Kiera, Matteo, Oliver and Soren

Kiera, Matteo, Oliver and Soren

Friday, November 27, 2015

Thanksgiving

I spent another Thanksgiving right where I wanted to be, in my home with my own little (big) family and friends. I didn't those who had to get on a plane, or even drive a few hours.  Sure hosting is a lot of work and I began cooking over the weekend, but in a lot of ways it was pretty relaxed and I had a lot of help. By the time Thanksgiving morning arrived, if you had gotten a peak at my dining room, you wouldn't have believed that in less that three hours, I was going to be hosting 14 people, yet it all came together. 

Chris' Aunt Ginny showed up early to help (and brought her own apron), because in her words, "Thanksgiving dinner is a team sport!" She provided both color commentary and cooking trouble-shooting over the couple of hours it took us to prepare all the dishes.  Followed not long after Ginny,  Chris' parents marched in our house with a folding table, eight chairs, table linens, a turkey in a giant roaster and a large crockpot full of mashed potatoes.  It didn't take them long to transform our dining room to seat 14.
My chef partner, Chris' Aunt Ginny
Dan and Nan graciously provide the turkey so this vegetarian doesn't have to.
We had a lot to be thankful for at this Thanksgiving.  Our au pair, Celina, who has done a wonderful job of taking care of our children these past couple of months, joined us for her first American Thanksgiving.  Our friends are adopting a seven-year-old girl and this brand-new family of three also joined us.  It was incredibly special to be part of their first holiday together.  And lastly, are the two newest members of my family.  While Kiera and Matteo don't yet understand how truly thankful I am that I get to call myself their mom, that made this Thanksgiving so special for me. 


Kiera and Matteo loved all the food (except for pumpkin pie!), but perhaps Matteo ate too much turkey.

On Black Friday, instead of going shopping, the kids and I headed into the woods.  The Minnesota state park system waived its entrance fees for every park in the state on Black Friday and asked people to "opt outside".  We finally dug out all the boots, snow pants and winter coats for the kids and I was relieved to discover that no one had outgrown anything from the previous year.  We went to Fort Snelling State Park because it's so accessible given its location right in St. Paul. I didn't go with any agenda other than to let the kids roam and spend time outside and that's what they did.  Even though we got less than two inches of snow yesterday, they were happy to stomp around in the snow, make snowballs and scrape snow off fallen tree trunks.  Snow truly is magical. 
Send kids into the woods and I guarantee they're going to collect sticks. 

Sunday, November 22, 2015

The Impact of the Two-Child Policy on the Number of Orphans

At the end of October China announced the end to its infamous one-child policy.  The headlines were attention-grabbing, but also deceiving.  Women in China still do not have reproductive freedom, as the government simply allows them to have two children instead of one.  The eased family planning policy that now applies to all Chinese citizens in China has actually been in place since 2013 for couples who are both only children and for families in rural areas.  Ethnic minorities have never been subject to the one-child policy.

In a country where families supposedly abandon their girls in the quest for a boy, how will the new two-child policy affect the number of children entering orphanages?  In my opinion, the policy will have little impact on the number of orphans, particularly children with special needs who make up the majority of children in Chinese orphanages.

Among healthy children, there may be a slight decrease as families who need/want/unexpectedly have a second child, won't be forced to abandon their children.  There are reasons beyond government policy though that prompt parents to abandon their children, namely poverty, but also the stigma in China against unwed mothers. So long as these issues remain prevalent, there will be parents who cannot continue to care for their children.   

There will also be plenty of families who don't take advantage of the opportunity to have a second child.  In a society where only-children are the norm, there are couple who are satisfied with having one child, and in a country where it is expensive to raise children, there are other couples don't think they can afford to have a second child.

For children born with special needs, I do not believe the change in policy will reduce how many of them enter orphanages.  Sadly, there is still a HUGE stigma against people with disabilities in China, particularly visible disabilities, and they are often denied access to school or jobs.  In a society where your pride and social status are derived from how well your children excel at school or your survival in old age literally depends on having a healthy child who can one day support you, your obsession with bearing a healthy baby does not lesson because you now get a second chance.

Even when parents desperately want to keep their children with special needs, all the reasons that force parents of healthy children to abandon them, (such as poverty) apply to these parents as well, except more is threatening children staying with their biological families. To raise a child with special needs, you need access to medical care and on-going therapy or other resources, and depending upon where they live or their income level, this may not be the case. Lack of education can also play a role in abandonment when parents don't know that a condition can be treated or cured. 

China revised its decades-long one-child policy in response to economic concerns, not because it's trying to reduce the number of children abandoned.  If that is to be a goal, the government will need to address poverty, access to medical care, social security, services for families, discrimination against those with disabilities and all the other myriad of issues that factor into whether a parent can keep his or her child or not.  Until then, Chinese orphanages will continue to take in children who are not orphans because their parents are no longer living, but who have parents who are unable to care for them.

Friday, November 6, 2015

First Parent/Teacher Conference

Chris and I loved school when we were growing up, so we're  unashamed to admit that we were giddy with excitement about attending our first parent/teacher conference.  For really the first time in Oliver's life, we have no idea what happens between 8:15 a.m. and 3:15 p.m. We know what the Oliver at home is like, but what kind of kid is Oliver at school?

We seated ourselves across from Oliver's kindergarten teacher at the kid-sized tables and listened to her describe our little boy as kind, helpful, smart and mature.  She described how he lends a helping hand to his classmates who are struggling and how well he relates with adults.  He doesn't particularly have a buddy he latches onto because he gets along with everyone in the class.  She complimented his artwork and assured us that he is on track academically.  And if that weren't enough, she told us we must be doing something right at home and told us to keep up the good work.  Chris and I glanced at each other and I couldn't contain my laughter.  If only I had a better poker face, I could have let Oliver's teacher believe what she sees at school is what we see at home.  

We also had the opportunity to meet with Oliver's visual arts teacher and performing arts teacher. After they described what they're working on with the students this year, I joked that I could probably benefit from their classes.  It's impressive the curriculum they're undertaking with five- and six-year-olds, and as someone with very little background in art and music, I'm thankful visual and performing arts are part of the curriculum. 

I left the conferences feeling incredibly proud of Oliver, but also reassured that Chris and I are going to make it through kindergarten too.