Vacation Preparations

Chris and I once watched a History Channel show about Air Force One and all the preparations that go into any trip the president of the United States takes. I was fascinated by the logistics of transporting the president. Foreign airports are upgraded ahead of time to meet safety specifications, secret shoppers spread out across metro D.C. to buy all the food the president, his staff and crew will eat while traveling, helicopters and armored limousines are airlifted ahead of time, and even the fuel is transported over, tested and secured against tampering. Why does all this suddenly seem similar to preparing to vacation with a baby?

I never once gave second-thought to traveling with a kid before I had kids myself, because I'd grown up with the stories of my parents traveling with me, which included a trip to Paris when I was 18 months old. A picture of my dad holding me at the top of the Eiffel Tower hung in my house my entire childhood and stories of my running up and down the plane with French-speaking passengers cooing over me are still told. No horror stories of running out of diapers or melt-downs in front of a trendy Parisian sidewalk cafe? Nope. It must have been a blast. Now I ask, were my parents nuts?

But here I am planning a trip with a baby. You see, as a stay-at-home mom, I'm desperate for a vacation. Actually, I demanded one, so we're going on our very first family vacation, to Seattle. Pre-baby, I would have booked a flight, a hotel and a rental car in about ten minutes and not done much more until my departure date other than check out a travel book from the library and pack my suitcase. Maybe I could have even gotten everything in a carry-on and breezed through security after skipping the baggage check. But Barack can't take Michelle out to a dinner and a Broadway show for date night in NYC without the Secret Service, White House staff, reporters and three aircraft involved. Meanwhile, my days of traveling "light" (all relative since I have been known to pack for every possible scenario) are over too.

Although we like to think of ourselves as frugal travelers, a lot of concessions were made with Oliver's comfort and our own in mind. Since Oliver goes to bed so early and dinner out won't be as feasible, we decided our schedule and his would be incompatible with sharing a hotel room and instead are renting a one-bedroom apartment through homeaway.com. Since we're staying near the center of Seattle, we could have gotten away without a car for at least some of the trip, but with a baby, I'm just not that adventurous anymore. And because the last time we rented a car, we had to upgrade to a mid-size to accommodate Oliver's stroller along with the rest of our stuff, we justified the purchase of a fancy umbrella stroller because it means we can go back to renting a compact. The savings equals the cost of a stroller and at least we get a stroller out of the deal, right?

The purchases didn't stop with the stroller. Eventually Oliver will outgrow his infant car seat, so we bit the bullet a little early and bought a light and compact convertible car seat that also happens to be approved for use on an aircraft. We're still not required to buy Oliver his own seat, but the carseat will be able to pull double-duty once we are. In the meantime, we'll figure it'll be easier to hang from the handle-bars of our fancy new stroller than the infant car seat with base would be.

The last time we flew with Oliver, he wasn't yet on solids and this new development in his life has added a whole new complexity to traveling with him. What will we feed him while flying that he won't smear all over himself, the seat and the person sitting next to him? And then how will we feed him once we're settled into our home-away-from-home? Oliver uses a compact booster seat I had thought about trying to pack, but at $25+ a suitcase each way, the small booster seat was going to take up too much precious suitcase space. My baby-led weaning "mentor," always full of good ideas, and whose son is already an international traveler, suggested a contraption called MyLittleSeat that essentially straps your kid to a chair. Then I found a silicone mat to suction cup to the table in place of a tray. I added to my Amazon shopping spree a few new bibs, the ones with the food catcher hanging from the bottom - so I'm not trying to sweep up Cheerios from underneath a plane seat - and a "snack trap" to hold Oliver's (dry only) snacks.

The only logistical challenge it seems we don't have to worry about is a crib since the owners of the vacation apartment, who have young children, are kindly lending us their pack 'n' play.

With all the necessary upgrades and investments needed to make the trip feasible, it has crossed my mind whether the hassle is worth it. Maybe we should have stuck closer to home, or just stayed home. But Chris and I have this belief that if you don't start something while you have the opportunity, you'll never do it. How we travel will be different now that we have a baby, but it's really relatively easy given that we only have one right now and he's not old enough yet to ask, "Are we there yet?" Hopefully we'll feel like seasoned traveling pros by the time we have a larger family.

