter hats, gloves, etc. If anyone has used outdoor gear they're willing to sell, please let me know. Thanks!

 

November 15

My freezer is full of sweet potato and black bean enchiladas, curried pumpkin soup, buttermilk pancakes with strawberry sauce (perfect for our "pancake Wednesday" breakfast-for-dinner night), personal pizzas with goat cheese, veggies and honey and a huge tray of an all-American Tator Tot Hotdish. I love our St. Paul Meal Exchange!

November 26

And this was the pre-Thanksgiving Day dinner..I'm exhausted, but it was worth it to get all these Chesla cousins together.

November 28

I'm filling out some important visa paperwork on behalf of my two children in China and the National Visa Center spelled my first name wrong. KM Bub or Kirsten Van Rybroek, want to guess what name they came up with?

December 9

Staying up way too late preparing last-minute meals for our St. Paul Meal Exchange was worth it because as I was leaving for work and had no idea what to make for dinner tonight, I reached into my freezer and pulled out Curried Pumpkin Peanut Soup and Butter Chicken and Naan. Problem solved.

 

December 17

Does anyone in St. Paul or Minneapolis have ice skates we could borrow this weekend? Or do you know where we can rent them?We're looking for women's size 7.5 and men's size 9 skates. Thanks!

December 25

Merry Christmas to all, but especially to Kiera and Matt waiting for us in China. Looking forward to hanging two more stockings next year!

December 27

On Inge's last day in the States, Minnesota pulled through with a fresh blanket of snow and a much-welcomed dose of sunshine. With a skate on Lake of the Isles before heading to the airport, she finally got to see the Minnesota I love so dearly. Safe travels Inge, and you're welcome back any time!— with Ingrid Lücke.

December 31

To all my European friends, happy New Years and all the best in 2015!

Consulate Appointment

Our agency called today to let us  know that we got our first choice Consulate Appointment (CA) of Tuesday, February 10.  The CA is the last adoption-related appointment in China, after which we're permitted to travel home with Kiera and Matteo.  With many other adoptive parents trying to squeeze in their trips before the start of Chinese New Year on February 19, the biggest holiday in China, I'm relieved to have locked down the date of a key appointment of our trip.