After that first international trip at 18 months, my jet-setting suddenly dropped off after the arrival of my little brother, but the family vacations endured. There were trips all through New England and the Maritime Provinces of Canada, the Outerbanks, Niagara Falls and then the memorable train trip to California and back (which my mom did by herself with us two kids in tow) on Amtrak. I will admit I wasn't always thrilled to be on the family vacation, mainly as a teenager, but even if I didn't appreciate it then, I learned to love traveling and the value of exposing your children to new places and new adventures. So sorry Oliver, you can blame it on your grandparents, but I have a long list of family vacation destinations filed away in my mind. Seattle is just the start. And wherever we go, it'll probably be a long car ride, because Air Force One will most likely be overbooked.

Oliver update: 10 months

Ten months is hardly a milestone month, but it is two months shy of the big, monumental first birthday and in my moms group, the moms of other babies Oliver's age already have birthday party planning under way. Oliver's been invited to two birthday parties so far and I eagerly attended, because I'm in probably just as much awe as their parents are that the birthday kids are a year old. Plus I wanted to take mental notes about how one goes about putting on a party for a one-year old. I picked up a few tips, such as, like anything else in arm's reach, the burning candle on the birthday cake is just as enticing as anything else babies will instantly reach for to try to put in their mouths.

One night at dinner, I asked Chris what he wanted to do for Oliver's birthday, but I wouldn't tell him what I had in mind, because I wanted his uninfluenced opinion. It was a deer-caught-in-the-headlights moment as I sensed he was stammering for the "correct" answer. However, he summed up exactly what I had in mind - super small, low-key, short in duration and occurring between Oliver's naps.

Oliver has spent the last month trying to crawl. Just last week he started propping himself up on his hands and knees and I was excited thinking it would be any day now that he starts to crawl. But I think he's still building the strength and developing the coordination to do so. I noticed this morning for the first time what I decided to call the "inchworm crawl." He tried pushing himself forward, but either his strength would give out or he'd lose his balance and he'd slide forward into a rug belly flop. After a few tries, he returned to his roll-and-reach move to try to grab a toy I had purposefully put out of his reach. I placed the toy even farther away to see if he'd do a roll-and-reach and then pop up into the inchworm like a jerky, slow-moving dance routine.

Oliver still has no teeth and I'm actually loving his toothless grin more and more that I think I might be sad when he sprouts his first tooth. He's even impressing the parents of his fellow baby-lead weaning baby friends that, yes, a baby can chew and eat solids without teeth.

I've had so many false alarms that teething had commenced that I hesitate to propose that Oliver's extreme crankiness and runny nose these past few days is actually that. Maybe it's just a cold. Or I worry that it's an ear infection and immediately take notice any time he touches his ear and wonder if that movement constituted a "grab," since grabbing at the ears is a tell-tale sign of an infection. Or does he need adjustments to his nap and bedtimes? My other theory? He's tired of hanging out with mom. He can be at his fussiest, but when Chris walks through the door in the late afternoon, he's all smiles and ready for playtime. It's so tough, though, to tell what's really going on with babies. So many of the symptoms for everything from serious illness to uncomfortable, but normal developmental or physical changes, like teething, are similar. It's like the ubiquitous "flu-like symptoms" health care providers tell you to be on the lookout for. You're terrified you have SARS or H1N1 and it's really just a 24-hour stomach bug.

Last week we swear we heard Oliver say, "Hi Dad!" His consonant sounds consisted of a lot of a-ba-ba-ba or a-wa-wa-wa, but he makes a lot of "d" sounds and I've even heard him utter mama twice, but that was mere coincidence and not initiated by my presence. This morning he was practicing "ga." Not fascinating stuff to the rest of the world I realize.

Oliver is still creating a mess at mealtimes, so the only thing that has changed has been my attitude. Since I don't hang around other babies while they eat, I don't have an idea of what normal eating behavior is. Plus, up until now, most of the stories I had heard about solid-feeding were from parents who were spoon-feeding purees. There were a lot of complaints about babies trying to grab spoons, but these babies weren't being given access to an entire potato wedge to throw at their mother's heads. But as these babies transition into finger foods, and as they end up eating snacks and such at playdates, I'm slowly coming to accept that throwing food, dropping it off the edge of the high chair and just plain messing around with it (I know the latter is something that's supported with baby-lead weaning - it's just gets old and I had hoped he'd grow out of it sooner) are all really typical behaviors for this age and I'm not the only parent to be frustrated.

Although I've always believed strongly in the reasons for doing baby-lead weaning, there have many moments when I envied parents doing purees because it was less messy and easier to do meals away from home. However, a few months farther along in the process, I'm now able to see the bigger picture. And that is that no matter when you start purees with your baby, whether it's rice cereal at four months, or pureed vegetables at six months, eventually your baby is going to need learn to eat finger foods. He will need to learn to feed himself. And she will need to go through that same messy process Oliver has been on. Whereas other parents have debated when to start finger foods, worried about how to do it or were just plain anxious about jumping in for fear of their baby choking, Chris and I never had to do that transition with Oliver.

We have made adjustments along the way though. Oliver's developed the pincer grab, so I can give him smaller pieces to pick up with his thumb and forefinger, (although he still likes sticks of food he can gnaw on) but still needs to practice how to get the food into his mouth without also chomping down on his thumb and finger. He's definitely stating his preferences for limited kinds of foods, (juicy fruits like peaches or pears...even toast and pizza are going out of favor) but I've been persistent with trying to offer up different kinds of foods multiple times until he gives it a try. Unlike other babies, he's never been keen on bananas, but suddenly ate a whole banana with his breakfast yesterday and again this morning. And I'm believing that parents can have a huge influence by modeling positive behaviors in their children when I witness Oliver more interest in food and less interest in throwing when he sits down to dinner with us and eats what we're eating. Unfortunately, because of his feeding schedule, family meals are still difficult to coordinate, so I often have to feed Oliver separately when he's ready to eat. But that strategy has also helped, as I'm learning to better read his cues on when he's hungry and would be interested in eating, instead of sitting him down for lunch just because it's noon and I'm ready for lunch. I've learned that his disinterest in food (followed by food throwing) is more because he's not hungry and not because he doesn't like a particular food.

Rubber Ducky You’re the One

Chris and I got it on video, but the image of Oliver sitting in the lake water crying as his rubber ducky floats out of reach will always be filed away among those precious moments I want to remember of Oliver as a baby. Someday, Oliver, you’ll grow up to be a big, strong, brave man and I’ll laugh to think back to the time when you were so attached to a silly yellow rubber ducky. But right now Oliver’s still that lovable little baby, the one who saves his biggest smiles and squeals for when his dad comes home from work, who shows intense curiosity and delight at the experience of a new toy and who rolls naked around his bedroom floor after a bath without a care in the world.

Even I Put My Foot in My Mouth

I was wheeling Oliver around a baby boutique test-driving umbrella strollers when a young couple, who'd been looking at car seats, diverted their attention to Oliver and made a fuss over him. Remembering how overwhelming it was to figure out all the needed baby gear, especially among the big-ticket items like car seats and strollers, which come with as many add-ons as a luxury car, I offered up Oliver as a test baby to help them with their car seat decision. If you have a real baby to strap into the seat, you get a better idea of how all the straps and buckles work and how it feels to carry the thing.

Despite how conditioned I'd become during my pregnancy to never ever, EVER, guess whether or not a woman is pregnant, I must have felt overconfident in my judgement given the circumstances. I was in a store that sold baby gear, talking with a couple who was buying mattresses and car seats, two items, especially the latter, that people traditionally buy BEFORE the baby's arrival. I could see that the woman, who was wearing a more form-fitting tanktop was clearly pregnant, right? So when I followed up my offer with, "It's so difficult to figure out what works until you have an actual baby to put in this stuff, right?" and dad responded with, "Our babies are at home," I was mortified. Turns out they had triplets - six months ago at that - and the hospital had rejected all three of their hand-me-down car seats, so they had rushed out to buy three car seats at $200 a pop just so they could bring their kids home.

Maybe my standard line of "Beautiful as always!" could have been appropriate here, but since I hadn't actually asked her point-blank when she was due, (now, that would have been beyond mortifying) I opted instead for my other oft-deployed tactic - pretending I'd never just said something so embarrassing and hoped they didn't catch on. Either they believed that I knew that their babies were at now and not inside of her, or that woman has far thicker skin than I have, because no shock or hurt registered on her face.

As hard as I was on everyone else and their stupid comments when I was pregnant, apparently it really can happen to even the best of us.

Oliver update: 9 months

Oliver continues to be a happy, healthy little baby. And in the 10th percentile for height, he's still little. Yet I'm surprised by how many people say he looks big for a nine-month old. Maybe in comparison to the mommy who's holding him. I don't know what babies they've been hanging around with lately. Surely, not our friend's baby who outgrew his infant car seat in both height and weight limits by six months.

Ever since Oliver's nine-month wellness check, my worries about his inability to crawl have been put to rest. Instead, I'm actually enjoying being able to set him down somewhere and know that he won't move from that spot, well, for the most part. He uses his legs to rotate on his bottom and if the floor is smooth enough, can scootch himself forward a few inches. He won't go from a sitting position to his tummy or back (unless he falls into that position and then usually cries), but if you set him down horizontally, he can roll very well now, so come back into the room and you could find him on the other side of the room with his hands reaching for the bookcase or the wine rack. We've been lackadaisically baby proofing, but at least Oliver is pointing out to us the areas we'll have to address.

Like most babies, Oliver has had separation anxiety, but his occurred so early on that I remember asking the doctor about it at his four-month wellness check. After a lot of support and practical tips from the women in my moms group, I feel like we've made some progress. Over the past two weeks I've left him for three-hour stretches with friends from my babysitting coop or Grandma and he did remarkably well. His tears were short-lived and I'd say he even had fun.

We've hit some challenges with solid foods. I set out to raise a non-picky eater and yet Oliver could happily subsist off of toast, pizza, pears and peaches. He used to gobble up half an adult-serving of oatmeal, slurp zucchini or summer squash slices to shreds and grab at toast slices no matter what topping was on it. He's throwing a lot of food on the floor and if he doesn't recognize something, he'll reach for it and immediately throw it on the floor with no intention of even tasting it. Since he's eating more with us now, we'll give him portions of what we eat - the spirit of baby-lead weaning (BLW) - but if he refuses to eat any of it, I waffle over whether I should pop a slice of bread in the toaster and give him something I know he'll eat. Even my BLW mentor has experienced some "food fight" phases in her son, but by talking to her, we've come up with some strategies I hope will help. I just keep reminding myself that he doesn't need nutrients from anything but formula or breastmilk for the first year, so he'll be fine.

Despite my fears that Oliver will never learn table manners or will become a picky eater, (or Chris's fear that he's going to associate mealtime with getting naked since we strip him down to his diaper to cut down on the laundry) Oliver still impresses everyone else who watches him eat. Oliver's face can be smeared with a mish-mash of food and I'll be fretting about the mess he's making in a restaurant or all over my friend's dining room floor, and yet they marvel at how well he can pick up food, bring it to his mouth and chew. They can't believe how well a nine-month-old does that. At least at our last meal at a friend's house two Labrador Retrievers were on hand to clean up after Oliver.

We've made some adjustments to Oliver's sleep schedule in the last month. I don't know if it's Oliver's maturation, or that of his parents, but he's been sleeping better and I've been more relaxed about whether he's getting enough sleep and when he's getting it. After the Sleep Talk discussion I hosted at my house for members of my moms group, when I gained yet more insight into the sleep needs of babies, I felt comfortable shifting Oliver from three naps to two naps a day. I had begun to believe that Oliver was getting too much sleep, and wasn't any more rested because of it. He continues to go down for his first nap shortly after he gets up in the morning, usually around 7:30 a.m., maybe 8 a.m., but takes his only other nap for the day between 12:00 - 1:00 p.m., with each nap around 1 and a half hours. For two or three weeks, we had to put him to bed around 5:30 p.m., but unless he's sick or didn't nap well during the day, he's back to his 6:30 p.m. bedtime.

His new schedule has opened up new opportunities for me, but also forced adjustment on my part. Now I can go places with him in the morning and through lunch, whereas before, except for a well-timed walk or quick trip to the grocery store, I couldn't go anywhere, because most of his morning was devoted to naps. Later in the afternoon has also opened up, as I don't have to worry about a 4:00 p.m. meltdown signaling his third nap. But early afternoon playdates, my time with other adults, are nearly impossible now. And when Oliver is awake, he commands your attention and well, he's awake more now. While I feel there's more order and sanity to my day, it's also gotten busier.